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  #1  
Old 11-20-2004, 12:52 PM
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Default Prison Rape and Sexual Slavery- My Story

**WARNING**
This story is fact. It details my experiences about being raped, my sexual slavery and beatings. I wrote it with EXTREME honesty, meaning: it’s graphic. If you don’t wish to read something that’s very graphic, please move on. No hard feelings.

Hi PTO. This is Sam. Well, actually, Jason is typing this out for me, but it’s my story. I needed him to type this out, as he is much better at computers than I am. But rest assured, this is my story, and my experiences.

What I am about to tell you is extremely personal. It’s an experience that I wouldn’t want my worst enemy to go through, and it’s a story that I wish was fiction. Warning, at times, this story will be graphic.

This is EXTREMELY hard for me to talk about. Although I welcome ALL comments, both negative and positive, please keep in mind that this is very personal.

Jason had to practically BEG for me to talk about this with him and he had to do even more to convince me to post this. So why am I telling you all this? Because I want everyone to know the truth about what really goes on in prison. Hopefully, some of you can learn from my mistakes and experiences.

I am going to do this in parts, as it’s a VERY long story. In it, I will describe my feelings, the rapes, the beatings, the inmates, what I did to deserve it, what I DIDN’T do to deserve it, the COs , the Warden, the Sexual Slavery… all of it. Some of you may not want to read this, as parts of it will be extremely graphic. If you have young kids in the area of the computer, DO NOT READ THIS.

Although I strongly suggest educating the youth on issues like these so they can avoid prison; THIS STORY WAS NOT WRITTEN with a PG rating. See what I’m getting at? The content is WAY TOO strong for younger readers.

VERY FEW guys are willing to talk about this subject, let alone admit they were victims. This will be a rare insight for most of you, and this is my way of “giving thanks” for the life I have now. I hope some of you will have a better understanding of the “hidden, unspoken” lives most of the inmates in prison have to deal with everyday.

Okay, here we go.

PART ONE:

I was raped.

That’s all that kept racing through my mind. How did I get to this point? My God, I never thought I would ever end up in prison; I never thought my life would take this turn, never thought I would get raped, forced into a life (if you can call it that) of sexual slavery, physical abuse, drug use and ultimately triumphing, and coming around 180 degrees. This is my story.

By the time I turned 15, I had heard all the stories. I watched all the movies, heard all the tales from my father, and heard all the rumors from my friends… prison was hell. In the movies and in the news, I always heard about guys getting raped in the shower, guys getting “shanked” in the mess hall by some guy that looked at him the wrong way. I had heard rumors about prisoners being savagely beaten by guards; that the warden had a “special” room where he tortured inmates. I had heard stories about little boys (like 6 years old) being put in prison with adults, where they would get raped and be the “pleasure boy” for every single inmate in the prison.

“Just stories”. I said to myself. I knew all of them couldn’t be true. But at 15, I didn’t really know. What I did know, was that, if these stories WERE true, who cared? The prisoners in prison deserved it. They hurt people; murdered children, raped children, stole from old people, stole from companies, and started fires. All of society, and myself included, could care less if these “animals” (inmates) got raped or hurt in prison. They deserved it.

Little did I know that in 4 years, I would eat those words.

So, when the judge slammed down that gavel, and sentenced me to 8 years in prison, I cried. How could this be? Was my crime really that bad? I didn’t want to go to prison! Prison was for animals! I never, ever hurt anyone! I was young (19), I was thin, I had a medium build, but I was not strong, and worst of all…. I had never been in a fight in my life. There was no way I was going to be able to defend myself. I was doomed.

That night, I cried. I never cried so much in my life.

I will keep some of the details (such as location and names) vague, however, I was sent to a prison in New England. I was in the processing center for roughly 2 weeks.

I thought to myself, “This isn’t so bad”. Boy, was I wrong. You see, since I had never been in prison before, I thought THIS was it. Even though the COs explained to me that this was just the processing center where they evaluate the inmates, I was convinced that the rest of the prison was this way. The Center was clean, and believe it or not, the inmates AND the COs were sort of (sort of!) friendly. Everyone now says that the processing center is the WORST time because you could be a check forger (like me), and be sitting next to a murderer. However, where I was, it was very nice (well, as nice as a prison can be). After two weeks, I was move into the General Population. Oh My God. My hell starts here.

The first week, no one even spoke to me. During chow time, I could feel people staring at me, as if they were watching me, trying to figure me out. My celly was a quiet guy, but gave me the creeps. He also didn’t say anything to me the first few days. He could tell that I was scared out of my mind. I didn’t know anyone there… I was alone, I was frightened, and soon enough, I was property.

After my 4th day there, my celly, whom we’ll call ‘Tom”, spoke to me. He asked me how I was holding up. I told him that I was really nervous and scared. (You see? The first thing I ever say, and it was a mistake!). He nodded, and agreed that prison could be very scary. He, himself was scary. He was HUGE. He was white, and stood around 6’ 3” tall. He must have weighed around 250 lbs. Me? I was 5’ 4”, and I weighed about 130lbs. Tom had short dark hair, no facial hair, and looked like he was about 35, maybe 30. (I’m a bad judge of age).

That same day, he offered me some snacks that he horded. I gladly accepted his offer and quickly woofed down two small bags of Oreo cookies. The next day, he seemed much more friendlier. He asked me where I was from, all those kinds of questions. I was relived to find out that he was from the same area I was, and I was happy that I now had someone to talk to. We chatted away about girls, food, the crimes that we did, girls, food, which COs were good (and bad), girls, food, and girls. It seemed that Tom was in prison for vehicular manslaughter (which was a lie I found out much later), He enjoyed baseball, and he had a wife and one son. I told him the truth about me (mistake). I was single, I didn’t have any family to speak of, but I had some money left over from a relative’s death. I told him why I was in prison, and that I hoped to make parole when ever I came up for it. He offered me some more snacks, and some drinks, again, I gladly accepted. Prison food was horrible! At least these Oreo cookies didn’t have bugs in them!

That night, he asked me if anyone had bothered me yet. I told him no, not yet. I also said that “I don’t think anyone will, I just want to mind my own business and do my time as quickly as I can.” He said that there were a few guys that were looking at me, and he “sensed” (another lie, he actually knew for a fact) that they might start trouble with me.

I got scared.

END OF PART 1.



Okay, recap.

The mistakes that I’ve made so far?
1) Thinking (when I was younger) that prisons were just for animals and I was better than everyone there.
2) Crying at the Processing center.
3) Braging at the Processing Center about how much money I had.
4) Telling Tom that I was scared and had no family.
5) Accepting Tom's snacks.
6) Teling Tom that I had plenty of money.

Okay, Part Two will be posted either tonight or tomorrow morning. Part Two will be about my first beating and rape, and the prison climate / people in general.



Talk to you all again soon!

-Sam
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  #2  
Old 11-20-2004, 01:01 PM
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wow.....this is a horrible story already....no matter what comes next. I am sorry you had to endure such pain. Please know we are here to listen. I hope you can find some peace with this. It is a horrible thing what happens to some people in prison and it happens all the time. I hope your life gets better honey. I am truly very sorry you had to go thru this. ***HUGS*** you are very brave for telling your story....maybe once you get it all out you will feel a little better. Just remember that whatever doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. Good luck to you and remember that we are all here to HEAR you......
~Katie
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Old 11-20-2004, 02:43 PM
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Hi Sam,
I know it takes a lot of courage to bare your soul like this. Your story may help someone avoid making the same (understandable) mistakes that you did.
Please know that we are here for you, ok?
((hugs))
I am so glad that you are in a safe place now.
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Old 11-20-2004, 02:48 PM
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^ Safe? LOL.... Jason is generous, loyal, loving, attentive, whacky, and smart.... but I don't think I'd call him safe! LOL. Last night, he cooked a chicken in the oven... but he forgot to take the plastic wrap off of it. We had shrinky-dink chicken for dinner! Hahaha.

and no, he wasn't "clapping" when it happened!


PART TWO is coming in a few hours.
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  #5  
Old 11-20-2004, 02:53 PM
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LMAO 'Shrinky dink chicken'? Maybe he would be better at cooking monkeys??



Well maybe 'safe' was a poor choice of words since I am not sure plastic is included in the five major food groups...hmm, let's try 'happy'...
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  #6  
Old 11-20-2004, 03:02 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sam|Jay
but he forgot to take the plastic wrap off of it. We had shrinky-dink chicken for dinner! Hahaha.
That reminds me of the time my sister in law cooked a turkey then later said "oh, your supposed to take that bag out before you cook it"
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Old 11-20-2004, 03:07 PM
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Sam,

Thanks for sharing. You are right it is a very rare insight into the prison experience. I admire your strength and courage for sharing it with us !!!!

Best wishes
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Old 11-20-2004, 03:37 PM
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Thank you for coming forward and sharing this. Although its going to be graphic and will probably make even those of us "hardened" to what prison life is like go its TRUTH that needs to be heard.

I commend you and I hope every person who reads this stands up and takes a bow to their computer in respect for you!
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Old 11-20-2004, 03:58 PM
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Sam... thank you for deciding to share this with us. I am sure for many of us it will be as difficult to read as it is for you to tell. I also hope that by telling the story you will experience some healing inside. I know that you are in good hands now. You are a lucky man! (So is he by the way...)

Thank you for sharing.
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  #10  
Old 11-20-2004, 04:05 PM
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God bless you both. Your strength and courage are amazing, you are a survivor!

In Christian Love....Pipkin
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Old 11-20-2004, 04:17 PM
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Sam, please keep it coming, this is vital informations...happy zebra cakes to all (clapping for the ectasy of the process here!!!)
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Old 11-20-2004, 04:30 PM
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Thanks for sharing this.
The first requisite to changing the system is to have as many people as possible realise how badly reform is needed. To many on PTO its like preaching to the church choir...but we have to get the truth out to the general public
so that Abu Ghraib is not the only prison they are shocked about!
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Old 11-20-2004, 04:52 PM
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PART TWO:

Okay, where was I?

Oh yeah, I was scared.

It wasn’t the type of “good fear”, you know, like when you watch a horror movie, and the monster jumps out at you. You know that you’re safe, just not that dumb actor who INSISTS on going BACK into the house where the killer was.

No, this fear is different. Yes, there are monsters, but these monsters have names; Tom.

Tom had just told me that he’s pretty sure that someone wants “a piece of me”; meaning someone either wants to rape me, or beat me up. Either way, I didn’t like it. I am new here! What do I do? I don’t have any friends, and the COs had a hard enough time getting me some soap; I could imagine how unsupportive they would be if I told them I think someone wanted to hurt me.

So, that night, I stayed awake, my mind racing. How would I defend myself? Why did this person want to hurt me? I didn’t even talk to anyone yet, how could someone be mad at me already?

“Thank-God for Tom” is all I could think of. He gave me a ‘heads’ up, he obviously is looking out for me. He’s a big guy too, maybe he’ll protect me.

That was my train of thought. Oh how wrong I was!

Tom must have sensed that I was scared out of my pants; he must have heard me tossing and turning and even vomiting twice. In the morning, he approached me.

“You okay?” he asked, sheepishly. “Didn’t get much sleep, eh?”

I replied with a ‘no’. I was hoping he’d offer some help, I didn’t really want to ask.

“You’ll be fine” he said, and then left.

“S**T” I said. He didn’t offer to help me. What do I do? I’ll have to ask. I think I can trust him.

I never got the chance to ask that morning, an attack came swift and painful.

Tom had already left the cell and I was finishing up a letter, and I was about to make my bed, when two guys entered my cell.

This horrible feeling of dread came over me. “I’m done” is all I could think of.

“Hey rich boy” the first inmate said. “Let’s party”. And that was the only thing either one ever said to me.


Both of them were pretty big, especially compared to me. Before I could run out of the cell, Inmate “A” pushed me to the ground. He flipped me on my back, and straddled my chest, while kneeling on both of my wrists. I was pinned to the ground, but my legs were free. Inmate “B”, ripped off my pants spread my legs, and held them down and apart. Inmate “A” then opened his pants, and tried to put his **** in my mouth.

I refused to open my mouth.

Inmate “B” then took a pen and told me if I didn’t open up my mouth, and let his friend face f**k me, this pen was going to rip open my intestines. To demonstrate, he shoved the pen into my rectum and forcefully pushed it in further, losing the entire pen and his fingertips inside me.

I screamed, it hurt so bad. He left it in there for what seemed like hours (but was probably only seconds) and then pulled it out. He then repeated what he said before. This time, I complied. I sucked off his friend. After he was done, he urinated in my mouth, and then he slapped me in the face. The two got off of me and Inmate A said that if I told anyone, I would suffer worse.

They left.

I stayed on that hard cement floor for 30 minutes, crying. I was bleeding from my rectum, but it wasn’t too bad. I expected there to be more blood. I then stood up, and cleaned myself up.

I sat on my bed, and huddled in the corner. I couldn’t stop crying. I rocked back and forth, back and forth.

I stole some checks, stole some money, and broke into 3 houses. I couldn’t believe this was happening to me. My life was becoming like one of those prison movies. I was supposed to go eat breakfast, but I didn’t want to leave my cell. What happens if those men are out there? Would they do it again? Would more people join in?

Oh My God. I had no idea what to do.

So, I did one of the worst things imaginable.

I told one of the Correctional Officers.

You see, in the outside world, woman are supposed to, and even encouraged to tell the police if someone hurts them. Granted, many times the woman isn’t treated very nicely from the police after reporting a rape, but it’s nothing like the inside of a prison.

Being new to the prison system, I had no idea I shouldn’t have reported a sexual assault. I knew all about “snitches” but I thought a “snitch” was someone who told a CO about drugs or other illegal activities. I didn’t know you weren’t even allowed to tell a CO about an attack on yourself. This was crazy! Who was going to protect me?

Anyway, I told a CO about my attack.

He said that he would investigate, and get back to me. It seemed like they were handling it properly, and I was (almost) satisfied that justice would be served.

Wrong again.



END PART TWO.


I always wondered what would have happened if I just complied with the Inmates to begin with. Would I be labeled a punk? Or would that have ended the attacks? What would have happened if I didn't tell anyone about what happened?

Part three will be posted tomorrow. I'll talk about how the COs handled my complaint. Also Tom finally offers his help, for a price. I'll talk about my first visit in the visting room, a physical attack, and my first penpal.

Take care,
Sam
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  #14  
Old 11-20-2004, 05:04 PM
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Sam, I am speechless.

((((Hugs))))

I can't tell you how sad and angry this post has made me.
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Old 11-20-2004, 05:15 PM
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i'm crying
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Old 11-20-2004, 05:20 PM
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((hugs)) Sam... I'm so sorry you had to go thru this...

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  #17  
Old 11-20-2004, 05:36 PM
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Sam ~ I know this has got to be difficult for you. Thank you so much for sharing your ordeal with us, thank you for trusting us. Hugggz to you and Jay.

Your friend,
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Old 11-20-2004, 07:57 PM
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i'm sick and sad that things like this happens, i wish i had words to take it all away. god bless you
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Old 11-20-2004, 08:05 PM
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Sam, I am so sorry that this happened to you. I am so sorry that we live in a place that allows this to go on, but if you are a prisoner from Iraq and something happens it is all over the news and the guilty ones are taken care of.

Sam this is taking a lot of courage, strength and trust on your part to share you story with all of us. Thank you for being part of this family and trusting us to tell us your story. I will pray for you to have the strength and couarge to contiune. If you or Jay ever need anything we are here for you. Love Jeanne
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Old 11-20-2004, 08:07 PM
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Sam, I just want to thank you with my whole heart for sharing your story with me...well, with us. I am sitting here crying for all the horrible things that happened to you. And, smiling for the incredible courage it must take for you to share this, not only with Jay, but with all of us too. You are a strong person, and I hope that you know, sharing this with us helps you not to have to carry this alone any longer. My heart goes out to you!!!
Tell Jay to take the plastic off the chicken next time he decides to cook it...lol
And, we want a picture of that chicken!!!! Love to you both...!!!!
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Old 11-20-2004, 08:16 PM
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Sam and Jay,

I'm sittiing here shaking with anger and I have tears streaming down my face... I know this s**t happens, but I've never read an account of it. Thank you both for having the courage and strength to share this with us.

Love and hugs to both of you!

Jess
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Old 11-20-2004, 08:34 PM
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Yes it does happen, prisons and jails are not good places to be. And this kind of stuff has got to stop, it's just not right, what is wrong with those people to do that to someone. They are sick, abusive, monsters, predators...preying on the innocent, the weak.

Thank God you are out of that he**. Please don't spit gum on the sidewalk or do anything that remotely could land you back in that aweful place.
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Old 11-20-2004, 09:17 PM
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I commend you on your courage to share your story and your strength.
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Old 11-20-2004, 09:18 PM
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Sam and Jay,
I knew this kind of stuff happened in there, but didn't think I would ever read about it. I am glad you are OUT of there, and I hope you have a much healthier and happier life now.
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Old 11-22-2004, 03:02 PM
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Sam

I can't seem to find any word.

(((HUGS)))

Phil
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