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Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison For everyone who has a husband, boyfriend or male partner incarcerated.

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  #1  
Old 10-01-2004, 12:20 AM
nascarangel4u nascarangel4u is offline
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Default How do you learn to deal with your spouse being gone

I'm new to this and to having someone in prison.I had never even visited anyone in jail. I do not know right now how long he has to stay. He's waiting to go to parole board in October again.He had 4 years left on his sentence when he was paroled and messed it up.He's only been locked up for a little over a month counting jail time waiting to be sent back to another state.I miss him very much and my family doesn't understand why I want to keep him.Right now we have a common law marriage and want to get married as soon as we can.I have nobody who understands here to talk to. Hopefully someone reading this understands and will reply to me. Right now we are in two different states so I can't even see him yet,makes it even harder.I do know I do not want to give him up...I want to stand beside him not give up on him..
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  #2  
Old 10-01-2004, 05:22 AM
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SandC4E SandC4E is offline
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You have found a great support group and extended family. The best advise I can give you is to take things as they come. You will be on an emotional roller coaster until he comes home.

There are also state specific forums that will give you LOTS of information on where you'll be visiting (rules, atmosphere, etc). We're here for you and like you, many of us don't have anyone close that we can turn to for support either.

Take care and feel free to PM me anytime.

Sheila
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  #3  
Old 10-01-2004, 07:50 AM
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I am about to marry my baby on Oct. 14. He has been gone nearly a year- the hardest year of my life. But believe me, if I can get through it anyone can! I try to stay really busy because when I don't I get depressed. I work a lot and I'm trying to start my own business and I spend a lot of time with my daughter. I write to my baby a lot. Right now we aren't able to talk on the phone because they just switched phone systems where he is and it's all messed up. That has been hard because we got used to talking several times a week. We've have had to go 2 months without a visit before, so I know how you feel about that. When I feel like I'm really going to lose it I get on here and get some support- like you my family does not support my choice. It's difficult, but you do get used to it as time goes by. I don't like it, but I've learned how to function! Hang in there and good luck! Also, don't let your imagination run away with you as far as prison stories, and don't be scared when you go visit the first time. Soon you'll be a pro like the rest of us!
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  #4  
Old 10-01-2004, 08:05 AM
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AEMS AEMS is offline
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Welcome to PTO! My man has been gone for over a year and I can tell you that it doesn't get much easier. I think we just learn to cope with it better. Some days will be better then others. Just try to keep yourself busy and write him lots of letters. Writing always makes me feel closer to my man. You will be fine and everyone here understands what you are going through. If you ever need someone to listen you have many people here! Take care!
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  #5  
Old 10-01-2004, 08:21 AM
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I also know how you all feel, my baby has been gone for over a year now. When he caught a new case, he had a year and three months left to serve parole time. So he is currently finishing up that time then the time starts for the new conviction. At first I didn't know how I'd get through this, but you just roll with it. I also keep myself very busy, my daughter, college, work, etc. The time has gone by so much faster than I ever expected. My family doesn't really support my decision to stick it out for him either, but that's my business. I'm the one to choose who I want to spend my future with. All you can do is stick with it. You'll find lots of support here from people who understand the rollercoaster of emotions you'll go through. If your heart is with him, you'll manage just fine!
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  #6  
Old 10-01-2004, 08:31 AM
Jillian Jillian is offline
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Welcome to PTO!! It can get overwhelming at times but you just got to think that it will only get better. My husband has been gone for 22 mths. He left when i was 3 wks pregnant. We have a beautiful 15mth old daughter who is her daddy's twin and both of our motivation: him to be good and come home as soon as possible; she helps me focus on school and bettering my self.. He is serving a 15 year sentence. He will be up for parole in 2-3 years only if gets an appeal approved... if not he will be up in 2010.
If you need someone to talk too there is always someone here that will be more than happy to talk and even help you out. So don't be shy remember we here are a family. we dont judge we just show alot of love.
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  #7  
Old 10-01-2004, 10:13 AM
myjutebe myjutebe is offline
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We all know how you feel. My husband has been done for 10 1/2 months and it does not get any easier. I miss him desperately. All I can do is keep myself busy. I work really hard at work, I literally do everything there. Then I pick our daughter up from school, work with her on her homework, cook dinner, take care of the animals, clean up the house and I just never stop. On the weekends, we get get up at 2:30 on Saturday and drive to Ironwood to see my husband and we get home about 7:30 p.m. Then go to bed, we get up early on Sunday go to church, then I do my grocery shopping, etc.

My suggestion turn this situation over to God and you will be amazed how much peace he will give you. Also try to keep as busy as possible so you have less time to think. Write him letters everyday to try and keep the communication open. I write my husband everything that goes on each and everyday so when he comes home, he will know everything that happened while he was gone.

Next suggestion, come visit PTO, everyone here is a great help because we are all going through the exact same thing. You will find wonderful support here.

Take Care

Laurie
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  #8  
Old 10-01-2004, 10:18 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AEMS
Welcome to PTO! My man has been gone for over a year and I can tell you that it doesn't get much easier. I think we just learn to cope with it better. Some days will be better then others. Just try to keep yourself busy and write him lots of letters. Writing always makes me feel closer to my man. You will be fine and everyone here understands what you are going through. If you ever need someone to listen you have many people here! Take care!
Very well said... I agree!

Welcome to PTO Nascarangel4u!
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  #9  
Old 10-01-2004, 10:23 AM
jftazzy102 jftazzy102 is offline
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First of all I would like to welcome you to our family. We are so glad you are here.
I am from florida and my husband is incarcerated in Texas. At first it killed me that he was so far away and I couldn't go see him. Even now when the ladies talk about their visits I get real blue. But I keep myself busy and try to stay focused as much as possilbe. With God's help He gives me the courage I need to put that first foot on the floor in the morning to get up. And HE leads me the whole day. Mine too is on a revocation of probabtion because he picked up a new charge here in Florida. Over something really stupid and because of his "past" record they wouldn't even invesigate any of what he told them or what I told them. He was convicted even though he hasn't even had his final court date in Florida. Mine is up for parole and if he gets parole he will just come back to county jail and finish with florida. BUT we will be able to visit. Though NO CONTACT visit which sucks. ( OK KAT AND ASHYTNN I HATE FLORIDA and he hasn't even got back here yet. ) Just stick with us and most of all stick with GOD. That is what is so awesome. Keep your chin up Jeanne
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  #10  
Old 10-01-2004, 11:24 AM
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Hi, My hunny has been gone for 22 months and has until 2010. I am not going to say that is it easy, but I will say that after a period of adjustment that is what happens. There are gonna be days that are almost unbearable, but then their are days that you survive. Sometimes Daniel doesn't write for weeks at a time, and I know him so well that I just leave him alone during these times. We are in an 11 year relationship, 2 of which he has been down. I know that when he doesn't write that he is doing as he calls it " HARD TIME" meaning that he is missing the family more than normal. We know each other well enough that we know what is going on with each other without being told. There are going to be hard times indeed, but what God brings you to, he will bring you thru. Hope this helps and all my thoughts and prayers are with you both!+
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  #11  
Old 10-01-2004, 11:46 AM
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Welcome to PTO! This sight has been a real life saver for myself, you have defianlty come to the right place for support. My baby has been down for 10 months and we have a little over 10 more months to go. This has been the worst 10 months of my life. My husband went down 1 month before I was to deliver our baby girl. Everything that we expected from the time we went to court till he actually got to CDC went completely the opposite way. We deat with it and are still dealing with it. I can tell you this has made me a stronger person, and my husband a stronger person, and we now have a stronger relationship, if you can go through this I beleive you can go through anything. I want to tell you that things will get a little easier as time goes on and you and him are settled with your routines sort of speak. Meaning the phone calls, the visits, the letters, all of this helps. We are all here for you and I want to tell you that things will get better, but you do have to keep yourself busy, when I went back to work that is when time just started to fly by, and here I am 10 months later and have to say it did fly by, just hoping the next 10 will also. I wish you the best and good luck!!
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