What Will It Be Like

down4life · #1 01-01-2003, 09:53 PM

HI EVERY ONE
MY NAME IS CRYSTAL. MY FEIANCY SEAN HAS BEEN LOCKED UP FOR A YR NOW AND HAS 3 MORE YRS TO GO. I LOVE HIM MORE THAN ANY GUY IN THE WORLD. BUT WHAT R PRISON WEDDINGS LIKE. IM SCARRED I WANT TO MARRIE HIM NOW I JUST NEVER THOUGHT MY WEDDING DAY WOULD BE BEHIND BARS. IT REALLY HURTS ME TO KNOW THAT WILL BE AS MEMMORIE. WILL I LOCK BACK AND REGRET IT. ALSO MY FRIEND MARRIED HER HUSSBAND A MOUNTH BEFORE HE WENT TO PRISON. HE ENDED UP DOING 1.5 YRS WHEN HE GOT OUT EVERY THING HE TOLD GER HAD JUST BEEN PRISON TALK AND HE ENDED UP FUCKING HER LIFE UP NEEDLESS TO SAY THEY R IN THE PROSSES OF DEVORSING. I DONT WANT THAT TO HAPPEN TO ME. WE HAVE BEEN TO GEATHER 5 YRS. WE HAVE A 2 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER TOGEATHER. DESTINY SHE IS MY ANGLE AND LIFE SAVOR. I LOVE SEAN SO MUCH IM JUST SCARED. SEAN SAID SOMETHING ABOUT GOING TO PRE MARRAGE COUNCLING FIRST. IF ANY ONE CAN HELP ME TO UNDERSTAND WHAT I MIGHT HAVE TO EXPECT FOR THE FUTURE. IT WOULD BE GREATLEY APPREACHED THANKS EVERY ONE. BYE

flygirlaa2 · #2 01-02-2003, 05:58 AM

I wish I could help, but I am getting married by proxy and each state is different. I believe you can't guage your marriage by someone elses, but I do understand your fears. I also have doubts.

yanigirl · #3 01-02-2003, 07:05 AM

WELL ME AND MY SON'S FATHER ARE CONSIDERING MARRIAGE TOO. I FOR ONE WOULD NOT HAVE MINDED DOING IT WHILE HE STILL IS IN BUT THAT IS NOT AN OPTION FOR HIM. WE HAVE BOTH ALWAYS WANTED A BIG WEDDING NOT TO MENTION MY MOTHER WOULD KILL US BOTH. HE DOES NOT HAVE THAT LONG TO DO SO WE FELT WE COULD WAIT. WE TOO HAVE A SON TOGETHER AND FOR ME OUR MARRIAGE CEREMONY WOULD NOT ONLY BE ABOUT OUR UNION BUT OUR UNION AS A FAMILY AND OUR COMMITMENT NOT ONLY TO EACHOTHER BUT TO OUR SON. FOR US IT'S JUST NOT SOMETHING TO DO WHILE HE IS IN PRISON. BUT IF HE HAD A LONG TIME TO DO I WOULD DEFINATELY GO FOR IT. YOU MENTIONED SOMEONE YOU KNOW WHO'S MARRIAGE ENDED UP BAD AND ALOT OF WHAT HER HUSBAND WAS SAYING BEING JAIL TALK BUT I'M CURIOUS TO KNOW IF SHE KNEW HIM BEFORE HE WENT IN. YOUR SITUATION SOUNDS DIFFRENT. YOU TWO KNOW EACHOTHER AND ARE FOREVER BONDED THROUGH YOUR CHILD. YOU ARE STILL YOUNG AND YOUR FIANCE DOES NOT HAVE THAT LONG TO DO. IF IT REALLY TROUBLES YOU TO HAVE YOUR MEMORY OF YOUR WEDDING BE IN PRISON THEN BY ALL MEANS WAIT. DO IT IN WHATEVER WAY MAKES YOU HAPPY. DON'T FORGET THAT YOU TWO WILL HAVE THE REST OF YOUR LIVES TOGETHER SO IT'S NO RUSH. GOOD LUCK!

bryanssong · #4 01-02-2003, 08:21 AM

CRYSTAL

every couple is different.

i married my sons' father -who i was with for 13yrs prior- in federal prison WORST MISTAKE EVER. I married him for all the wrong reasons . i was so drunk , i dont even recall the ceremony . i have to look at my marriage certificate just to remember the date.

if you really love your fiance nothing can tear you apart. i never loved my "husband". so dont base any decision on my situation.

i know a few people who have married thier mates in prison and they are still together. some are planning the bigger and more elaborate wedding when their spouses are released. but i believe that when you are truly in love , the setting doesnt matter.

and your man seems that he is showing just as much love for you as you do him. he 's willing to go to pre marriage counseling and that speaks volumes. but you have to make the final decision , not with just your heart but your head too.

goodluck with your decision.

lulu · #5 01-02-2003, 11:21 AM

i cant help either, but would like to say best wishes to you both.

Enjay · #6 01-02-2003, 12:02 PM

I met Sonny, my fiancé, while he's incarcerated. He has 7 more years at the very least. Our wedding day was set for Dec. 28th but was postponed tell? I know in my heart thet this is the man I want to be with for the rest of my life! I wasted 7 years on my first marriage and 13 on my second! This wait will not be a waste. But everyone is different and all I can say is, think clearly and then follow your gut instinct. It will not lead you wrong! Best wishes to both of you whatever you decide!!

densebrit · #7 01-02-2003, 05:36 PM

We were married in prison last September. The original date was set for March, but didn't go ahead as we'd hoped. What was it like? Not as bad as I'd feared. It's unnerving, granted, but the look on his face when I walked into the room made it all worthwhile. The marriage ceremony was performed in the non-contact visiting room, but it was a contact wedding. Guess we were lucky, but there were two other weddings that day and they also had a good day. We met AFTER he was incarcerated so you're poles ahead in that one. Was it Prison Talk? I sincerely hope not, and don't believe so. He's too much what you see is what you get, and am way too involved with his personal friends etc (and not just prison ones) for him to be able to fake it that well. He's on DR but is reversed and remanded and has a new hearing due soon. We're praying for a re-trial or even better, release, because he didn't commit the crime he's been convicted of and that's now becoming more and more clearer. And if it goes the other way, God forbid, we're staying married. But what happens if he comes out? I don't know, and nor does he. But you don't know until you try and that's what we've decided, we're both going to give it our best shot. And that's all you can do at the end of the day. And don't apply stories that you've heard about other prison relationships to your own situation because everyone is different. Good luck.

shalove · #8 01-03-2003, 10:12 AM

you are right enjay. its hard though because you want to make the right decision. marriage not a joke. and prison is not a joke either. every relationship is different only you know your man we only know what you tell us. i am going through some things right now myself that is making me rethink everything that is going on.

EricsPrincess81 · #9 01-03-2003, 10:20 AM

I plan on getting married this year in prison too. That was the last place I ever thought I would be getting married! But when you really love someone it doesn't matter where you get married... when he comes we do plan on having a real wedding. I met him on the streets so I have no concerns about whether we will last. I don't think you should base your worries on another couples misfortune...you have his child you are already a family.

Whitney · #10 01-04-2003, 09:13 AM

Well... As for your question "what are Prison Weddings like?" Every Prison is VASTLY different alot of the times. So it would probably be best to talk to someone who has got married in a prison in the same state as you wish to get married in. I got married in a prison in Utah, as for what it was like, it was AMAZING and truly one of the happiest days of my life. I have married my heart & soul and I truly believe I am one of the lucky ones who has found my soulmate AND in time to spent my WHOLE life with him (I am 26 we've been together 4 years, and he's been locc'd up for 3 1/2 years) But to me it was never about the wedding but always about the marriage. I was also never one who wanted a big wedding as ever since I was little girl my Dad had promised that if me and my sisters didn't have a BIG wedding he would give us the money and then some for a down-payment on a house or for a car as he hates the "line" etc, (I asked if I still qualified as my wedding was really small but my dad said no I'm on my own!! OH WELL!!)anyways off topic. It's about the marriage not the wedding if you know what I mean? As for the actual wedding it was nothing to get excited about, NO photos NO witness of our choosing (only guards) NO NOTHING except me and him No outside anybody or anything. My best friend and her daughter came with me and she visited her boyfriend so at least they would be in the visiting room after we got married with us. We got married in the Parole Board Room Just him, me, the minister (at least he was of our faith) and the two guards who would be our witnesses. They kept clowning on me about "Do I really wanna do this?" "It's not too late to change my mind" etc they were actually really nice. I actually wore a very beautiful skirt that was just past my knees my sister had got in Spain (NO slit, it was hard to find) then we exchanged vows (about 15min) we were allowed to stand and hold each other kiss ALOT. Then we went to the Visiting Room for the rest of the visit. (Visit's are two hours long so the time for the ceremony was deducted from our 2 hours and we were allowed to visit for the rest of the time) We got to kiss and touch alot which I know they were just being kind about (One guard who is always on our case for prolonged kissing actually told my husband when he was being searched after visit "I went easy on you all today don't let it happen again") Oh Well!! I was so happy and everybody kept congratulating us. I hope I haven't bored you but I wanted to thank you for letting me relive that day for you. I am hella smiling now just thinking of it all.
I have to say that it is HARD dealing with the "I'm married now and STILL my husband is not with me" but I'm dealing with it. I truly believe that when my husband is out I will live life enough to make up for the times when I wasn't really able to live life fully because he wasn't with me. Do you know what I mean?

SORRY for the long post and if the powers that be who edit would like to edit this so that it is shorter PLEASE go on ahead THANX

Much LOVE & RESPECT & APPRECIATION for all of you here on PTO!!!!!

Whitney

mjwyogini · #11 01-09-2003, 12:29 PM

I really liked reading your posts. My fiance and I have decided to get married while he is still in there. We had decided not to a few weeks ago, but we are going to do it. I love this man more than I've ever loved anyone, and that is something to say at 48 years old! It sounds cliche maybe, but I truly thought I knew love; but I never knew love this way before. I feel like he is part of me, and I him. We are going to have the 'bigger' wedding when he gets out though. We both would like that. But in reality, I feel like the marriage is the important thing, not where it is. Love will transcend all, and God smiles down on those who love one another! May God Bless you all,
Marsha

flygirlaa2 · #12 01-09-2003, 12:44 PM

Whitney, that was such a beautiful story, I truly enjoyed reading it. God bless you both and good luck.

densebrit · #13 01-09-2003, 12:46 PM

Good luck to you both! Let us know how it all goes!

Best wishes.

lulu · #14 01-09-2003, 12:57 PM

Ericsprincess,,,,,, i am so happy for you guys.

best wishes to you

shalove · #15 01-09-2003, 09:50 PM

i think when you love someone while they are locked up you really get to know that person from within. i didnt know tyrone when he was on the streets. i met him while he was locked up. but i love him more than life. he is like my best friend. i think you will be fine. we plan on having a bigger wedding when he comes home. it looks like it will be about our 5 th wedding anniversary. but you will see., if you love him and he loves you it shouldnt matter where you are when you committ to one another