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Now That Your Loved One Is Home... Please share stories about your loved one now they are home.

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Old 12-02-2017, 08:56 PM
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TimandJennifer TimandJennifer is offline
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Question Girl Friend has been out almost 3 months

I hope i am not the only one going through this but my Girlfriend Lele has been out almost 3 months now after being in for 16 years and she keeps telling me she loves and we text each other and is living with her brother for now and they are about a hour away from me and she keeps telling me she needs time and does not like being around crowds of people i keep suggesting to do something together and alone but no luck , I feel like i did something wrong and she does not want me anymore but she keeps telling me I am freaking out for no reason. And she needs time? I even put a down payment on a car hoping she would come by my place , Not sure if i should just walk away but my gut says no. I saw her more in Prison than i have since Oct 1.
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Old 12-02-2017, 10:11 PM
Sean’sWife82 Sean’sWife82 is offline
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I'm sorry but I think you should just back up and not reach out anymore and see what happens. It sounds to me like she is making excuses not to see you. I get the not wanting to be around crowds thing but there is no reason for her not to be able to be alone with you. Have you been to her house yet? She may not really be staying with her brother. Anyway I am sorry you are going through this I know it must be very disappointing but I would leave her be. If someone really wants to see you they will make it happen.
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Old 12-03-2017, 02:40 AM
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Look, give her some time. She has been incarcerated for 16 years! That is a long time to be locked up and away from the outside world. There is a lot that she has to get used to. Life can be overwhelming for a person who has been locked up that long, especially if she hasn't been keeping up with what is going on in the world. Read up on "becoming institutionalized" while in prison.

Give her a chance to breathe and a chance to be able to stand on her own two feet. Be supportive, but don't smother.
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Old 12-03-2017, 03:11 AM
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Hey man, I can relate to a degree....when Dee got out, the first 6 months could be a bit testy when it came to going out or seeing her. She was comfortable with family and in her house and in my car, but some days she did not want to go out or be around crowds. Once in a while she didn’t want to see me at all. Or talk to me.

While it is possible to an extent that she is making excuses, after 16 years (3 times the amount Dee was in) it could be that she just is having a difficult time adapting. It sounds like she is taking your calls and talking to you. My approach would be, instead of withdrawing immediately, to be honest (but not angry) about what you’re hoping for and ask her if there is any way you can help make it easier for you and her to spend time together.

Ultimately it is up to her to reciprocate on the effort to see you. And of course I cannot guarantee that it will work, or that there isn’t something else going on. But I would not just jump to that conclusion, either. For now, keep talking, DO Express what you’re hoping for, DO offer to help her to find a way to make it easier to see each other, encourage her to talk about what she needs and to be honest about it, and be a support. Gage her reactions. If this isn’t going to work, that will become apparent at some point. But my thought right now would be to not give up. Remain supportive and as understanding as you can be. And keep in mind that she probably has a bit of institutionalization and probably some PICS (post-incarceration syndrome) issues to deal with.

Good luck! Please keep us updated and let us know if you have more questions or observations you need to sort through. This is obviously a difficult time for both of you.

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Old 12-03-2017, 04:29 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TimandJennifer View Post
I hope i am not the only one going through this but my Girlfriend Lele has been out almost 3 months now after being in for 16 years and she keeps telling me she loves and we text each other and is living with her brother for now and they are about a hour away from me and she keeps telling me she needs time and does not like being around crowds of people i keep suggesting to do something together and alone but no luck , I feel like i did something wrong and she does not want me anymore but she keeps telling me I am freaking out for no reason. And she needs time? I even put a down payment on a car hoping she would come by my place , Not sure if i should just walk away but my gut says no. I saw her more in Prison than i have since Oct 1.
Sounds like you need to have a heart to heart talk with her to see if you both are on the same page. She spent 16 years locked up, transitioning back into life outside is a challenge for some. She is probably needing space and some time to sort through her thoughts, feelings and emotions. She probably does love you, but cannot commit to you the way you want her to.

I suggest you have a talk with her, get things out in the open, and give her the space she needs. You didn't say whether you were together before she started serving her time but at any rate, it appears you both are not on the same page, as far as, where your relationships stands.
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Old 12-03-2017, 05:39 AM
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Hi Tim - congratulations on her homecoming! I am sorry things haven't turned out the way you expected yet...but I would agree with what LifeTraveler and missingdee said above; she is still communicating with you and has expressed it to you that she is not comfortable yet doing some things out in the free world...I would give her some time to decompress and readjust. Of course, the decision is ultimately yours and you have to do what you see best for yourself, but perhaps it is not the time just yet to jump in to conclusions. Maybe you could set yourself a timeline that you are comfortable with and see how things are with her once you get there....say, 3-6 months from now? Of course, if that feels unreasonable to you and your heart says to move on...then obviously that is what you need to do.
Good luck!
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Old 02-04-2018, 02:14 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TimandJennifer View Post
I hope i am not the only one going through this but my Girlfriend Lele has been out almost 3 months now after being in for 16 years and she keeps telling me she loves and we text each other and is living with her brother for now and they are about a hour away from me and she keeps telling me she needs time and does not like being around crowds of people i keep suggesting to do something together and alone but no luck , I feel like i did something wrong and she does not want me anymore but she keeps telling me I am freaking out for no reason. And she needs time? I even put a down payment on a car hoping she would come by my place , Not sure if i should just walk away but my gut says no. I saw her more in Prison than i have since Oct 1.


WOW. Many good people, key word is "Good people"would love you doing that for them Tim. SMH You're seeing MORE of Jen in prison but now that she is out, it's rarely and different.SMDH.
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I had to underscore in RED and blue, because that's a shame.That's not right and i hope you're now in the new year either you two are making this work or you're moving on.Life too short to be left in limbo/and or mis-treated Tim.
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and about her saying you're freakin 'out for no apparent reason is hogwash."
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nope. you're freakin' out with GOOD reasoning, and i hope by now since your last posting on PTO that you're walking away at least til' she prove herself."I get she has served over a decade in prison. That's a very long time. But she has YOU and that should be all she needs, the person who was there for her when others were not, should count for something and to some it's everything, that matters." Good luck to you, and i hope we hear from you soon an update. hugs -n- blessings. Hang in there.Adios.
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