Welcome to the Prison Talk Online Community! Take a Minute and Sign Up Today!






Go Back   Prison Talk > RESOURCE CENTER > Domestic Violence
Register Entertainment FAQ Calendar Mark Forums Read

Domestic Violence News and information relating to domestic violence in general. Please post here if you don't see a sub-forums that fits better.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 09-07-2017, 07:25 AM
xolady xolady is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: May 2014
Location: highlands, florida
Posts: 4,153
Thanks: 7,061
Thanked 3,968 Times in 2,127 Posts
Default My crazy Ex is dead!!

Well I am floored and can't really get my mind wrapped around this fact. My crazy Ex whom I was with before my husband is dead. I have always worried he would somehow find me and kill me. So like I've always kept up on where he is, it's been prison for the last 15 years not a straight hit 3 different ones. Anyway I knew he was released in 7/28/17 his address was a shelter in Ft Lauderdale. Okay so I looked him up as I always do and it says reported deceased on his FDLE registration (career criminal). I like what?? This can't be but it is and I know I should feel sad or something but I don't for some reason I almost feel cheated. Like for all these years and all the horror he caused me I would think I'd feel something more tangible. I don't understand how I could live for years with such hate and fear and not have any sense of feelings about this. I mean I kind of always have been watching my back because I knew if he ever got the chance he'd kill me, I mean he really sent letters and stuff saying he'd do this. I don't know I mean last night I slept like the dead no nightmares no panic attacks. I guess if anything I've gained peace of mind. Somehow its so anti-climatic. I mean don't get me wrong I'm glad to not have this worry anymore because it was always there. But now I am pretty much free of crazy stresses.
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to xolady For This Useful Post:
jadah (09-09-2017), Trantham (10-03-2017)
Sponsored Links
  #2  
Old 09-07-2017, 07:42 AM
MizzyMuffling's Avatar
MizzyMuffling MizzyMuffling is offline
Registered User
Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: NC & Germany
Posts: 1,803
Thanks: 1,704
Thanked 2,030 Times in 988 Posts
Default

I want to write something like "Karma did finally bite him in the azz..." but I don't want to be disrespectful either.
Most important is your peace of mind and the feeling of relief and not looking over your shoulder anymore.
__________________
Follow your heart but take your brain with you...
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to MizzyMuffling For This Useful Post:
xolady (09-07-2017)
  #3  
Old 09-07-2017, 07:52 AM
sidewalker sidewalker is offline
CA, LASO, site sug. SUPER MOD

PTO Super Moderator Staff Superstar Winner 

Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: ca usa
Posts: 28,825
Thanks: 49,680
Thanked 25,401 Times in 13,070 Posts
Default

That WOULD be a shock xolady!
And a relief at the same time.
Glad for you that you dont need to worry about him at all anymore, ever.

I could also see how this could be rather a let down, and you wanting pay back.
But at the end of the day, you win. You get REAL peace of mind now knowing he cant ever hurt you anymore. (and dont allow him to take any of your thoughts either)
__________________
My windows aren't dirty

That's my dog's nose art

Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to sidewalker For This Useful Post:
jadah (09-09-2017), MizzyMuffling (09-07-2017), xolady (09-07-2017)
  #4  
Old 09-07-2017, 08:00 AM
xolady xolady is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: May 2014
Location: highlands, florida
Posts: 4,153
Thanks: 7,061
Thanked 3,968 Times in 2,127 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by MizzyMuffling View Post
I want to write something like "Karma did finally bite him in the azz..." but I don't want to be disrespectful either.
Most important is your peace of mind and the feeling of relief and not looking over your shoulder anymore.
I want to feel happy but I don't I should be over joyed but I'm not. I never wanted him dead. I just wanted peace of mind now I have it! Just not quite sure how I feel about it yet!!LOL
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to xolady For This Useful Post:
choclgs (09-07-2017), MizzyMuffling (09-07-2017), sidewalker (09-07-2017)
  #5  
Old 09-07-2017, 08:05 AM
MizzyMuffling's Avatar
MizzyMuffling MizzyMuffling is offline
Registered User
Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: NC & Germany
Posts: 1,803
Thanks: 1,704
Thanked 2,030 Times in 988 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by xolady View Post
I want to feel happy but I don't I should be over joyed but I'm not. I never wanted him dead. I just wanted peace of mind now I have it! Just not quite sure how I feel about it yet!!LOL
It'll take some time and I can relate to your feelings. But you'll get to the point where you'll feel okay and relieved and calm about it. I bet you're feeling like you wanted to get some form of "revenge" (sounds worse than I mean it) but it was taken care of.
So just sit back and relax and enjoy your flight
__________________
Follow your heart but take your brain with you...
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to MizzyMuffling For This Useful Post:
sidewalker (09-07-2017), xolady (09-07-2017)
  #6  
Old 09-07-2017, 08:44 AM
nimuay's Avatar
nimuay nimuay is online now
Super Moderator

PTO Super Moderator Pumpkin Hunt Participant 2014 Easter Egg Hunt 2013 - Participant 

Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: new york
Posts: 23,345
Thanks: 5,437
Thanked 27,471 Times in 10,031 Posts
Default

I had a similar issue, and he's dead, too. He wasn't as violent as yours sounds, so I worried less. But I always had an eye out for the horses, in case he thought to get to me through them. Worried constantly.

He overdosed.

I felt a small ebbing of worry, and I was grateful for it. He earned his life and his death, and it wasn't my duty to mourn that.

I'm glad you can sleep well now - that's a great gift!
__________________
You'll know you've created God in your own image when He hates all the people you do.
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to nimuay For This Useful Post:
jadah (09-09-2017), xolady (09-07-2017)
  #7  
Old 09-07-2017, 10:52 AM
a.rare.love's Avatar
a.rare.love a.rare.love is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: California
Posts: 819
Thanks: 3,814
Thanked 472 Times in 347 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by xolady View Post
I want to feel happy but I don't I should be over joyed but I'm not. I never wanted him dead. I just wanted peace of mind now I have it! Just not quite sure how I feel about it yet!!LOL

no chica. don't be over-joyed.How did he die?If you're within knowledge,illness a shooting/murder et.al., however,and whatever it was that put him at peace and yep he is at peace now, YOU'RE definitely also at peace. He can't hurt any 1 else, importantly you, and 4 himself, if he did not get help,and live a productive life, then that was on him, ya know. Glad you did not really want him "dead."That's how i would be with my double D.V. incidents.I just am so happy i am not with either one,and have gotten to have a great life,still do by fightin' hard to never EVER make the same errors i did with loser men like that.I think i would be (imo)a lil sad.Not sure why and i think it would though be because yes i knew the guy and it's always sad when you're not wanting some 1 to die,even when they treat us ladies bad ya know.But again i am glad you didn't want him dead.Long as my DV abuser's stay OUT mi good life,i am happy praise God.
adios

Hugs and Blessings to you.
__________________
.Mi Fiancee/BFF is out @ 12:01 a.m.on thanksgiving eve. #NoMoreDOC

Next?
#Weekends alone #me+him Snugglin' with- Hot Chocolate, Winter-Kisses that we both have patiently longed for,without D.O.C..."
-


Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to a.rare.love For This Useful Post:
xolady (09-08-2017)
  #8  
Old 09-07-2017, 12:25 PM
sprits's Avatar
sprits sprits is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 419
Thanks: 58
Thanked 291 Times in 206 Posts
Default

You earned your peaceful nights sleep. If it would make you feel better, a chance to have the last word; perhaps visit his grave when you feel up to it.
__________________
Just trying to keep it all together
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 09-07-2017, 12:58 PM
DisneyFan DisneyFan is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Florida USA
Posts: 181
Thanks: 208
Thanked 426 Times in 136 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by xolady View Post
Well I am floored and can't really get my mind wrapped around this fact. My crazy Ex whom I was with before my husband is dead. I have always worried he would somehow find me and kill me. So like I've always kept up on where he is, it's been prison for the last 15 years not a straight hit 3 different ones. Anyway I knew he was released in 7/28/17 his address was a shelter in Ft Lauderdale. Okay so I looked him up as I always do and it says reported deceased on his FDLE registration (career criminal). I like what?? This can't be but it is and I know I should feel sad or something but I don't for some reason I almost feel cheated. Like for all these years and all the horror he caused me I would think I'd feel something more tangible. I don't understand how I could live for years with such hate and fear and not have any sense of feelings about this. I mean I kind of always have been watching my back because I knew if he ever got the chance he'd kill me, I mean he really sent letters and stuff saying he'd do this. I don't know I mean last night I slept like the dead no nightmares no panic attacks. I guess if anything I've gained peace of mind. Somehow its so anti-climatic. I mean don't get me wrong I'm glad to not have this worry anymore because it was always there. But now I am pretty much free of crazy stresses.
Whoa what a shock. It is like "how are you supposed to feel" I believe the best way to describe it is you are at peace. No more looking over your shoulder.
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to DisneyFan For This Useful Post:
dtmom2013 (09-09-2017), jadah (09-09-2017), xolady (09-08-2017)
  #10  
Old 09-07-2017, 04:56 PM
Texasflower08 Texasflower08 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Bryan, Texas
Posts: 1,409
Thanks: 369
Thanked 644 Times in 450 Posts
Default

I felt at peace when my step father passed away in prison. He abused us and was a very bad man. Glad you had a restful night.
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Texasflower08 For This Useful Post:
xolady (09-08-2017)
  #11  
Old 09-08-2017, 08:04 AM
xolady xolady is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: May 2014
Location: highlands, florida
Posts: 4,153
Thanks: 7,061
Thanked 3,968 Times in 2,127 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by DisneyFan View Post
Whoa what a shock. It is like "how are you supposed to feel" I believe the best way to describe it is you are at peace. No more looking over your shoulder.
I'm still always going to be watching my back!! I kind of feel like maybe he had himself listed as dead just to screw with me!! I know it's beyond irrational but for 15 years I have not had a really rational thoughts when it came to him. I keep going back and checking that I read the report right. This thought really isn't as irrational as it sounds. I could explain more why but I have to believe he's not that skilled at manipulating things.
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to xolady For This Useful Post:
jadah (09-09-2017), nimuay (09-08-2017)
  #12  
Old 09-08-2017, 03:23 PM
Babyx Babyx is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 80
Thanks: 22
Thanked 83 Times in 41 Posts
Default

Give yourself space to process whatever emotions you have. They are what they are, independent of logic and reason.

I get "jumpy" whenever I get news, good or bad because it dredges up a lot of memories and emotion. You need time to process it, as do I. That's ok. We may have different ways of doing that, but the need is the same.

The cliche that time heals is actually appropriate, but it's not necessarily quick, or on your desired timeline.

Relief, sadness, fear, anger all jumbled together. Need space to untangle it. Give yourself a break (easier said than done, but correct).

Last edited by Babyx; 09-08-2017 at 03:56 PM..
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Babyx For This Useful Post:
nimuay (09-08-2017), sidewalker (09-09-2017), xolady (09-08-2017)
  #13  
Old 09-09-2017, 10:31 AM
jadah jadah is offline
Moderator

PTO Moderator 

 

Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Mississippi,USA
Posts: 2,065
Thanks: 2,558
Thanked 2,775 Times in 1,124 Posts
Default

Wow! That is shocking news. But I must say, there are a few people whose funerals I am looking forward to as well. I don't wish them dead, I will just be relieved when it happens.
Glad you slept well.
__________________
"One of the casualties of [prison life] is the numbness of the heart"- Man on Fire

"
There is no question that in virtually all circumstances in which people are doing things in order to get rewards, extrinsic tangible rewards undermine intrinsic motivation." the New Scientist (12th April 2011, pp 40-43)

" Every life you touch, every fear or pain you ease, every loved ones' heart that you ease the burden from is the reason you are here."
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to jadah For This Useful Post:
nimuay (09-09-2017), xolady (09-09-2017)
  #14  
Old 09-09-2017, 12:13 PM
Marseille's Avatar
Marseille Marseille is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: South Dakota, USA
Posts: 1,344
Thanks: 598
Thanked 2,165 Times in 750 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by xolady View Post
I'm still always going to be watching my back!! I kind of feel like maybe he had himself listed as dead just to screw with me!! I know it's beyond irrational but for 15 years I have not had a really rational thoughts when it came to him. I keep going back and checking that I read the report right. This thought really isn't as irrational as it sounds. I could explain more why but I have to believe he's not that skilled at manipulating things.

Have you been able to confirm his death through any other sources? I'm not trying to worry you but if I read that my ex had died, I also would immediately think he had found a new way to mess with me and I'd be looking for some foolproof documentation, like through the social security office or something. Irrational, maybe... but I'd have to do it.
__________________
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Marseille For This Useful Post:
xolady (09-09-2017)
  #15  
Old 09-09-2017, 12:35 PM
Curt'swife8 Curt'swife8 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: Ohio, United States
Posts: 224
Thanks: 117
Thanked 237 Times in 132 Posts
Default

I am sorry for this loss only because I am sure you are conflicted with emotions. I didn't "live" with an abuser for any amount of time. I did, however, get abused when I broke up with one of my exes. I really feared for my life. For weeks I stressed for myself, my family, and my friends. Finally, I ran into someone he knew and was told he was "locked up for a good long time". I felt relief! I know that you are feeling "relief," but there has to be some sense of sadness because you did once have loving feelings for this man.

Breathe. Enjoy your piece of mind. Grieve the "any part of good" you once admired. Put him to rest.
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 09-09-2017, 05:16 PM
xolady xolady is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: May 2014
Location: highlands, florida
Posts: 4,153
Thanks: 7,061
Thanked 3,968 Times in 2,127 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Marseille View Post
Have you been able to confirm his death through any other sources? I'm not trying to worry you but if I read that my ex had died, I also would immediately think he had found a new way to mess with me and I'd be looking for some foolproof documentation, like through the social security office or something. Irrational, maybe... but I'd have to do it.
NO and it really worries me. I just don't have a clue what to do.
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 09-09-2017, 05:17 PM
xolady xolady is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: May 2014
Location: highlands, florida
Posts: 4,153
Thanks: 7,061
Thanked 3,968 Times in 2,127 Posts
Default

I'm not nuts and I know he is.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Would this drive you crazy? Or am I just being crazy? shawniesgirl Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison 9 08-02-2013 12:07 PM
Your crazy (and not so crazy) bucket list? Rox73 PTO Lounge 18 02-19-2011 10:41 AM
Missing her like crazy...and going well....CRAZY! waiting4her80 Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgendered People in Prison 7 02-06-2011 07:03 PM
I'm crazy? I cannot sleep and it's making me think I'm going crazy! S.HDZ General Health Care 6 02-17-2010 08:11 PM
Strange Thing Happened-Going Crazy or Just Crazy in Love? Beartozgirl Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison 12 10-18-2004 02:22 AM


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 07:03 AM.
Copyright © 2001- 2017 Prison Talk Online
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Website Design & Custom vBulletin Skins by: Relivo Media
Message Board Statistics