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Old 11-20-2015, 05:04 AM
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Question The abuser's family, your family

How did your abuser's family respond or not respond during or after your individual and overall abusive situation(s)? How about your own family? How do you feel in regard to any of those people now from your current state of perception on things? Are there feelings of betrayal or maybe do you feel understanding of their not wanting to get involved (if they didn't)? Are you grateful to any of them for anything they did or didn't do in relation to the abuse? Do you think any of them deserve to be assessed any degree of blame? If your abuser was a person in your family such as a parent or sibling, does that change anything in regard to the question?

I have a lot of thoughts and feelings about the subject for myself, some of them conflicting. I bet a lot of the family members and unrelated onlookers have conflicting emotions, too. I'll be really interested to read what any of you have to say about it, coming from your own perspective. TIA for sharing, if you can spare the time!
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Old 11-20-2015, 10:29 AM
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Originally Posted by Aphra View Post
How did your abuser's family respond or not respond during or after your individual and overall abusive situation(s)? How about your own family? How do you feel in regard to any of those people now from your current state of perception on things? Are there feelings of betrayal or maybe do you feel understanding of their not wanting to get involved (if they didn't)? Are you grateful to any of them for anything they did or didn't do in relation to the abuse? Do you think any of them deserve to be assessed any degree of blame? If your abuser was a person in your family such as a parent or sibling, does that change anything in regard to the question?

I blame my father for starting my Cycle of Abuse. He was an educator and knew better. My mother did her best, at her own risk, to protect me. Nothing changes in regards to the question.

I have a lot of thoughts and feelings about the subject for myself, some of them conflicting. I bet a lot of the family members and unrelated onlookers have conflicting emotions, too. I'll be really interested to read what any of you have to say about it, coming from your own perspective. TIA for sharing, if you can spare the time!
Michele
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Old 11-20-2015, 04:09 PM
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Thank you for responding, Michele. I'm really sorry that your father, the one person who should be trusted and the ultimate protector of a child, was not that for you. Many times we consider abuse to be the act of a family outsider (abused women with significant others who entered the picture), so to have it be a person such as a parent against a child really amplifies the heartbreak, IMO.
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Old 11-20-2015, 04:30 PM
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My first abuser was my mother - never physical, always emotional/verbal. My dad did what he could, including divorcing her and fighting for custody of me and my brother.

After that, well, the families of the men were passive or just plain ignorant about the problem.
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Old 11-20-2015, 06:46 PM
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Yay! for you having a dad that loved you enough to fight for custody of you and your brother.

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My first abuser was my mother - never physical, always emotional/verbal. My dad did what he could, including divorcing her and fighting for custody of me and my brother.

After that, well, the families of the men were passive or just plain ignorant about the problem.
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Old 11-20-2015, 08:22 PM
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How did your abuser's family respond or not respond during or after your individual and overall abusive situation(s)? How about your own family? How do you feel in regard to any of those people now from your current state of perception on things? Are there feelings of betrayal or maybe do you feel understanding of their not wanting to get involved (if they didn't)? Are you grateful to any of them for anything they did or didn't do in relation to the abuse? Do you think any of them deserve to be assessed any degree of blame? If your abuser was a person in your family such as a parent or sibling, does that change anything in regard to the question?

I have a lot of thoughts and feelings about the subject for myself, some of them conflicting. I bet a lot of the family members and unrelated onlookers have conflicting emotions, too. I'll be really interested to read what any of you have to say about it, coming from your own perspective. TIA for sharing, if you can spare the time!
My abusers were good at hiding the actual abuse, but family and friends never crossed them, they knew what they were like.
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