Welcome to the Prison Talk Online Community! Take a Minute and Sign Up Today!






Go Back   Prison Talk > RESOURCE CENTER > Drug & Alcohol Treatment & Rehabilitation > Drug & Alcohol Testimonies and Success Stories
Register Entertainment FAQ Calendar Mark Forums Read

Drug & Alcohol Testimonies and Success Stories Information, inspiration, and resources for addiction.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 07-24-2014, 10:22 AM
barbie16118 barbie16118 is offline
1 love....1 God
 

Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: new york
Posts: 5,057
Thanks: 335
Thanked 700 Times in 466 Posts
Default AA answers please

hubby is going to aa (cant find a na in the area) , y r they telling him a relationship is NOT good when in recovery? r they f**king kidding me. we r married 9 years this year , he is in aa 2 months. they seem to be messing with his head and i dont know what to do. we are working on us and just as things start going ok he goes to a meeting ,he goes to one a night, different places but this one place in particular, when he comes out he is depressed, and seems to be angry with me. i told him i wouldnt interfere with this process he is going threw(as aa is not my thing ) but im about to show and start some really not good sh*t. any info on aa would be helpful. is it typical for them to tell pple to leave their spouse? is his depression normal?
__________________
"In GOD I Trust"

I am the author of my life and unfortunatly im writting in pen and cant erase my errors


SAVE A LIFE DONT DRINK AND DRIVE

Justice is only served when the one whom injustice was done to is satisfied

Last edited by barbie16118; 07-24-2014 at 10:26 AM..
Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
  #2  
Old 07-24-2014, 10:49 AM
Wendy1918 Wendy1918 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Arizona, united states
Posts: 342
Thanks: 1,970
Thanked 384 Times in 170 Posts
Default

I would go to Al anon. They can give you answers why. honestly dear... relationships are extremely triggering, and recovery is a very selfish time. You "starting shit" is a perfect example of what a trigger is. They don't tell them to leave their spouses. They tell them not to be around any codependents who are not pursuing recovery for themselves and to put any toxic relationships on hold until they go through step 9. Sometimes a relationship can be saved... but a lot of times... there isn't much left to save anyways.
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Wendy1918 For This Useful Post:
barbie16118 (07-24-2014), xolady (07-24-2014)
  #3  
Old 07-24-2014, 10:59 AM
barbie16118 barbie16118 is offline
1 love....1 God
 

Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: new york
Posts: 5,057
Thanks: 335
Thanked 700 Times in 466 Posts
Default

ok so i found alanon saturday ill be going. , he also mentioned this to me. thank u... one more questions please if u dont mind, is it normal for him to be so depressed after this one place of meeting? all other ones he is talking and up beat.
__________________
"In GOD I Trust"

I am the author of my life and unfortunatly im writting in pen and cant erase my errors


SAVE A LIFE DONT DRINK AND DRIVE

Justice is only served when the one whom injustice was done to is satisfied

Last edited by barbie16118; 07-24-2014 at 11:13 AM..
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 07-24-2014, 11:23 AM
xolady xolady is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: May 2014
Location: highlands, florida
Posts: 4,153
Thanks: 7,061
Thanked 3,966 Times in 2,126 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by barbie16118 View Post
ok so i found alanon saturday ill be going. , he also mentioned this to me. thank u... one more questions please if u dont mind, is it normal for him to be so depressed after this one place of meeting? all other ones he is talking and up beat.
A lot of things can make someone in recovery depressed, and yes it is normal. Maybe its a speaker meeting and its very daunting to going to meetings and hearing others struggles. Go to alanon its great!
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to xolady For This Useful Post:
Wendy1918 (07-24-2014)
  #5  
Old 07-24-2014, 02:30 PM
Zumbagirl63's Avatar
Zumbagirl63 Zumbagirl63 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: California USA
Posts: 33
Thanks: 28
Thanked 20 Times in 6 Posts
Default

AA discourages getting into a relationship during the first year. This is not aimed at marriages or people who are in long term relationships. This is aimed at newly sober people wanting to "fix" themselves by getting involved. Very often newcomers end up with other newcomers or newcomers are pounced on by old timers....called thirteenth stepping.
Often newcomers are grieving their old buddy alcohol or going out with friends and drinking. It is a difficult time. It means adjusting to a new life. As others suggested you can go to Al Anon and work your own program of recovery.
Drinking usually involves lots of drama. The less drama now the better.
Good luck! You have a chance at a new life with your husband where you can both grow together instead of apart. It will take patience and understanding on your part and his.
Reply With Quote
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to Zumbagirl63 For This Useful Post:
barbie16118 (07-25-2014), Chapel (07-24-2014), LeBeau (07-25-2014), lilchicken (09-11-2015), nimuay (07-24-2014), Wendy1918 (07-24-2014), xolady (07-24-2014)
  #6  
Old 07-24-2014, 04:09 PM
Wendy1918 Wendy1918 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Arizona, united states
Posts: 342
Thanks: 1,970
Thanked 384 Times in 170 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Zumbagirl63 View Post
AA discourages getting into a relationship during the first year. This is not aimed at marriages or people who are in long term relationships. This is aimed at newly sober people wanting to "fix" themselves by getting involved. Very often newcomers end up with other newcomers or newcomers are pounced on by old timers....called thirteenth stepping.
Often newcomers are grieving their old buddy alcohol or going out with friends and drinking. It is a difficult time. It means adjusting to a new life. As others suggested you can go to Al Anon and work your own program of recovery.
Drinking usually involves lots of drama. The less drama now the better.
Good luck! You have a chance at a new life with your husband where you can both grow together instead of apart. It will take patience and understanding on your part and his.
at the same time trying to "fix" a broken marriage is discouraged for the first year, so is getting a divorce. The marriage should be put on the back burner. Many times, the sober spouse won't have that, and files for divorce anyways. I'm just saying what I've experienced in the rooms.
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Wendy1918 For This Useful Post:
barbie16118 (07-25-2014), bumblebee37 (06-28-2015), Zumbagirl63 (07-24-2014)
  #7  
Old 07-24-2014, 04:40 PM
nimuay's Avatar
nimuay nimuay is offline
Super Moderator

PTO Super Moderator Pumpkin Hunt Participant 2014 Easter Egg Hunt 2013 - Participant 

Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: new york
Posts: 23,329
Thanks: 5,424
Thanked 27,442 Times in 10,018 Posts
Default

The general idea is that recovery is a very selfish process, and I mean that positively. It's a time when self-analysis and self-discovery are of prime importance, and dealing with a relationship is a distraction, an evasion, and often a trigger to back-sliding.

Not only that, but you've spent about 10 years living with an alcoholic. Given that, you've told yourself a lot of lies, done what you could to keep him safe even when he didn't care. It's enabling, and it's destructive for an addict, because he can't hit bottom if you're down there holding him up.

You so need AlAnon. They will show you their own thinking/feelings about their loved addicts, and you'll see yours. They will show you how they tried to help and how it didn't help at all, and you'll see yourself and your husband. And then you'll start to understand how to be yourself.....

It's a hard process. And you'll probably laugh at the ideas you hear there, deny that any of them have relevance for you, and then you'll think about it a little more, blame yourself about a lot of things, and learn how not to do the foolish, sad, painful things that living with an addict just naturally brings out.

Keep going, or as they say in AA - keep coming. You'll find immense strength there.
__________________
You'll know you've created God in your own image when He hates all the people you do.
Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to nimuay For This Useful Post:
barbie16118 (07-25-2014), bumblebee37 (06-28-2015), Wendy1918 (07-24-2014), Zumbagirl63 (07-24-2014)
  #8  
Old 07-25-2014, 07:37 AM
barbie16118 barbie16118 is offline
1 love....1 God
 

Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: new york
Posts: 5,057
Thanks: 335
Thanked 700 Times in 466 Posts
Default

thank u all so much for this, after some heavy thinking and a little talking last night we decided its best for both involved to just keep our distance from each other. i know he is dealin with alot now and i dont wanna put anymore stress on him. i spent the whole night in the park crying, more self pitty i guess. my head knows i/we need to let go and move on but my heart is so saddened right now. again thank u.
__________________
"In GOD I Trust"

I am the author of my life and unfortunatly im writting in pen and cant erase my errors


SAVE A LIFE DONT DRINK AND DRIVE

Justice is only served when the one whom injustice was done to is satisfied
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to barbie16118 For This Useful Post:
bumblebee37 (06-28-2015)
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 12:03 AM.
Copyright © 2001- 2017 Prison Talk Online
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Website Design & Custom vBulletin Skins by: Relivo Media
Message Board Statistics