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Met While Incarcerated Were you introduced by a friend or family member after he/she was incarcerated? Did you meet as Pen Pals? This Forum is for you!

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Old 12-08-2018, 02:28 PM
xoxoaem xoxoaem is offline
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Default Just venting: had to tell my MWI I cannot always support him financially

I just want to vent for a little bit.. My boyfriend never asked for money in the beginning, but because I have such a big heart, I constantly told him that I wouldn’t mind helping out. I think that was my first mistake, because then after a little while of him “hating to ask but...” now it’s turning into asking all the time. Being a full time student and working a part time job, I don’t have the money to just constantly give him. I feel bad when I can’t help him out, especially since the holidays are coming up, but I need to take care of myself. I’m afraid that he’ll be upset with me and even though he tells me he loves me, after some of the threads I’ve been reading, I’m scared that all I am to him is a trick. After asking this past time, I guess you can say I let him have it.. I just poured all my frustrations into the message and I’m nervous to see how he’ll respond IF he responds. This is my first relationship with someone locked up. But I’m hoping since he claims to love and care about so much, that he’ll understand. I just want to put my focus, time, and money into creating a positive environment for him when he gets released. I’m praying I’m not being used.
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Old 12-08-2018, 05:39 PM
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If he doesn't reply, or understand your position, and especially if he does answer positively, it will help you to decide the actual level of his love for you. It isn't always easy, but never send money that you need for yourself.
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Old 12-09-2018, 02:02 AM
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Hi there - I moved your post from the Husbands & Boyfriends chit chat thread here to Met While Incarcerated forums and gave you your own thread

May I ask you: how long have you known this man and how long have you been in a relationship with him? I was trying to read your previous posts just to get an idea of your history & timeline with him, but all I can really see is that you joined our community three months ago. I am wondering how fast everything progressed with him and how soon you started supporting him financially?
Does he have family members helping him out or are you his sole supporter?

I'm supporting my now MWI fiancé financially too when I can (after knowing him now for nearly four years), but we were writing for nearly two years and got to know each other pretty well before I first sent him a little money for his birthday. Of course it is entirely up to the person involved with her/his pen pal-turned-boyfriend whether you want to help or not, but generally speaking I would say that especially when you're MWI there shouldn't be expectations for you to provide money. There are people out there who are married to their MWI and still do not send any money. For some reason a lot of people start giving money very early in the friendship, almost as if the relationship depended on it.

Bottom line: do not send money, ever, if it puts yourself in a tight situation with your finances. Do not feel obligated, sweetheart.

Hope his response to you will show you he's a decent person & understands your position! Keep us posted on how things develop.
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Old 12-09-2018, 03:09 PM
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Update! He said he apologizes for being so needy, his sister actually just got sentenced to a few years in prison and his mother was trying to put money on her account for the holidays too and was stressing over it. So with this new information I felt bad for blowing up at him but he understood and said it’s not my responsibility to support him! I agree we moved too quickly but I’ve had family incarcerated as well and I’d hate for him to get involved in hustles and potentially get into some troubles. All is well and isn’t the slightest bit upset! (:
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Old 12-09-2018, 04:39 PM
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Originally Posted by xoxoaem View Post
I agree we moved too quickly but I’ve had family incarcerated as well and I’d hate for him to get involved in hustles and potentially get into some troubles.
I'm glad to hear this has blown over and that he was reasonable about it. One note about the above statement: you are not responsible for his choices. If he isn't getting funds from outside, he will be OK. He can chose to hustle or not, but not one aspect of that rests on your shoulders. Part of staying out of prison, and not just getting through it, is to redefine needs/wants and how to manage oneself while staying inside the lines.
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