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  #1  
Old 03-14-2014, 07:29 PM
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Default Struggling? I am

May 24th I will have a year under my belt sober. (I know some are thinking good cause you're a real bitch from what I read when you were posting drunk bb...)
But even tho I'm taking my sobriety seriously I have times when I REALLY struggle keeping it.
Is there anyone else? I understand what I have to do, I really want sobriety and put everything i have into achieving it. I was sober for years. .. gawd why do I have days like this when I'm not productive, have N0 motivation and seriously dread saying 'hi, I'm Mary and I'm a alcoholic'...
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Old 03-14-2014, 08:08 PM
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As I tried to go to NA meetings and never lasted long, I can say I always dreaded the hello I am JJ and I am an addict.... at times I struggle to stay drug free... its not an easy road to stay drug free or sober...it is there every day of every year, no matter how long it has been....and when life throws me curves, just lost my job,my medical, and my cancer is giving me issues again, it seems easier to just say forget everything and give in. BUT then I have to remember the hell of addiction and how it took me away from my family and everyone else except other addicts..And how far God has brought me, so yes it is hard some days, real hard...
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Old 03-14-2014, 09:47 PM
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Thank you for answering, I was feeling really alone when I posted I am struggling. I don't have any plans of failing or surrendering to my addiction but feel hopeless today. I am proud that my higher power keeps me on steady ground most of the time but there are days when I want to scream.
I am sorry for the hardships you are enduring at this time redwoman (JJ). My problems seem very small in comparison. I am truly sorry. Mary
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Old 03-14-2014, 09:59 PM
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Mary, I have never been an addict, but I've certainly had enough of them in my life. I've watched the struggle from pretty much up close and personal.

I have such admiration for the strugglers, because there's not a whole lot in life that's tougher.

And you know, you can always turn your PMs back on and I'll hit you up, or you can write me IN ALL CAPS to let me know that you're hanging out on the dark side of the moon.
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Old 03-14-2014, 10:00 PM
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My daughter and My Mr are both addicts. Different drugs, but the same struggles. I've watched them both fall, get back up and fall again I appreciate your honesty and I'm glad you're here....and so very glad you're sober
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Old 03-14-2014, 10:14 PM
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Well, I'm fixin to give you more honesty. Since Joe's death they have been giving me anti depressants, sleeping medication and something else they say keeps my mind on track and doesn't let it bounce around from 1 thought to another...I threw them down the toilet 3 days ago and am trembling. I started thinking 'did I just trade one addiction for another?' when they rattled like tic tacs as I climbed the stairs to go to therapy. I am soooo extremely sad. I feel like I did when he died. The 'little things' aren't rolling off like they did when I choked those horse pills down.
So I don't know, I'm proud I haven't been drinking but I think I'm having a problem not taking that medication.
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Old 03-14-2014, 10:26 PM
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Yeah sorry about that Nimuay. I turned that off because as I am always ready to help people sometimes they don't like the advise I give them when they ask questions concerning CPS. I'd rather be unreachable then pissing off members.
But I need to quit hiding...
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Old 03-14-2014, 10:56 PM
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And I understand the hopelessness, I too feel as if everything is an uphill struggle and all for what???? and yes I do scream at times. lol I try to keep God in front of me and learn to look at the sky, how the clouds are, the warmth of the sun and how it feels on my skin, the wind, and now tonight the full moon...sleeping after blood work and CT Scan today for chest, neck and throat. Using the last day of my medical...I thank God! I am here, I am alive, and I try to be more appreciative...and life goes on... we all have our struggles..Prayers for you BumbleBee37
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Old 03-14-2014, 11:08 PM
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hi Mary. I totally get what you're saying. I've been clean and sober from crystal meth addiction for almost 4 years. I still have days where I just wanna pick up the pipe and smoke a bowl. Just to make my problems go away even for a day. But I've come to realize that I need to stay clean for my kids and for myself. You can do this. Ask god to give you the strength and courage to make it thru each day. He'll hear your prayers.
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Old 03-15-2014, 12:05 AM
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It makes me tear to hear how you all are struggling. I wish I was struggling to stay clean...but I'm frikken struggling to Get clean. Not anywhere near where you all are. I am truly proud for you guys! Keep pushin'.

I enjoyed drinking my boxed wine but now with my RA meds...I can't drink. There was/is really no struggle for me not to drink. Not saying there aren't many times when I wish I could; but I think this medication came as a blessing in disguise. Because I used to like to drink more than I prolly should have and definitely would have drank more if I could have (thank god for the RA meds) when my son was starting all this shit. Man, I really started to ramble~sorry. But I kinda wanna finish...
So my point about it being sorta easy to stop drinking...is why can't I do the same thing with meth, the devil? Guess everything just grabs everyone differently!?!
Keep up the good work Girls!
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Old 03-15-2014, 03:33 AM
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ask GOD. If you look at this spiritually you notice that those meds are GOD intervening against the alcohol. I too was a crystal meth addict. Put that shit before myself and my children. For 15 years I let the "ice" take over me. Being married to a dealer and addict didn't help matters. One day I fell to my knees and sobbed and begged the LORD to help me. To give me courage and strength to fight the devil and to fight my inner demons as well. I lost myself..my husband...my child...because I was a crystal meth addict. I blame nobody but myself. But GOD did help me. He gave me the courage and strength to get out of an abusive drug filled relationship. He brought into my life the most wonderful man who didn't judge me. Who I fell in love with after I thought in my mind that no man would want a former meth head with 4 children. But my Love..he does love me and I love him. GOD's will shall be done. Have faith in him..trust in him and let him lead you down the right path. He will not fail you
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Old 03-15-2014, 09:10 AM
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Thank God the daylight came a few hrs ago.
I'm going to be alright. Just a little longer and everything will be out of my system.
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Old 03-15-2014, 03:42 PM
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Glad daylight came!!! Start of a new day... may you feel better today...
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Old 03-15-2014, 06:36 PM
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Hi bumblebee - I was addicted to valium years ago. I took it daily for 10 years and quit taking it cold turkey. I was a mess for at least 2 to 3 weeks - super anxious, emotions all over the place, depressed, couldn't sit still, you name it. I thought I was going crazy! I found out later that I should have been weaned off of it to avoid all the side effects of quitting. Fortunately, I found a counselor who was willing to talk me through it in addition to seeing a chiropractor who helped me relax.

You are probably experiencing the same reaction to stopping the meds AND you're trying to stay sober. I know that has to be extremely difficult. At least the meds are almost out of your system at this point but if you feel you still need them, I would talk to your doctor and see if he/she can reduce them or help you eliminate them altogether gradually.

I hope this new day finds you feeling much, much better.
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Old 03-15-2014, 07:56 PM
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So sorry to hear you are struggling but glad to know you are still in the fight and holding your own. The one thing I noticed is that you said you stopped your antidepressants abruptly..they really should be weaned down and not stopped suddenly and this may also be the case with the other meds you stopped and that could have a lot to do with why you are struggling so much at this time ..I would encourage you to call your doctor and check to be sure that these meds can be safely stopped . Take care of yourself !
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Old 03-17-2014, 01:00 PM
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I tried to open my private messages back up but to no avail i couldnt figure it out at this time.
I'm going into the hospital this afternoon. I'm home picking up a few things. I really screwed myself up throwing away my meds including blood pressure and heart pills. They believe I'm suicidal again but in reality i just got tired of eating pills every few hours for this or that. . .
Not sure how long I'll be gone. Just wanting to give heads up so everyone doesn't think I'm out drowning tractor or drinking from gallon bottles.
See you soon. Hugs ladies. Mary
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Old 03-17-2014, 02:41 PM
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Ah, Mary! Feel better, and for pity's sake take all the help you can get!

Please, come back soon, or take your phone with you to the hospital so we don't lose touch.
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Old 03-17-2014, 11:45 PM
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Hey Mar,
I hope you are starting to feel better. Hang in there!!! My heart goes out to you with your struggle. You being in recovery and on top of it loosing your son is so much to deal with. I don't struggle from addiction but I know loosing Matthew has been heartcrushing... then having our middle son in prison. So many emotions and so much sadness!!!!!
I can not even begin to imagine struggling with staying clean and dealing with the loss of our sons.
It does sound like you are withdrawing from those meds and that's why you are feeling so crappy along with messing up your chemistry, blood pressure etc...
You sent me a message on my wall a while back and I tried to reply....I always forget that the message wall is only for very short replies and I was long winded. Plus I am not very savvy when it comes to technology. When I was ready to send my reply of course it wouldn't send because it was way too long. Your private message was not available. I think I ran across your email so I copied and pasted my reply I don't know if you ever got it.
Prayers being sent your way that you will be feeling better soon.
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Old 03-18-2014, 03:06 AM
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hey Mary. God is intervening again. He's always been with you. He'll get you thru this. Thoughts and prayers are with you...hugggs
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Old 03-24-2014, 12:19 AM
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I'm back to 3 prescriptions a day. Heart, blood pressure and antidepressant. Forget the other shit they had me taking. You have to watch seeing multiple dovtors, sometimes there's no communication and before you know it they have you on crap that makes no sense.
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Old 03-24-2014, 12:22 AM
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So, you feeling better? Don't feel bad about taking what you actually need!

And, by the way, your pharmacist should be keeping track of your scrips and should have a program that charts drug interactions . . .
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Old 03-24-2014, 07:52 AM
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Good Morning,
It's great to see you back and posting.
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Old 03-24-2014, 05:53 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bumblebee37 View Post
I'm back to 3 prescriptions a day. Heart, blood pressure and antidepressant. Forget the other shit they had me taking. You have to watch seeing multiple dovtors, sometimes there's no communication and before you know it they have you on crap that makes no sense.
Great! You have made amazing strides forward keep doing what your doing. This is not an easy battle but a battle worth the fight. Ask God in the morning to keep you clean/sober and thank your God at night. Continue communicating with sober people and your sponsor and continue to take personal inventory. Im proud of you and for you. It's tough to speak up to a Dr and say 'I'm not taking this crap your giving me' Congrats on another sober day.

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Old 03-24-2014, 06:44 PM
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I'm glad to see you back and doing better. That is good news. Now please promise that you'll talk to your doctor BEFORE you ever decide to throw those meds down the toilet again! We don't want to lose you!!
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Old 03-25-2014, 01:17 AM
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Hey, a woman has to do what a woman has to do. I do hope that you're feeling better. I carry a list in my purse of medications that I take. You have to advocate for yourself these days.
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