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Coming Home Dedicated to discussions about our loved ones that are coming home soon. Discussions here should not fit any other category.

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Old 09-24-2013, 06:20 PM
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Post He's Getting Out Soon & I'm Feeling Anxious

My man is getting out in 26 days (!). We met while he was incarcerated and on a work release program (I didn't know that at the time). We've only known each other for 2 1/2 months and everything has moved so quickly, but it doesn't feel unnatural or weird. It feels nice. Its just one of those things in life that you could never have predicted. Not in 100 million years.

He says that he loves me and I'm "the one" for him, but he's been in for 4 years (since August 2009) so at this point he doesn't have any recent romantic experiences/women to compare me to except his past relationships when he was in his 20s (he's almost 32 now).

I guess I'm feeling a little bit apprehensive that when he gets out and the world is open to him again, he might find that he doesn't want to be tied down in a relationship or maybe I wasn't as much "the one" as he thought I was. He will be going through a lot ... emotionally and otherwise; almost like a time traveler who has come to a foreign land.

I've invested a lot of emotion, time, and money into this so far (what with the phone calls, letters, putting money on his commissary, and sending him books). I've frequently asked myself if I'm crazy for doing these things and putting my life on hold for someone who I really don't know that well and have only spent 6 full days with in "real life" -- albeit they were great days.

I think because its coming up (only 3 1/2 weeks) its becoming more real and I'm getting anxious. I believe in my heart that he's a good person and will not have any issues with living a "straight" life ... but he might be overwhelmed by all the change and not have it in him to focus on a relationship, or on us even though he thinks he will. Where he is now, all he has is time. Time to think about "us" and our phone calls and our letters and what he wants US to be and to do when he's out of there. Its hard not to get on board with his enthusiasm. I just don't want it all to blow up in my face. I guess I have to be prepared for anything, though.

Has anyone else been through a similar experience? If so, how did it turn out??
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Old 09-24-2013, 06:32 PM
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I think you're really overthinking things. It's important to keep your eyes open because it's a new relationship, but you seem to be consuming yourself with negative thoughts. Have more confidence in yourself and go with the flow. Let it play out like any other relationship and have fun, rather than worrying about what COULD go wrong.
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Old 09-24-2013, 06:45 PM
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I knew my husband only 6 months before I married him and he went to prison for 18 months. Our honeymoon phase was spent writing letters, having phone calls and a monthly visit. Yes I knew him before he went in but I didn't really get to know him until he was locked up. I admit some of the things he said while he was in turned out to be "jail talk." In the sense that he thought it would be much easier to fly straight than it actually was. But his commitment to me has never wavered. When I met him I knew he was the one, I literally saw him across a crowded room using the phone and thought "That's the man I'm going to marry." I did and have not regretted it for even a moment. Do you know, deep down in your heart, that he is the one for you? If you do, then that's all there is to it. Unless he has given you reasons to worry, you shouldn't waste time wondering about all the bad things that could happen. A relationship can fail whether you met in prison or have been dating for 10 years. If he is good to you I say that he deserves a chance to prove his love on the outside. It will work out or it won't, worrying about all the what ifs will only drive you crazy in the meantime. For now I would enjoy every moment you have together, and put all your efforts into being the best girlfriend that you can be. If he isn't the one you will find out soon enough. I understand your fears, it is hard to put yourself out there and hope that your partner will give you the same treatment you have given them. But in reality the same is true for any relationship. We open ourselves up and take a chance on love, sometimes it works and sadly sometimes it does not. You can only do your part and it is up to him to do his.

Some men come out and want to go buck wild and relive all the experiences they feel they have missed, while others are more than content with settling down with the woman who has been there for them the entire time. You either got a good one or you didn't, but like I said before, stressing over things that haven't even happened will only make you miserable. Maybe he's a liar and everything he said was false, or just maybe... you found your prince charming and will live happily ever after. You will never know unless you give it, and him, a chance. Congrats on the homecoming.
Bid number two, yippee...
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Old 09-24-2013, 07:21 PM
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Welcome to PTO! Your thoughts and concerns are more in the line of this "Coming Home" forum, so I moved your thread here.

I think your concerns are valid. Just take life on a one day at a time basis when he comes home. Don't get yourself jumbled with too many "what ifs". Those will drive you nuts.
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Old 09-25-2013, 03:56 AM
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MPO I get scared about the what if's with mine too sometimes and we have till 2015 for the chance at parole. We have know each other since grade school. Best of luck

The best way to judge a society is by the way it cares for its prisoners.~Winston Churchill
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Old 09-25-2013, 01:04 PM
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Congrats to you girl I'm happy for you I have 3 months of this bull he will be home I'm already excited also the months are flying by so fast God is good cause he knows I'm tired
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Old 09-25-2013, 02:11 PM
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I think all the "what if's" you are focusing on are going to ruin any relationship you have with this man. While yes I think it is quite normal to be a little anxious and worried about his coming home, but if consume yourself with what "could" happen, your never going to be able to enjoy the what "is" happening which as of now is HIM coming home to YOU. None of us can control the future, nor can we predict what will happen. So unless he has given you some real reasons to doubt him and his feelings for you, then try to focus on the happiness of him coming home. Once he comes home, then take it day by day. No sense in worrying yourself over something that may or may not happen! Prepare for his homecoming and ENJOY IT!
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Old 09-28-2013, 08:46 AM
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Girl go out and buy something home coming signs focus on the fun stuff after a day or two than you have. Sit down talk with him with lots of kisses let him know you support him thTs very important for him to know , This is rough for all of us I'm nervous too but pray on it you waited this long he's coming home to you now yay ! I'm excited for you Hun
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