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Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison For everyone who has a husband, boyfriend or male partner incarcerated.

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  #1  
Old 04-07-2013, 10:51 AM
hissweetthing115 hissweetthing115 is offline
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Question The guy I love is in CECC - HELP.

I'm new to the forums!

I have fallen in love with a man who is currently incarcerated at Central East Correctional Centre in Lindsay. Am I stupid? He doesnt know.... It's so confusing for me, because I've never dealt with this before. I knew him as a friend before he went on lock - but he was married, so we were only friends. However, he's now in the process of being divorced, and I have feelings for him.

I wrote him a letter the other day... I didnt disclose how I've been feeling about him. I feel that it's too soon... but I dont know how to go about it once I do...

Can anyone help? I dont even know how to start all of this..

Also - I'd love to send him other things... But I have no idea what's allowed. This might be completely a dumb question, but if I were to order him clothes online and they were sent from the store, would that be allowed?

Any help with either situation would be appreciated.
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  #2  
Old 04-07-2013, 12:58 PM
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You feel how you feel that doesn't make you stupid. Take things slow and one day at a time....you don't have to tell him until you are ready and are sure that is the next step you want to take.

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Old 04-07-2013, 01:05 PM
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Please do not feel stupid in anyway...these feelings are valid regardless of the circunstances. He may well be sharing the same feelings and not wanting to tell you out of fear...but the best things is to take it a day at a time. Enjoy your relationship as it is and let nature take its course. When you are ready given time you may feel strong enough to tell him how you feel.
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Old 04-07-2013, 06:32 PM
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I'm confused...what part of this makes you stupid? If you're insinuating that having feelings for someone who is incarcerated is stupid, then I guess we are all stupid
Honestly though, just because the man is incarcerated, that doesn't make sharing your feelings with him any different than if you were to share them with someone who isn't. I agree, take things slow and let it come out naturally. You can't really prepare yourself for what's to come when it is in regards to dealing with someone incarcerated, besides the fact 'expect the unexpected.'
Oh, and you'll quickly learn the saying, communication is key
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Old 04-07-2013, 06:41 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by marksgirl115 View Post
I'm new to the forums!

I have fallen in love with a man who is currently incarcerated. He completely has my heart. Am I stupid? He doesnt know.... It's so confusing for me, because I've never dealt with this before. I knew him as a friend before he went on lock - but he was married, so we were only friends. However, he's now in the process of being divorced, and I have feelings for him.

I wrote him a letter the other day... I didnt disclose how I've been feeling about him. I feel that it's too soon... but I dont know how to go about it once I do...

Can anyone help? I dont even know how to start all of this..
You are not stupid for having feelings for someone. I would suggest you remain his friend and allow him to get through his divorce and heal from the ramifications of it. I would not want a man to committ to me when he recently became divorced....not baggage I want to take on.

One day at a time....let the relationship grow from a friendship.

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  #6  
Old 04-07-2013, 07:38 PM
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Yeah you're not stupid at all you're human. But I agree with InmateLove67. Let him finish the divorce...because sometimes people start and don't go through with it. Or he maybe somewhat bitter afterwards so you dont want to put yourself in that position just yet. Give it time...I'm sure you'll find out if the feelings are mutual or when yours should be expressed.
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Old 04-07-2013, 08:02 PM
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You are not stupid. You are human! You knew him on the outside so you have a plus already. Letters back and forth with him is good. He will be happy to receive letters. I have known my Mike since high school 1988. I tried to find him and finally got in touch with his sister. He is serving life w/ Parole he is on year 8. I wrote him and our friendship grew again. I visit and we write and talk all the time. We have fallen in love without even knowing what was happening. So honey take it slow-let the divorce get past and then see where it goes. Loving someone in prison is not bad. Best of luck to you.
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Old 04-08-2013, 02:37 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by marksgirl115 View Post
I'm new to the forums!

I have fallen in love with a man who is currently incarcerated. He completely has my heart. Am I stupid? He doesnt know.... It's so confusing for me, because I've never dealt with this before. I knew him as a friend before he went on lock - but he was married, so we were only friends. However, he's now in the process of being divorced, and I have feelings for him.

I wrote him a letter the other day... I didnt disclose how I've been feeling about him. I feel that it's too soon... but I dont know how to go about it once I do...

Can anyone help? I dont even know how to start all of this..
Your own instincts are telling you it's too soon. Go with that. There's no harm in moving slowly. If you're supposed to be together, you will be together.
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Old 04-08-2013, 07:52 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by marksgirl115 View Post
I'm new to the forums!

I have fallen in love with a man who is currently incarcerated. He completely has my heart. Am I stupid? He doesnt know.... It's so confusing for me, because I've never dealt with this before. I knew him as a friend before he went on lock - but he was married, so we were only friends. However, he's now in the process of being divorced, and I have feelings for him.

I wrote him a letter the other day... I didnt disclose how I've been feeling about him. I feel that it's too soon... but I dont know how to go about it once I do...

Can anyone help? I dont even know how to start all of this..
No honey, you are not stupid!

I agree with the majority before me - wait until the divorce is over. Wait until you feel ready to share your feelings with him because you need to feel comfortable in doing so. Only you will know when the time is right and you said it yourself, it is too soon right now.

Falling in love with friends is always a tricky situation, because you end up caring more about how they will respond. I fell for my best friend a while ago. We ended up together for a few years, but other things played into it - neither of us were completely over our exes. So that would be another reason to wait the divorce out, give the relationship time to grow on it's own and move on from the past, and then go from there!

Good luck, and welcome to PTO!
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Old 04-08-2013, 08:13 AM
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No need to feel stupid. People fall in love with their friends all the time.
I would just encourage you to take your time and make sure this is really what you want. This lifestyle is not always easy. You will know when the time is right to tell him how you feel. Take it day by day and enjoy the feelings the develop. Good luck to you!
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Old 04-11-2013, 09:58 PM
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You're not stupid. You knew him before he was on lock so how could it be stupid?

Its definitely not a dumb question! It all depends if they have dress code or not. I believe they have a dress code in Lindsay I'm not 100% sure but you could always call them and ask. If it turns out that there's no dress code he has to make a request for it before you send it.

Hope this helps.
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Old 04-12-2013, 07:36 AM
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I'm pretty sure they all have to wear orange jump suits. That is all I have seen there, no one in regular clothes :S
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Old 04-12-2013, 01:47 PM
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Thanks everyone - your advice is SO helpful. I'm trying to take it slow... But my heart is running at full speed ahead. So I'm just trying to make sure that I dont let on . And I've been mailbox stalking all of this week - no letter yet. But I think he only would have gotten mine on Tuesday or Wednesday. So I probably wont get anything back until next week. Gah. My nerves are whacked out.

So - I just write letters to him that I'll never send. But I think it only feeds how I feel . Oh well. HOW DO YOU ALL DEAL? hahaha
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Old 04-12-2013, 04:03 PM
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wow, you bring me back to the start of my relationship...there isn't anything stupid about what you're feeling. I think the hardest part is when you have to make your head talk with your heart. You know that he has 2 major stressors going on--divorce and prison. Be there as his friend right now, since friendship as the basis of a relationship is solid footing, and gets you through the difficult times. Be honest with yourself and with him; but be discriminating in what you share and when.

You need to start by really looking at your feelings to be sure they are what you think, and not closer to infatuation. Can you be there for him, in a variety of ways, throughout his sentence and after? Can you be ok with love expressed over the phone, in letters and supervised? Are you ok without physical intimacy? You want to be sure of yourself before you can know about him. Once his divorce is real, and you feel like the timing makes sense, talk with him. Let him know how you're feeling. Will it be ok if he says he just wants friendship? It's hard to be so vulnerable, but the payoff may be great. The good thing is, there's no hurry. Take your time. Savor your feelings right now; it's fun to have your heart pump fast and furious and to anticipate every word, nuance and glance. Remember, it isn't a race, so go slow and enjoy the journey. good luck!
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Old 04-12-2013, 08:56 PM
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I feel the same...ESP after meeting him in person for the first time. I've not told him my feelings and I don't know if he feels the same.
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Old 04-12-2013, 09:03 PM
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I feel the same...ESP after meeting him in person for the first time. I've not told him my feelings and I don't know if he feels the same.
Thats the most terrifying part! Ugh. I havent had a proper sleep for the past week and a half just thinking about it.
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Old 04-14-2013, 07:27 AM
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But you could order books from company,send him a little extra cash if you can so he don't starve.Send lots of letters,if you get hooked up with phone calls could be costly! The only time l ever caked was when they transferred me,,or birthdays Goodluck!
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