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  #1  
Old 12-07-2012, 01:59 AM
lanette86 lanette86 is offline
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Default From Darkness Comes Light - A Success Story

Hello Everyone!I wanted to take the opportunity to introduce myself and my story to everyone in hopes that it will inspire those still suffering or in active recovery. I wrote an essay about my experience and have shared it here. Thank you all and I look forward to interacting as we share our stories! Please use my story as experience, strength, and hope!




From Darkness Comes Light

I recall the feeling of warmth, euphoria, and the calm before the storm took hold. I remember the distinct smell of an almost perfume odor mixed with a sort of baking powder odor as well. I remember watching the crystal melt into a liquid structure that ďcracked backĒ immediately upon cooling. I remember as clear as the euphoria the sudden onset of sweating, rapid heart rate, and goose bumps even though it was 90 degrees outside. The feeling of freezing hot took hold and I could feel the hair on my skin and head growing. As days turned to weeks and weeks turned to months and month turned to 3 and a half years, I was no longer me, and me was no longer living on the same planet as everyone else. The sensation of traveling at high speeds on a train, moving so fast going nowhere and everywhere at the same time, developing tunnel vision for the next score and catching glimpses of loved ones, jobs lost, hearts broken, just outside in the periphery. The ruin that had become my life seemed a lost cause, a lonely and sad existence, fueled by the craving for more and the shame of it all together in a concoction of death. It wasnít supposed to be this way. I had only just started to experience life in the aftermath of a horrific seven year battle with an alcoholic Iíd tried so desperately to help and couldnít leave him. I wanted an escape that would be available to me only every once in a while, something I could control, something I didnít need but wanted. My niece was doing it, so was my best friend, and most importantly, the man who walked hand in hand with me, ďlovingĒ me, protecting me, helping me sabotage my good name, excellent credit, stellar professional reputation. The man who stood and watched stone faced when my children were pulled from my arms by the department of human services, pulled me inside the apartment and handed me the apparatus and said ďHere baby, just take a hit and youíll forget.Ē But I didnít forget and I didnít want to forget. I wanted to hurt, I deserved to hurt and all I could do was hurt. But that hurt alone didnít stop me. The loss of my children didnít stop me. The threat of 18 years in prison didnít stop me. The countless jobs Iíd lost didnít stop me. Running out of dope didnít stop me. What was going to stop me? Itís funny how much damage a mirror can do. The reflection that stared back at me with black lifeless eyes, gaunt and sunken cheekbones, chapped and bleeding lips, was not me anymore. The me in me was gone. I yearned to have that intelligent, soft hearted and loving woman back. But she was lost and seemed to be gone forever, never to appear into the body of the fiend again. Falling to my knees, I begged for strength, forgiveness, hope, removal of fear and loathing. Then the waiting, oh the waiting, for something that seemed would never arrive. It would take me on a trip to the Cheyenne Mountain National Park, as place that had become a place of peace, even when the rapid beating of my heart and racing of my thoughts could seemingly be heard by all around me. Then it took one last trip on my knees begging for the obsession to be lifted, in the middle of the forest. I proceeded down the pass and onto the highway headed home when in my rear view mirror, I caught a glimpse of the red and blue flashing lights that would contain the tools to bind my hands behind me and release my heart and mind at last from the demons inside me and in the apparatus left ďsecurelyĒ under the seat of my car. After a 2 month stay in the county jail, my freedom was spared and I was given the opportunity to build the me that I am today. I had been offered a reprieve from the haunting of my spirit and was blessed with a phenomenal program that helped me change my life. I was sent to a rehabilitation facility in Pueblo, CO to spend the next 30 days rediscovering what itís really like to know me. From there I returned to Colorado Springs, CO and moved into sober living, attended weekly court appearances, participated in weekly therapy sessions with the most wonderful counselor a human could ask for, and was blessed with the continued accountability of random urinalysis testing. After six months passed of impeccable results, I had secured a job with an employer within my career field of Optometry, acquired my own home, and the best news of all, was reunited with my three precious sons at last. I am a success story. I am a second chance product of a treatment supporting judge who believed in me when nobody else could. Today, I am 22 months sober and the chains of drug addiction have been broken! I am now pursuing an Associate of Science degree through PPCC Online as a full time student, working full time, as well as full time mom. I have recently met the love of my life and we are planning a wedding for Spring 2013. I am more than proud to say that Iím a full time member of society who fought toe to toe with the devil himself and won! Treatment does work and success stories are possible in the dark and sickening depths of meth amphetamine addiction.
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The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to lanette86 For This Useful Post:
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  #2  
Old 12-07-2012, 09:02 AM
4ever love 4ever love is offline
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Awesome story. We are at the toe to toe, and I ain't giving in and will protect and support my man, without enabling. Although very difficult to watch, I'm seeing progress, even though he has no clue. That drug is crazy and after only doing a very little bit, and almost 30 days without it, he's got an itch.

He asked me to come down and talk. He didn't think I'd show, but I did. He's in negotiation/depression stage, almost to acceptance. God has ahold of him and, so far, everyone, except one, is holding him accountable. No one "likes" to be called out, but it's a must if one is to get the help they need, even if it means a quick 30 in.

I've always felt success in life can be the result of just one teacher, one counselor, one friend; who is the shining light in one's life and is able through loving kindness, yet accountability, to hold and keep us in high self esteem. I will never forget that teacher who set into place, a wonderful existence for me. I go back into my annual and read his words, and remember how important he was, in who I became.

I am so happy for you and wish you continued success in your journey of life!
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  #3  
Old 12-07-2012, 12:49 PM
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lisainengland lisainengland is offline
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Wow thats a powerful amazing story. Congratulations on your succes and thanks for sharing
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Old 01-18-2014, 02:38 AM
Anky1984 Anky1984 is offline
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It really is darkness comes to light, thanks for sharing this.
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Old 10-06-2014, 11:28 AM
intothevoid intothevoid is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lanette86 View Post
Hello Everyone!I wanted to take the opportunity to introduce myself and my story to everyone in hopes that it will inspire those still suffering or in active recovery. I wrote an essay about my experience and have shared it here. Thank you all and I look forward to interacting as we share our stories! Please use my story as experience, strength, and hope!




From Darkness Comes Light

I recall the feeling of warmth, euphoria, and the calm before the storm took hold. I remember the distinct smell of an almost perfume odor mixed with a sort of baking powder odor as well. I remember watching the crystal melt into a liquid structure that ďcracked backĒ immediately upon cooling. I remember as clear as the euphoria the sudden onset of sweating, rapid heart rate, and goose bumps even though it was 90 degrees outside. The feeling of freezing hot took hold and I could feel the hair on my skin and head growing. As days turned to weeks and weeks turned to months and month turned to 3 and a half years, I was no longer me, and me was no longer living on the same planet as everyone else. The sensation of traveling at high speeds on a train, moving so fast going nowhere and everywhere at the same time, developing tunnel vision for the next score and catching glimpses of loved ones, jobs lost, hearts broken, just outside in the periphery. The ruin that had become my life seemed a lost cause, a lonely and sad existence, fueled by the craving for more and the shame of it all together in a concoction of death. It wasnít supposed to be this way. I had only just started to experience life in the aftermath of a horrific seven year battle with an alcoholic Iíd tried so desperately to help and couldnít leave him. I wanted an escape that would be available to me only every once in a while, something I could control, something I didnít need but wanted. My niece was doing it, so was my best friend, and most importantly, the man who walked hand in hand with me, ďlovingĒ me, protecting me, helping me sabotage my good name, excellent credit, stellar professional reputation. The man who stood and watched stone faced when my children were pulled from my arms by the department of human services, pulled me inside the apartment and handed me the apparatus and said ďHere baby, just take a hit and youíll forget.Ē But I didnít forget and I didnít want to forget. I wanted to hurt, I deserved to hurt and all I could do was hurt. But that hurt alone didnít stop me. The loss of my children didnít stop me. The threat of 18 years in prison didnít stop me. The countless jobs Iíd lost didnít stop me. Running out of dope didnít stop me. What was going to stop me? Itís funny how much damage a mirror can do. The reflection that stared back at me with black lifeless eyes, gaunt and sunken cheekbones, chapped and bleeding lips, was not me anymore. The me in me was gone. I yearned to have that intelligent, soft hearted and loving woman back. But she was lost and seemed to be gone forever, never to appear into the body of the fiend again. Falling to my knees, I begged for strength, forgiveness, hope, removal of fear and loathing. Then the waiting, oh the waiting, for something that seemed would never arrive. It would take me on a trip to the Cheyenne Mountain National Park, as place that had become a place of peace, even when the rapid beating of my heart and racing of my thoughts could seemingly be heard by all around me. Then it took one last trip on my knees begging for the obsession to be lifted, in the middle of the forest. I proceeded down the pass and onto the highway headed home when in my rear view mirror, I caught a glimpse of the red and blue flashing lights that would contain the tools to bind my hands behind me and release my heart and mind at last from the demons inside me and in the apparatus left ďsecurelyĒ under the seat of my car. After a 2 month stay in the county jail, my freedom was spared and I was given the opportunity to build the me that I am today. I had been offered a reprieve from the haunting of my spirit and was blessed with a phenomenal program that helped me change my life. I was sent to a rehabilitation facility in Pueblo, CO to spend the next 30 days rediscovering what itís really like to know me. From there I returned to Colorado Springs, CO and moved into sober living, attended weekly court appearances, participated in weekly therapy sessions with the most wonderful counselor a human could ask for, and was blessed with the continued accountability of random urinalysis testing. After six months passed of impeccable results, I had secured a job with an employer within my career field of Optometry, acquired my own home, and the best news of all, was reunited with my three precious sons at last. I am a success story. I am a second chance product of a treatment supporting judge who believed in me when nobody else could. Today, I am 22 months sober and the chains of drug addiction have been broken! I am now pursuing an Associate of Science degree through PPCC Online as a full time student, working full time, as well as full time mom. I have recently met the love of my life and we are planning a wedding for Spring 2013. I am more than proud to say that Iím a full time member of society who fought toe to toe with the devil himself and won! Treatment does work and success stories are possible in the dark and sickening depths of meth amphetamine addiction.
Outstanding. As the girlfriend to a man who has been struggling with addiction for all of his adult life (he is 27 years old), I pray to God that he will someday be able to share a success story like yours. Thank you for sharing.
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