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Old 10-16-2012, 08:54 PM
JJJKMom JJJKMom is offline
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We have had so many events in the last few days that I have praised God for and then today I am trying to keep my anger in check! Friday night my husband and I went to visit a residential home for our youngest son. I know that the man who owns this home was sent by God to us. He has a genuine desire to help us to help him. He has worked in the system for over twenty years and says the Lord has put on his heart to open this home to assist men who are coming out. We left him having a peace that we have not had for quite some time. I should mention that prior to going to meet with him I had attempted to speak with our other son's attorney but his voicemail was full. He had given me another number and said to call if ever I could not reach him so I called that number. It was his home phone number! How many attorneys would give their home phone number! We both were praising God for the people who He has sent to us! We had a great weekend getting to see our grandchildren. We got to visit both sons Saturday night. I will even mention that God blessed me that night. In my rush to get out the door I grabbed what I thought was my driver's license out of my wallet for my ID at the jail but when I got there I realized it was a credit card. I was heartbroken thinking that I would not get to see my sons. I sent my husband on thinking I would have to sit waiting. Everyone walked in and there I sat. One of the deputies saw me and asked why I was waiting. I explained my error. This kind man said "go on back; it is a visitation for God sake." What joy! I practically ran to get to my son. He was waiting for me. I can not bear to think what he would have felt if no one would have shown up. I had such a great weekend! Now here is my anger. My son's ex-wife has asked everyday since he was arrested if she could visit him and I was happy that she wanted to go see him. She has asked everyday about seeing him and how concerned she was about him and how she still loves him and her feelings of wanting to seek counseling to possibly repair their relationship. She went yesterday to see him. I tried to contact her after the visit but I never got to speak with her. Today I get a call from my son. She went yesterday to see him . . . To tell him that she is getting married. To tell him he will always be the father of their children but she needs to be with someone who she can count on and she just can't wait! Now before anyone thinks I am angry because she wants to get remarried I am not. I am angry because I really can't figure out why she feels the need to go to visit him and share this information. Here is the point. He is their father. He will always be their father, and quite frankly I am glad that she has found someone that she wants to have a future with. My son deserves to have someone who can love him good and bad times. She says that she just needed to speak to him face to face. I really don't believe that is the truth, but I will let that be between her and God. I am angry that I can't help feeling her desire really was to beat down a man who is already feeling beaten. A man who is already feeling very depressed at the idea of being separated from his children, and experiencing the humilation of what his actions have caused to his family. I am a woman of great faith and I know that God has a plan for my sons. It is not for me to judge but I am human . . . so I will pray! I know that this is a lengthy post and I am sorry!
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Old 10-16-2012, 10:47 PM
MomInMI MomInMI is offline
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Just a thought - maybe she wanted him to try to talk her out of the marriage? Or maybe she's one of those people who feels that the proper way to give that kind of news to someone is in person. Even though they're divorced, this will change the relationship between them.

It sounds like you have been blessed lately in many ways. Maybe this is a blessing and you just can't see it because you're concerned about your son.

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers
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Old 10-17-2012, 03:37 AM
JJJKMom JJJKMom is offline
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I feel from my conversation with her that she did want him to try and talk her out of it. I know since their divorce that she has struggled financially. I know she has taken a great deal of criticism from her family regarding her relationship with my son. I can tell that she doesn't love this man as she loves my son, but he can support her and her children. I am bothered by this fact too because I question what it is teaching my grandchildren. I truly wish her only the best for her life because I do care about her and I love my grandchildren. With all that said I also think she is an individual that struggles with control issues. She went to see him because she knew she could say these things and he would be powerless to do anything. You are right though. God has blessed me richly these past weeks and I continue to trust that He remains in control of this situation and whatever the outcome He will get the glory! Thank you for keeping us in your prayers!
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Old 10-17-2012, 06:30 AM
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jancy jancy is offline
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I believe that she deeply loves your son, but has to make a place for her and the kids that is stable. She needed to see his face and tell him herself.

My grandmother deeply loved her husband, but he was not reliable, a drinker, and he womanized. (not to compare this with your son in any way...) the point is, that she ended up marrying another guy because she had three kids and was losing them because she could not support them...and her husband had disappointed her one time too many.

My grandmother married my step-grandpap and then he provided a stable home for her kids and loved them as if they were his own. Pap was a good dad and a good grandfather to my mom and her brothers and then the grandkids. We also grew up knowing that her first husband was the love of her life and we respected that as well.

You never know how things might unfold down the road. Your son has someone in God's plan about to arrive on the scene and she will love him, be there for him, and help him as he continues to be a dad to those kids. He is gonna need a "thru thick and thin" kind of person to be there for him as he continues his journey.

I am so happy that you listed all of these blessings...counting your blessings and sharing them with others grows faith and hope. HUGS!
God bless us every one

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Old 10-17-2012, 10:09 AM
tmoneymom tmoneymom is offline
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my son had a simular situation. The girl did not come to him she and tell him anything.She just quit calling.Now she is pregnant again with someone else child. I had to tell him. He says he understands why she is lonley and did notwait on him.HE also says that he feels had she ever really loved him like she said she would have came and told him. Everyone deserves the respect of being told the truth face to face. Even if it's not what they want to hear. That's how healing begins.
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Old 10-17-2012, 10:26 AM
xanthra xanthra is offline
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I would want to hear big news like that face to face and like you said she probably wanted him to talk her out of it. That did not happen.

Only God can judge. Forgiving her is little compared to what God forgave us, enough to send His son to die for our sins.
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Old 10-17-2012, 10:36 AM
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bluebella bluebella is offline
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My son is in for the second time. The person he has a child with and lived with for many years, did not allow the parole officer in, even though my son blamed another reason why he was not paroled there. We knew another guy was living there during his first bid. The second bid is longer same thing happening as far as her "arrangement," She stopped answering his calls eventually, stopped going, she had legal stuff during this time too.

Short story long, in order for any Paternal family to see my grandchild, I had to take her to court. Over a year no contact, we now have had two visits. My son's heart is broken, there is no love loss with me, except seeing my son hurt. My witness to what parents will do to their own children breaks my heart, you have been blessed, that she did not just break communication.
~ Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today. ~ James Dean
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Old 10-17-2012, 12:35 PM
deerwoman deerwoman is offline
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My son's wife stood by him when her served 9 months. The second time she did not even go visit him. In a way I can understand because he disappointed her so many times. She moved away because she could not bear the memories when she was around us and eventually divorced him. Her guy is nice to me and my two granddaughters living with them. They have a little girl together. My son will be coming home soon and he has accepted the fact that she has her own life and he expects to start his own life. They just have to share custody of the girls. My 10 year old remembers her dad but the 4 year old doesn't remember. We showed her pictures of him holding her when she was born. We talk about him and she knows that she has a real daddy that is away and will be coming home soon. She refers to her mom's BF as her step-dad. The BF could have been abusive but he is not and like I said he is respectful to me. I hope that in the future my son will find another wife to stand by him and is good with his daughters.
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Old 10-17-2012, 03:43 PM
rebl_roze rebl_roze is offline

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Dont be sorry...you needed to vent. Vent away! Im sorry your son is having to deal with this on top of everything else. I will keep him and your family in my prayers.
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Old 10-17-2012, 07:00 PM
JJJKMom JJJKMom is offline
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I have had a day to process and pray. I have spoken to my son and he is at peace. I don't hold ill feelings towards her and I understand that she feels the need to move on with her life for her sake and the sake of our grandchildren. My son says he understands as well. My problem has been ever since they divorced she has vacillated between telling him how she wants to be with him and then how she can't trust him and be with him. I understand that he has done many acts that have hurt her and our family. He accepts ownership of that as well. We spoke tonight and he said he realizes that his goal now should be to work on learning what he is doing that causes him to end up where he is. I am consoled with the knowledge that he is seeking God's word for him. I know that God is working on him and our family. The journey has been difficult, but I know that our family will come through this and we will give God all the glory.
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Old 10-18-2012, 07:27 PM
casaloca casaloca is offline
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Hi JJJKMom…just have to jump on and say that you are an amazing woman! Your trust in the Lord and obvious faith in Him despite what you are dealing with right now are such an encouragement to others! I’m so sorry for the heartache that your son is feeling with his ex….and for the ripple effect it has on his kids. They need a Godly grandma in the picture, and no doubt you are up for the task!

Your post brought to mind a broadcast Focus on the Family did not too long ago which featured Carol Kent, a mom whose son is serving a life sentence in prison. She shared the struggles from a parent’s perspective…and it seemed to be a great blessing to many others who were going through similar situations. I work for Focus, and shared this broadcast with a dear friend of mine whose son is serving a long sentence in Florida. Perhaps it would be an encouragement to you, too? If you’d like to hear it, you can pm me and I'd be happy to send you the link to listen online.

Hang in there! I’ll be praying that God will continue to give you the strength and wisdom you need to meet each day. Hugs and prayers go out for you!!
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