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  #1  
Old 04-21-2012, 07:49 AM
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Default Jailhouse Proposals...are they selfish?

Am I the only one who thinks its a bit selfish for a man to ask a women to marry him in jail? My sons father was sentenced to 10 years. And yes it's true that the marriage conversation has come up before. But he's never proposed before. I think he's just trying to trap me. And I think it's very selfish. Please feel free to comment on the question.

Do you think it's selfish for a man to ask a woman to marry him while he is in jail?
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Old 04-21-2012, 08:38 AM
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It's not really selfish if it's from the heart. My sons father has bought up the conversation also. And has 6 years ...To me in a way it could be but if a relationship is already present then there would be little difference.
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Old 04-21-2012, 08:44 AM
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We were married way before his incarceration but if he didn't wanna marry me while he was by my side....why would I accept a proposal from him inside? That's just how I see it!
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Old 04-21-2012, 09:01 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by missinmrreyna
We were married way before his incarceration but if he didn't wanna marry me while he was by my side....why would I accept a proposal from him inside? That's just how I see it!
My point exactly!! I feel like why all of a sudden is it so important now.
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Old 04-21-2012, 09:13 AM
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I don't agree, but then again my man is sooooo not the selfish type. I think him being locked up made us realize even more how much we love and want each other and that we don't want to be separated again.
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Old 04-21-2012, 09:15 AM
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Originally Posted by NeverDull
I don't agree, but then again my man is sooooo not the selfish type. I think him being locked up made us realize even more how much we love and want each other and that we don't want to be separated again.
Thats cool. But I feel like if he really wants to marry her why not just wait.
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Old 04-21-2012, 09:19 AM
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I know of plenty situations where females marry men in jail and they come home and they do what they want to do. I'm not saying every situation is the same. But I just don't understand the rush. Why not just wait. The reason that comes to my mind is he doesn't want her to move on.
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Old 04-21-2012, 09:43 AM
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Marriage to an inmate does NOT trap a female just like a baby doesn't trap a man and anyone that thinks they're going to be able to trap someone via either method of the above mentioned is no smarter than a pile of rocks.
People stay where they are because they want to. Simple as that.
As for the marriage proposals I don't deal with selfish individuals so no, mine asking me wasn't selfish at all. He had opportunity to marry a few last bid after I left and he didn't.
And still wanted to marry me as a free man. And this go round I asked him.
Anybody asked to marry an inmate should use their brain to determine authenticity of such a request. If they don't, that's on them.
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Old 04-21-2012, 10:13 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lashelle21 View Post
Am I the only one who thinks its a bit selfish for a man to ask a women to marry him in jail? My sons father was sentenced to 10 years. And yes it's true that the marriage conversation has come up before. But he's never proposed before. I think he's just trying to trap me. And I think it's very selfish. Please feel free to comment on the question.

Do you think it's selfish for a man to ask a woman to marry him while he is in jail?
Um, I do not beleive it is selfish, because some people want to be married in prison. I guess it is a sign that they love each other and if they get married, the paper is going to give them security.

I don't understand why anyone would want to get married in a prison, what a depressing environment.....But this is my opinion! Nothing worse than having that lovely fake background to stand in front of..lol

Not selfish at all if that is what people want to do. To each his or her own.

What makes you feel as though it is selfish?

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Old 04-21-2012, 10:29 AM
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Yep I thought it was real selfish especially when I told him not to do it like that. I hurt his feelings because not to long ago after I finally just had to tell him I am not going to marry him while he is locked up, I told him I don't even remember the date of the proposal thats how tacky it was to me. Yes he sent me a custom made ring courtesy of another inmate but sorry thats just not the level I feel I am on. I feel I deserve the well thought out proposal that will make me cry and afterwards we can kiss and hug and take in the moment together freely.
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Old 04-21-2012, 10:38 AM
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Its not selfish to ask you to marry him inside. It just depends on the couple and the type of relationship they have. My personal opinion is if they have an outdate then I would wait for the main reason of making sure its ME he actually loves and that he has made the life changes he promises me when he went in. Im the tradtional type though and want to have the wedding, gown, cake, pictures. I can do the gown and wedding but I dont want my pictures of a prison fake background and my wedding cake a hostess twinkie from a vending machine.

Lifers would be the only inside wedding I could forsee.
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Old 04-21-2012, 01:06 PM
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Yes I do, he should wait until he is released to enjoy it more
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Old 04-21-2012, 02:22 PM
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True, they are aware that marriage won't trap you and prison gives then time to think about stuff and what matters so maybe a proposal would be truely generous.
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Old 04-21-2012, 02:33 PM
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I think prison proposals/weddings are romantic in a sense because you love each other so much you cant wait.

Besides you can always get remarried when your LO gets out =)
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Old 04-21-2012, 02:35 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by InmateLover67 View Post
Um, I do not beleive it is selfish, because some people want to be married in prison. I guess it is a sign that they love each other and if they get married, the paper is going to give them security.

I don't understand why anyone would want to get married in a prison, what a depressing environment.....But this is my opinion! Nothing worse than having that lovely fake background to stand in front of..lol

Not selfish at all if that is what people want to do. To each his or her own.

What makes you feel as though it is selfish?

Peace~

I can give you one big reason to get married in prison and that is "family visits".I wish we could have them
The other reason would be that when you had your first "post incarceration" love making ,it would be with your husband.That can be important if you believe that it would be more pleasing to God.
I think it depends on their reason for asking.
I agree that the setting is not great and also would not want my first night being married to be spent in bed alone,with my husband in a prison cell.
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Old 04-21-2012, 02:56 PM
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It is absolutely not for me, but if someone wanted to do it I wouldn't look down upon them. I dream of a beautiful wedding dress with flowers, walking down the aisle to my fiance with family and friends there, a fun party reception and then my wedding night with my husband. That doesn't match anything that a prison wedding would be like, so I will gladly wait. To each their own!
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Old 04-21-2012, 03:27 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Iamonlyme75 View Post
I think prison proposals/weddings are romantic in a sense because you love each other so much you cant wait.

Besides you can always get remarried when your LO gets out =)
i think so too. We got married in jail.. I was in the process of planning a big fancy wedding then one day i just said you know what, f*** it im going to just save my money and file the paperwork now. Im glad i did, because 2 weeks after he got out we opened our motorcycle shop so the money i had saved was used for that. If we hadnt of married in jail, the big fancy wedding never would have happened because we have dedicated all of our time and money into the shop. To me it didnt matter where he was. I think alot of people are too concerned with having a wedding and forget about the real life part of marriage.
I cant say what his intentions are for proposing to you. If you think its a trap dont do it. Not all proposals inside are for selfish reasons, it depends on the people involved and how much time theyre looking at. Good luck to you in whatever you decide.
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Old 04-21-2012, 03:33 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsCetina View Post
i think so too. We got married in jail.. I was in the process of planning a big fancy wedding then one day i just said you know what, f*** it im going to just save my money and file the paperwork now. Im glad i did, because 2 weeks after he got out we opened our motorcycle shop so the money i had saved was used for that. If we hadnt of married in jail, the big fancy wedding never would have happened because we have dedicated all of our time and money into the shop. To me it didnt matter where he was. I think alot of people are too concerned with having a wedding and forget about the real life part of marriage.
I cant say what his intentions are for proposing to you. If you think its a trap dont do it. Not all proposals inside are for selfish reasons, it depends on the people involved and how much time theyre looking at. Good luck to you in whatever you decide.
Exactly. It seems too many people are more concerned with the ceremony itself than the love that ceremony represents.
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Old 04-21-2012, 05:14 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Klewis
Yep I thought it was real selfish especially when I told him not to do it like that. I hurt his feelings because not to long ago after I finally just had to tell him I am not going to marry him while he is locked up, I told him I don't even remember the date of the proposal thats how tacky it was to me. Yes he sent me a custom made ring courtesy of another inmate but sorry thats just not the level I feel I am on. I feel I deserve the well thought out proposal that will make me cry and afterwards we can kiss and hug and take in the moment together freely.
I like the way you think!...and you definitely deserve that well thought out proposal. I just don't think its fair to those women that were not even given a chance for marriage the first go round...but suddenly..he's ready. Well what if shes not ready?... Just sayin
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Old 04-21-2012, 05:22 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsCetina

i think so too. We got married in jail.. I was in the process of planning a big fancy wedding then one day i just said you know what, f*** it im going to just save my money and file the paperwork now. Im glad i did, because 2 weeks after he got out we opened our motorcycle shop so the money i had saved was used for that. If we hadnt of married in jail, the big fancy wedding never would have happened because we have dedicated all of our time and money into the shop. To me it didnt matter where he was. I think alot of people are too concerned with having a wedding and forget about the real life part of marriage.
I cant say what his intentions are for proposing to you. If you think its a trap dont do it. Not all proposals inside are for selfish reasons, it depends on the people involved and how much time theyre looking at. Good luck to you in whatever you decide.
That's fantastic that things worked out that way for you but it seems like you already had the proposal and the date set before he was incarcerated. What about those that are so in love with their men and couldn't get a proposal on the outside....and suddenly he's ready. Doesn't make sense...but what does these days...right! Congrats on your marriage and your shop!
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Old 04-21-2012, 05:34 PM
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When you're stressed and in a bad situation, what didn't sound good before just might, plus your choices are severely limited. Personally wouldn't do it as I would want a partner who has shown he is able to make it on the outside first, but to each his own.
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Old 04-21-2012, 06:04 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by missinmrreyna View Post
That's fantastic that things worked out that way for you but it seems like you already had the proposal and the date set before he was i incarcerated. What about those that are so in love with their men and couldn't get a proposal on the outside....and suddenly he's ready. Doesn't make sense...but what does these days...right! Congrats on your marriage and your shop!
Thank you. You are right, we had decided we wanted to marry each other before he went in. I would probably feel differently if he suddenly was asking me in jail and had never brought it up before.
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Old 04-21-2012, 06:08 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lashelle21 View Post
I'm not saying every situation is the same. But I just don't understand the rush. Why not just wait. The reason that comes to my mind is he doesn't want her to move on.
Why is it rushing if one marries while in jail/prison? You're right that not every situation is the same. Some people have been together years before getting married, no matter where they wed.
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Old 04-21-2012, 06:29 PM
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I think it depends on the individual and the intentions of why he/she is asking. I had a friend who was engaged before her man got in trouble and they had a date set already and plans were on the way. He then wanted to marry her while incarcerated because he thought that she wouldn't wait for him. In that situation....his insecurity was selfish. But he got out in 5 years and fast forward to now, they are still very happily married with 4 additional kids (she already had 2 from a previous relationship) going very strong.

As far as I go, I'm recently engaged to my man. The reasons I would rather get married sooner than later has to do alot with my faith. I've taken up the convenant of chasity. If he got out that would be highly risky and then there's the belief I have that we will be able to be together in the next life and what is bound on earth let it be bound in heaven. I have been feeling uneasy about not being married and something happening to him or I and not being married.

My man did try to let me go before. At least he thought about it but I squashed that quick. He asked about us waiting until he got out for us to be together if I was still available. I sait that would be pointless. All my prayers have been answered with him and who am I to go against my Heavenly Father. I can't ask my HF for a man with certain traits and characteristics but then ask for door #2 when he shows him to me (LOL, I tried quite sometime, answer always came back the same). Once I stopped contesting the answer and gave my blessings came by many and I have never been more in love and I have never been happier...even under these circumstances.
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Old 04-21-2012, 06:35 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pss12
I think it depends on the individual and the intentions of why he/she is asking. I had a friend who was engaged before her man got in trouble and they had a date set already and plans were on the way. He then wanted to marry her while incarcerated because he thought that she wouldn't wait for him. In that situation....his insecurity was selfish. But he got out in 5 years and fast forward to now, they are still very happily married with 4 additional kids (she already had 2 from a previous relationship) going very strong.

As far as I go, I'm recently engaged to my man. The reasons I would rather get married sooner than later has to do alot with my faith. I've taken up the convenant of chasity. If he got out that would be highly risky and then there's the belief I have that we will be able to be together in the next life and what is bound on earth let it be bound in heaven. I have been feeling uneasy about not being married and something happening to him or I and not being married.

My man did try to let me go before. At least he thought about it but I squashed that quick. He asked about us waiting until he got out for us to be together if I was still available. I sait that would be pointless. All my prayers have been answered with him and who am I to go against my Heavenly Father. I can't ask my HF for a man with certain traits and characteristics but then ask for door #2 when he shows him to me (LOL, I tried quite sometime, answer always came back the same). Once I stopped contesting the answer and gave my blessings came by many and I have never been more in love and I have never been happier...even under these circumstances.
For eternity...right! You would rather marry him while he's in there than to risk breaking your promise to our Heavenly Father. That is huge. I know because I had the same Covenent with Heavenly Father and I too obeyed the Law of Chastity....until I came across my husband(: Good luck!

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