Truth or Not?

Amelia · #1 11-05-2002, 12:00 PM

I am curious to see what everyone has told their children. Have you told them where daddy/mommy is or not and if you have how much of the truth have you told?

I told my kids the total truth in terms they could understand...I told them that daddy made a bad choice and took someone else's money and now he had to go to jail to work to pay back the money. I reassured themt hat daddy was a good man eho made a mistake. Although I am glad I told them the truth I wish I had not told them that he took someone's money--I think that was a little too much info....

sherri13 · #2 11-05-2002, 12:16 PM

Amelia- I NEVER lie to my kids-no matter what the circumstances- Since my kids range in age from 5 to 17 I told them all the truth in an age appropriate fashion-Actually Ron and I told them together-
I know it is each individual's choice how they handle telling or not telling their kids about their parent being in prison, but I think it can be very detrimental to children to NOT tell them the truth. It can affect trust, security, esteem and all kinds of ongoing issues in their lives. I feel it is important to always be truthful with your children-even when you have done something wrong. It teaches them important principles of honesty, accountability, and responsibility. It also helps show our children that we are all imperfect human beings and will make mistakes, and that there are consequences for bad decisions. Most importantly, it shows them the power of unconditional love.

Soul SLiver · #3 11-05-2002, 02:27 PM

I won't vote, I don't have kids, but I can tell you that most people I have asked have not lied to their kids about where mommy or daddy is. Even the younger ones who might not understand what prison is, personally I feel it's better to tell them exactly where there parent is and then when they are old enough to grasp it, to sit down and explain it again.

danielle · #4 11-06-2002, 12:57 PM

I, like soul sliver, do ont have children so I won't vote. I do have a friend and her husband was doing a brief stint in prison. She told her daughter that "Daddy was away at work." The little girl (who was about 6) overheard the truth and was so hurt. She couldn't believe that her Mommy would lie to her. After she found out the truth (some 6 months after he was locked-up) they took the little girl to visit. Her first words to her Daddy - "Can I come and live with you in prison? All Mommy does is lie to me." The lying hurt everybody all the way around.

Lucrisid · #5 11-09-2002, 03:43 AM

I believe that as soon as a child asks a certain question, it is ready for an honest answer.

My children depend on me being honest to them, I think it would hurt them if I lied or gloryfied anything.

Jinjer · #6 01-13-2003, 05:29 PM

My son knows because he was part of the charge.

KRIS_NC · #7 01-14-2003, 01:39 PM

MY CHILDREN ALSO KNOW WHERE THEIR FATHER IS.THEN AGAIN HES BEEN IN AND OUT FOR A MAJORITY OF THEIR LIVES.I TOO AGREE THAT WHEN THEY ASK,TELL THEM

JER · #8 01-16-2003, 02:31 AM

I told Sierra that her dad was in school but of course this was when she was about 2 yrs old she is 5 about to be 6 jan 30 she now knows that her dad is in prison i didnt tell her someone else did and she asked me about it and of course i did confirm it.

lulu · #9 03-23-2003, 04:34 PM

I voted. I believe in honesty is alwasy the best policy. How ever, I do know some things are better not said. I will give an example. Becca's best friend's father sales drugs, I do not want my little girl over there in that inviroment. She would ask, i would tell her no. Her friend is allowed to come over here, but becca cant go over there. We did not want to tell becca all the details cause we were ot sure what all her firend knew of her father. So we simply told becca no, she could not go. Boy, did that ever get her madder then a dog. As she got older, we decided to tell Becca, but that was way later. Of course t his whole time her friend knew. I did not know that of course. When we sat becca down and told her, she looked at me, and said'" wow, momma, that is old news and she done told me that." well excuse me, i did not know,lol

Val6968 · #10 03-24-2003, 10:51 AM

Honesty is a character trait that I hope to pass on to my kids; yes, I've told them where my uncle is -- and actually, my daughter who's 9, knew before I did. It was her friend that accused my uncle of inappropriate touching, so my daughter was interviewed by the arresting detective -- first to make sure she was not a victim herself, then to see if she was a witness to anything. In both cases, the answer was no.

My uncle was considered a grandfather to both of my kids and very close to them; my uncle more-or-less raised me and never laid a finger on me ... a child psychologist who I took my kids to after his arrest told me my kids were okay as well. I have never hidden or lied about his arrest and subsequent incarceration from them.

The hardest thing for me is to be supportive of him, while abhoring what he did. I've heard a saying once of "Hate the Sin, Love the Sinner" ... that's so true.

TATINEE · #11 04-11-2003, 04:50 PM

I haven't told my kids where my boyfriend is and I don't plan on doing so. I don't feel that they need to know; it wouldn't help anything. It will come up when they're older, I'm sure, but not right now. They're 5 and 7, by the way.

StacysWar030 · #12 04-20-2003, 05:40 PM

Yes I've told my children. This has affected our entire family, and in order to get thru the kids pain and confusion, it had to be talked about. A good strong family is open and honest. The children are a part of a family, and they have a right to know and feel what they should. THe only way to work thru bad situations is to have open communication. Besides, how can I expect my children to be honest individuals if I lie to them?

Stacy

scollys · #13 05-05-2003, 07:04 AM

Yes, I told my kids the truth. They have known what was going on throughout the trial and all. My 8 year old will tell anyone in conversation without shame where his dad is and I don't try to stop him. Basically I don't care what the general public thinks. We have supportive friends and family. All four of my kids and grandson support him and eagerly await his return home. I'm thankful for a strong supportive family.

J'sGrl · #14 05-10-2003, 05:46 PM

Even though our daughter is only 3 years old, she knows the truth. I told her when she first asked why she doesn't have a daddy like other kids do (that was around age 2). I'm not sure if she fully understands what prison is, but she asked me to show her the place where daddy is. So I went on the FL DOC site and showed her a picture of the prison where he's at and also took a "virtual tour" with her (they let you navigate around a prison complex, a cell, etc.).
About 6 months later, we went to a card store, to get a birthday card for a friend....I wouldn't have seen it, but my daughter pointed it out to me: they had a card with a sad looking frog behind bars (it was a "sorry, I couldn't make it in time...happy belated B-day" card); she pointed at that card and said "daddy". It broke my heart. But I'd rather be honest with her than lie to her.

Tereasa88 · #15 05-11-2003, 05:15 PM

I have told my daughter the truth since she started asking questions about her dad. I was only 3 months prego when he went in and so this is all she has known. She has no reason to be ashamed or her father or where he is. Just the other day this came up cause a little boy in her 1st grade class starting making fun of her saying HAHAHA your dads in prison. I told her to walk up to the boy tell him to shut his mouth and if continues to tell the teacher and if that dont work tell h im well Yeah but atleast my dad didn't get hit with the ugly stick!! heheh I could not resist. I WILL NOT TOLERATE kids teasing her and she will not sit idly by and let them do it.