Welcome to the Prison Talk Online Community! Take a Minute and Sign Up Today!






Go Back   Prison Talk > FOR FAMILY & FRIENDS > Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison
Register Entertainment FAQ Calendar Mark Forums Read

Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison For everyone who has a husband, boyfriend or male partner incarcerated.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 03-07-2012, 04:54 PM
Rubee's Avatar
Rubee Rubee is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: chicago, ill
Posts: 51
Thanks: 0
Thanked 5 Times in 5 Posts
Post Wish I could be the Prison wife he wants me to be...

Is their anyone out there in my shoes?
Single mom, head of household, hard worker AND prison wife.
If so you understand how busy and stressful it can be but in my hubbys eyes im selfish. I really wish I could be his pen pal and devoted prison wife but I just cant. My first priority is raising our son and making sure he never finds out where his dad is. I make sure we speak twice a week but no visits. Am I wrong???
Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
  #2  
Old 03-07-2012, 05:10 PM
montysmom's Avatar
montysmom montysmom is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,872
Thanks: 1,072
Thanked 1,244 Times in 678 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rubee View Post
Is their anyone out there in my shoes?
Single mom, head of household, hard worker AND prison wife.
If so you understand how busy and stressful it can be but in my hubbys eyes im selfish. I really wish I could be his pen pal and devoted prison wife but I just cant. My first priority is raising our son and making sure he never finds out where his dad is. I make sure we speak twice a week but no visits. Am I wrong???
Hi Rubee and welcome to PTO, I think you may get more response from your question if you post in another forum, maybe try the forum for people that have parents in prison. I wish you all the best and hope some of your stress issues are resolved. We are all here to help any way we can.
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 03-07-2012, 05:26 PM
ssks ssks is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 87
Thanks: 0
Thanked 16 Times in 13 Posts
Default

How long will he be in? If it will be for a long time then I dont think keeping it from your son is the right thing. I am sure there has to be a way that you can balance being the wife he needs and the mom your son needs. There has to be a happy medium... You just need to find the balance. I am sorry that you are feeling this struggle.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 03-07-2012, 05:26 PM
nimuay's Avatar
nimuay nimuay is online now
Super Moderator

PTO Super Moderator Pumpkin Hunt Participant 2014 Easter Egg Hunt 2013 - Participant 

Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: new york
Posts: 23,334
Thanks: 5,429
Thanked 27,451 Times in 10,023 Posts
Default

So, you've got one of those self-centered, it's-all-about-me guys, eh? If you don't want to take your child to prison, that's absolutely your right. If you can get someone to watch him for a day, would you want to visit then? If so , then do it.

Otherwise, tell him that you can only do what you can do, and he needs to learn to deal with it. End of discussion, take it or leave it, like it or lump it. You're at your personal maximum right now, so the support from you can only go down. Warn him about that.
__________________
You'll know you've created God in your own image when He hates all the people you do.
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to nimuay For This Useful Post:
countryzgirl (03-07-2012), Sheryl P. (03-08-2012)
  #5  
Old 03-07-2012, 06:24 PM
Frog88 Frog88 is offline
Banned
 

Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: California
Posts: 688
Thanks: 16
Thanked 266 Times in 162 Posts
Default

I'm curious... Where do you tell him daddy is at?
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 03-07-2012, 06:59 PM
Klewis's Avatar
Klewis Klewis is offline
Registered User
Donation Award 
 

Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Texas, USA
Posts: 3,733
Thanks: 2,893
Thanked 4,091 Times in 1,724 Posts
Default

Yep I am head of household with 5 children, going to school, and prison Fiance'. My Fiance' is the opposite of yours though he definitely understands all I handles and he is very supportive. He is happy to get whatever he can from me. I mean sometimes he has his moments when he just really need me and I have been able to give him that because those moments are few and in between. I think you should write your man and explain to him that he left a big burden on you and your taking it quite well but your going need him to be more supportive and understanding that in a way right now your both doing time.
__________________





To the world you might just be one person, but to one person you just might be the world.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 03-07-2012, 07:07 PM
Rubee's Avatar
Rubee Rubee is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: chicago, ill
Posts: 51
Thanks: 0
Thanked 5 Times in 5 Posts
Default

Thanks for the advise ladies. He has 15 months left a total of 3.5 years. He usually isn't selfish but him being in prison has changed him. I guess I will just have to hang in there. Thanks.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 03-07-2012, 07:10 PM
Rubee's Avatar
Rubee Rubee is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: chicago, ill
Posts: 51
Thanks: 0
Thanked 5 Times in 5 Posts
Default

My son talks to his dad on the phone and he says his dad is working
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 03-07-2012, 07:12 PM
mrs.marks's Avatar
mrs.marks mrs.marks is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: United States, Florida
Posts: 339
Thanks: 271
Thanked 178 Times in 116 Posts
Default

I'm sorry that he's being such an ass. My husband never really expected me to give him money or anything, because he knows that I'm raising 3 kids and a student and can NOT to support all of us. But we did go through a rough patch when he said I didn't write him enough and I wasn't there for him. What really helped me was to sit down and write him a detailed list of what exactly it is that I do every day.

And I'm another one that hasn't told my kids where daddy is. My older girls are 3 and 4, and they're his stepchildren, but he's the only daddy they know and he loves them as his own. I tell my kids that he's at his mommy or daddy's house. It hasn't been easy, but I've managed to see him about once a month. I take our youngest, because she's just a baby and doesn't know what's going on. But I would never have my older two in a prison. They're terrified of the idea of jail.
__________________






The months they don't matter, it's the days I can't take. Where the hours move to minutes, and I'm seconds away.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 03-07-2012, 07:24 PM
Mom2res&jhs's Avatar
Mom2res&jhs Mom2res&jhs is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MB, SC
Posts: 224
Thanks: 111
Thanked 57 Times in 44 Posts
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rubee
Is their anyone out there in my shoes?
Single mom, head of household, hard worker AND prison wife.
If so you understand how busy and stressful it can be but in my hubbys eyes im selfish. I really wish I could be his pen pal and devoted prison wife but I just cant. My first priority is raising our son and making sure he never finds out where his dad is. I make sure we speak twice a week but no visits. Am I wrong???

I am not in your shoes, no one is. I don't fit all the criteria but I am a single mom of 2 kids, head of house, hard worker and devoted, just not a wife. I have 3 jobs (other than being a mother) and since my LO has been in prison I have not gone to visit. Our so was only 2 1/2 so I really had no need to explain where daddy is, my daughter is 14 so she knows. he is close to 4 hrs away and its too hard to plan a sitter and make the drive to see him, and he understands. I do my best to keep money on the phone and if I can send a little for canteen then I do. He expects nothing and appreciates what he gets. Are you wrong for not wanting your son to know? Or not visiting? Only you can decide that, you know what is best for you and your Child and you have to do what you feel is best. You're not wrong, in my opinion. If putting your child first is selfish then I would be as selfish as I possibly could be.
__________________
"I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions."
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 03-07-2012, 07:42 PM
faithwalk12's Avatar
faithwalk12 faithwalk12 is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Flagler Beach, Fl
Posts: 338
Thanks: 4
Thanked 175 Times in 102 Posts
Default

Just like life, God gave you your child to raise, not the neighbors or anyone else. Therefore, it is your responsibility and you have to do what you feel is right in your heart. Your guy doesn't understand how hard it is on the outside to be the one left with the decisions and you do what you think is best for you. We, here at PTO will stand behind you!
__________________
Faith is the substance of things unseen....
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 03-07-2012, 10:29 PM
countryzgirl's Avatar
countryzgirl countryzgirl is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: California
Posts: 2,708
Thanks: 4,293
Thanked 2,652 Times in 1,216 Posts
Default

You wish you were the prison wife he wants you to be? Are you sure? I honestly don't mean this to be harsh but from what you say that means putting him before your son. That's clearly not your style. It sounds like the prison wife you are is a good mom trying her best in a bad situation. Give yourself a break and a pat on the back, Hon.
__________________



Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to countryzgirl For This Useful Post:
Klewis (03-07-2012), Sheryl P. (03-08-2012)
  #13  
Old 03-07-2012, 11:10 PM
NeverDull NeverDull is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Washington State, USA
Posts: 2,646
Thanks: 8
Thanked 1,466 Times in 822 Posts
Default

Just this afternoon I was talking to my mom and she reminded me that I've been through worse (one of my kids had cancer twice as a baby with horrible treatments and almost died 5 times). I'm going through a divorce, have teenage boys with issues, my oldest son fighting a war in Afghanistan, running a business, trying to lose another 50 pounds (lost 110 so far), AND the love of my life is in prison and being transferred away from me and will be deported to the other side of the earth.....so today I'm feeling like I have a lot on my plate. But one thing I can say for sure is that my guy always wants to make sure I'm ok financially, emotionally, whatever over his own situation. He's always been like that since the day we met.....of course just like anyone else he can have his occasional selfish moment and hes definitely far from perfect, but 95% of the time he's understanding and supportive of the stresses in my life and he puts me first. I hope you can work things out where you can experience that as well. (((hugs)))
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 03-08-2012, 01:22 AM
Rubee's Avatar
Rubee Rubee is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: chicago, ill
Posts: 51
Thanks: 0
Thanked 5 Times in 5 Posts
Red face

Quote:
Originally Posted by countryzgirl View Post
You wish you were the prison wife he wants you to be? Are you sure? I honestly don't mean this to be harsh but from what you say that means putting him before your son. That's clearly not your style. It sounds like the prison wife you are is a good mom trying her best in a bad situation. Give yourself a break and a pat on the back, Hon.
Thanks, your right!
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Rubee For This Useful Post:
countryzgirl (03-08-2012)
  #15  
Old 03-08-2012, 01:28 AM
Rubee's Avatar
Rubee Rubee is offline
Registered User
 

Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: chicago, ill
Posts: 51
Thanks: 0
Thanked 5 Times in 5 Posts
Red face

Quote:
Originally Posted by NeverDull View Post
Just this afternoon I was talking to my mom and she reminded me that I've been through worse (one of my kids had cancer twice as a baby with horrible treatments and almost died 5 times). I'm going through a divorce, have teenage boys with issues, my oldest son fighting a war in Afghanistan, running a business, trying to lose another 50 pounds (lost 110 so far), AND the love of my life is in prison and being transferred away from me and will be deported to the other side of the earth.....so today I'm feeling like I have a lot on my plate. But one thing I can say for sure is that my guy always wants to make sure I'm ok financially, emotionally, whatever over his own situation. He's always been like that since the day we met.....of course just like anyone else he can have his occasional selfish moment and hes definitely far from perfect, but 95% of the time he's understanding and supportive of the stresses in my life and he puts me first. I hope you can work things out where you can experience that as well. (((hugs)))
Dont get me wrong, he has always been a good husband and father but gets very baby now. Im sure we will get through it. Thanks
& as for you, I wish you the best of luck and cant even imagine going through that! God bless & congrats on the weight loss!
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Tags
family, prison

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 05:14 PM.
Copyright © 2001- 2017 Prison Talk Online
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Website Design & Custom vBulletin Skins by: Relivo Media
Message Board Statistics