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Old 02-29-2012, 08:58 PM
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Exclamation Should I Be Mad and/or Concerned or is this common? (he's drinking)

So I got a call from my Boo tonight, and he told me he was "on his Chug-a-lug" ..."Chug-a-lug" is a nickname I gave one of our mutual friends back in the day cos he chugs his drinks. I'm not really mad...I'm just concerned. When he said it I said "You better not get in any trouble, or we are gonna have beef!" and he said "Nah, it's not that serious, Baby, I'm keeping it low key, about to go to bed so I don't call you back a million times, anyway."

Is this common? He is reaching the end of his bid, the last thing I want is for him to get caught up in any trouble. I know him very well, so I knew something was up the second he got on the phone, and I know this isn't a daily thing for him in there...not to mention he's from the hood and is the only one out of his boys who graduated HS (even though he took his senior year finals intoxicated cos the dudes in his hood start sipping that brown with breakfast.)

Should I be mad? For some reason I'm not mad, just worried that he will get in trouble. I drink too, so I feel like a hypocrite for lecturing him, not to mention it's his birthday week so I believe that's why it's happening. IDK...I just don't know what to think. I watch a lot of jail shows and it seems drinking inside is common.

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Old 02-29-2012, 09:03 PM
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I think it is -- you should read the stuff on here about the crap they go through right before they come home. It's like Post Dramatic Stress Syndrome for Inmates. There is another word for it, but there is a whole section on it. It is way normal! And it is really really frustrating and stressful for us waiting on the outside!!
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Old 02-29-2012, 09:03 PM
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Now why would he wanna go and do that at the end of his bid? No girl my man hasn't because he knows I would hit the damn roof and try to reach through that phone and touch him. It's his bday week but he don't get that luxury he blew that out the window by getting locked up.
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Old 02-29-2012, 09:09 PM
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I know that's right! I guess I just have a hard time being mad at him because he was locked up for dumb stuff and the judge used him as an example and gave him the max...IDK...my heart is leading my head. Any recommendations on what I should say or do? I just wrote him a letter telling him I understand, but it's MAD stupid on SO many levels and he is risking everything by doing it. I think because he has been in so long and the C.O.'s like him and he has over-all behaved (gotten in NO trouble whatsoever) he feels like he can get away with a drink or two on his bday week....idk. I'm mad lost.
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Old 02-29-2012, 09:10 PM
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He's not supposed to be drinking in prison - period. I would be mad. It wouldn't matter to me what he was doing, drinking or some other illegal activity. My concern is that if they can't manage to follow the rules in a controlled environment what are the chances they will do well upon release? Not to mention the few liberties and opportunities for communication could be withheld if he is found out. Yeah, I'd be pissed.
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Old 02-29-2012, 09:11 PM
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My husband drank for the first time in 1 1/2 years 3 weeks ago. He didn't drunk dial me because we don't use phone calls. But I told him ahead of time that I was having a girls night out down at the bars and so apparently because I was, he wanted to. He said that he even fell off of his chair in front of a CO but luckily didn't get caught. And he said that he puked all night because he was soo wasted too.

Personally I was really mad. I respected him and talked to him about drinking beforehand and let him know what was going on instead of just going out and then telling about it after the fact that it happened. I mean if he would've gotten in trouble for it, he would've lost good time and then he would've missed Christmas - again.

But other than that one time, no he has never drank and he has said he doesn't want to drink again for a long time.
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Old 02-29-2012, 09:25 PM
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You said he is locked up for dumb stuff and the judge tried using him for example. You would think that would get him to grow up and stop doing dumb stuff but thats kind of hard when you have someone standing by you accepting the dumb stuff your doing. Does not sound like you expect much from him but that will get old eventually. I am looking forward to seeing how this turn out because if he is already at the end of his bid and he is doing stuff like this doesn't that mean when he get some freedom he definitely is not planning on following the rules.
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Old 02-29-2012, 09:44 PM
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I hear what my voice of reasons (aka Patty and KLewis) are saying...but on EVERYTHING I love...I have known him since he was 17...and I am NOT trying to make excuses for him because I know what he's doing is dumb...but he really has grown up sooooooo much. I can guarantee this is only a couple of day event (for his bday)...which I know is dumb...so does he...but on dogs he is NOT the young dumb boy he was before...if he was...I wouldn't even consider being his woman. If this was an ongoing thing he would have tried to hide it from me because he knows I have a no tolerance for this mess. I am realistic...his charges were NOT drug related so his probation wont have drink and drug related restrictions so I have realistic expectations...he will drink now and then...we will blaze now and then...but gang banging on the other hand is OUT of the question and we BOTH have come to terms with that. He doesn't have a drinking problem so I guess that's why I'm not mad, just concerned he will get in trouble. Cos when he gets out that will not be something he can get in trouble for.
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Old 02-29-2012, 09:50 PM
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Its a young thing been there done that. Somethings is little things when your young, then you grow up and realize that one should take life a little more serious. I don't know much but I never heard that as long as your charges were not drug related you won't have drinking and drug restrictions. Did you really mean to say that? Your man does not have a drinking problem but he does have a following the rules problem and you have an enabler problem, but that doesn't make you a bad person.
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Old 02-29-2012, 09:57 PM
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Hate to tell you, but it doesn't always matter whether alcohol or drugs were involved in the crime . . . that prohibition is pretty much standard around here, and they can and will violate them for drinking.
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Old 02-29-2012, 09:58 PM
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Yeah I meant to say that. His probation will include him staying out of trouble and away from weapons. No drug or alcohol restrictions. He just cant catch any cases or live in the same home as any guns.
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Old 02-29-2012, 10:00 PM
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He can still drink and is not subject to drug tests, but is subject to search.
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Old 02-29-2012, 10:01 PM
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1 it's not being hypocritical if your mad cuz he drank in prison, for several reasons that homemade crap is bad news, and the biggie it's illegal to drink in prison period! It's also contraband!
as far as his charges not being drug related and blazing once he's out, if he's on probation or parole he will still have to pass the drug tests! So blazing shuld be outta the question while on probation or parole!

jus cuz he wont have stipulation of drinking once he's out, he can still get into trouble and lose privilege's if caught drinking inside...some places even add on time like a month or so!

I would be PISSED OFF if my guy wulda drank at any point while we were together while he was inside!
Yes, the end of their bid is very stressful...several times my guy told me "i feel like imma go crazy, I always told myself i'd go crazy at the end of my bid" he said the end was worse then any other times during his bid. He was very stressed for sure!
doin dumb ish get's our guys in trouble, inside or out here! I am glad he wasn't doin no dumb ish inside, and still isn't doing anything dumb while out here! Many of the guys that at the hwh he was staying at got into a bunch of dumb ish that got them sent right back in!

I understand where ur coming from feeling like you can't say much cuz you drink too, at the same time tho...your out here, where drinking is legal! so there rlly is a huge difference!
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Old 02-29-2012, 10:01 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by misscadibaby
So I got a call from my Boo tonight, and he told me he was "on his Chug-a-lug" ..."Chug-a-lug" is a nickname I gave one of our mutual friends back in the day cos he chugs his drinks. I'm not really mad...I'm just concerned. When he said it I said "You better not get in any trouble, or we are gonna have beef!" and he said "Nah, it's not that serious, Baby, I'm keeping it low key, about to go to bed so I don't call you back a million times, anyway."

Is this common? He is reaching the end of his bid, the last thing I want is for him to get caught up in any trouble. I know him very well, so I knew something was up the second he got on the phone, and I know this isn't a daily thing for him in there...not to mention he's from the hood and is the only one out of his boys who graduated HS (even though he took his senior year finals intoxicated cos the dudes in his hood start sipping that brown with breakfast.)

Should I be mad? For some reason I'm not mad, just worried that he will get in trouble. I drink too, so I feel like a hypocrite for lecturing him, not to mention it's his birthday week so I believe that's why it's happening. IDK...I just don't know what to think. I watch a lot of jail shows and it seems drinking inside is common.

Has your man drunk dialed you from inside? Be honest! I need my ladies on this one, for realllzy!!
My man did have a few drinks...during the Xmas and new years holidays...... it didn't bother me....honestly I think I'd be upset if it was an everyday thing but it wasn't...so It didn't much bug me....I'm "under age" and I drink...so technically I wouldn't be following rules either.??doesn't make me a bad person..and I dnt think just because a person drinks in there every Now and Then will mean they won't follow the rules out here..to >>ME<< its just a drink...he wasn't doing anything crazy and said he's going to bed....
If it bothers You then yes you should be mad but if it doesnt then it doesn't...everyone is different ...its what bothers YOU ....
I think some guys like to do this around special occasions to kinda escape reality .....

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Old 02-29-2012, 10:03 PM
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Honey your fooling yourself if you really believe that. Let him go and have a dirty urine test he is going to get locked back up. Those rules are self explanatory on probation or parole. Drugs themselves is illegal so why wouldn't there be any restrictions. My X husband was not in for a drug or alcohol charge and that was the very first thing they told him was to stay away from drugs and alcohol.
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Old 02-29-2012, 10:04 PM
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hun, there's always drug restrictions no matter what! Drugs are illegal - and anyone on probation or parole get's drug tested - this is how my one friends xbf went back to prison a zillion times, cuz he jus kept violating his conditions cuz he'd blaze up, then not go cuz in case they wuld drug test him, and he knew he'd fail.... drinking is usually outta the question too, however obviously that doesn't stay in your system forever!


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Yeah I meant to say that. His probation will include him staying out of trouble and away from weapons. No drug or alcohol restrictions. He just cant catch any cases or live in the same home as any guns.
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Old 02-29-2012, 10:06 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by misscadibaby
I hear what my voice of reasons (aka Patty and KLewis) are saying...but on EVERYTHING I love...I have known him since he was 17...and I am NOT trying to make excuses for him because I know what he's doing is dumb...but he really has grown up sooooooo much. I can guarantee this is only a couple of day event (for his bday)...which I know is dumb...so does he...but on dogs he is NOT the young dumb boy he was before...if he was...I wouldn't even consider being his woman. If this was an ongoing thing he would have tried to hide it from me because he knows I have a no tolerance for this mess. I am realistic...his charges were NOT drug related so his probation wont have drink and drug related restrictions so I have realistic expectations...he will drink now and then...we will blaze now and then...but gang banging on the other hand is OUT of the question and we BOTH have come to terms with that. He doesn't have a drinking problem so I guess that's why I'm not mad, just concerned he will get in trouble. Cos when he gets out that will not be something he can get in trouble for.
It sounds like you answered your own question...if you are ok with him breaking the rules "as long as he doesn't get caught" and punished then obviously you're not gonna be mad....until he gets caught. Even if he has no drinking restrictions once released...he isn't supposed to be doing it now. Would you be ok with him breaking laws and rules every year in the free world (for his bday)? Myself, I would be livid.
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Old 02-29-2012, 10:08 PM
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When you say its just a drink that drink can turn in to so much more then just a drink. If they get caught inside drinking there is consequences. The fact that a person already locked up would take that risk means they have not learned anything. Its called doing what your suppose to be doing rather someone is looking or not. If you accept little things like this as you say the things they think is okay to do will only get bigger and bigger.


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My man did have a few drinks...during the Xmas and new years holidays...... it didn't bother me....honestly I think I'd be upset if it was an everyday thing but it wasn't...so It didn't much bug me....I'm "under age" and I drink...so technically I wouldn't be following rules either.??doesn't make me a bad person..and I dnt think just because a person drinks in there every Now and Then will mean they won't follow the rules out here..to >>ME<< its just a drink...he wasn't doing anything crazy and said he's going to bed....
If it bothers You then yes you should be mad but if it doesnt then it doesn't...everyone is different ...its what bothers YOU ....
I think some guys like to do this around special occasions to kinda escape reality .....

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Old 02-29-2012, 10:12 PM
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Also one last thing I feel like if my man was unable to follow the rules set by a system that can take away his freedom even more, then what is my expectations worth. If they can do something and make it seems like its okay because they did not get caught then hey why not cheat cause you might not get caught. Thats just really crazy thinking.
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Old 02-29-2012, 10:18 PM
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Quote:
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Honey your fooling yourself if you really believe that. Let him go and have a dirty urine test he is going to get locked back up. Those rules are self explanatory on probation or parole. Drugs themselves is illegal so why wouldn't there be any restrictions. My X husband was not in for a drug or alcohol charge and that was the very first thing they told him was to stay away from drugs and alcohol.
Very true... Drug and alcohol test are mandatory for any parole... This is what caused a lot of them to get incarcerated in the first place... My hubby was not in for a drug case..he's being tested...

I would be piss if he would have called from inside drunk ..this means he's not taking prison nor the law respectfully...

My 2 cents...my hubby is home!! :-)
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Old 02-29-2012, 10:23 PM
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Quote:
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When you say its just a drink that drink can turn in to so much more then just a drink. If they get caught inside drinking there is consequences. The fact that a person already locked up would take that risk means they have not learned anything. Its called doing what your suppose to be doing rather someone is looking or not. If you accept little things like this as you say the things they think is okay to do will only get bigger and bigger.
everyone has there own views on this....just like tattoos in prison...
I believe if it bothers the op then yes she should be mad but if it doesn't she shouldn't act like it bothers her....
My dad had a few drinks when he did fed time back in the day,didn't lead to anything else, didn't lead him to doing anything bigger...in fact the man hardly even drinks now and never drinks more than his limits...he's a successful accountant ...and made it just fine even though he broke a rule or two In prison...I just disagree that just because someone brakes a rule in there means they will be out of control out here....now I agree braking one rule could open a door to brake another ....

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Old 02-29-2012, 10:23 PM
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First off...I am NOT fooling myself. I know what the F it is....I created this post to figure out how to approach him about this because I'm gonna ride with this man til the casket drops and I wanna know the right way to approach him about this in order to help him grow. He ain't stupid and either am I...otherwise this post would have been titled "My Man is a Drunk..Should I Be Mad?"
Apparently my point has been twisted cos that is NOT it.
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Old 02-29-2012, 10:27 PM
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Quote:
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Also one last thing I feel like if my man was unable to follow the rules set by a system that can take away his freedom even more, then what is my expectations worth. If they can do something and make it seems like its okay because they did not get caught then hey why not cheat cause you might not get caught. Thats just really crazy thinking.
I dnt think you can compare drinking to cheating.....he did tell her he was drinking so he didn't lie to her.??...

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Old 02-29-2012, 10:35 PM
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I don't know that I'd be mad. I'm sure he knows what the risks are. If it's truly not a regular thing then I could handle it...as long as he didn't get caught.
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  #25  
Old 02-29-2012, 10:42 PM
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misscadibaby misscadibaby is offline
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As much as I appreciate and usually LOVE your advice KLewis...my man has NEVER lied to me so how are you even gonna compare this to cheating...he has kept it 100 with me since day 1...I always loved the way you keep it real but I really don't understand where you are coming from here. He has told me the truth even when it was uglier than UGLY. So I really don't get the comparison AT all.
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