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Loving a Long-term Sentenced Offender For those whose loved one is serving 10+ years.

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  #1  
Old 08-02-2011, 03:56 PM
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Question My husband has 20 years...

I am 22 and my husband is 26. The crime he got charged with he didn't do. We have been married for 7 months and together a year. my husband just got out of county jail he was there for 16 months and he has now started his prison time of 20 years 4 days ago. I feel like my worlds crushing. I do everything for my 4 year old daughter and my husband and I have no support other than my husband and daughter. I have cut off everyone because all they have to say is leave him or tell me I need another partner while he's there but I have stayed faithful and plan on staying faithful. Im going crazy and don't know what to do with myself...does it get any easier?

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Old 08-02-2011, 04:02 PM
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I'm very sorry to hear about your situation. You'll have your days. Being in this type of relationships very depressing and difficult. But if you know what you feel and it's worth the bid, I say why not?

The key to survive such a relationship is to be strong in all aspect, from needing/wanting him to be around to a father figure to the children, to missing him, yearning for him, to taking the punches and blows of the every day prison life and circumstance he has to go through. It's terrible hard.

Just a tip, if your husband's case involves DNA testing, you should contact the Innocent's Project.
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Old 08-02-2011, 06:04 PM
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im sorry ur going thru this hun... blessings on u and ur family... u never know things might turn around 4 him especially since he's innocent..... hugs
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Old 08-02-2011, 07:21 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by niks_wifey View Post
I am 22 and my husband is 26. The crime he got charged with he didn't do. We have been married for 7 months and together a year. my husband just got out of county jail he was there for 16 months and he has now started his prison time of 20 years 4 days ago. I feel like my worlds crushing. I do everything for my 4 year old daughter and my husband and I have no support other than my husband and daughter. I have cut off everyone because all they have to say is leave him or tell me I need another partner while he's there but I have stayed faithful and plan on staying faithful. Im going crazy and don't know what to do with myself...does it get any easier?
It is going to take spirtural guidence to get you through this. My husband has been down for 20+ yrs. now. I speak from experince. Although i was not as young as you when I met him I was in my 30's. I kept myself and your daughter involved in all sorts of things, skating, painting, taking college classes, speaking to other women who had been through what I was about to go through making friends that were not judgemental and lv you for you - I wrote letters, made cards, took mini vacations, sent him pictures of where we will go when he comes home. I can not tell you it was easy, however I lv this man, and I KNOW for a fact that he lvs me. The time went by pretty fast - he will be home 2013-14. We have our diffrences and at the end of the day we agree to disagree - and still lv. I want you know that what your husband is about to go through will be very difficult for him as well he is going to need your support. You will learn how to setup guide lines to keep him focused. Keeping your phone bills down using the pen to talk to each other. My prayer are with you I know just what you are going through. If you want to talk feel free to PM me. Learn to lv yourself and once you do that it will prepare you deal with the life that stands before u.
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Old 08-02-2011, 07:33 PM
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i understand what your going through my husband got 25 years and he is in the flordia prison system which they do 85 % of there time its been 11 years and its been hard we got married while he was in jail and he got shipped off two days later its hard and heartbreaking at times but love each and everyday and see him every chance you get make pen and paper your best friend but most of all NEVER allow him to feel he is alone we as wifes girlfriends partners need to love and support them just know you are not alone look for people that visit the same place you do and you will make friends and you will find your support system
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Old 08-02-2011, 10:08 PM
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My boyfriend was given 22 years, 17 to serve and 5 years of parole. He has already served 2 and a half and although I wasn't with him from the start, I can somewhat relate. Some days I feel like I'm going to go insane other days I cope much better. All I can advise is keep contact. Write as often as you can, express your feelings, visit when you can. Keep yourself busy with your daughter and enjoy the things you like doing also. Don't put your life on hold. As for getting easier, all good things come in time xo
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Old 08-30-2011, 11:47 PM
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Thank you so much everyone all your advice helped so much...I really appreciate it
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Old 08-31-2011, 12:09 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CTisMe

It is going to take spirtural guidence to get you through this. My husband has been down for 20+ yrs. now. I speak from experince. Although i was not as young as you when I met him I was in my 30's. I kept myself and your daughter involved in all sorts of things, skating, painting, taking college classes, speaking to other women who had been through what I was about to go through making friends that were not judgemental and lv you for you - I wrote letters, made cards, took mini vacations, sent him pictures of where we will go when he comes home. I can not tell you it was easy, however I lv this man, and I KNOW for a fact that he lvs me. The time went by pretty fast - he will be home 2013-14. We have our diffrences and at the end of the day we agree to disagree - and still lv. I want you know that what your husband is about to go through will be very difficult for him as well he is going to need your support. You will learn how to setup guide lines to keep him focused. Keeping your phone bills down using the pen to talk to each other. My prayer are with you I know just what you are going through. If you want to talk feel free to PM me. Learn to lv yourself and once you do that it will prepare you deal with the life that stands before u.
This was important for me to read thank you. I'm in my 30's and he is going to be 50 next year. We are in month 7 of a 15- life sentence. I worry that we won't ever see each other out here again. We are too old. I don't tell him this but it is a concern of mine. Your posting was just what I needed. Thank you again.
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Old 08-31-2011, 12:40 PM
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I'm sorry you're going through this, hon. I can relate with your situation. I'm in my mid twenties and he's in his late twenties. He hasn't been sentenced yet but we're looking at a mandatory minimum of 17 years. The most I'm concerned about now is if we will ever have kids... He's been in jail for a year now and I'll stay with him cuz I know he's the one I wanna spend my life with. There are days where it's easier and days when it's just so hard that you don't even know how to get through. He will have good days where he can be goofy and loving and he'll have days where he's down, stressed, angry or frustrated by the situation he's in.
We can only take one day at a time and make the best out of it. Keep yourself busy, enjoy your little daugther, let him be part of your life through letters, pictures... Communication is the key. Try to talk problems through so you don't have to hang up in a mad mood, talk about your feelings. I'll keep you and your hubby in my prayers and if you need someone to talk, feel free to pm me.
Take care and keep your head up!!!
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Old 08-31-2011, 01:37 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Beachhouse View Post
This was important for me to read thank you. I'm in my 30's and he is going to be 50 next year. We are in month 7 of a 15- life sentence. I worry that we won't ever see each other out here again. We are too old. I don't tell him this but it is a concern of mine. Your posting was just what I needed. Thank you again.
I am glad that you found my statement important. U are more than welcome. I see that you have a 15 to life sentence, remember that every day that passes things change, in the law and in life! If you are a person who has time to reivew your mans case, to see if there is ANYTHING in his case that the courts may have messed up on, go over the case do research (even if you are not a lawyer) never stop fighting for you loveone. Keep your mind, and body fit and tell your man to do the samething! This is not your end this is your beginning! With internet at your finger tips the possiblites are endless. Never ever feel defeated..... don't take what they give you and remember old is a state of mind..... I give you WELL and PEACE my sista in this struggle.......
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Old 08-31-2011, 09:57 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CTisMe

I am glad that you found my statement important. U are more than welcome. I see that you have a 15 to life sentence, remember that every day that passes things change, in the law and in life! If you are a person who has time to reivew your mans case, to see if there is ANYTHING in his case that the courts may have messed up on, go over the case do research (even if you are not a lawyer) never stop fighting for you loveone. Keep your mind, and body fit and tell your man to do the samething! This is not your end this is your beginning! With internet at your finger tips the possiblites are endless. Never ever feel defeated..... don't take what they give you and remember old is a state of mind..... I give you WELL and PEACE my sista in this struggle.......
Thanks! His appeal is soon. Well the opening brief. We have so much hope the life gets dropped. Stupid mandatory min. I am trying to get my body fit and he went in doing like 20 pushups and does 200 now. Though he's stressed lately because roommates haven't been compatible in anyway. he needs to get back to it. I keep his mind working because I'm young and quick. He has to work a bit to keep up. Coffee helps. I tease him and try to keep each letter fresh.

I have a very hard time imagining him here for longer than a few yrs. Its inconceivable.
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Old 09-07-2011, 09:33 PM
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Just thought I'd drop in and say thanks for these threads. I fit this bill (long termer, out here with our baby doing the best I can) and love reading posts from the other women in this situation because it reminds me how much we and our men and children are loved despite what others may say or think. Best of luck and blessings to all of you.
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Old 09-10-2011, 03:06 PM
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We're doing 15 for something he didn't do also. Unfortunately, no DNA just a lot of words that were crap! I've lost all respect for LE, truth, justice, the Constitution, the Bill of Rights . . . because I know they don't exist in reality. Only people who've never been where we are believe they still exist.

But, that's not what I spend my energy on. I spent a lot of energy on it the first year, but I knew I wouldn't make it over the long haul if I didn't find a way to lay that negative energy down. Not easy, but I did it.

Now, I have energy to do the things that will improve our life when he comes home. Since I'll be 78, I'm doing a lot of healthy stuff (fortunately the women in my gene pool live long lives!). I'm still working full-time because I choose to. We have a "bucket list" for when he comes home (nothing to do with dying), and everyday I try to move closer to one of them . . . save a little money, research a little info, explore what it will take . . .

Life is as good as it can be . . . until it is completed when he comes home.
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Old 09-11-2011, 01:00 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by niks_wifey View Post
I am 22 and my husband is 26. The crime he got charged with he didn't do. We have been married for 7 months and together a year. my husband just got out of county jail he was there for 16 months and he has now started his prison time of 20 years 4 days ago. I feel like my worlds crushing. I do everything for my 4 year old daughter and my husband and I have no support other than my husband and daughter. I have cut off everyone because all they have to say is leave him or tell me I need another partner while he's there but I have stayed faithful and plan on staying faithful. Im going crazy and don't know what to do with myself...does it get any easier?

I can relate to you. My husband and I married at 19 and he went to prison at 19 to serve 25 years (he's required to serve at least 20). We are on year number 15 with 5 more to go as it stands today. Will it get easier? Some parts will but you will have your days. A few days ago my husband was experiencing one of those hard days. I received two cards and letter today just for him to tell me that he loves me and that he misses me so much and that he wants to come home. Whatever you do, don't forget to live or the time he is gone will eat you up. You say that you don't have any support, then I suggest you find someone who can support you because you will need it. This relationship is not for the faint of heart and I could not imagine doing it alone. If you remain faithful and devoted, you'll get through. Just take it, how you wake up, one day at a time. Good Luck.
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Old 09-12-2011, 11:46 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CTisMe View Post
It is going to take spirtural guidence to get you through this. My husband has been down for 20+ yrs. now. I speak from experince. Although i was not as young as you when I met him I was in my 30's. I kept myself and your daughter involved in all sorts of things, skating, painting, taking college classes, speaking to other women who had been through what I was about to go through making friends that were not judgemental and lv you for you - I wrote letters, made cards, took mini vacations, sent him pictures of where we will go when he comes home. I can not tell you it was easy, however I lv this man, and I KNOW for a fact that he lvs me. The time went by pretty fast - he will be home 2013-14. We have our diffrences and at the end of the day we agree to disagree - and still lv. I want you know that what your husband is about to go through will be very difficult for him as well he is going to need your support. You will learn how to setup guide lines to keep him focused. Keeping your phone bills down using the pen to talk to each other. My prayer are with you I know just what you are going through. If you want to talk feel free to PM me. Learn to lv yourself and once you do that it will prepare you deal with the life that stands before u.
Thank you so much for posting this!
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Old 09-13-2011, 02:12 AM
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I understand how u feel about your family and friends but i dnt let it get to me im 26 and my man is 31 and he had 20 years too......#keepurheadup
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Old 09-15-2011, 10:53 AM
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Originally Posted by mrs. texas
I understand how u feel about your family and friends but i dnt let it get to me im 26 and my man is 31 and he had 20 years too......#keepurheadup
Thanks so much im learning slowly but Surely how to deal with everything and not let anything get to me or in my head. When does or did your man get out. And does 20 years go quick or drag? Thanks again...

*He's my forever-Nikolas Francis Glynn Campbell*
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Old 09-15-2011, 11:52 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cara1947
We're doing 15 for something he didn't do also. Unfortunately, no DNA just a lot of words that were crap! I've lost all respect for LE, truth, justice, the Constitution, the Bill of Rights . . . because I know they don't exist in reality. Only people who've never been where we are believe they still exist.

But, that's not what I spend my energy on. I spent a lot of energy on it the first year, but I knew I wouldn't make it over the long haul if I didn't find a way to lay that negative energy down. Not easy, but I did it.

Now, I have energy to do the things that will improve our life when he comes home. Since I'll be 78, I'm doing a lot of healthy stuff (fortunately the women in my gene pool live long lives!). I'm still working full-time because I choose to. We have a "bucket list" for when he comes home (nothing to do with dying), and everyday I try to move closer to one of them . . . save a little money, research a little info, explore what it will take . . .

Life is as good as it can be . . . until it is completed when he comes home.
This is similar to us. We Will be old when he gets out. He got 15- l and we are working on appealing to get the L removed. The not knowing if you will ever get out is such a hard thing to deal with. It haunts him every day. I just take it day by day, or visit to visit.
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Old 09-15-2011, 03:40 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Beachhouse

This is similar to us. We Will be old when he gets out. He got 15- l and we are working on appealing to get the L removed. The not knowing if you will ever get out is such a hard thing to deal with. It haunts him every day. I just take it day by day, or visit to visit.
Yeah my husband is innocent too and the only thing against him is words also the so called witnesses. Which i am also a witness against them so i know the whole truth I totally understand how you feel...

*He's my forever-Nikolas Francis Glynn Campbell*
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Old 09-16-2011, 08:50 PM
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Yeah my husband is innocent too and the only thing against him is words also the so called witnesses. Which i am also a witness against them so i know the whole truth I totally understand how you feel...

*He's my forever-Nikolas Francis Glynn Campbell*
Today it's so hard. I miss him and want him here. Not for me but for him, to see him breathing in the scent of the world.
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Old 09-17-2011, 11:31 AM
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Today it's so hard. I miss him and want him here. Not for me but for him, to see him breathing in the scent of the world.
I'm so sorry sweety.
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Old 09-17-2011, 12:21 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Beachhouse

Today it's so hard. I miss him and want him here. Not for me but for him, to see him breathing in the scent of the world.
Im sorry girl..just stay strong and keep your head up. The way us women worry about our men instead of ourselves. Hope your doing good yourself .Mondays gonna be hard its our one year anniversary...

*He's my forever-Nikolas Francis Glynn Campbell*
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