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GPT Phones, Mail, and Visitation Discussions Please post topics or discussions here that do not fit in the appropriate state or federal forums.

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  #1  
Old 01-22-2011, 06:32 PM
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Default Visit....why would he refuse?

I just don't get it. Why would he refuse a visit knowing it's a 4 hour drive? I just don't know how I'm supposed to react.

Is there a legitimate reason an inmate would want to refuse a visit?
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Old 01-22-2011, 06:36 PM
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Maybe he was sick... He's not gonna go out if he's glued to the toilet throwin up or something...IDK hopefully he will call you. Sorry Sweetie.
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Old 01-22-2011, 06:38 PM
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Did you have an argument? I have seen visits refused, but normally the inmate is mad at the visitor.
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Old 01-22-2011, 06:39 PM
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Wow sorry this happened maybe he is sick unless he probably has a issue doesnt want to face . Find out then write him and tell him u highly upset.
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Old 01-22-2011, 06:39 PM
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* Sick
*Upset about something
*Maybe though it was someone else and denied it by mistake
*Expecting another visit/on a visit with someone else
*Dealing with a crisis inside that had to be handled at that moment

Not sure if this happened to you, but if it did Im sorry that you drove all that way for nothing. Those 4-hour drives are no joke.
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Old 01-22-2011, 06:41 PM
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I agree that he could have been sick. Have you visited him before? I only ask that, because when my brother did his bid he REFUSED to have any visits the whole 5 years he was down. He said it was just too hard to see everyone from the outside knowing the hell he had to back to. He loved the letters, but as far as visits and him calling, he wouldn't do either. He said hearing our voices or seeing us was just a lot to hadle and would make him more homesick.

Now, my guy thankfully hasn't refused any visits, but i told him if ever it got too hard for him to see me or call, to just write me and let me know. He may just have a lot of things going on in his mind right now. HONESTLY doubt it has anything to do with your relationship, but maybe everything just hit him REALLY hard.

Let us know what you find out! And try your damndest to keep your head up babe
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Old 01-22-2011, 07:21 PM
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I can not think of a "good" reason.

Unless, maybe he was attacked recently and did not want to upset you with the bruises.

That would be the only good reason I can think of.
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Old 01-22-2011, 07:31 PM
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I can't think of a good enough reason either. He should have came out and said that he was sick, something going on at the time or whatever. He wouldn't have had to stay for visit the whole time and it would have been nice if he wasn't going to be able to visit after you drove for four hours, to at least come out and tell you why.
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Old 01-22-2011, 07:34 PM
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Oh right now I can only think of two one he was sick and was unable to visit but they would tell you that so the other is they did not want to visit with you. If thats the case thats really shitty!!! I'm so sorry that something like this happened.
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Old 01-22-2011, 07:40 PM
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The only excuse I would accept is if he thought it was someone else visiting. Is he able to call? I'd be mad as hell if I were you. How dare he refuse that adorable face? Shame!
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Old 01-22-2011, 07:50 PM
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wow. i hate to say it but the only thing i would think of if i was denied a visit is he must have someone else coming up. if he was sick, he could have told the CO & the CO could have told you.
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Old 01-22-2011, 07:50 PM
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well i remember the one time my X told me not to come visit and it was because he was getting tattoo work done. He didnt want to get nailed in visiting with a big red fresh tattoos on him.
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Old 01-23-2011, 09:35 AM
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Did he know you were supposed to be coming?

Please don't jump to conclusions, with the DOC you never know, they could have lied, called the wrong inmate, told him the wrong person was there to visit etc.

Yesterday it took my BF 1 hour 10 min to get in the visiting room. At an hour I went to see what was up and they called him **again**. The CO's jammed him up when he got into the visiting room, saying why didn't you come out. MY BF knew we were going to be there, I talked to him about 10 minutes before I got to the prison. If they called him he would have been out there! I know they must have forgotten to call him, and then they tried to play it off! So really you never know with DOC...

I hope you get some answers soon. I would be so upset, driving 4 hours is nothing nice, and to turn around and have to drive right back might push me over the edge
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Old 01-23-2011, 09:41 AM
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My man always wants me to let him know that I'm coming. He says if I try to surprise visit him, he will refuse. He don't want to see his mother or sisters, and if I don't tell him its me, he won't come down...
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Old 01-23-2011, 11:01 PM
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If an inmate is taking too long to get ready for a visit, the co may try to rush him. I have heard officers threaten to tell their loved ones that they refused the visit if they did not hurry up and exit the building. Sometimes it is not even the fault of the inmate. The tower officer may not open the door to let him out. There may have been a mandatory yard recall. If he was in his cell, the tower may not have even opened his door at all, then to cover their mistake, they just say he refused. Not trying to say that all co's are like this, but it does happen. It happens too often, in fact.
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Old 01-24-2011, 11:32 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by codewarrior2007 View Post
I just don't get it. Why would he refuse a visit knowing it's a 4 hour drive? I just don't know how I'm supposed to react.

Is there a legitimate reason an inmate would want to refuse a visit?
First - you might want to read this post...

An Alternative Thought on Prison Visitation

Second, is it really helpful to you to stress about this until you find out from him what the situation was?

The poster is right that if he were sick, or injured he could have sent word - the unit officers are happy to call the visiting room officers...any opportunity to BS is a welcome one...

Speculation really doesn't do anything except fuel your feelings of (justifiable) anger (and, frankly, after a four hour drive it had better be a darned good reason, no matter WHAT the situation...)

Did you plan the visit in advance? "Surprise" visits are not always welcome, and the posters who mentioned the tattoo situation are quite right, since people get searched after visits and fresh tattoos are a sure shot to the hole.

In a lot of years behind bars, I really haven't seen what CrazyMailMan outlined about CO's purposely screwing with people's visits, with the exception of a couple of times when the guys were playing the manipulative card and just wanted to keep their friend cooling her heels while she waited on him, as some kind of sick control thing (and I saw that often enough), or their primping in front of the mirror reached epic proportions. And the primping problems only happened when visits were un-announced and the dude didn't realize that in prison clothes everyone looks alike anyway, and after driving four hours, no one really pays any attention to the precision creases in your pants.

I, for one, will be curious about what you have to report back. Just remember that the one to take care of in all this, is YOU!
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Old 01-26-2011, 03:44 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CrazyMailMan View Post
If an inmate is taking too long to get ready for a visit, the co may try to rush him. I have heard officers threaten to tell their loved ones that they refused the visit if they did not hurry up and exit the building. Sometimes it is not even the fault of the inmate. The tower officer may not open the door to let him out. There may have been a mandatory yard recall. If he was in his cell, the tower may not have even opened his door at all, then to cover their mistake, they just say he refused. Not trying to say that all co's are like this, but it does happen. It happens too often, in fact.
What Thomas (CrazyMailMan) says. There are a variety of perspectives that we don't always get when it comes to prison. The wise CrazyMailMan speaks from experience. I have friends who work in the prison systems and they've told me many, many tales about the CO's covering their mistakes by lying. It's the 'human' part of being a CO and the 'human' aspect of the whole system. There will be errors, mistakes and misinformation. Keep that in mind, k?
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Old 01-26-2011, 05:14 AM
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four hours of driving and then the visit is turned down? Then four hours driving home... I'd be fumin'!

codewarrior, the crowd can speculate all day long with one theory just as feasible as the next. the only answer you're going to get is going to be from him.

I hope you find out soon!
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Old 01-26-2011, 05:28 AM
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Have you found out why yet?? I hope it was a good reason!! Four hours is a long way to drive for nothing.
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Old 01-26-2011, 06:12 AM
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I would be upset, but I would wait to hear from him as to why before I reacted. It could be all the things the others said. Don't jump the gun til you know for sure why. Then react as you choose
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Old 01-26-2011, 05:17 PM
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i would be upset but then again 4 hours is too long of a drive for me to just do a surprise visit on my guy. You never know whats going on in these prisons.
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Old 02-22-2011, 12:52 AM
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A visit from my family always left all of us exhausted and drained!
I loved the visit but hated it too (:
you have to leave the prison world and deal with the free world
and it's tough on everyone. I hated my family to drive 9 hours!
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Old 02-26-2011, 09:59 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by luvmyjack View Post
A visit from my family always left all of us exhausted and drained!
I loved the visit but hated it too (:
you have to leave the prison world and deal with the free world
and it's tough on everyone. I hated my family to drive 9 hours!
You might be amazed how many people feel that way. It really is emotionally exhausting to shift gears and perspectives.
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Old 02-26-2011, 04:03 PM
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My guy doesn't like me driving 2.5-3 hours each way in a 1990 vehicle either and he worries half to death until he gets my jpay letter saying we made it home (I always take my 20 year old son with me and drop him at a friends nearby) to the point that I switched my visit day from Friday's to Tuesday's to work around his classes too. That way he's not worried all weekend since our calls are limited because of the cost. He loves my visits but they do stress him out because of that so because of that and gas prices, we only a once a month now

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Old 03-08-2011, 08:15 AM
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I hope U find out something. I would be FUMING if I had drove 4 hours and he refused my visit. In fact no matter how far I drive. I am afraid it would cause me to act a fool and start cursing or something.
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