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  #1  
Old 01-16-2011, 08:18 PM
guera729 guera729 is offline
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Default Can we still get married if there is a restraining order?

Can my baby and i get married even tho there is a restraining order???
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Old 01-16-2011, 08:29 PM
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No. The facility has to give permission for the wedding/marriage and with a restraining order, they are not going to do that. Sorry sweetie....
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Old 01-16-2011, 08:46 PM
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So that means that i wont even get approved to go visit him???
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Old 01-16-2011, 08:50 PM
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No, that's highly unlikely.
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Old 01-16-2011, 08:51 PM
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in the prison my hubby is at, no u cannot get married and defenetly not visit if there is a restraining order. my advice to u is to try to call them and ask and for u to think about this for ur own sake, u did not say but there must be a reason there is a restraining order, u should focus more on trying to fix things and making sure this is what u want, then making a big mistake by getting married. this is just my opinion, i wish u the best just advicing u to make the right decision because getting married is a huge step, and it should be taken seriously.
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Old 01-16-2011, 09:04 PM
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Yeah i understand what you are saying. Marriage is something very special and for that reason i tell my babe that we should just wait until he comes home. i first want to see that he has changed and that things will work out.
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Old 01-16-2011, 10:09 PM
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If by saying you want to see if he's changed, I assume that at least part of the reason he's in has to do with offending against you. If that's the case, you definitely don't want to tie yourself into a marriage with someone who is not acting in YOUR best interest.
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Old 01-17-2011, 11:11 AM
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I'm just curious to know why there's a restraining order - and what has happened that you are now considering marriage? You need to get a judge to reverse the order if you want to be allowed to visit him, let alone marry!
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Old 01-17-2011, 11:14 AM
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Think long and hard about marrying someone who did things to cause a restraining order to be put in place.Issues they have before marriage,generally only tend to get worse.
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Old 01-17-2011, 01:43 PM
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Hopefully not. Sorry to be blunt, but to get a 5 year sentence and a 10 year NCO there had to be some serious abuse....or it was in front of your child. I hope beyond hope that you are receiving counseling for whatever he might have done to you.
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Old 01-17-2011, 01:51 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by guera729 View Post
Can my baby and i get married even tho there is a restraining order???
Sorry I am going to be blunt - but why would you want to get married to someone you have a restraining order on? There has to be a very good and valid reason you have this against him - I would ask that you seek guidance from a counselor before ever releasing the order let alone marrying/visiting him
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Old 01-17-2011, 01:59 PM
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Honestly, they won't and if it is a no contact order they will not allow you to communicate either, or visit.
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Old 01-17-2011, 01:59 PM
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Why do you want to be with someone that there is a restraining order on ?? When I put the restraining order on my now EX I knew I NEVER wanted to be hurt by him again. He only spent 5 days in county and I was scared for a long time he would try something or steal our kids.

Finally after he got counseling and I knew he was more stable I did go to court and dropped my restraining order but there was one imposed by the DA that could not be dropped and lasted 3 yrs in which he could not be alone with our kids. I was kinda thankful for that because it still made him accountable for his actions. !!

Please think and rethink about what you are wanting do. You are worth more than being someones punching bag. God did not make you for that reason !!
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Old 01-17-2011, 02:24 PM
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I put a restraining order on my ex and then tried to drop it but the judge put an automatic 3 year on there. Sorry hun, you can visit while he's in county (in LA) because that information is really not accesible in a timely manner but once he's in prison they will deny your application.
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Old 01-17-2011, 02:28 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by guera729 View Post
Can my baby and i get married even tho there is a restraining order???
No you can't. You won't be able to visit and if you have contact with him, he could end up in the hole.
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Old 01-21-2011, 10:35 PM
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Damnnn i dont even know what to say after reading all this.
I understand that what he did was wrong but the only reason he got so much time was b/c he is a 2 striker. He had got those 2 strikes about 10 yrs ago.

I am not trying to make up excuses but the reason him & i had issues was b/c he started using drugs. i would argue with him b.c of that and that would tic him off and an huge agruement would start. until one day he got very violent in front of ur daughter (while she was in another room) and the cops ended up showin up
since he was on parole they took him in right away.
i was very mad at that moment b/c i had found out he had cheated on me a month before of lil one was born so i went to court and i seriously didnt want him every getting out. but after time was passin by i just couldnt deal with the fact that i stil loved him.
i stop goin to court and that is when he got his time.
he was lookin at life b/c of his record.

i know that there is a chance that he might not change but i wont know until he comes home. i am not planning on marry him while he is in there why b/c i believe i deserve more than just a prison wedding ( no offence on any one who has gotten married in prison)
i seriously need to first see and know that he is a changed man.
i love him but if he does go back to the same thing i promised myself that it would be the END of him and i.
but until then i am stayin by his side.
While he is locked up there is nothing harmful he can do.

But i really do hope i do get approved to see him.
i heard that it all depends on what prison he is at.
If i get denied will our daughter get denied too???
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Old 01-21-2011, 11:11 PM
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in California your daughter will not be denied, not ever, but if the person who is taking her is not on his list, she won't get in either.

Your story sounds like there is abuse, cheating, drugs, etc. and all that equals unhappiness. I know there's always a reason, something we could have done better, etc. but still...there are men who won't put you through so much drama. Take a good look at it all and how your future will be by his side before you commit.
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Old 01-22-2011, 03:45 AM
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Hon, as esteli said, you've got previous criminal history, violence, drugs, cheating and abuse. What about that is such a wonderful package that you are willing to expose your daughter (and your self) to another go-round? He hasn't learned anything! Not only that, but as long as you stick by him, he figures that it wasn't so bad . . . after all, you didn't leave, so it wasn't awful-awful.

The odds of him changing with that kind of history are really, really low. Like single-digit low. Even with a batterer's course plus drug rehab the chances of change are really, really low. You are wasting time and love on someone who probably will never be safe for you or for your daughter. You absolutely don't want her growing up in that kind of atmosphere. You don't want to raise her to think that this is acceptable, OK, normal. You don't want to keep exposing her to the vibes of a home with drug abuse and the arguments, the hostility, the potential for serious harm.
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Old 01-22-2011, 04:49 AM
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If you are in contact with him you are violating a restraining order. Just because he is in prison does not negate a court order!!! Get some help, before you end up in trouble, also your child deserves better then that.
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