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Met While Incarcerated Were you introduced by a friend or family member after he/she was incarcerated? Did you meet as Pen Pals? This Forum is for you!

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  #26  
Old 11-02-2010, 04:38 PM
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we've been together 5 years. he's been in and out during those 5 years. we've lived together, gone through a rough pregnancy, caught new charges, and are still going strong. we fall more inlove with every passing day. no lie, when they come home its rough. its rough living with anybody new for the first time though. your space is no longer YOUR space. the way you like things done, is not the way things will ALWAYS be done. you have to remember they spent years being locked up and monitored. they get smothered easily when they first come home. things are hard but after a month or two things become normal. it takes time and work. most people dont want to give it time and work on it. the biggest advice i can ever give to a MWI homecming is dont smother him. yes, you just spent the last x amount of years lonely...falling asleep alone, going out alone, being depressed over him, etc...but he just spent the last x amount of years (more years that you in 95% of cases...unless you met him when he first went down) never being alone, being surrounded by bunky(s), COs, etc...being told when to eat, sleep, smoke, shower etc. many of these guys havent used the bathroom alone since theyve been down! the last thing they want is to feel smothered...and they wont react well to it.
this is what i so try to think of is the space they need , yes we are going thru an adjustment but they are going thru one also and i just think about as exciting and emotional as it is they need space and i feel like ill need space, thank you for sharing your experience its very helpful, damn i cant imagine not using the bathroom or showering alone, i cannot imagine!! its so hard to remember that the prison is a whole different world, and it also depends on the place and the amount of time i think how long the adjustment will take. i think my relationship has improved since i been on here instead of talking to him all the time about some of these feelings, yes i still talk to him but now i feel like i have more support other than him because family and friends, i cant talk to them. i think even after they are home staying in touch is very good, thanks for giving us alot of encouragement and wisdom
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  #27  
Old 11-02-2010, 08:16 PM
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this is what i so try to think of is the space they need , yes we are going thru an adjustment but they are going thru one also and i just think about as exciting and emotional as it is they need space and i feel like ill need space, thank you for sharing your experience its very helpful, damn i cant imagine not using the bathroom or showering alone, i cannot imagine!! its so hard to remember that the prison is a whole different world, and it also depends on the place and the amount of time i think how long the adjustment will take. i think my relationship has improved since i been on here instead of talking to him all the time about some of these feelings, yes i still talk to him but now i feel like i have more support other than him because family and friends, i cant talk to them. i think even after they are home staying in touch is very good, thanks for giving us alot of encouragement and wisdom

you're welcome. its hard for a female not to want to spend every minute with him after spending so long alone. smothering them makes them feel like you are their new personal CO and your home, their home, is their new personal prison. its hard to not smother them, very hard, and it takes time and work to get things right. alotta people give up too easy. dont give up. it really took us about 8 weeks before things were normal. i feel like one of the biggest reason any relationship fails after an inmate comes home is because the transition is rough on both parts and it takes time to normalize things, just dont give up.
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  #28  
Old 11-02-2010, 08:47 PM
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GeckoBrat, amen! I was sitting here writting in my journal for my bae (decided to keep all myy emotions in a journal for him once he gets out instead of overloading his shoulders or holding it all in) anyways I was writing about how much I truly love him & believes he's sincere but my what ifs kept popping in my head. What if we don't last, what if what if what if. But I was lead to the page and directly to this thread and u ladies have refilled my fountain of hope! I'm a pessimist sometmes and I let it get the best of me but u guys reminded me that its not promises regardless if MWI or even a man who never was in prison. The lady who spoke of taking chances, thank you! You are so right, who's to say he's not mr right, and how would we find mr right without taking a chance regardless. PTO, you guys are the greatest, I pray I can come back with a success story of me and my MWI
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  #29  
Old 11-04-2010, 11:23 AM
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We're MWI/MBI and we've been together for a year and counting. He came out in May 2010 and went back in (Oct, 2010) but we're still together. I believe that every MWI relationship is different so there is really no way this can be answered.
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