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  #1  
Old 07-29-2010, 10:29 AM
Johnsgurl2010 Johnsgurl2010 is offline
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Question I'm scared of whats going to happen when he gets out....

Well I have visited this site alot over the last 3 years, but never really posted anything. But I figured I would give it a try and see if anyone out there has any advice for me.

John and I met before he went to jail. Things were amazing. He is a great guy in so many ways. I knew that there was a possiblity of him going to jail, but that didnt stop me from being with him. Well He went in in May of 2007. I guess you can say we werent really "together" at that time. We were just friends. He refused to be with me because he didnt know what was going to happen. Well shortly after he went to jail, I got pregnant.

He wasnt upset or anything because we wernt "together" him and his family were very supportive of me. Now that my baby is 2, he considers her his own child.

He lives in OH and I live in TN. I hadnt visited him 1 time until last weeked. Its not because I didnt want to.... I cant really even say why I didnt. But last weeks visit was AWESOME! It was like nothing ever changed since the last time we saw each other. And Now I am planning on going to see him again in the next month or so.

Since about Jan of this year we have officially been "together" But I am so worried about whats going to happen when he gets out. I know he loves me, I know his family loves me, and we all love them. But I just dont know what to expect, or what to think. I think to much and I just wish I could turn it off and just go with it...

Any help or advice would be awesome!

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  #2  
Old 07-29-2010, 12:07 PM
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well my man hasnt got out so I dont know for sure but I think all the writing has taken our relationship to a deeper level and I think we are going to come out even stronger than we were before. We had been dating 2 months before he went in and I had deep feelings for him but we still were very awkward in communicating how we felt. Writing and not being able to physically be together caused us to concentrate on feelings and expressing those feelings and at first we'd only write about love and our future, then it made it to phone calls, then visits and now thats all we talk about. LOL

Relationships based on communication are the ones that work... and so you got something on your side since jail relationships REQUIRE communication to work

Good Luck to you!!
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  #3  
Old 07-29-2010, 11:18 PM
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Its just the chance that you have to take if you love him.
Nobody knows what the future holds for us.
Its kinda like, my man went to jail for a DV..will he still hit me and treat me like shit when he gets out?
Nobody knows..

Just remember if you really love him, and he makes you happy...then wait.
See what happens...if things go bad when he gets out, well then, it was never meant to be. you wasted yuor time, you've learned your lesson...and go on with your life.

Just the chances you have to take I guess..


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(I should be telling myself this! ha)
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Old 08-01-2010, 11:12 PM
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i believe many people are apprehensive about it, because we really don't know, nobody knows. we either take the chance or don't. life is choices...hmm.
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Old 08-02-2010, 09:13 AM
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It sounds like you two have good chemistry. Hopefully he will want to maintan a relationship. But most importantly, both of you should be working on developing your goals, dreams, and aspirations. Love is good but if the bills aren't being paid it can go sour very quickly. My advice to you would be to embrace what you have, continue developing your friendship/relationship with him (one day at a time) and work on making yourself better in the mean time. Don't sweat the small stuff; enjoy life and go with the flow.
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Old 08-02-2010, 09:41 AM
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I know for mine it's going to be a struggle for him and if he struggles we are going to struggle and if he decides to go back to that quick money life I'm out.

I was able to get him accepted into a job training and hiring program once he gets out and that puts him ahead of the game but who knows? He's learing how to apply for money to return to school and all that good stuff but still who knows?

Bottom line is no one knows and if you believe in statistics these are high risk relationships with a low chance of making it.

If you love him and he loves you you'll have to wait and see.

Good Luck
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Old 09-01-2010, 01:28 AM
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Im scared of whats gonna happen when charles gets out too. He says that there are 3 people in da picture in his mind and only two remain. He wants me to leave my husband for him.
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Old 09-01-2010, 06:35 AM
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I use to be scared too. I just simply decided to stop worrying about an unknown future and live in the moment. If you are happy NOW and feel things are moving in the right direction, let tomorrow take care of itself.
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Old 09-01-2010, 08:16 AM
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Im really glad this thread was posted.. I too am scared of the unknown and whats going to happen when he gets out. But I guess it just comes with the package.
Me and my man have been together for 8 months & just like JohnsGirl going into the relationship I knew there was a possibility of him doing time. But that was always on the backburner for me. We had such a good relationship, communication was great and we really fell in love.

All I can hope for is that this time will be different. But we never really know.. Its hard because he really betrayed my trust before going in, so for me to put all my trust in him again and believe everything he tells me has been kinda difficult, but its gotten easier because i love him so much and i want things to work out.

I hope that while he's in there he take advantage of his time to think about all the things that need to change & hopefully knowing he wont be here for the birth of his child will strike a nerve in his brain and give him a reality check.
I feel for him in a way because I just want him to be the wonderful father and husband i know he can be... but only he can make it happen.

On the bright side, this site has really helped me because at first I didnt know ANYTHING about the prison system or how it was gonna be, and now I kinda have an understanding. So I can kinda defend myself and not just rely on him for all the info.
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Old 09-01-2010, 08:53 AM
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I certainly worry too sometimes. It's natural in this kind of situation or even with any relationships on the outside. But it is far less worrysome now. It's kinda that "let go and let God" thing for me now. I don't want to waste too much time worrying about the bad stuff and not be thankful for the good that should happen. This doesn't mean I take a blind eye to reality. I know things are gonna be tough. But I also know that we are both fighters in this life and we will fight for our love to stay strong and to make it out together. ;-) Love ya, girl!
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Old 09-01-2010, 08:59 AM
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I think anybody on here that claims they aren't scared on here aren't looking at the reality of the situation when their man is released.

R and I were together 2 years before he went in and have two beautiful daughters. I love him with every ounce of my being. I am scared to death about what is going to happen once he is released. We are both recovering addicts and money will be tight. How will we be once the honeymoon phase after release is over and reality sets in? I think if we didn't question it then we are setting ourselves up for disappointment or failure.
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Old 09-01-2010, 09:01 AM
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Yea I still get scared, but Im doing okay RIGHT NOW. Its basically day by day for me. Its never easy. But I try. I try to make the best of this situation, and I know that if by some awful means, things do end, I will never regret anything. J is an AMAZING man. Thats really the bottom line. And I love him with my entire heart.
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Old 09-01-2010, 10:52 AM
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I have read alot of your posts throughout different forms and you seem to be a very intelligent woman... I know it might be scary at first, because you dont know what to expect or the unknown; but I think its just your nerves in a scramble... You got a good head on your shoulders and youll do fine...
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Old 09-01-2010, 10:56 AM
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Thanks Smokeyswife! I think ur right. My nerves do get the best of me at times and then my mind goes in 1564567897 million directions. Sometimes I just need to shake myself!!!
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Old 09-01-2010, 04:55 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GinaH View Post
I think anybody on here that claims they aren't scared on here aren't looking at the reality of the situation when their man is released.

R and I were together 2 years before he went in and have two beautiful daughters. I love him with every ounce of my being. I am scared to death about what is going to happen once he is released. We are both recovering addicts and money will be tight. How will we be once the honeymoon phase after release is over and reality sets in? I think if we didn't question it then we are setting ourselves up for disappointment or failure.
I feel you on this one girl!! Me and my man are both recovering addicts as welll. He relapsed before he got swentenced which is why he ended up getting locked up before hand because he missed his court date.
And this was just when I moved out of fl when we decided we were gonna move and settle down, so its kinda hard because if he messed up then, he could always mess up now.

Like I said in my last post, im just hoping that he wakes up and see what a strain this puts on him, our relationship,me and his family.

Just gotta keep our heads up!!!
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Old 09-01-2010, 05:19 PM
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I think your worries are natural especially since you weren't official before he was incarcerated. How much longer does he have?
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Old 09-01-2010, 05:26 PM
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Quote:
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I think your worries are natural especially since you weren't official before he was incarcerated. How much longer does he have?
Hes getting out in April... im going to see him again in Oct..
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Old 09-01-2010, 05:31 PM
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Quote:
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Hes getting out in April... im going to see him again in Oct..
It won't be long until you find out the answer to your question first hand. Hang tight and enjoy the love right now. It'll be ok.
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Old 09-01-2010, 05:41 PM
Johnsgurl2010 Johnsgurl2010 is offline
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Yea, i think it will be okay.. i mean, for the most part things between us are really good. and if it doesnt work out, i will BEAT HIM DOWNNNNNNN
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Old 09-01-2010, 07:54 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Johnsgurl2010 View Post
Well I have visited this site alot over the last 3 years, but never really posted anything. But I figured I would give it a try and see if anyone out there has any advice for me.

John and I met before he went to jail. Things were amazing. He is a great guy in so many ways. I knew that there was a possiblity of him going to jail, but that didnt stop me from being with him. Well He went in in May of 2007. I guess you can say we werent really "together" at that time. We were just friends. He refused to be with me because he didnt know what was going to happen. Well shortly after he went to jail, I got pregnant.

He wasnt upset or anything because we wernt "together" him and his family were very supportive of me. Now that my baby is 2, he considers her his own child.

He lives in OH and I live in TN. I hadnt visited him 1 time until last weeked. Its not because I didnt want to.... I cant really even say why I didnt. But last weeks visit was AWESOME! It was like nothing ever changed since the last time we saw each other. And Now I am planning on going to see him again in the next month or so.

Since about Jan of this year we have officially been "together" But I am so worried about whats going to happen when he gets out. I know he loves me, I know his family loves me, and we all love them. But I just dont know what to expect, or what to think. I think to much and I just wish I could turn it off and just go with it...

Any help or advice would be awesome!

Thanks

It is scary, my man comes home soon, and he has been in since 1999, and we also knew eachother prior to his incarceration. We have been on and off since 2005. Long story, most of which is posted on here.. lol I think the one good thing about really getting to know them again, is that it's highly emotional. It's a friendship as well as a relationship. Of course when he gets oput, there will be a whole new dynamic.. like fighting over leaving the toothpaste lid off among other things lol .. lol but it's gonna be well worth it. I had followed your posts a lil , when you had not heard from him. I am called it's all ok! I was hoping it worked out. anyway.. as I tell everyone who has an opinion about me being with a man in prison.. I don't know till I try.. and I love him enought to try.
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