If you cant take the heat get out of the kitchen!

[rockys lil girl]

we are all grown women on this site. since when has it become acceptable to blame others for your poor choices.i am so tired of reading cheating excuses,the most prevalent one being,"he abandoned his family and went to prison.." yes,i can understand why some women would leave their men upon their arrest. child molestation,etc. i wouldn't stay either. if you don't want to stay that's understandable.but then be honest with him and close that door before opening the door to have sex with other men. two wrongs NEVER make a right. to use your man's poor choices for justification is cowardly,selfish and not only are you deceiving your mate,you're deceiving yourself too. this is jmo,no judging as this is NOT direct at any certain person.

[determined823]

Originally Posted by rockys lil girl

we are all grown women on this site. since when has it become acceptable to blame others for your poor choices.i am so tired of reading cheating excuses,the most prevalent one being,"he abandoned his family and went to prison.." yes,i can understand why some women would leave their men upon their arrest. child molestation,etc. i wouldn't stay either. if you don't want to stay that's understandable.but then be honest with him and close that door before opening the door to have sex with other men. two wrongs NEVER make a right. to use your man's poor choices for justification is cowardly,selfish and not only are you deceiving your mate,you're deceiving yourself too. this is jmo,no judging as this is NOT direct at any certain person.

Very true!

[J&D7]

I agree that using your man in prison as an excuse to cheat is not right.

But the simple fact is, life is not black and white. There is a lot of hurt, lonliness, pain and resentment that comes along with all this sometimes... and shit happens. Most people dont set out to cheat, it just happens.

But anyway, Im not condoning it at all. And from someone whose been cheated on several times, I can say that there is nothing worse than being cheated on and it takes real guts for someone to admit to it.

[mrs.bug]

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!! All the posts about "Oh yea he definitely abadoned you if he's in prison" and "Well of course she cheated on him he left her because he's locked up" are making me sick!

If your guy abandoned you, or that's how you feel, I am truly sorry that you have to live with that. I'm also sorry for your guy that he made a mistake and instead of forgiving him and being supportive you're blaming him for something he can never take back! It's like vomit ladies, you can't shove it back in!

As for my husband he never abandoned me, left me, cheated on me, hurt me, none of that! We've had normal relationship ups and down but in the big scheme of things he has been the most amazing husband/partner I could have ever dreamed of. I thank God every day for giving him to me, I tell my husband every night on the phone "Thank you for marrying me!!!"

And I for one am thanking my man for the fact that he's in prison! Yea I said it! If he hadn't turned himself in and he would have gotten caught, he would have been facing ten more years! That doesn't sound like abandonment at all, it sounds like a decision that a real man makes!

[Tiny xo]

agreed. i ALSO loved the title so i hada click it lol

[rockys lil girl]

Originally Posted by j&d7

i agree that using your man in prison as an excuse to cheat is not right.

But the simple fact is, life is not black and white.
your right life is not black and white its different colors very true....


there is a lot of hurt, lonliness, pain and resentment that comes along with all this sometimes... yes there it is and cheating is not the solution. If you cant do this bid then leave plain and simple


and shit happens. no honey shit dosent happen we make it happen


most people dont set out to cheat, it just happens.

there is no such thing as it just happened isnt there a saying that says it takes two to tango? Then if the female didnt want to cheat on her husband then they wouldnt do it plain and simple

[chelseagreg1427]

of course, i agree with this all! dont ask for opinions, dont tell people your business if you dont want to hear a thing about it.
everyone is entitled to their own opinion and when you ask for it, then you got what you asked for, whether you like it or not.
and if you are so hung up on your guy being in prison then leave already. dont blame him being in there for your cheating. we get soo mad when guys blame the girl for his cheating. so theres a double standard.

and like bug said,
my man made one mistake, drugs, and other than that he has been nothing but wonderful, amazing, and the just everything i could ask for, and more! IF i stooped low enough to cheat, i would NEVER blame it on him. i would accept responsibility and leave the poor guy.

like i said MANY times before and like rocky just said.. TWO WRONGS NEVER MAKE A RIGHT.

why dont we be the good example for our guys and show them whats right, rather than continue to punish them for their mistakes, and get back at them.
thats just immature, and not a sign of a healthy, relationship. as always, just my opinion

[LadyBabyJoker]

I get what you are saying, and I've never cheated on my man while he was locked up but you can't sit here and just be like if you can't do a bid leave him. Some women love their men but it's just too hard to be alone for long periods of times and need someone else there, need the physical affection. There is a difference between the whore who jumps in bed with everyone else when her man is gone and uses it as an excuse to go kick it and party... but the people who try waiting and don't make it because IT IS hard and can't do it. I mean we are getting punished for something we hadn't done so the guys should be lucky we love them enough to sit here and deal with it whether you are out having sex with someone else or not. And if you aren't then they should appreciate you even more... if you do mess up it's not always easy to be honest especially if the guy is someone who might not be able to handle it.

I left my ex while he was locked up and I'm with someone else (and look my great choice in men, I'm still on pto.. grr). That ex is still locked up and is not the kind of person I can tell I moved on yet too or tell if I did cheat too (which I didn't) because he's mentally unstable and would do something done to hurt himself one way or another, whether it was hurting him or doing something dumb to get more time or time in the hole.

I'm not excusing cheating, I'm just saying it's not as simple as you are saying. I've spent a lot of time in waiting rooms waiting to visit and I've met many girls with all different stories, some heartbreaking, and I wouldn't put it out there like that to some of them because I understand it's not always that easy....

[J&D7]

Originally Posted by rockys lil girl

I agree that using your man in prison as an excuse to cheat is not right.

But the simple fact is, life is not black and white.
your right life is not black and white its different colors very true....


There is a lot of hurt, lonliness, pain and resentment that comes along with all this sometimes... Yes there it is and cheating is not the solution. If you cant do this bid then leave plain and simple


and shit happens. No honey shit dosent happen we make it happen


Most people dont set out to cheat, it just happens. There is no such thing as it just happened isnt there a saying that says it takes two to tango? Then if the female didnt want to cheat on her husband then they wouldnt do it plain and simple

I'm not gonna argue back and forth, but I will just say that I never said that someone isnt RESPONSIBLE for cheating if they choose to do it. Obviously they are.

But people make mistakes. I know a strong woman here on PTO who did cheat, and admitted and has worked through it with her partner.

All I was saying was that just coz you cheat, doesnt mean you dont love your partner or that you shouldnt do their bid with them.

[Daywalker]

Signs of a poor, immature, or dying relationship include blaming, lying, infidelity, etc.

Blaming your husband for cheating on him makes just about as much sense as him blaming you for the stupid choices he made that landed him in prison. Adults, in adult relationships, don't do this.

Of course, adults who are well adjusted don't sit around on their rumps whining about how he abandoned you either. Likely, while he was busy making stupid decisions and bad choices, you were the most remote thing on his mind at the time. So you get past your shock, dry your tears, put your big girl panties on and take care of business.

There is nothing wrong with having a bad day, or asking for support to get you past a tough spot. I don't know what I would have done some days without my PTO Angel, my Thuggy and my Beth. Somedays, you guys were the difference between me staying sane, and climbing a clock tower just to thin out the stupid. There is a difference, though, between asking for support, and just flat out whining. And there is a difference between giving support and just being flat out mean. While I don't condone cheating either, it doesn't make any sense to blast someone who asks for help by telling them just what a lowlife you think they are. They already know that, and they already feel that way. Is that how you would like to be treated if the socks were on the other feet? That person that you step all over today, might turn out to be the one person willing to listen to you when you're having a day full of crap.

[LadyBabyJoker]

Originally Posted by J&D7

I'm not gonna argue back and forth, but I will just say that I never said that someone isnt RESPONSIBLE for cheating if they choose to do it. Obviously they are.

But people make mistakes. I know a strong woman here on PTO who did cheat, and admitted and has worked through it with her partner.

All I was saying was that just coz you cheat, doesnt mean you dont love your partner or that you shouldnt do their bid with them.

I'm not always the best at putting my thoughts into words but I totally agree.. and believe it or not in my mumble jumble that is what I was trying to say. If you do mess up for whatever reason, it doesn't mean you don't love the guy who is locked up and shouldn't still support them and wait for them to come home and be with them.

IF I were to cheat on my man it wouldn't be because I don't love him and wouldn't mean I need to leave him.. In fact sometimes I think if he didn't want to worry about that he shouldn't have gotten locked up, I didn't do that but no matter if I sleep with other guys or not when he comes home he's the only one I want... I don't sleep with other guys but we've had the conversation and he said that he doesn't expect me to be loyal but he appreciates it and loves it. That's how I feel.

[rockys lil girl]

[quote=J&D7;5028320]

Originally Posted by rockys lil girl

I'm not gonna argue back and forth, but I will just say that I never said that someone isnt RESPONSIBLE for cheating if they choose to do it. Obviously they are.

But people make mistakes. I know a strong woman here on PTO who did cheat, and admitted and has worked through it with her partner.

I know who your talking about and trust me i have nothing but love for her because she learned her mistake and im very proud of her there is a big diference with her and others that justify their cheating and trust me she put her big panties on and owned up for her mistakes...

All I was saying was that just coz you cheat, doesnt mean you dont love your partner or that you shouldnt do their bid with them.

Im sorry hun but if you love your partner you would give him that respect. Dont justify that because hes in jail you can go do whoever youd like it dont work that way

[LadyBabyJoker]

Originally Posted by Daywalker

Signs of a poor, immature, or dying relationship include blaming, lying, infidelity, etc.

Blaming your husband for cheating on him makes just about as much sense as him blaming you for the stupid choices he made that landed him in prison. Adults, in adult relationships, don't do this.

Of course, adults who are well adjusted don't sit around on their rumps whining about how he abandoned you either. Likely, while he was busy making stupid decisions and bad choices, you were the most remote thing on his mind at the time. So you get past your shock, dry your tears, put your big girl panties on and take care of business.

There is nothing wrong with having a bad day, or asking for support to get you past a tough spot. I don't know what I would have done some days without my PTO Angel, my Thuggy and my Beth. Somedays, you guys were the difference between me staying sane, and climbing a clock tower just to thin out the stupid. There is a difference, though, between asking for support, and just flat out whining. And there is a difference between giving support and just being flat out mean. While I don't condone cheating either, it doesn't make any sense to blast someone who asks for help by telling them just what a lowlife you think they are. They already know that, and they already feel that way. Is that how you would like to be treated if the socks were on the other feet? That person that you step all over today, might turn out to be the one person willing to listen to you when you're having a day full of crap.

I'm not 100% sure if I'm understanding you right but if I am THANK YOU! Cheating isn't right but lets not sit here and blast people who mess up, because we can forgive our men for messing up which does affect our life why can't we have the same patience and lack of judgement with someone else in a similar situation as us, feeling the same pain as us who might have messed up in how they are dealing with that pain. Plus like you said, they might be the one to help give you support later.

[waitn4mybaby]

Originally Posted by rockys lil girl

we are all grown women on this site. since when has it become acceptable to blame others for your poor choices.i am so tired of reading cheating excuses,the most prevalent one being,"he abandoned his family and went to prison.." yes,i can understand why some women would leave their men upon their arrest. child molestation,etc. i wouldn't stay either. if you don't want to stay that's understandable.but then be honest with him and close that door before opening the door to have sex with other men. two wrongs NEVER make a right. to use your man's poor choices for justification is cowardly,selfish and not only are you deceiving your mate,you're deceiving yourself too. this is jmo,no judging as this is NOT direct at any certain person.

I totally agree with everything you said. I made the decision to stay with my bf because we have a family and to me family is supposed to stick together through the good and the bad. I have not one time felt the urge to cheat. I did feel like he abandoned us by his stupid choices, but I made the decision to stay and that meant being able to forgive him and being loyal to him and to our family. I personally have a very strong opinion about cheating, I think it is wrong under any circumstances. All you have to do is leave. I'm especially against it when you involve your children. If I cheated on my boyfriend and had some other man around our children, not only would I not be able to look him in the eyes, I wouldn't be able to look myself or my children in the eyes either. Cheating threads always bring a lot of strong emotions because many of us feel so strongly about it and when someone wants to use loneliness or abandonment as a lame excuse for cheating it is a slap in the face to many of us who are very lonely and hurting deeply and yet we stay loyal and strong no matter what! We turn to each other for support, not another warm body and we put our families before our own selfish desires because that is what is important to us.

[loveispatient13]

coming from a cheater

I can say this much as much as i love my man (oh man do i love him with all i have) At the times that i was with him and CHEATED on HIM, that wasnt love that wasnt love at all you dont do that to someone you love, in that moment that it happens you really dont love that person and you really dont respect them, and i see that now and it really sucks that it took those moments for me to realize how much i really do love him now and that how much i didnt love him then, there is NO EXCUSE for cheating,yes in a sense they do abondon us when they go to prison BUT we in a sense forgive them and choose to move forward so we shouldnt dawn on the fact that they abandoned us you have to move forward from that if not itll drive us crazy i know it drove me crazy and had a lot to do with me cheating my attitude was well if he was out here i wouldnt have done that well if he was with me i wouldnt feel like this, when i should have been thinking if i REALLY RESPECT THIS MAN,MYSELF, and MY RELATIONSHIP i wouldnt do this.Just talking from experience and how i see things now.