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  #1  
Old 07-10-2009, 11:40 PM
Ms Unavailable Ms Unavailable is offline
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Default Sociopath or con artist

Or is it one in the same? I have read alot about sociopaths, and even though there is no diagnoises, I believe my ex is one. He is a munipulator at heart seems like. For instance: He told me he had a tattoo of my name and I found out he didn't. When I confronted him about it, he blamed me for it and would not admit he was wrong. He went as far as to draw a tattoo on himself to show me at a visit. I knew it was fake, but somehow, he made me feel like no man ever loved me enough to do get a tattoo, so Im tripping. This is just a recent incident, there are plenty more. I will not lie or front...I love this man, but I know I have to get out of his clucthes, but how? He is serving a 25yr to life sentence and he makes me feel guilty for leaving him in there alone, but in the next breath, he promises me he is getting out.

He will never admit he has mental issues, so how is this sort of condition diagnoised? I am not prematurely diagnoising him, but there is something sadistic, but yet sad about him, and I want to be free, but don't know how. I guess I want to know more about sociopath behavior.

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Old 07-11-2009, 12:08 AM
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I believe the term sociopath or psychopath are outdated and are now more closley aligned with anti-social personality disorder or even narcisscistic personality disorder. Either way like you say there is no specific test to do to find out if one definitivley has either, it is something a psychologist/psychiatrist would diagnose. If he is unwilling to admit he has any issues it's unlikley this will happen for obvious reason. In the even that he did get diagnosed I'm not entirely sure there is an easy 'cure' for it either.
In answer to your other question whether a sociopath and conartist are one and the same, I don't think they are. I'm just speculating, not a specialist obviously but to me a sociopath is probably a con-artist, but a con artist isn't necessarily a sociopath they might just be looking for an easy ride.
As far as I know one of the most determining factors of a sociopath is that they are characterised by the inability to feel any empathy for others (including animals) which is why they may do things that are so malicious, callous and cruel.
I do think that you should try and get away from this man, from your posts you already have some doubts about him and whatever he 'is' is really irrelavent if you don't feel safe, and secure you deserve to have that.
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Old 07-11-2009, 12:30 AM
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Yaya, I totally agree. Im in tears because I saw red flags, but didn't know what was wrong. Not saying he is, or isn't, but he does not accept responsibility and he never says it, but he seems like he don't care who dies or suffer. He will never ask or think he even needs help. I see thing about him that I never paid attention to when he was out. I blamed it on his parents. I blamed it on me. It is what it is, rather or not he is a con artist or sociopath. I literally have a sick feeling. Mostly, Im disappointed in myself. Loving him can not be an excuse to feel sorry for him. I willing to go through the pain of seperation, if it means me getting my life back.
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Old 07-18-2009, 02:32 AM
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Sadly, his mental health won't improve in prison... it reinforces these types of games.

You say he's your ex... I think you really need to look into making a clean break. No more communication with him, because he will manipulate you just for the mental satisfaction of doing it.

Is there a counselor you can go talk to? These folks will get you in their clutches so deeply that it's agony to move away from them... even when you know they're just killing your soul. You need a support group.
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Old 07-18-2009, 11:19 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ms Necessary View Post
Or is it one in the same? I have read alot about sociopaths, and even though there is no diagnoises, I believe my ex is one. He is a munipulator at heart seems like. For instance: He told me he had a tattoo of my name and I found out he didn't. When I confronted him about it, he blamed me for it and would not admit he was wrong. He went as far as to draw a tattoo on himself to show me at a visit. I knew it was fake, but somehow, he made me feel like no man ever loved me enough to do get a tattoo, so Im tripping. This is just a recent incident, there are plenty more. I will not lie or front...I love this man, but I know I have to get out of his clucthes, but how? He is serving a 25yr to life sentence and he makes me feel guilty for leaving him in there alone, but in the next breath, he promises me he is getting out.

He will never admit he has mental issues, so how is this sort of condition diagnoised? I am not prematurely diagnoising him, but there is something sadistic, but yet sad about him, and I want to be free, but don't know how. I guess I want to know more about sociopath behavior.
Sociopaths and Psychopaths have been lumped into the diagnosis of Anti-Social Personality Disorders. NPD is a separate diagnosis. There are specific diagnostic criteria for both disorders, and in the criminal justice system, it would be diagnosed by a forensic psychologist or psychiatrist. Your ex may have been tested pre-trial and perhaps diagnosed.

NPD are typically not evil persons. They do have a conscience. Their main characteristic is the never ending need for admiration which would include self admiration.They will listen to you for a short period of time even tho they lack the ability to care about anyone except themselves. He has a sense of entitlement because he is so special. This makes him above the law. They enjoy being the center of attention. They crave it, and seek out people who will provide it, and dump those who don't.

A sociopathic person has no conscience, and will never feel bad about hurting someone. They cannot feel feelings, not even their own. The only way they can feel good is through the power they have over people. They do what they do for self-gratification and are capable of being mean and cruel, whereas, the NPD does not mean to hurt anyone.

Both conditions are thought to be due to chemical imbalance. NPD typically does not manifest itself until young adulthood ( 28-30ish ). There are some that believe that something lacking in childhood or a traumatic experience triggered the disorder.

Neither of these disorders bode well for relationships. The NPD is never full of enough praise and admiration, and the sociopath has never quite finished obtaining the power they crave.


Neither one of these disorders lends itself to seeking therapy. The NPD man is perfect, and misunderstood by all around him, and the sociopath has no insight into the problem.
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  #6  
Old 07-18-2009, 06:35 PM
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As a RN ive worked with People who have been clinically Dx as ASPD ( AKA psychopath/sociopath ). You will tend to see alot of these people in Prison because they have a pervasive patturn of disregard for the rights of others, and breaking laws, that usually begins in childhood. These people are behaviorally impulsive and interpersonally irresponcible, meaning they make impulsive decisions, break the law, and have a very hard time with relationships because of thier lack of respect for other people. They fail to plan ahaid or make any plan "B"'s for them selves. The also hate conforming to social norms. kinda "F the police" mentality.
They can also be very charming, but dont mistake the charm for genuine concern. They completely lack empathy and completely lack remorse. They are easily irritated and can oftern become violent/aggressive. They have a huge mistrust for others and feel like they are better then others. Thier way is the only way, and often times become irritated when questioned.
this occurs more in men then women ( 3.6% of our population )

Diagnostic Criteria- to be diagnosed with ASPD, the individual must have exibited one or more childhood behavioral characteristics of conduct disorder and ADHD
. agression to people or animals
. distruction of property
. deceitfulness or theft
. serious violation of rules

And....

must fufill all of the following

. Violation of the rights for others, unlawfull behaviors ( repeatedly )
. deceifulness
. Impulsiveness
. Irritability/ aggressiveness
. all occuring since 15 Yrs old
. Must be at least 18 Yrs old at time of DX
. excluding course of schizophrenia or manic episodes

ASPD is strongly associated with drug and alcohol abuse (Rhee et al., 2006: Goldstein etal.,2006)
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Last edited by NurseJacqui82; 07-18-2009 at 06:36 PM..
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Old 07-18-2009, 07:45 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NurseJacqui82 View Post
As a RN ive worked with People who have been clinically Dx as ASPD ( AKA psychopath/sociopath ). You will tend to see alot of these people in Prison because they have a pervasive patturn of disregard for the rights of others, and breaking laws, that usually begins in childhood. These people are behaviorally impulsive and interpersonally irresponcible, meaning they make impulsive decisions, break the law, and have a very hard time with relationships because of thier lack of respect for other people. They fail to plan ahaid or make any plan "B"'s for them selves. The also hate conforming to social norms. kinda "F the police" mentality.
They can also be very charming, but dont mistake the charm for genuine concern. They completely lack empathy and completely lack remorse. They are easily irritated and can oftern become violent/aggressive. They have a huge mistrust for others and feel like they are better then others. Thier way is the only way, and often times become irritated when questioned.
this occurs more in men then women ( 3.6% of our population )

Diagnostic Criteria- to be diagnosed with ASPD, the individual must have exibited one or more childhood behavioral characteristics of conduct disorder and ADHD
. agression to people or animals
. distruction of property
. deceitfulness or theft
. serious violation of rules

And....

must fufill all of the following

. Violation of the rights for others, unlawfull behaviors ( repeatedly )
. deceifulness
. Impulsiveness
. Irritability/ aggressiveness
. all occuring since 15 Yrs old
. Must be at least 18 Yrs old at time of DX
. excluding course of schizophrenia or manic episodes

ASPD is strongly associated with drug and alcohol abuse (Rhee et al., 2006: Goldstein etal.,2006)

Last edited by crazyb3autiful; 07-18-2009 at 07:47 PM..
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Old 07-18-2009, 07:48 PM
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W0W this is actually a bit scary because a lot of what you said describes my personality. I have been diagnosed with narcisscistic personality disorder NPD in the past (3 years ago). I always blamed it on my date of birth (same as Hitlers) and he definately suffered from NPD (no laughing matter) but with a serious diagnosis such as this I had to find ways to make humor our of the situation. Bleh! For reference my Doctor has placed me on a medication regimen that I never followed and am unmedicated. I was given anti-anxiety and some sort of an anti-depressive medication if i'm not mistaken. I also suffer from epilepsy.....and take meds for that (anti-convulsives). On an end note I have a lot of empathy for animals and 5% of humans....I can tell you the feelings I feel (I hate to admit this) is I feel above others.....Like I am above everyone and everyone is beneath me. Sometimes I have a hard time actually believing the world revolves around anything other then myself. When I actually look outside the box and try to put myself in someone else's shoes I find it really hard to do. This is hard to even admit but it is what it is and least I can admit it you know. **DEEP BREATH** I hope this helped at least a little bit...who knows.

Quote:
Originally Posted by yaya_magic View Post
I believe the term sociopath or psychopath are outdated and are now more closley aligned with anti-social personality disorder or even narcisscistic personality disorder. Either way like you say there is no specific test to do to find out if one definitivley has either, it is something a psychologist/psychiatrist would diagnose. If he is unwilling to admit he has any issues it's unlikley this will happen for obvious reason. In the even that he did get diagnosed I'm not entirely sure there is an easy 'cure' for it either.
In answer to your other question whether a sociopath and conartist are one and the same, I don't think they are. I'm just speculating, not a specialist obviously but to me a sociopath is probably a con-artist, but a con artist isn't necessarily a sociopath they might just be looking for an easy ride.
As far as I know one of the most determining factors of a sociopath is that they are characterised by the inability to feel any empathy for others (including animals) which is why they may do things that are so malicious, callous and cruel.
I do think that you should try and get away from this man, from your posts you already have some doubts about him and whatever he 'is' is really irrelavent if you don't feel safe, and secure you deserve to have that.

Last edited by crazyb3autiful; 07-18-2009 at 07:55 PM..
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Old 07-18-2009, 07:56 PM
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This is me in a nutshell unfortunately......but i'm working on self behavior modifications.

Narcissistic personality disorder symptoms may include:
  • Believing that you're better than others
  • Fantasizing about power, success and attractiveness
  • Exaggerating your achievements or talents
  • Expecting constant praise and admiration
  • Believing that you're special
  • Failing to recognize other people's emotions and feelings
  • Expecting others to go along with your ideas and plans
  • Taking advantage of others
  • Expressing disdain for those you feel are inferior
  • Being jealous of others
  • Believing that others are jealous of you
  • Trouble keeping healthy relationships
  • Setting unrealistic goals
  • Being easily hurt and rejected
  • Having a fragile self-esteem
  • Appearing as tough-minded or unemotional
Although some features of narcissistic personality disorder may seem like having confidence or strong self-esteem, it's not the same. Narcissistic personality disorder crosses the border of healthy confidence and self-esteem into thinking so highly of yourself that you put yourself on a pedestal. In contrast, people who have healthy confidence and self-esteem don't value themselves more than they value others.
When you have narcissistic personality disorder, you may come across as conceited, boastful or pretentious. You often monopolize conversations. You may belittle or look down on people you perceive as inferior. You may have a sense of entitlement. And when you don't receive the special treatment to which you feel entitled, you may become very impatient or angry. You may also seek out others you think have the same special talents, power and qualities — people you see as equals. You may insist on having "the best" of everything — the best car, athletic club, medical care or social circles, for instance.
But underneath all this grandiosity often lies a very fragile self-esteem. You have trouble handling anything that may be perceived as criticism. You may have a sense of secret shame and humiliation. And in order to make yourself feel better, you may react with rage or contempt and efforts to belittle the other person to make yourself appear better.

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Old 07-18-2009, 08:12 PM
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Looking inside, and educating yourself on the signs and simptoms, and recognizing how your behaving is SOOO admirable. Keep this up, and with some Behavioral cognative modification theropy...your at such a high likelyhood of making a good life for yourself.
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Old 07-30-2009, 03:19 PM
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If he doesn't seem to show remorse, he probably has antisocial personality disorder (and of course, his behavior is consistent with all the diagnostic stuff written in previous posts). It can be so hard and scary to cut ties, but it also sounds like you know this would be the best thing for you. Good luck!
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Old 08-06-2009, 02:59 PM
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Thanks to everyone for your replys. It has been hard cutting loose completly because connections we share for life. However, I have been distancing myself for awhile now. All the symptoms he has point to this diagnoises and wouldn't be surprised if he was diagnoised before and haven't said anything.

I honestly thought he had a little mans complex with a big attitude, but it's more than that. He is mean cruel and expect kindness from people. I would literally think I was the one with the issues, because I would argue argue and argue with him for him to see his contradictory.

I know this sounds mean, but I realize now he needs help and kept in prison. I cry as I say this because I love him so much, but as I remember back on the things he would do in the relationship when he was out, points to this diagnoises. He is very very very munipuatives and things he does now points to this.

Thanks so much for the info again
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Old 08-08-2009, 08:23 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ms Necessary View Post
Thanks to everyone for your replys. It has been hard cutting loose completly because connections we share for life. However, I have been distancing myself for awhile now. All the symptoms he has point to this diagnoises and wouldn't be surprised if he was diagnoised before and haven't said anything.

I honestly thought he had a little mans complex with a big attitude, but it's more than that. He is mean cruel and expect kindness from people. I would literally think I was the one with the issues, because I would argue argue and argue with him for him to see his contradictory.

I know this sounds mean, but I realize now he needs help and kept in prison. I cry as I say this because I love him so much, but as I remember back on the things he would do in the relationship when he was out, points to this diagnoises. He is very very very munipuatives and things he does now points to this.

Thanks so much for the info again
Hang in there kiddo, sounds to like you are taking the first steps to getting over this unhealthy relationship. By taking the first step you are proving that you know you are worth more and deserve more than an abusive relationship.
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Old 08-09-2009, 03:01 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ms Necessary View Post
Thanks to everyone for your replys. It has been hard cutting loose completly because connections we share for life. However, I have been distancing myself for awhile now. All the symptoms he has point to this diagnoises and wouldn't be surprised if he was diagnoised before and haven't said anything.

I honestly thought he had a little mans complex with a big attitude, but it's more than that. He is mean cruel and expect kindness from people. I would literally think I was the one with the issues, because I would argue argue and argue with him for him to see his contradictory.

I know this sounds mean, but I realize now he needs help and kept in prison. I cry as I say this because I love him so much, but as I remember back on the things he would do in the relationship when he was out, points to this diagnoises. He is very very very munipuatives and things he does now points to this.

Thanks so much for the info again
Sounds to me like you might have some issues with Codependency. Codependents and sociopaths are two sides of the same coin. Please type codependent into a search and let me know if you can relate. I think learning about it will help you navigate this relationship you are in.
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Old 12-30-2009, 08:03 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ms Necessary View Post
I know this sounds mean, but I realize now he needs help and kept in prison.
Question: What does prison do for people who don't see or anticipate the consequences of their actions, who can't plan ahead, who don't make a connection between what they did yesterday and what happened today? Are people who need help, as Ms Necessary decided her friend was, getting help by being kept in prison? Does her friend need understanding rather than rejection? How can we understand behaviors like this that are dismissive of other people and so very self-centered? What does prison really do to address, understand, or "treat" people like this?

What CAN be done to help these people? Are they the modern leper? There is no cure, so let's just keep them away from everyone else? Is there maybe a brain disfunction here, a disabililty? Or is it "evil"? Are those of us who hang in there caring about a person and trying to find help and answers simply codependent? Ideally, shouldn't diagnoses give us additional information and point to ways to respond that are helpful, not be used to simply give a label, said and done? Maybe the answer is "Don't ignore or excuse the behavior - don't pretend it's something else - but also don't make assumptions about its cause?"

I'm struggling with all of this. ~Jackie
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Old 12-30-2009, 08:11 AM
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Dont forget Borderline Personality Disorder. They too have some of the characteristics of the sociopath and narcisist. Especially in relationships. They tend to tell the other party what they think he/she wants to hear instead of the truth. They will also suck the lifeforce out of you if you allow them to.
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Old 12-30-2009, 08:26 AM
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I agree, KeyLime. I try to give those behaviors a wide berth, but not necessarily the person. When I see these behaviors in children who have been through adoption or some other form of trauma or abandonment, I can see a connection between the lie and the fear. The fear of telling the truth might come from an almost automatic assumption - maybe from real hard learned experience - that the truth brings rejection and that telling people what they want to hear is 1000 times better. This response then carries over into adulthood and all we see is a person who lies and we attribute an evil motive to it. If we understood the fear under it, our response might be different. I agree that getting sucked into it doesn't help - and it's a whole lot easier to see the connection to fear when it's a child than when it's an adult. Just something I'm still pondering as a possibility. These are serious and sometimes dangerous behaviors so I'm not sure if I'm on a useful track or not. ~Jackie

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Old 12-30-2009, 09:01 PM
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My daughter was married to a man that we now believe is a sociopath or whatever the term is for it now. I knew I didnt like him, but never could put my finger on why. I always just said, well if he treats my daughter right, then thats all that matters. I had no idea until she came to me to help her thru a divorce, all the things that he did or said that I had no idea of. He truly made her feel as if SHE was to blame for everything and that she was crazy. Looking back now, all the signs were there, we just didnt know what we were looking at. He was able to charm his way thru the divorce investigation regarding child custody, etc. Even my daughters own lawyer fell for it, which enhanced her feelings of "maybe it IS me" but we knew better. He was such a master manipulator, he could do things and walk away from them, chuckling the whole time. His favorite line was "cant prove it" and he was right. He knew how to play the game and we didnt. He did some very deranged things and was able to smile and talk his way right out of them. It wasnt until the last court date when it was all over and he sent a box to her through his lawyer and in front of all the lawyers, etc with some upsetting and disgusting things in it, that they realized they had been fooled. Be cautious of a person like this. They have no heart and no remorse. They will turn on you in the blink of an eye. They will lie so well and so often that they believe their own lies. They are dangerous.
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Old 01-10-2010, 02:40 PM
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It's funny how we are quick to diagnose someone else and forget to look at own self. Go see a shrink and find out why your dating a man who is doing 25 years in prison. People go to jail for many reasons and mental heath is just one of them. Some people need to be in jail for the good of all. Try talking with a Doctor and find out whats going on with you and forget about this guy. Sorry I'm so cold but the truth hurts sometimes. I've seen a lot of women like you coming in to see some guy and sending him money and all that crap, but when you leave he goes back to his cell and tells his room dog how he has you raped and then laughs behind your back. Don't be a sucker

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Old 01-10-2010, 04:09 PM
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Originally Posted by beccasmom View Post
Hang in there kiddo, sounds to like you are taking the first steps to getting over this unhealthy relationship. By taking the first step you are proving that you know you are worth more and deserve more than an abusive relationship.

What a nice and supportive post. Yes taking the first steps towards getting away from someone you know isn't healthy for you is key here. Good luck. You may be right about him.
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  #21  
Old 01-15-2010, 08:43 PM
Joey's Babygirl Joey's Babygirl is offline
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Default An alternative...

I have been with a man for 4 years that I am 99% sure is a sociopath. In fact, he told me that while he was in prison the psychologist told him that she thought he might be.

Of course, he told me this when he was drinking. I was not drinking and scoured the Internet looking up information while he slept. Sure enough, WAKE UP CALL...he fits the profile!

His mom had him when she was 18. She did drugs and has NEVER been with a man that did not beat her or him. He smoked crack with his mom on various occasions. He was sexually abused on one occasion. They moved way too often for a school system to help him.

He has been insensitive toward me on various occasions. He has yelled at me for crying. He laughs at me when I watch a TV show and cry because it is sad. When we go to funerals, he says things like, "What's the big deal, we are all gonna die anyway. It's certain, yet you are sad. Stop it!"

I have asked him several times over our time together if he ever feels guilty and he has absolutely NO idea what that is. I tried to give him scenarios and he still has no clue!

He gets mad, especially when he drinks! He has broken numerous things in my home and cried hysterically while telling me that he is so angry because he sees how much I love him and tries to make himself love me the way I love him, but he can't.

I know he has lied to me. OFTEN. I know he has stolen money from work and tried to tell me otherwise. I know he looks at porn on my computer. Signs up for sexy dating sites that he never intends to do anything with, but browse. I know he is damaged goods.

BUT...knowing that, I will not throw him away! Someone already threw him away!

He quit doing drugs for me because I am a teacher and could lose everything if he did! I know that that was a manipulating move, but to me, it was progress!

It has been 3 years since he has done drugs. I know this is the truth because he is with me or his friend, who is also one of my best friends, 24/7. One of us would know!

I check his e-mail. I check his Facebook. I check his My Space. I check everything he is doing! I get in with who HE is in with! I watch over him day and night!

I know you all think this is crazy, but I am protecting him from himself and someone more naive from HIM!

He has a disability! He is damaged! Do we just throw the damaged away in this world?

Just because he can't feel the emotions we feel, he is evil? He is to be avoided? Encouraged to manipulate because he is different?

I just don't see how anyone can just run away. That, to me, is a very selfish move. These people need people to HELP them! They didn't pick to be this way!

I feel like I am 100% on top of things with him. I let him think HE is in charge, because that is what HE needs. All the while, I am guiding him and HE has no clue!

I know that this is a challenge for most, but just think if it was your child, would you wish for them to be discarded and tossed aside in life? I doubt it!

Life is not perfect. People are not perfect. A lot of crap happens for no fault of our own. We DO control a lot of it though!

I say, stay one step ahead. Control your life as much as you can. I do and I love him very much!

Understanding makes tolerance unnecessary! Understand that sociopaths got this way by no fault of their own! Understand that they know no other life! They aren't conning you to be an idiot! They are trying to FEEL! They may go about it the wrong way, but they know no better!

I can't see discarding a person, that's why I do this. I feel in my heart, God put me here. He put me here to keep this man safe. He put me here to keep him comfortable for his time on this Earth. If I discard him, he will surely die in the streets with a crack pipe in his mouth!

While I didn't damage him, I surely to Heaven won't be the one to live with that on my soul!
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  #22  
Old 01-16-2010, 11:07 AM
Ms Unavailable Ms Unavailable is offline
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I happy for you success in "YOUR relationship. You are talking about lying, cheated drugs, and alchol. If I told you what his 25yrs to life was about, I promise you will be singing another tune. Maybe down the line he will come to grips with what he did, and accept responsibility.

My comment about him staying in prison, is because I KNOW, and I FOUND OUT somethings you don't know. My choice derived out of, not wanting him to hurt anyone else. He believes it's everybody fault he is in there.

Yes,I have heard prison don't have rehabilitation. But this is what I do know. There are men in prison who took responsibility for their on rehabilitation. They have acknowleged what they did, and they are doing what they can to be a better person and move forward.

Like I said, I took my responsibility for my part, but I will not punish myself, or feel bad he has done what he has done. I don't consider myself wrong for distancing myself from him. Futhers more, I'm not God and it's not my responsibility to make changes in his life. I have supported him the best I could. I refuse to be a CO in his life.

First he has to acknowledge he needs help. And since he hasn't, I refuse to take that on. I keep in touch as needed. I pray he is ok, but that's it. I don't feel bad about that now. As a matter of fact, I believe I'm doing the best thing for him. So what is good for one relationship, is not good for the next. I couldn't throw him away if I wanted, but I can cut him off from hurting me and mines.





Quote:
Originally Posted by Joey's Babygirl View Post
I have been with a man for 4 years that I am 99% sure is a sociopath. In fact, he told me that while he was in prison the psychologist told him that she thought he might be.

Of course, he told me this when he was drinking. I was not drinking and scoured the Internet looking up information while he slept. Sure enough, WAKE UP CALL...he fits the profile!

His mom had him when she was 18. She did drugs and has NEVER been with a man that did not beat her or him. He smoked crack with his mom on various occasions. He was sexually abused on one occasion. They moved way too often for a school system to help him.

He has been insensitive toward me on various occasions. He has yelled at me for crying. He laughs at me when I watch a TV show and cry because it is sad. When we go to funerals, he says things like, "What's the big deal, we are all gonna die anyway. It's certain, yet you are sad. Stop it!"

I have asked him several times over our time together if he ever feels guilty and he has absolutely NO idea what that is. I tried to give him scenarios and he still has no clue!

He gets mad, especially when he drinks! He has broken numerous things in my home and cried hysterically while telling me that he is so angry because he sees how much I love him and tries to make himself love me the way I love him, but he can't.

I know he has lied to me. OFTEN. I know he has stolen money from work and tried to tell me otherwise. I know he looks at porn on my computer. Signs up for sexy dating sites that he never intends to do anything with, but browse. I know he is damaged goods.

BUT...knowing that, I will not throw him away! Someone already threw him away!

He quit doing drugs for me because I am a teacher and could lose everything if he did! I know that that was a manipulating move, but to me, it was progress!

It has been 3 years since he has done drugs. I know this is the truth because he is with me or his friend, who is also one of my best friends, 24/7. One of us would know!

I check his e-mail. I check his Facebook. I check his My Space. I check everything he is doing! I get in with who HE is in with! I watch over him day and night!

I know you all think this is crazy, but I am protecting him from himself and someone more naive from HIM!

He has a disability! He is damaged! Do we just throw the damaged away in this world?

Just because he can't feel the emotions we feel, he is evil? He is to be avoided? Encouraged to manipulate because he is different?

I just don't see how anyone can just run away. That, to me, is a very selfish move. These people need people to HELP them! They didn't pick to be this way!

I feel like I am 100% on top of things with him. I let him think HE is in charge, because that is what HE needs. All the while, I am guiding him and HE has no clue!

I know that this is a challenge for most, but just think if it was your child, would you wish for them to be discarded and tossed aside in life? I doubt it!

Life is not perfect. People are not perfect. A lot of crap happens for no fault of our own. We DO control a lot of it though!

I say, stay one step ahead. Control your life as much as you can. I do and I love him very much!

Understanding makes tolerance unnecessary! Understand that sociopaths got this way by no fault of their own! Understand that they know no other life! They aren't conning you to be an idiot! They are trying to FEEL! They may go about it the wrong way, but they know no better!

I can't see discarding a person, that's why I do this. I feel in my heart, God put me here. He put me here to keep this man safe. He put me here to keep him comfortable for his time on this Earth. If I discard him, he will surely die in the streets with a crack pipe in his mouth!

While I didn't damage him, I surely to Heaven won't be the one to live with that on my soul!
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  #23  
Old 01-16-2010, 11:56 AM
Ms Unavailable Ms Unavailable is offline
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Did you read where I said, I took responsibility for my part? And I don't need a shrink to tell me I loved a man with issues, which we all have, some are just worst than others.

Also, if the thing about an inmate going to his room laughing about him raping women and laughing behind our backs. I promise you MINES wasn't laughing often.

Lastly, for every 1 male that does that (as you stated). I promise you there are 2 women, picking up their phone. Man makes a request to her for money, package, stamps or whatever. She replies, I'm doing it as soon as we get off the phone. He probably goes back to his cell, laughing with his "room dog", about how he just raped "women like me". He waits and waits for it. Waits and waits for it. Waits and waits for it. 2 months later all of a sudden that laughter becomes tears. He makes another call, "what happened, I didn't receive that package you sent. She replies, maybe you should track it, because "I sent it, baby 602 it". He Calls the next day, and her phone is disconnected.

Why did I say that? Because if are going to comment about "women like me", make sure you go to a shrink and see why you think only the "women like me" are being made made fools of.

I hate to sound so cold, but the truth hurts. I think I had recieved alot of truths on this particualr subject, so why bring out something so nasty?




Quote:
Originally Posted by Ironhead3030 View Post
It's funny how we are quick to diagnose someone else and forget to look at own self. Go see a shrink and find out why your dating a man who is doing 25 years in prison. People go to jail for many reasons and mental heath is just one of them. Some people need to be in jail for the good of all. Try talking with a Doctor and find out whats going on with you and forget about this guy. Sorry I'm so cold but the truth hurts sometimes. I've seen a lot of women like you coming in to see some guy and sending him money and all that crap, but when you leave he goes back to his cell and tells his room dog how he has you raped and then laughs behind your back. Don't be a sucker
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  #24  
Old 01-16-2010, 07:16 PM
Mysh Mysh is offline
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Look up Hare's checklist for psychopathy. It's called the PCL-R (revised) I think.

Yes, this condition is incredibly heart-breaking esp. for those close to or related to the socio/psychopath. Unfortunately, no causes are known and no cures found.

I would say to keep your distance and get some therapy. Perhaps reading up on the condition would help you rationalize his behaviors? That usually helps me.

However, you don't even know if he is truly a psychopath/sociopath, so maybe you could ask any doctor who has ever examined him what his diagnosis is?

I know it's stupid and very naive of me, but I feel sorry for these kinds of ppl, who, although they can control their behavior, do not have the same deep emotional ties and attributes that humanize and make life meaningful for the rest of us.

I recently read an interesting article on the "Hidden Suffering of the Psychopath", but it's insights might just be sentimental crap. I don't know b/c I'm not an expert.

Good luck trying to sort this out, and remember to put your well-being first b/c believe me, that's exactly what he is doing.
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  #25  
Old 01-16-2010, 07:49 PM
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MYSH. Thanks for your post. That's why I stayed so long, because I felt so bad for him. It was like it was a good person inside trying to come out. However, I lost myself. I had to disconnect, because it wasn't healthy for my life. I pray for him, because I want him to be welll. I just had to stop trying to change something I had no control over. When he tried to change for me, we was right back at the same ole spot...dysfunction. I want him to change for himself, so he could be a better father, lover, and contribute to whatever society he belongs to.

I haven't diagnoise him, I stated he have most or all syptoms. Then I wondered was he just a con-artist.
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