Marrige in prison?!?!

Prisoner K20749 · #1 08-11-2002, 05:50 PM

Hello everyone,
I have a problem and was hoping some of you can help me out with some advice. I met this guy while on jury duty back in Feb. and we have been talking, writing and visiting since. We get along great and talk about the future and stuff like that. I started liking him and vice versa. But now he has asked me to marry him. I think I have been waiting to hear him say he loves me. And now that he has, I think IM kind of scared. He was sentenced to the maximum of 87 years. But he thinks he's getting out in 10. I want to marry him, but I couldn't marry someone who is going to be in prison for the rest of his life. Plus my family would flip. I love him, even though I haven't told him so. Someone please help me. Should I? Shouldn't I? What should I write him? I do love him, but I don't know how to tell him that IM not quite ready for marriage yet without hurting him? Thank you.~ZoeRoe~

jnv512 · #2 08-11-2002, 06:17 PM

If you are not sure, then you have to tell him. This is a very hard life and if you're not sure or scared then you should not get married. If he loves you, he will understand.

Rosebud · #3 08-11-2002, 09:26 PM

Whew!!! Have to say that I agree with JVN. This, honestly, is not a life that I would wish on my worst enemy. Is it my life, the life I made the decision to live...yes. My marriage, even with all of it's limitations is wonderful. Jack and I love each other deeply (we have been married almost 12 years!), and we are also the very best of friends. BUT...so you know...my husband is doing double life and 20 years...so far he has done 23 years and we do not see the board again until 2009. Will he make parole, only the good Lord knows. Will he ever get out...we do not know that either. Would I trade this life for normalcy? I tried that...for me, it did not work because, Jack and I, no matter what the situation are supposed to be together. And, know this too...I am no starry-eyed young woman...I am 46 years old. I have seen it all, and done alot of it, so I came into this with my eyes wide open. My best advise...talk to your man...really talk. And then...give yourself some time. my opinion (and remember, opinions are like assholes, we all have them...and they all stink!! lol) marriage is a precious thing, not a thing that can be aquickly "fixed" by divorce.

Whatever you decide, I wish you happiness and peace. God Bless

B-Ray · #4 08-11-2002, 10:24 PM

Doubts? ...........................Wait, others have said some good advice.

KelliKoz · #5 08-11-2002, 10:25 PM

There are many, many factors to consider. To me marriage is for life (my first two husbands forgot that...). So, you have to go into with "for better or for worse...till death do us part."
I am like Rosebud, there are no other options for me, but I will say it is the hardest, albeit the most rewarding experience I have ever embarked on. But the yearning, loneliness, wanting more, missing your husband is always there like a dull ache. The happiness for me makes it worth it. Not having it be the way it is would be more painful. It is just true love, love for life, and if you feel like you would lay down your life for your friend and vice versa, then maybe it is meant to be.

If you are inclined pray about your decision, I was convicted to marry my husband, but God always listens..

Kelli

Prisoner K20749 · #6 08-13-2002, 10:25 AM

Thank you all so much. I think I would rather wait for him. 10 years or whatever. I know that if i still love and want to marry him in that long of a time. Then I know it's a good thing. :0)
~Zoe Roe~

Cameo · #7 08-13-2002, 12:08 PM

I also agree with the others, I too love someone who has a sentence of 15 to life and I for me, it would be a very difficult decision to start a marriage behind bars. You met in this past Feb. right. I think you still have so much more time to discuss this and see what happens.

BTW; Were you a member of the jury for HIS trial? I just was curious...

Jejke · #8 08-13-2002, 03:11 PM

Hello there,

A lot is said already and I'm totally agree of it !

My fiancee is since 12 years incarcerated and has still some years to go. We know eachother for a long time and we talked a lot about the future and I just needed time to think about such commitment. My fiancee proposed me recently and I'm at the top of the world. But we took all the time to get to know each other and this is also a advice for you. It is indeed a relationship with many limitations and you just need to be sure about your feelings. This love is such for strong people !

Take your time,
Jejke

troysgl · #9 01-16-2003, 02:26 PM

girl,

this is a big decision my man is on deathrow and we want to get married but can't because of the rules for dr imates. this is your life do what makes you happy. me and mine are for life but this is yours so really my opinion doesn't matter search god and search your heart.

best wishes paris

KRIS_NC · #10 01-16-2003, 03:49 PM

I UNDERSTAND COMPLETELY.ALL SITUATIONS ARE DIFFERENT.IF YOU ARE HAVING DOUBTS,THEN CERTAINLY TAKE YOUR TIME.MY BOO IS ON D-ROW BUT SCHEDULED TO GO BACK TO COURT THIS YEAR.HE HAS TOLD ME HOW HE FEELS BUT DOESNT WANT TO MAKE ANY PLANS UNTIL WE KNOW WHAT IS GONNA HAPPEN.EITHER WAY I CARE ABOUT HIM AND WILL BE THERE NO MATTER WHAT.DO WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU

Is_Dfaith · #11 01-29-2003, 12:47 PM

Hello ZoeRow,

If you have doubts please don't go through with it and just let your boyfriend know that you have doubts and want to wait. I went in without thinking about anything. I believed my husband that he would be out soon. That was 9 years ago. I could have lived with this decision much better if our family visits had not been taken away here in California. It is a very hard life. High phone bills, facing "Everything" by yourself. Take Care I hope this helps. Is_Dfaith