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  #1  
Old 04-01-2008, 01:50 PM
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Default Why do women fall in love with inmates?

My husband asked the other day a question. He wanted to know why women fall in love with inmates that are in prison? Why do some women find their soul mate in prison? I told him how I felt, but he wants to hear answers from others, so if you can take some time out and just give me your thoughts, i'd apperciate it. Also i hope everyone is having a blessed day!
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Old 04-01-2008, 01:56 PM
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OOOH me 1st!! LOL

I'd have to say because they have all the time in the world to listen to you and get to know you without any real distractions and you get to know the real them behind the bad guy. Also they are in their lowest point in life and its always good to have someone in your life outside of your family that you can trust and go to for anything. Also my boyfriend has so much respect for me and could have taken advantage of me when he was out but didn't and I respect him with that. He's made me feel like I could never be with another man because the way they make me feel but how sincere they are to me and how much they can make me feel so good without actually touching me. I find it better for a girl like me who use to be so insecure and want to please guys thinking they would like me when all I needed was someone like my boyfriend to teach me that words can speak better than actions.

Also they have feelings too and often are misunderstood and never get the chance to find that someone and I feel like I am that someone for him to be with and that will listen to everything and try my best to be someone he can not only depend on, but trust, and grow with forever.

Good enough?

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Old 04-01-2008, 01:56 PM
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Do u mean MWI......or just in general?
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Old 04-01-2008, 02:23 PM
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I fell in love with a great man that just happened to be an inmate. I got to know the man not the inmate.
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Old 04-01-2008, 02:27 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by traviesita
I fell in love with a great man that just happened to be an inmate. I got to know the man not the inmate.
Took the words right out of my mouth. That's EXACTLY what I was gonna say.... So, I'm gonna second that emotion.
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Old 04-01-2008, 03:19 PM
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Couldn't have said it better myself Traviesita and MrsStone!

I never thought of my fiance as merely an 'inmate' when we met. I can't really explain why but after working in his prison for 2 years meeting him was so totally different than when I had met other inmates if that makes any kind of sense at all. I had to actually remind myself that he was an inmate!

He and I immediately connected and it was really easy for me to see past the fact that he was an inmate. My falling in love with him had absolutely nothing to do with him being incarcerated. I saw him for the man he is, I didn't put a lot of importance on his criminal history, and I still don't. In my opinion him being in prison has nothing to do with falling in love.

How do you explain falling for someone on the street? Location shouldn't matter when it comes to the heart.
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Old 04-01-2008, 03:28 PM
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I see where a lot of you are coming from saying that you didn't fall in love with the inmate himself but the person I mean that makes sense but I feel as though for my situation thats how I am applying it. Its not just the fact that he is an inmate either I liked him before he was locked up...Just him being in there has brought us way closer than I imagined. I started this at 16 and thought it was going to be like the rest of the so called situations with guys I was in...that it wouldnt' last and now that it has I am glad that it working out for the better.
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Old 04-01-2008, 04:36 PM
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I think these people are right when it comes to some men and some women. But there is a flip side that shouldn't be overlooked (since you're talking about all women and not just the happy ones).

There are also a lot of con men in prison. They can be anyone and anything you want them to be, in visits for a few short hours a week, or in letters. They're good at picking up hints and clues (sort of like those telephone 'fortune tellers'), know what questions to ask and 'feel you out' on how to answer questions to them. They instill trust by 'trusting' the person with 'secrets' and how they've been 'misunderstood' or 'abused.' They prey on a woman's compassion. Pretty soon the woman wants to 'help' them by sending money (what these con men are usually after). They write letters (the guys love getting mail), come for visits which gets the guys out of their unit (which is always welcomed) and they get to eat 'outside food' (something different from the mess hall food). These women aren't especially 'lonely' or 'insecure' (like a lot of people think); they're usually women who care about others and want to see the good side of everyone. And unfortunately, they get burned.

I've seen both. I have friends who are MWI and have been happily married for a lot of years. I also have friends who were taken to the cleaners, who were 'conned by a con.' There are the extremes and everywhere in between.
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  #9  
Old 04-01-2008, 05:16 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by traviesita
I fell in love with a great man that just happened to be an inmate. I got to know the man not the inmate.
Gonna 3rd that. This is just what i wanted to say!
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Old 04-01-2008, 05:53 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JCLW
I think these people are right when it comes to some men and some women. But there is a flip side that shouldn't be overlooked (since you're talking about all women and not just the happy ones).

There are also a lot of con men in prison. They can be anyone and anything you want them to be, in visits for a few short hours a week, or in letters. They're good at picking up hints and clues (sort of like those telephone 'fortune tellers'), know what questions to ask and 'feel you out' on how to answer questions to them. They instill trust by 'trusting' the person with 'secrets' and how they've been 'misunderstood' or 'abused.' They prey on a woman's compassion. Pretty soon the woman wants to 'help' them by sending money (what these con men are usually after). They write letters (the guys love getting mail), come for visits which gets the guys out of their unit (which is always welcomed) and they get to eat 'outside food' (something different from the mess hall food). These women aren't especially 'lonely' or 'insecure' (like a lot of people think); they're usually women who care about others and want to see the good side of everyone. And unfortunately, they get burned.

I've seen both. I have friends who are MWI and have been happily married for a lot of years. I also have friends who were taken to the cleaners, who were 'conned by a con.' There are the extremes and everywhere in between.
Oh, yeah, they're on the street too, and some of them are worse than ones inside, they have more resources at their disposal.

I questioned stone all the time at the begining, a very wise captain once told me, an inmate has ALL DAY and ALL NIGHT to figure out what to say to gain your trust, sympathy, love, etc. All they got is time, some use it to perfect their game.
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Old 04-01-2008, 06:06 PM
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Well i too have to say i fell in love with a man that happens to be an inmate.He is also my bestfriend
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Old 04-01-2008, 06:11 PM
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I have fallen in love with my best friend,and a man who happens to be an inmate
he doesnt ask me for anything except to write him which is right now 41 cents and to have my area code on my phone changed

yes we do have to be careful there are lots of con artist in prison and in the free world
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Old 04-01-2008, 06:46 PM
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works with me. thanks, lisharon
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Old 04-01-2008, 07:00 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by traviesita
I fell in love with a great man that just happened to be an inmate. I got to know the man not the inmate.
THATS PERFECTLY QUITE SAID!!!!!!!!!!
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Old 04-01-2008, 08:19 PM
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I know this situation is far from ideal... but I find it absolutely beautiful that I found the man I did. I don't think of him as an inmate, an offender or #whatever. I think of him as my best friend, my confidant, my love, and my soulmate. They always say you find love when you're not looking and it definitely applies to my situation. We are very lucky (MWI) to get to know our significant others through letters, visits and phone calls BEFORE any other stuff can complicate things. I cherish that I know him better than anyone and he knows me just as well. If anyone can endure and conquer this situation, together, I really think that they can make it through anything!
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Old 04-01-2008, 09:33 PM
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Love comes unexpectedly. I don't think either of us were looking for it, that's for sure!!! I won't even say we "found" one another - I think God had a lot more to do with it, so I'll give Him the credit! What is meant to be, will find a way!!! I <3 him so much!!! Can't wait until our next visit and our wedding!!
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Old 04-02-2008, 02:55 AM
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I love a man who sadly happens to be an inmate. Its wasnt a life choice...love happens it doesnt follow rules or always follow an easy path.
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Old 04-02-2008, 10:59 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by traviesita
I fell in love with a great man that just happened to be an inmate. I got to know the man not the inmate.

yup thats just the way it happened.
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Old 04-02-2008, 11:44 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JCLW
I think these people are right when it comes to some men and some women. But there is a flip side that shouldn't be overlooked (since you're talking about all women and not just the happy ones).

There are also a lot of con men in prison. They can be anyone and anything you want them to be, in visits for a few short hours a week, or in letters. They're good at picking up hints and clues (sort of like those telephone 'fortune tellers'), know what questions to ask and 'feel you out' on how to answer questions to them. They instill trust by 'trusting' the person with 'secrets' and how they've been 'misunderstood' or 'abused.' They prey on a woman's compassion. Pretty soon the woman wants to 'help' them by sending money (what these con men are usually after). They write letters (the guys love getting mail), come for visits which gets the guys out of their unit (which is always welcomed) and they get to eat 'outside food' (something different from the mess hall food). These women aren't especially 'lonely' or 'insecure' (like a lot of people think); they're usually women who care about others and want to see the good side of everyone. And unfortunately, they get burned.

I've seen both. I have friends who are MWI and have been happily married for a lot of years. I also have friends who were taken to the cleaners, who were 'conned by a con.' There are the extremes and everywhere in between.
This is very true, and it can happen inside or outside. I've seen it happen and I hate knowing about it.

For me, I twisted untwisted and twisted my husbands brain just to know where he was coming from. Lets just say our best game at first was playing Devils advocate. (smile) And till this day I give him a bit of brain twisters and he just smiles and say's "I'm not going any where loca".

I'll always be on my toes but this is a given with any man.
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Old 04-06-2008, 10:44 PM
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I never thought of my man as a bad guy just because he is in prison even when he was just a simple penpal i never juged him , i just wanted to be his friend, naw i am his lady and i get sutch beautiful leters and all i want to do is be hear for him till i can get lost with him some day ,
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Old 03-07-2011, 07:45 PM
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I am a former Officer and I am now retired never did I think in my wildest dreams I would fall in love with someone behind prison bars.I figure I would make a friend and be there for that individual. I realize not all men in prison are as bad as what the world makes them to be.People in general make mistakes because not one of us is perfect in any aspect or form. Being an officer made me see things different and I never realized how shallow I was till I met my husband.When we love we know it is there because of the blessing of God above. He lays the path for us and we take it step by step and I can say that I am glad my path crossed with my husband because not only is he the most loving, understanding and appreciate me for who I am and not so much what I can do and what I look like. If anything men in prison look for the inner beauty of a partner.I have learned and I see things now in two different aspect of life. Not all men in prison are as bad as what the world makes it to sound. Oh let also say this.lol.I do like a bad boy every now and then.. SMILE!!!
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Old 03-07-2011, 10:43 PM
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Women fall in love with "men who are in prison" for the same reason you fell in love with your husband. Because we get to know them, because we find out they ARE someone who is well worth our time and effort. Because we are NORMAL. I didn't fall in love with my fiancee BECAUSE he is in prison, I fell in love with him IN SPITE of the fact he is in prison. I fell in love with him because he "gets" me, because we are best friends, because I don't WANT to be without him, because I WANT him in my life. Prison is not WHO he is, it is WHERE he is. There is no "why" about it.
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Old 03-07-2011, 11:00 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by traviesita View Post
I fell in love with a great man that just happened to be an inmate. I got to know the man not the inmate.
Indeed.

Maybe this will help your man understand why I've committed myself to someone who happens to be incarcerated:

I started browsing the Inmate Pen Pal ads out of curiosity and as a way to entertain myself while I was bed-ridden with pneumonia.

I chose to write to my love because his smile caught my eye and I loved the way his ad sounded so up-beat and cheerful. Also, I already had a PO box and I live in a completely different state than the one that my love is incarcerated in, so I figured the distance and PO box would keep me safe in case he turned out to be no good.

I chose to commit to my love because he has all the qualities that I look for in a partner, plus so many more wonderful things that I didn't even know I wanted until I met him. As has already been stated, I fell in love with a great man who happens to be incarcerated. I fell in love with him. After I fell in love, it was so easy to commit because honestly, I can't imagine my life without him in it.
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Old 03-08-2011, 10:31 AM
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Quote:
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Women fall in love with "men who are in prison" for the same reason you fell in love with your husband. Because we get to know them, because we find out they ARE someone who is well worth our time and effort. Because we are NORMAL. I didn't fall in love with my fiancee BECAUSE he is in prison, I fell in love with him IN SPITE of the fact he is in prison. I fell in love with him because he "gets" me, because we are best friends, because I don't WANT to be without him, because I WANT him in my life. Prison is not WHO he is, it is WHERE he is. There is no "why" about it.
Very well said. I fell in love with my man because of who he is. It didnt' happen over night and I took many more percuations with him than I ever would have with somone on the streets. Why because I couldnt' get past the prison aspect, but then it hit me like a brick wall; prison is not who he is it is where he is; and then I accepted his friendsdhip as it was; and then I fell in love with him "in spite" of the fact he is in prison. He has more determination than any person i have ever met. He has a spirit that can not be broken. He is simiply amazing. Our lives are and have been totally different but his life has made him the man he is. Amazing simply amazing.
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Old 03-08-2011, 10:37 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by IslandPrinc3ss View Post
I am a former Officer and I am now retired never did I think in my wildest dreams I would fall in love with someone behind prison bars.I figure I would make a friend and be there for that individual. I realize not all men in prison are as bad as what the world makes them to be.People in general make mistakes because not one of us is perfect in any aspect or form. Being an officer made me see things different and I never realized how shallow I was till I met my husband.When we love we know it is there because of the blessing of God above. He lays the path for us and we take it step by step and I can say that I am glad my path crossed with my husband because not only is he the most loving, understanding and appreciate me for who I am and not so much what I can do and what I look like. If anything men in prison look for the inner beauty of a partner.I have learned and I see things now in two different aspect of life. Not all men in prison are as bad as what the world makes it to sound. Oh let also say this.lol.I do like a bad boy every now and then.. SMILE!!!
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