please respond

AG81 · #1 09-04-2003, 11:16 AM

issed: well j and i have 5 kids together. my 3 stepsons live with their grandma but our 2 live with me. lately j has been critizing the way im taking care of the luittle ones. trying to tell me how i should be doing things. can you believe this??? he is in prison and telling me that the things i do arent good enough??? whats up with that??? how dare he critisize me when hes not here to do it??? anyone else had this problem???

toi_ama · #2 09-04-2003, 12:26 PM

I know this is very frustrating and hurtful for you. Being locked up, he's probably just trying to parent in the only way he can. Maybe you can think of some ways he could contribute as a father, then write to him and explain how his criticism makes you feel and suggest the ways he can contribute to raising the kids while he's in there.

ekate · #3 09-07-2003, 02:31 AM

TOI AMA YOU ARE SO RIGHT.. SOMETIMES THEY FELL SO BAD ABOUT NOT BEING THERE THEY SAY HURTFUL THINGS TO EASE THERE OWN PAIN ON MISSING OUT..

Zelda50 · #4 09-08-2003, 07:14 PM

I feel for you - it is so hard to be a parent as it is. We criticize ourselves enough - we don't need more from others. One time, I took a parenting class and then sent all the materials to my husband in prison and we talked about it on the phone and in visits. That way we both learned and were "on the same page" when it came to parenting. We learned to think together about how we were parenting and it gave him the opportunity to participate even though he's not at home. You might think about trying that approach. Zelda