*Where is Daddy?*

JamesBabyGirl · #1 08-24-2003, 01:54 AM

I was just wondering if you all have any children with a inmate? What do you say to them when they ask where their daddy is? I was just wondering how you all handle this situation...That way i may have some advice for the future

giggles4ver · #2 08-24-2003, 02:19 AM

I have a 5 year old son....my fiancee in prison is not his biological father, but treats my son as if he is. My son has asked where my man is, and I told him the truth that he got arrested for taking something that was not his. He understands this, and we talk about him all the time. Also my son draws him pictures, and my man sends my son letters with drawings in them.

babyrooh · #3 08-24-2003, 03:05 AM

We don't have any children yet, but we plan on having plenty when he comes home(hopefully next year). We both want a large family.

miz_pandora · #4 08-24-2003, 08:09 AM

my man is not my boys birth dad but we are still a family and questions still get asked. he is only 6 n when i was gone my mother told him that i was a sick because i took drugs and that i was learning how to be a better mom and a better person. when he talks to nick on the phone he asks and we tell him that nick is away learning how to be a better dad and man because of the mistakes that he made. i know its wrong to lie to your kids even if it is half truths but until he is older i feal we have handed it the best way we know how.

melanie · #5 08-24-2003, 08:27 AM

Our daughter is 2 1/2 she was only 2 when her daddy was locked up. She wants to know where her daddy is but she knows that he had to go bye bye for a while. We go see him as often as we can right now it is once a week she knows when we pull into the parking lot that we are going to see daddy. My mother-inlaw wanted to tell her that he was at work but I would not let her do that because then when he did come home and went back to work she would think that he would not be coming back for long time, and if i have to go back to work I do not want her to think that i am going to leave.She is already having a hard time if i walk out of the room, she will say " mommy don't leave me" do you know how hard that is to have a 2 1/2 year old ask you not to leave her. That about kills me every time she says that. she is a very smart little girl. But she is still young I just hope that her daddy can come home soon so maby she will be able to know that we are not going to ever leave her. Well good luck with any one with young children at home I know how hard it is.

MRSMAZE · #6 08-24-2003, 09:32 AM

Our son is seven and a half, he will be eight in October. We knew that my husband would be sentenced we just were not sure for how long and luckily we were able to go to a counselor, me my husband and our son and explain, with her guidance what was going on. Honestly, he was extremely depressed during the first two-three months, but now he is doing well and has adjusted, I wouldn't say he is completely happy, but he is able to cope. We thought my husband would be home in three and a half weeks, but it doesn't look that way it may not be until the end of December, and I actually just told him that about an hour ago and he said, "Will he at least be home before I turn nine? Unfortunately, he has really had to grow up and be the "Man" of the house but I believe that honesty is the best policy, children do learn by example.

JoesBaby20 · #7 08-24-2003, 09:49 AM

We dont have any kids of our own, but Joe has a neice that he is incredibly close with. Her father doesnt have much to do with her so she has always called Joe daddy. She asks where he is a lot but everyone tells her that he is at work. Its really on him to be away from her and having to lie. He is scared that she is going to forget about him because she is only 5 and he still has another 6yrs left.

HeatherT · #8 08-24-2003, 10:15 AM

I have one baby on the way. We don't know if he will be home for when the baby is born or not. There is a possibility that he could be. He has a niece that is 4 that asks me where Uncle Louie is. I just tell her that he had to go away for a while. And she said "Like on vacation?" and I said "Yeah sweetie, kind of like a vacation" And she wanted to know if she could see him while he's on vacation and I said she would have to ask her mom. It wont be too hard for her because it's just a normal sitting hall and he's dressed in jeans and a t-shirt--not like the last time he was in county and there was glass and a phone. She banged against the glass when the visit was over, begging them to let Uncle Louie come home with her...it was hard.

deb · #9 08-24-2003, 10:17 AM

Honesty.... We have 6 all together. 3 of mine, 2 of his and 1 together.... Honesty....

Deb

aliswifey · #10 08-24-2003, 10:18 AM

My husband and I just had our first child in July, and we are hoping he will be home by December and if not then by next November 6th for sure...luckily I dont have to answer that question since mine is so young, it would be so hard if I did. I do however tell him that his daddy loves him everyday and that he cant wait to be here with us, even if he doesn't understand I guess it makes me feel better.

sHAWTY · #11 08-24-2003, 11:11 AM

I tell my children thathe is in jail, I mena they go to see hi every weekend, when they ask why i just tell then that daddy broke the law and it is not ur fault and he is really sorry.. I really want to be honest with them so they dont find out from people talkin and then they end up mad at me..

Rosie03 · #12 08-24-2003, 05:26 PM

We are very truthful with our daughter. We handled it on the age level at which she was at the time. She is now 10, and knows the whole situation. If she has a question, we answer it honestly..I feel that, by not saying anything or keeping something from her, the imagination can be worse than the truth.

Marci · #13 08-24-2003, 07:11 PM

KEvin and I don't have kids yet - 1st thing we'll be working on when he gets home!

I had a friend who's husband was in prison and their little girl saw him every weekend. At age 3, I asked her where daddy was and she told me that "daddy did a wrong thing and is in time out". I guess that's how 3 olds see it. She's 12 now and knows everything. He will be paroled soon and she's actually a little scared, even tho she knows him well and loves him alot - she's just not used to seeing him on the outside (conceived during a conjugal)

MyLife1020592 · #14 08-24-2003, 07:36 PM

We have a 5 year old son and he knows everything. I am not going to lie to him and he needs to know the consequences of what can happen. He knows that daddy drank and drove and that is not a good thing to do. I am not going to lie to my child because somewhere in the future, it will be brought up again somehow.

blacksgirl · #15 08-25-2003, 12:52 AM

Well we have a three year old daughter and she thinks he is in boys school. I tell her that he is bettering his self so he can get a good job for all of us. She thinks the c.o's are police teachers. I hate lying to her, but I want him to explain that to her when he comes home or maybe when she gets older just not now, it hurts me enough that she has to be without her father. I also don't want her to hate the police because they took her daddy so I tell her that, so it is easier on her. We go see him a lot and she thinks it is his school. We visit where he can hold her and stuff for like seven hours. We used to visit through the glass and she thought it was fun to talk on the phone and look at him, I just try to keep her happy and worry free until this nightmare is over. I wish everyone the best and hope it's over soon for us all. God Bless.