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Old 08-19-2006, 03:44 PM
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NghtHawk NghtHawk is offline
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Default Surviving Hard Time

Surviving Hard Time

The reality of how I live is, if I get convicted of ANY Felony in the United States, I will be eligible to receive a Life sentence, thatís Natural Life. Iíve already completed a Life sentence by doing over 23 years in prison. Prison, sometimes the word stills means home to me, not that I long to return, I donít, at least not always. Itís strange, during all the years I was locked up all I wanted was be free, away from all the violence and corruption, to be a normal citizen. Now that I am free, a normal citizen, I find that no one out here thinks like me, the ways we are taught to survive in prison are not the ways of the general population.

I started to get in trouble with the law when I was about 12 or 13 years old. I have a love of cars and by the time I was 17, I had stolen over 150. I stole a brand new 1972 Firebird; Green with a Black Vinyl Top. The speedometer read about 145 mph, and I had to see if it could do it. I remember driving it at almost 140 mph over Plumb Factory Hill, tore the whole underside up. It was strung out, all up the hill, it ended up on itís top, totaled out. As I remember, it was a hell of allot of fun, and still is.

I was placed on Probation one time on a Wednesday. The following Sunday, I was in another stolen car, a 1966 Barracuda. This time a friend was with me, Pete. Well the cops showed up and I took them for a multi town high-speed chase that ended up with me putting the car in a ditch, and side swiping a tree. We got away, well kind of, Pete got caught coming out of the other side of the cornfield, and I made it back home, before the cops showed up to tell my Dad what I had done, got away with that one. To this day, the Sheriffís Dept. still hasnít figured out how I got my bag and myself from the car, in one town, to my home in another town, Before the Sheriffís were able to get to my home. They were quite surprised to find not only me there, but my bag as well. I couldnít fool my Dad though, he always knew. He searched my room one day and found some key rings with about 100 or so sets of Car Keys. As a juvenile I was given allot of breaks, I was convicted of 9 Auto Thefts and given Probation each time.

The first time I was in jail, back in the early 70ís, I was locked up with a group of guys that were involved in a Gunfight with a few different law enforcement agencies. The guys ended up going free. Lyle Mull, Daryl Boone, Kit Carson, and Jessie James, as far as I remember those were their real names. One of these men went on to be a pretty successful drug dealer. We used to pick Illinois Ditch Weed and sell a 100 lbs or so at a time, to some guys in Kentucky, for $100/150 a lb, so they could use it as filler. It was through this connection that I meet some men that needed a gunman for a Bank Heist in Iowa. It was this failed action that caused me to commit a different Armed Robbery. I used a 16ga sawed-off Shotgun, 16 Ĺ in. long, barrel, 10 Ĺ in. long. Both the Clerk and Police were surprised at how short it was. They should have been happy that I wasnít carrying the gun I normally carried, a sawed-off, 12ga. Pump, with the plug out, and replaced the buckshot with steal ball bearings, they go through Flack jackets, Kevlar Armour, steel plate, etc. This was a real bright idea I got a total of $214 and 25 years in prison for it. Steel ball bearings loaded in a shotgun shell, nothing can stop them. The Sheriffís Dept found out about this one time when they arrested me, and I had a sawed-off 12ga pump. I was placed in the drunk tank, cuffed to the floor and beat by the Police. I spent the next 6 weeks locked in the drunk tank so that no one could see my injuries.

I spent over 10 years in the Illinois Dept. of Corrections, in the following Prisons, Joliet (5 times), Logan, Sheridan, Vandalia (2 times) and Vienna (2 times). Iíve been inside and/or temporarily stayed at, Statesville, Pontiac, Menard, and help break the ground on the Shawnee Correctional Facility. While I was in, I got an Education obtaining my GED, 2 Degreeís, an Automotive Certificate, and extensive training in the Law, which I would later use to get myself out of Joliet and help other convicts with their cases. While I was doing this time, I was exposed to some of the worst monsters that society has to offer. John Wayne Gacy, came into Joliet while I was there, the whole prison was locked down, except for a few of us. While he was in the Iowa Dept. of Corrections, at Anamosa, he designed the miniature golf course they had, years later I would be at the same prison and play on that course.
At one point in Joliet, I had guys that were the leaders of gangs fighting over the Homosexual that was in my cell for a while. I got tired of that real quick and set the punk on fire, that got rid of him. The only problem here was that the dude they put in my cell next I had to stab because he was masturbating in the bunk above me, with the pictures of my girlfriend. There was another time when the Latin Kings and the Disciples clashed on the Yard, everyone was told to stay off the yard, except for those two gangs. Some of us, when weíre younger are stupid; I was one of about 25 or so Whiteís that ventured out that day. To make a long story short, there was a mini riot, nothing like seeing a guy get his head crushed by a weight bar to wake ya up. I was in another mini riot in the kitchen; I ducked around the corner, before the shooting started. I worked as a Cook, only white cook on the am shift. I stole and snuck out of the kitchen, 120 8oz. Bags of instant coffee, in just over an hour, I bet their still wondering how I did that. I stole and sold everything I could out of that kitchen, had to make $$$ some how.
I was also on the Varsity Soft Ball team in Joliet I was one of two pitchers. Our Third baseman, Mickey was from Joliet and we used to play the team he played for when he was on the streets, once a week. All of these guys were his friends and his Dad was the coach. The prison Staff never did catch on to how we snuck our drugs and other contraband in. I had it going on big time at this point. I remember installing a cruise control system in the Wardens LTD, while I was working as a mechanic in the garage at Joliet. The guy that was helping me, Bush (he was in the Blues Brothers, one of the inmateís in the background at the Clothing room), while we were under the car, we got high and when we finished, we started the car and got high inside the Wardenís car, in the garage, in the Prison, he never did find out.
I also worked at B of I while in Joliet, Bureau of Identification that is. When you came into Joliet, your records came across my desk. It was my job to put the paperwork, prints, and pictures of inmates together for transfers. If you were a sex offender, especially a child molester I would let others like me know, (I hate them) and some of us would help ensure that their time was not easy. I got bored one day and looked through every inmateís file in general Population and made a list of who was in for sex crimes and if they were hooked up in a gang, I would go to the person calling the shots for said gang and let them know. I was responsible for getting allot of people violated/beat up by their own gangs. The Administration didnít have a clue as to what was going on and still donít. I seem to remember that a Captain at Joliet was ordered by a gang to release two inmates and he did, gave them a car and off they went, they all got caught. But, it did show how long of an arm a gang has. Glenn called the shots for the Klan; he was making it with the School Principle. Gum called the shots for the Rebels, he was doing a Nurse and I was doing a dark skinned beauty that was a guard, Jose called the shots for the Latin Kings and he was doing a guard, she got caught bring in his dope.

The rest of the Prisons in Illinois I did time in were just about the same. I always had various scams going in order to make $$$. I had to make mine inside the walls, as I got no support from the streets. While I was at the Vienna Correctional Center, I brought in more drugs then any two other convicts put together. I had a way to get it in back then that was slick and never got caught. I had the Staff bringing it in and they didnít even know it and still donít know how I did it. My counselor at the time was a Red head, she came into my Room one day and showed me that she was not wearing anything under her dress and she was married, but not to me. I almost broke one of the prison bookies in 1984 when the Chicago Bears had their great season. This is also where I became a member of the Jaycees for the first time, I became the Internal Vice-President. I was also the only convict that could go to the Administration Bldg and get the Keys to ANY Institutional vehicle I wanted, except the Wardenís. I was the only inmate that was allowed to work on his State car, his personal car, his wifeís car, son and daughter in lawís car, and his other sonís mini-bike and go-cart. He used to drop off cat food to me at the garage for my cat(s) and he didnít like cats, but his wife did. When my boss got sick and had to be off for 4 or 5 weeks, I was the one that ran the garage in his absence, I did his job just as if I was a Staff member. I was in a living unit called, Karma House and it was a therapeutic community, based on Transactional Analysis. I had previously taken a course about this while in Vandalia, so I kind of knew what to expect. As I grew in the community, I became a group leader and was put in charge of the sex offenderís group. I later found out that I was chosen for this position in an attempt to help me deal with the hatred I have for these kinds of people. What I learned about these monsters is enough to keep me awake at night. The people on the streets should hear how these men talk when they think the ďManĒ isnít around, or their with their own kind, itís enough to want them all dead.

Of course when I was at the Vandalia Prison I had to use a paddle lock on a guy. His name was Ali, black, had a scar on his left cheek, a real scary looking guy. All he wanted was a piece of my ass and I wasnít giving it up. Iím a little guy; I used what I had at hand, a paddle lock on the end of my belt. You would be surprised at the amount of damage a person can do with one of them. There was also a guy that worked in the Kitchen with us that was a Golden glove boxer at one time. He liked to take guys in the back room and box with them, guys that were smaller and didnít know how to box. I donít like getting hit, especially by someone like him. When it became my turn to go in the back room, I did so with a very large stirring ladle that we used to stir the food, in the large vats. When he came around the corner of the back room, I did the only thing I could and I layed him out with that paddle. I remember the woman that taught the Transactional Analysis class there. She and I had a thing going for a little while, until another teacher found out and put a stop to it, I was sorry to see her go. Itís funny, at this institution we had to march to chow and stuff. We were doing so one day and a guard drove his car into the institution and parked where we all could see and he got out of his car and finished taking off his Klan robes that he had on over his prison Uniform, that really freaked the blacks out for awhile.

Not a whole lot happened to me while I was at Logan; it had just been converted from a mental institution to a prison. I worked in the School as a GED assistant. At the time, inmates helped the schoolteachers with the classes. I got in trouble with my teacher because her girl friend was the Assistant Warden and she found a note that I had written, under her girl-friendís pillow. Needless to say, I gave that job up to go on an outside work crew. I drove a tractor with a bush-hog and mowed the grass. I also used myself as a donkey and snuck contraband into the prison. I was also taken to the local hospital, where I got the pleasure of passing Kidney Stones for the first of three times. I also got into running at Logan and participated in a few Holiday races that were held there, we even had the guards betting on which of us would win the races. It was during the summer of 1979 that I made my famous Non-stop run of 40 miles on the yard, the guards let me run and it was great, I felt more alive during that run then I had in a long time.
For the next few years I did allot of running. While on a break from prison in 1982, I was taking Law classes at my local College. It was about 7 miles to the school and I used to run there and back. One of the teachers I had was a local judge that I had been in front of a couple of times and who would later sentence me to 20 years for Burglary. There were also police officers from various agencies that took these classes, some of which had arrested me in the past for charges that I was sent away on. I was still attending these classes when I got into trouble and went back to prison. I was transferred from Joliet to Sheridan because I was still going to Court and Sheridan was closer to where I was going to court. The cell house I was placed in was nick named Gladiator School; the Administration always seemed to like putting me in the roughest cell houses, I later found out it was because of my Legal-work and that I was a jailhouse Lawyer. The Temporary Dentist that was there at the time knew me from the streets. We had meet several times at various parties, but never hooked up. We solved that problem real quick and I visited the dentist at least once a week, and I came to love a dentistís chair. One of my teachers at the college arraigned for all her classes to tour the prison I was in and they got to see me. I sent them a letter a few days later telling them about the two inmates that had been stabbed the weekend after they left, because they all thought this was an easy prison.
I guess you might be wondering what I did to get myself in the Illinois Prison System so many times. Iíve been in the Ill. Dept. of Corrections 5 separate times. I have been convicted of: Attempted Robbery, Forgery, Residential and Commercial Burglary, Communicating with a Witness, Safe Cracking, and various other crimes in Illinois. All total, I have been convicted of about 18 or 19 Felonies In Illinois.

We now come to Iowa and itís prison system. It sucks, the staff at the prisons in Iowa Protect Child Molesters to the point that you canít even call them a child molester or youíll get in trouble. I have watched a pedophile run to the guard and complain that I was teasing him by calling him a Child Molester. Of course this was the person I tried to kill for almost 4 years because of what he had done. He used a can opener on his own daughter to open her up so that he could abuse her. This man had the balls to get in my face and tell me that what he did with his daughter was none of my business and that since he was her father; he had the right to do what he wanted with her. I tried to throw him over the railing on 10 galley, but he was fighting and heavy. You should have heard him scream like a baby, everyone disliked him, but no one would help put him over the railing. A bunch of cowards is what they got in Iowa, and the Staff isnít any better. So, I ended up pushing him down a flight of stairs, straight into a concrete wall, didnít do a dam thing to him.
While at the Reformatory, I perfected my Legal skills and helped allot of inmates. One that I helped was named Sonny. He knew me from Joliet, because I stabbed the guy in Illinois that was doing his Appeal at the time. Well, Sonny got 5 years in Iowa and by the time he caught up to me, he had already done 7 years, and 10 months on it. It took me 28 days to get his case in front of a federal Judge and get him released. When he got out, I sent a lawsuit with him that he filed and settled out of court for $90,000, for the extra 2 yrs, 10 months and 28 days he was in for. He later died while playing a game of chicken in his car. I authored various lawsuits against the prison while I was there, which resulted in the Administration transferring me to another prison. They also didnít like my attitude towards Child Molesters and I was threatened with lockup on many occasions for voicing that opinion. I was in the Commissary line one day and there were about 75 inmates ahead of me. The commissary line is like the one at the bank that goes back and forth like a snake. I was in position to hear three young men, about 19 or 20 talking about all the girls they HAD raped, how they did it and the ones they still wanted to rape. They were bragging and comparing notes and I couldnít take it. So, I incited those around me and we thumped those three guys right in the commissary line, they couldnít go anywhere but past me, and that was a problem for them.

I was transferred to the old Clarinda Facility and lasted only a few months before I was once again transferred because of my Law work. After a few more transfers, I ended up at the Iowa State Penitentiary, Fort Madison Max Security. A local man was convicted of raping and murdering a little girl from town. There was a hit out on this guy and he got what he deserved. Dannyís cousin caught up with the dude in the chow hall and stabbed him, like a zillion times, blood was everywhere, near as I remember, and he beat it on appeal. I also remember a guard that worked there. He got married to one of the secretaries that worked in the Administration Bldg. One night they went out and he was drunk, driving his car and got in a wreck, killed his new wife. The strange thing is, he never got a ticket for anything, even though he was drunk as a skunk.
I also met T.J. at the Fort. We worked at the Upholstery shop and got to know each other. Terry was in for murdering an ex-cop and had been in for about 25 years. The thing about Terry was the fact that he is Innocent. He didnít have any more to do with it then I did and Iím one of the few people left alive that knows how this murder happened and who did it. By the time T.J. had found me, he only had a few months left before his time limit ran out for getting his case back into court, I was his last and only chance. I did not fail him, I did my job and got his case back into court and he is a free man today. Unfortunately, because I was able to help Terry out, another man, Cub was able to gain his freedom as well. He had served 26 years for the same crime, with the difference being, Cub did commit the crime with two other people. Even today, the Police Dept. that handled the case does not want to know who committed the Murder of an Ex-police officer, nor do they know who committed it. I do, I found the evidence that leads to who the three people are, but no one cares now, except me. So, the Administration at the Fort got tired of me and transferred me once again to Clarinda, only this time it was to the New Clarinda.

I finished my time in Iowa at the new Clarinda Facility, where the Administration didnít like me either, like I really cared. I spent my share of time in disciplinary lockup for various reasons. I was doing 60 days in Ad. Seg. one time for making ďHooch.Ē I took this report to the local Court and was pronounced an expert in making prison wine/hooch. I made almost 7 gallons one time and got 62 of the 90 men on our unit drunk, that was a hell of a party. So, while I was doing those 60 days in lock-up, I was not going without tobacco, so I snuck into seg. a whole can of tobacco & a lighter. Getting the tobacco into seg was one thing, but I also spent 2 weeks getting high three times a day with one of the guys in the cell with me. The administration never did figure out how I got the stuff in, cause I never got caught.

It never ceases to amaze me, that as much as an Administration tries to stop the flow of Contraband into any prison, they canít, not when ya got convicts like me around. Many times, an Administration believes it has a stranglehold on what comes in and out of any given prison and thatís a fatal mistake. When I was in Anamosa, I controlled how most of the contraband got into the prison, by simply making a deal with two inmates and they still have no clue as to what all I was getting in. I bet that if I wanted to, I could still get contraband into all of the prisons that Iíve done time in and use some of the same ways I got it in before.

I guess your wondering what I did to go to prison in Iowa, I got stupid again. I had gone to Iowa as a gunman for a bank Heist and that got messed up, so I ended up robbing another place. After I got arrested for Armed Robbery, I had charges in both Iowa and Illinois, as I had bonded out on the Burglary in Illinois. I ended up facing 4 Federal Charges for being a career criminal and possession of a gun, Burglary and Armed Robbery. I made a plea agreement and got 20 years in Illinois to run concurrent with the 25 years in Iowa and the Federal charges were dropped.

I got out of prison and off parole in December of 2000. Today is only the second time in the past 30 years that Iíve been off Parole and/or probation. One would think that considering Iíve been out for almost 6 years, that being out here would be getting easier, itís not. Many times over the past few years Iíve wondered what Iím doing out here, and asking myself, I got out of prison for this. Very few people that Iíve met out here think like me, and the ones that do have either done time and/or been in combat, as we both share the experience of living under adverse conditions, namely violence.
I try and spend some of my time helping out others that canít do for themselves. A few years ago, I helped build a childrenís playground called Kidís Kingdom. The playground was the brainchild of a couple of local police officers and I worked side by side with them and many others from various Departments. I am proud of what I did there, and in the future if someone thinks about me, they can at least point to one thing in my life that I did, that was good. I was even given the honor of having my name placed with others that had done as I had. I still practice law when I can. I help out those that need assistance but canít get the help elsewhere. I was just involved in a case where a young man was charged with rape, and I helped him beat the charges. It really wasnít all that hard considering that he was white and the DNA Expert testified that the perpetrator was Hispanic. The Police donít want to go after the real rapist; heís still out there and if the Police wonít go after him, I guess Iíll have to do their job for them. Iíve already been doing that by helping them keep track of over 350 registered sex offenders. The local Sheriffís dept. even changed their policies because I found three Sex offenders that had Warrants for their arrest living within 1000 feet of a local school. Iím an Ex-Convict, why am I having to do the Policeís job for them? They want to cry about not having enough $$$ to do this and that, or buy this and that piece of equipment, yet they canít conduct a simple investigation.

Theyíre like some of the guards in prison. The ones that go into our cells and destroy the pictures we have of our wiveís, children, girlfriends and then they want to cry when we go up side their head, it just doesnít make sense.

So, am I going to make it out here on the streets? I donít know, if I donít Iíll be getting a Life Sentence, thatís enough to make ya want to spit. I havenít been able to keep a job for more then a few months or so and now Iím laid up from Shoulder surgery. I almost died last year after my Appendix burst, of course I didnít go to the hospital for 2 weeks, and the pain I went through was like nothing Iíve ever felt before. Why did it take so long for me to go to the hospital you ask, I was working on a car that I promised to get done, and I did, of course the owner then bum-paid me, still owes me $125 that I will never see. Iím laid up, no income, will need more surgery on my neck and maybe both elbows. So, the future, what does it hold; only time will tell.

As I set here trying to end this, I find that Iím optimistic about the future and what it can bring. I hope it will bring me to a place where I can use my talents to further the cause of Justice, that is Justice for our children and all those that follow. I donít have any children of my own, canít have any. I figure that God didnít want me to have any of my own because he wants me to protect all children, not just the ones close to me. I agree with one thing that Hilary Clinton said, it takes a village to raise a child. It also takes a village to protect our chil


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Old 08-19-2006, 04:40 PM
june5 june5 is offline
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Originally Posted by NghtHawk
Surviving Hard Time

The reality of how I live is, if I get convicted of ANY Felony in the United States, I will be eligible to receive a Life sentence, that’s Natural Life.

I got tired of that real quick and set the punk on fire, that got rid of him

The prison Staff never did catch on to how we snuck our drugs and other contraband in.

I also used myself as a donkey and snuck contraband into the prison.

I’ve been in the Ill. Dept. of Corrections 5 separate times. I have been convicted of: Attempted Robbery, Forgery, Residential and Commercial Burglary, Communicating with a Witness, Safe Cracking, and various other crimes in Illinois. All total, I have been convicted of about 18 or 19 Felonies In Illinois.

. I spent my share of time in disciplinary lockup for various reasons.

At least you aren't a child molester. That's all I got. I'm speechless.
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Old 08-19-2006, 08:22 PM
bunnygurl bunnygurl is offline
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wow. i couldn't tell if you are proud of your history and what you got away with or finally thinking that doing things for the good of others is more satisfying. at any rate, i would suggest you write a book. you have half of it done already. with your passion you can make a huge difference. stay on the outside and make a difference.
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Old 08-19-2006, 11:29 PM
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ceehatch ceehatch is offline
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Here, here... I second that bunnygurl.
Don't marry the person you think you can live with; marry only the individual you think you can't live without.
-James C. Dobson
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Old 08-22-2006, 11:34 PM
Demi Demi is offline
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I like having you on the side of protecting our children. I hope you make it on the outside and won't go back to prison. It won't be easy adjusting but it can be done.

You're not missing a thing.
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Old 08-23-2006, 09:47 AM
danielas danielas is offline
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Wow! you should write a book. You've spent a lot of time in close quarters with rapists & child molesters, you really undertand what theyre about. We need more people like you coming out and sharing what you know.

Think of all the good you can do out here. Be cool. You can stay out.

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Old 09-06-2006, 04:29 PM
mindy-j mindy-j is offline
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You really should write a book.
This reads as very beliveable.
You can do more good outside than in. Try hard to stay out. Good Luck to you.
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Old 09-12-2006, 11:27 PM
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Um, nice resume you have their Night Hawk.
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Old 06-25-2007, 01:26 PM
Sirokese Sirokese is offline
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Very good recount. Thank you for sharing.
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Old 06-25-2007, 01:36 PM
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nghtwtch nghtwtch is offline
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What comes to mind, I don't dare put down. I am with June5 here, totally speechless.
always on my mind....
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Old 06-25-2007, 02:44 PM

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i think you should write a book.even if you dont go this route,please hang in there cuz we need you
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Old 08-24-2007, 06:34 PM
Tonyrone99 Tonyrone99 is offline
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Are you for real??? If so, then please tell me more about the LK's?
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Old 08-27-2007, 08:23 PM
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I'm kinda with June5. It sounds like to me you are proud of all the crimes you have committed. I couldn't decipher much remorse in your writing. Maybe I'm just reading the tone of your writing wrong. Still I wish you happiness and success in all your lawful endeavors.

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Old 08-28-2007, 01:59 AM
Starlius Starlius is offline
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Default Truth stranger than fiction?

Originally Posted by karengrovo
I'm kinda with June5. It sounds like to me you are proud of all the crimes you have committed. I couldn't decipher much remorse in your writing. Maybe I'm just reading the tone of your writing wrong. Still I wish you happiness and success in all your lawful endeavors.
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You have an amazing story. I did some years in several prisons in California over a period of two stretches. About 6 and 1/2 years incarcerated out of 9 years.
I have to ditto with June 5. It sounds like you got away with alot, and based on your story, which I am not disputing, since how would I know; but maybe the systems in Illinois and IOWA? were alot different than California. Inmates can get caught up but I honestly have never heard of anyone in my life have the number of things you did, including staff relationships, etc. being able to parole or get away without catching numerous new beefs. BUT, again, I am not disagreeing with you, nor could I postulate that it's not real, because I have no experience in your prison states and their prison operations. As a saying goes . "Truth can be stranger than fiction." I personally also see what June 5 was saying about the deciphering of your remorse or lack of all that you allege. I guess, Illinois or that other state does not try to reinvestigate all this stuff when it is portrayed in a story; whatever. In any event, I hope all goes well for you and I guess everyone here can maybe gain some insight into your writing and see another side to -behind the walls. Best regards.
Everyday is closer to a new beginning.
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Old 08-28-2007, 02:48 AM
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susieq76 susieq76 is offline
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wow!! Is All I Can Say, I Actually Got Goose Bumps Reading Your Story, Specially The End Of It. Maybe There Is A Little Pride In All The Stuff You Have Done, But Only You Know What You Have Really Gone Through And What Is In Your Hearth. I Have 3 Kids And In A Sick Way I Wish There Were More People Out There Like You Who Would Protect Our Children At "all Cost". Take Care Of Yourself And I Wish You The Best
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Old 10-16-2007, 06:55 PM
gordocarla gordocarla is offline
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Are you sure you didn't have to much "Hooch” when you wrote this??? I'm really speachless.
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Old 06-05-2008, 02:10 PM
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rtee rtee is offline
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[quote=NghtHawk;2165847]Surviving Hard Time
As I set here trying to end this,

I too survived hard time. Been in and out of rehab for 30 some years. As I read your post, it seems as tho you have perfected your story. I mean you have told it so many times. And it is good that you can get this off your chest, as they say. It will take the rest your life to get thro it. You have lived this way nearly all your life. Talk about an old dog and new tricks. You'll find very few that understand and it can get worse if someone gives you bullsh!t over it. Need to find others that can relate to you. If you don't deal with this now, it will one day come out with an anger that you can't handle. And you know what I mean. Don't try to cover it up with drugs and booze. Your feelings are stronger than any drug and the drugs will eventualy cause other problems.
Wish we could sit and talk over a cup of coffee. I have alot of stories. A con once got lighter fluid thrown on him and the cell house stank for months. I still get nausea when I smell certain kinds of meat cooking on the grill.
Anyway, keep on the search brother. We know how rough it is in there. And even tho they can kill us on the streets or in the joint. At least in the joint they can't eat us.
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Old 06-21-2008, 12:20 AM
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MS LADY 50 MS LADY 50 is offline
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Wow, what a story! You really should think about writing a book! It could be usseful, and informing for some readers!
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Old 06-21-2008, 03:54 PM
stillfree stillfree is offline
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You and I are like polar opposites. I'm the goody two shoes girl that ended up in the system somehow, and while there, did things I never knew I could accomplish. I see a lot of that in your story. I became one of four of the first female fire fighters in Georgia on the first all female fire department in the country. Then while in a work release center, I became the first inmate to work for the Governor while incarcerated. He hired me as a permanent employee once I was released which has opened so many more doors for me. I'm in school full time (while working full time and my husband and I own a cleaning business on the side) to finish a Psych degree, and I hope to be in grad school for a Doctoral in Forensic Psych. I want to work in policy and work with the prison system. I see a lot of the same drive and determination and intelligence in your story. You did a lot of good things and took advantage of opportunities that crossed your path while you were doing time. Most people don't bother finishing a GED let alone getting two degrees and working in Law. Learn how to channel those things out here in the real world. What you look for, you'll find. If you look for opportunities (good or bad, legal or illegal) you'll find them. Remember that everything is a choice. You know you have two choices: live in the real world, or live behind bars the rest of your life. I know I personally prefer being out here, but I know a lot of long timers that have adapted and are far more comfortable inside. That's okay; that's their choice. But one of those choices is going to win. If you want to live out here bad enough, you'll find away to resist the temptation of illegal activity. If it means surving periods of homelessness, hunger and struggling, you'll do it if you really want to stay out of prison for the rest of your life. But if you make the decision to test the waters and see if you can get away with another crime to make ends meet and you get caught, you decided that you'd rather be behind bars. I'm probably not telling you anything you don't already know.

I know everyone has said this, and I hear it all the time, but have you ever thought about writing a book? You do have a knack for writing, and your story is compelling. I have networked and three agents in the last month have asked for the first 10 pages of my story. If you are ever interested, I could give you some advice on where to start.

Also, I know you probably catch a lot of flack for the things you have done (I am sure setting another human being on fire ranks pretty high on the list). I know it sounds to most as though you were proud or almost bragging when telling your story. I know that on the inside that's all you have to cling to. i know you sort of have to build a reputation and the only things people judge you on are the things you have done or shown them.

For your sake, and anyone else you might be able to influence, I hope that you do find the strength to 'make it' out here. Find yourself a good support system anywhere you can. And yes, I mean the 'do-gooders'. Make the choice to make the right choices. And good luck to you. ~Andi
~Andi~ In chains, yet still free...
CaughtMyCase - Prison-related social commentary, opinion and personal experience
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Old 08-12-2008, 08:09 AM
sammy whiteside sammy whiteside is offline
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Default Just got home

You know I sometimes wonder if I will make it out here. I myself have been in trouble since the late 70s. Alot of violent stuff but money allowed me to escape serious conviction untill 1999. I was arrested for 3 att murder of police and alot more. I was looking at 265 years for 17 felonies. Again money saved me I got 10 years x's 3 concurrent. I did 9 and now home. My wife of 20 years has done well and I am sitting in a new home and she has help me start my own business. But I find that I don't really relate with anyone. I had 6 buds that came home with in 5 months of my date and are al,l everyone of them are back in the system. The last one came by yesterday, on his way too turn himself. Man it is tough out here, and I don't even know why. Some times I feel as if I don't belong. My wife tells me to put it beind(prison) but I feel if I were to do that I would slip and be on a new felony. WTF
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