My boyfriend wants me to help a friend of his fiance who is homeless

Billy'sBabygirl · #1 08-02-2006, 12:41 PM

Talked to Bill last night. It was a surprise, because it wasn't our scheduled phone call day (to save costs, he calls, Mon, Wed and Fri). So as soon as I answered the phone I said what do you need?

He starts with baby it's not for me. I really don't want anything and you don't have to decide right away. I knew I was in trouble with those words. You know it seems every time we're making any type of progress he slips back.

Anyways, it seems there's a guy in the program with him who has a fiance with some disabilities and scolosis. Well she's homeless. And the only places in there area for homeless people are the ones ridded with addicts and supposingly she's clean never done anything. He wants me to think about taking this stranger in and helping her out. Because her guy is afraid for her safety with her living on the streets.

He was good playing on my emotions, telling me how I could help her, since I'm dealing with the scolosis issue with my youngest daughter and how I'm dealing with the shyness and the learning disabilities with my oldest daughter. And how this poor girls is sleeping behind dumpsters fearing for her life every night.

So what could I say. I told him I would agree to meet her. It wasn't something I felt real comfortable with. And we would have to meet with each other several times before I made a decision. The whole time that country song "What if she's an Angel" is playing in my head.

So the floor is open. What do you guys think?

Melissa_2006 · #2 08-02-2006, 01:34 PM

Bless you is all that I can say. I feel really sorry for alot of people, but I have a hard enough time holding my family down. I couldnt imagine taking on another person, especially being handicapped. But I'm glad that there are women out there strong enough. Hope God blesses you in any decision you make.

**Christy** · #3 08-02-2006, 01:38 PM

I think you made a good decision in just meeting her first. I too would be really leary about having a stranger coming into my home, especially with children there. I would meet with her and maybe you can find another solution instead of your home.

And maybe you are an angel, but you have to put your kids and your safety first! You don't know this person or her boyfriend.

And, this just occured to me, how will you contact her and how does he know she is still homeless? How do they communicate? It could be your guy is just a sap and gets suckered in by sad stories too. Mine has been known!

Follow your heart and and the answer will come to you.

Billy'sBabygirl · #4 08-02-2006, 02:25 PM

Christy,

She comes to visit her guy on Saturdays, so the two of them (Bill and this guy) are going to tell her where to meet me at.

Here's the question that came to my mind last night. Bill said she's gets disability from the state, which isn't much and doesn't play a role in my decision other than, if she is homeless how does she get her checks?

HOPE4FUTURE · #5 08-02-2006, 02:37 PM

This is what I would do...I would meet with her and get a feel. If it is a positive feeling I would invite her for dinner at your house. Then get a feel for that. Then if that is positive then I would have her spend one night. Then if that is positive than I would take her in. Ask all the questions before you take her in and also agree what part of her disability that she will contribute to her stay. Could be good and might not but only you can decide. I just got set up by someone last week so i am a little hesitant to put myself out there right now. But I know that I did the Godly thing and the other person didn't so I'm ok with it.

JustLisa · #6 08-02-2006, 02:41 PM

I would be very leary if I were you... I had a friend who let a "homeless" person stay with her for a while and she totally ripped her off.. stole all kinds of things.. I have a huge heart myself and have done my share of helping people out.. however, I have always drawn the line at letting someone stay with me. I am SURE that there are shelters or programs that could assist her. You could sit down with her and assist her in finding somewhere to live that way... but just be careful about letting anyone you don't know stay in your home. Most people that are homeless have gotten that way for some reason unfortunately.. Protect yourself and what is yours! Good luck on whatever you decide to do..

**Christy** · #7 08-02-2006, 02:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Billy'sBabygirl

Christy,

She comes to visit her guy on Saturdays, so the two of them (Bill and this guy) are going to tell her where to meet me at.

Here's the question that came to my mind last night. Bill said she's gets disability from the state, which isn't much and doesn't play a role in my decision other than, if she is homeless how does she get her checks?

It just seems odd to me that her being homeless and still having the money and transport to visit. Maybe I am wrong, but it seems really fishy. I would be careful. And if it doesn't feel right, don't do it. Bottom line.

karen · #8 08-02-2006, 03:33 PM

I befriended a homeless person one time and she totally ripped me off. I say that the best thing you could do is try to hook her up with a church or some organization that helps people in need like that. They will run the person through the police data base and check them out, before they put them up. there is a lot of help out there and I think being a single mom with two kids to take care of is enough for you to handle. You hubby is wanting to help his friend out and probably isn't thinking the whole thing through. I would hate for you to jeopardize your children, what is this person is a child molester? If you feel led to help this lady out, do it through channels that are designed specifically for her needs. Don't put your home, your belonging, you or your children in unneccessary jeopardy. Good luck.

nimuay · #9 08-02-2006, 04:47 PM

(You're a cranky bunch!!) Give it a feel, and maybe she will bring a gift into your life, or your daughter's. She may be a boon to your scoliotic child, she may be a balm to your daughter with learning disabilities. Take all logical precautions, but keep your heart as open as possible. Peace.

misscrys · #10 08-02-2006, 11:44 PM

i agree with the ones that say be leary me and my husband we are a very paranoid bunch, too much court tv i think, but you never know about anyone , there are crazy people everywhere and you dont know who is crazy til they go off the deep end but if you do take her in the i hope everything works out fine for you and your kids

mrsford · #11 08-02-2006, 11:57 PM

I am the one who usually ends up taking people in and helping them. I have not been ripped off yet. My nerves have been frazzled a time or two, but that is it. I agree you must be cautious, some things are not what they seem, but I have to say bless you too for at least being willing to meet her and see what you can do. If there is a shelter in your town, it may just be that she is too shy or embarrassed to go there, and with someone helping her and giving her encouragement that may be what she can do. I think I would be playing the angel song in my head too. Good luck, and please let us know how this plays out. You are a good person.

Demi · #12 08-03-2006, 02:34 AM

She probably has a PO Box or someone is letting her use their address (probably a relative) for her mail. I'm curious about her sleeping behind dumpsters but getting it together for prison visits!

Irregardless,

I think the question is Do you want to do it? Once you open the door and she is in what will change for you. I can handle family members visiting for
2-3 weeks but I'm relieved when it is over. My home is my home..I have my
little quirks and want things done my way in my home. I couldn't handle a slob or someone else to pick up after and cook for, I wonder about the medical care she may need and the added expense of having her there. How much driving her around to appointments will you be doing. What about clothes and a job etc. And what if you get along with her fine but your kids don't like her. There's a lot to think about.

I've done it twice and understand wanting to help people but you need a back up plan if you do it.

Good Luck with whatever you decide.

Demi

Billy'sBabygirl · #13 08-03-2006, 05:49 AM

Well I went and saw Bill last night. Our visit was spent about talking 'bout this issue. I asked about the checks. He said they were deposited into a bank account. I asked how she got homeless. He said when his friend got locked up for possession, she was unable to pay the rent by herself so they got evicted. She has a back pack full of clothes. Said she was in there last weekend crying because her clothes looked awful. I'm still hesitate here.

I really have this big heart and I try to be as God-like as I can. People at work say I'm crazy for how I extend myself. but that's okay.

Here's my question, if she has a bank account, and I know weekly hotel rates are more than her disability check, but there's a mall close to the detention center and she can walk there, so why doesn't she get a few items (one of the stores in the mall is a $10 store)

kingscowgirl · #14 08-03-2006, 01:52 PM

BBG- You have read all of the "advice" here...and you know God. The question is really "What, if anything, is Jesus leading you to do?" There are definatly risks involved but this is what is called a "moral dilemma". These things can only be resolved between ourselves and God. Only He knows the true circumstance and this girls heart. We have no way to judge anything, the "why's" or "what-if's" of her circumstances. I will say that "there but for the grace of God go I (or you, or any of us)"

I have been in this situation before, many times, and usually because my hubbie meets someone in there like this has happened for you. There ahve been times I helped and was blessed and then there have been times that I have helped and was taken advantage of. There have also been times I did not help and have come to know that I should have. Someone else posted earlier that if your heart and motives are right with God, then you have done your part...the other person has to answer to God for any wrong doing they may have going on. It really comes down to asking, listening and trusting God on it. Only He can direct your path...just my

I will keep you and this situation before the Lord in prayer

Billy'sBabygirl · #15 08-10-2006, 10:19 AM

Just an Update...

I talked to this I wanna say child, but she's a young woman, last night. I know in my heart, what I need to do. I wanted to run up there and get her last night. But my mind is still saying this is a perfect stranger. She sounded so frazzled. I know in my heart I will be having a roommate soon.