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The War on Drugs - and the results of it A war against drugs, or against families?

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  #1  
Old 07-06-2006, 10:52 AM
J.R. Davis J.R. Davis is offline
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Default Drugs/Alcohol- What can we as loved ones do to help??

Ok, here we go! What are we all here for? Is it that we all have someone dear and near to us who are in prison for drug/alcohol abuse/ Yep, I think so.
I don't care if you are into Bud Lights or Crack, I don't care if your loved one is into that or more. What should this tell us all? Something is wrong! Our loved ones are in jail or in prison. What do we do now? What do we do to help our loved ones? You all tell me! Give me something to work on. Tell me what you think. Tell me your feelings. Tell me your problems. Tell me what you want to tell others. Lets get all of this out into the open.
Lets work together one this and share our information.

God Bless you all.

JR
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Old 07-06-2006, 11:02 AM
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We need to step up and let our voice be heard. We need not to sit back and let the goverment lock up majorty of our men because of this factor . these men are getting more time then the murder's and the terroist...
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Old 07-06-2006, 08:32 PM
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You are right J. R., and that is a good question! Most of us, we are here due to our loved ones being locked up for drugs/alcohol and/or crimes committed while under the influence of these. I think we need to start by educating ourselves on all aspects of the addictions. We also need to help our loved ones by communicating with them, and aiding them in their rehabilitation when they are released or while they are in, whenever it is offered or available. My husband has a life sentence with possibility of parole , and in the five years he has been in, he has grown a lot. He thinks differently than before. Will it be enough to keep him straight when he gets out/ whether it be 9, 10, 15 more years? Thats what we need to try to help them to do. To stay straight, out of trouble... also to help them survive while in there!! Without being locked up, would he even still be alive??? Maybe, maybe not... what say all of you?
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Old 07-08-2006, 12:04 PM
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Alcohol abuse has run through my family and destroyed anything that was good in our life in the last few years. (The abuse was ongoing for a long time, the legal issues are from the last few years). If I had answers I would have been able to get help for myself/others before it is too late.
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Old 08-04-2006, 03:18 PM
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As an Alcoholic,I know the darkness that seems to take a grab on our lives and loved ones. Im head over heals inlove with a Meth user and together we will work together "One Day at a Time" to live our lives without these poisons being a part of. We will keep all the pain and destruction we have been through and have put our loved ones through so selfishly way up on the front burner and deal with the signs we know so well that can turn us to relaspe. Its tough but we will work through this.
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Old 08-25-2006, 02:43 PM
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my hubby jusy got out of prison july 15 2006 he relaps back on drug and alcohle and he went everywhere for help but he was told there was no bed so he went to his po for help well his po vop and now hes in county jail waiting to go to court on tuesday again thank god he did catch another charge he only vop for dirty p but that doent me put him behined bars when someione needs rehab does it?he dont need jail or prison he has done prison 3 times already and in the prisons here u can get drugs here hes been doing drugs and drinking since he was15 now hes 28 and like he said hes hit rock bottom and he wants help we found a place that will take him only if they release him tuesday .his po wrote in the vop papers thathe tryed looking for help and the he went to mm but he dont need no hard time so we just keep on praying that this evil monstor will leave his body its called the devil my prays r with everyone here thak you


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Old 05-08-2007, 01:20 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by J.R. Davis
Ok, here we go! What are we all here for? Is it that we all have someone dear and near to us who are in prison for drug/alcohol abuse/ Yep, I think so.
I don't care if you are into Bud Lights or Crack, I don't care if your loved one is into that or more. What should this tell us all? Something is wrong! Our loved ones are in jail or in prison. What do we do now? What do we do to help our loved ones? You all tell me! Give me something to work on. Tell me what you think. Tell me your feelings. Tell me your problems. Tell me what you want to tell others. Lets get all of this out into the open.
Lets work together one this and share our information.

God Bless you all.

JR
The thing about drugs and booze is that its like a safety blanket for those whom arn't so strong or smart to find another way around their problems or maybe the problem is just too hard to deal with. They are in jail because they lost sight of what was important to them. All we can do is support them as best we can without solving their problems for them as that is something they have to do or they will never truely beat their addiction. I am tellin you from experience. Jail didn't solve my drug problem, it only made it ten times worse. I learnt so much in jail, just as rehab and all the other so called help agencies. The truth is that if we got to the problem and solved it before it got to jail then repeat offenders and 'falling off the wagon' wouldn't be an issue. Humans have an addictive nature they just need to realise that and control it. No addict will give up unless they themselves want to and have the right support to do so. good luck!
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Old 05-09-2007, 04:47 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by myverybad
The thing about drugs and booze is that its like a safety blanket for those whom arn't so strong or smart to find another way around their problems or maybe the problem is just too hard to deal with. They are in jail because they lost sight of what was important to them. All we can do is support them as best we can without solving their problems for them as that is something they have to do or they will never truely beat their addiction. I am tellin you from experience. Jail didn't solve my drug problem, it only made it ten times worse. I learnt so much in jail, just as rehab and all the other so called help agencies. The truth is that if we got to the problem and solved it before it got to jail then repeat offenders and 'falling off the wagon' wouldn't be an issue. Humans have an addictive nature they just need to realise that and control it. No addict will give up unless they themselves want to and have the right support to do so. good luck!
I agree. I believe that while the disease is the same , everybody's story is individual and what it takes to get past it and move on with your life is an individual experience. While I was certainly no angel, my wife was 10 times worse off. Watching her go through hell and being powerless to help her was enough to make me sick of it all. For her it was almost being murdered in a crack house. Believe it or not, there were several times I wished she were locked up while she was MIA on the streets of Houston. I just knew I was going to get the call to come identify her body. It was the worst period of time in my life, I'm sure many of you can relate. I also felt a tremendous amount of guilt regarding my own involvement in the alcohol and substance abuse. I thank God everyday, that those times are behind us now. Just my
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Old 06-14-2007, 07:25 PM
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I haven't been at this site for over a year....and I can't believe I'm here again. What I mean by that is when my ex was in prison this is where I came for help and support and you all do that so well. My new boyfriend is in jail and why is because he has a drinking problem. He drank about 18 beers aday, went through a 30 pack in just two days. We've been together for about 9 months and he never really got into trouble, it was just driving without a liscense and his drinking. Well in one week he went to jail three times, 1 for a DUI, driving without a liscense and being drunk in public. Tell me if this is harsh or not, a few times a week when I got off of work I didn't want to come home to him because I didn't know how drunk he was and how bad we were going to fight? He's always known his drinking habbit was bad, even his daughter who is 9 years old said to me many times my daddy drinks too much and would cry to me, he told me he'd not quit drinking for anyone.....him drinking that much was hurting me and his family and our relationship. So I wish I knew what to do to help our loved ones from drugs or drinking, but at this point in time I'm not sure what to say or feel now. All I know is I love my guy and I'm here for him. I never not once in the relationship told him to change his drinking habbits I was willing to put up with it because I loved him so much, well the day before he went to court I talked to him on the phone and I told him if he wanted to be with me he'd have to slow down drinking...the next day in court the judge said he has to go to AA classes and at any time they can test him for alcohol and if he doesnt pass that he'll be gone for a long time, so my question to who ever is reading this is If someone has a good enough reason to change do you think they can? I sure hope so.
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Old 06-16-2007, 07:23 AM
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This man has got to want this for his self! He has to think about who he is hurting and what he is doing to his self and his child. I would not put up with a man who lives like that--period--Love means letting them go. My life means something to me. Do you not ask yourself--I deserve better then this?
I may sound harsh-but dear I was there in my first marriage and it is hell. I choose to make a better life for me and my daughters. If he is not willing to do some soul searching and get help, the war will not end. Until he has killed somone drinking and driving.
He needs help, he has to reach deep down and find peace.
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Old 06-17-2007, 07:54 AM
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Before your loved one comes home it is my suggestion as a recovering addict and an ex-convict is to put old friends on notice that they are not welcome in or around your house. Cut them off. Secondly clean house, if you use stop. Find a support group and be commited to the program. Make sure that you get rid of any drug/alcohol that may be in the house, or any related items. Taking away the temptaion is very important. Thirdly be supportive. Beating addiction is not easy. You can take all the preliminary precautions in the world but being supportive and understanding is key to any recovery. Attend meetings with your loved one, be involved in the recovery process. Realize there is no cure to addiction, and 52% of recovering addicts will relapse, recovery is a long hard process. There is no quick fix. But with love and affection and support success is possible.
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Old 08-07-2007, 10:44 PM
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Default Help loved ones

What can I do to help my loved one who is an alcoholic? Boy if I had a dollar for everytime I asked myself that question I would be a rich women today! I just dont know anymore. Do you ignore it, do you cry to them, do you yell, do you threaten, do you make fun of etc... I am so confused by this disease. Some days I am so optomistic, and others I see no light at the end of the tunnel. I guess each person is different and each will respond differently. My real gut feeling is nothing I do sways my addict either way. He knows when he wakes up each morning if he was going to drink or not. He might of blamed me for making him mad and causing him to take that first drink, but he knows when he's sober, he's the one who makes the decision to be sober or not. Anyone else have any feeling on the subject .
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Old 08-08-2007, 09:14 AM
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move over my drunk sisters! lol! seriously, those of us who are sober and are committed to staying that way know this is life or death for us. for the ones we love who are stuggling to get clean and sober, it's not easy. it does no good to bitch at them, that makes it worse, you can tell them you love them till you are blue in the face. that doesnt help. i only hang out with clean and sober friends today. the one friend who is still stuck on stupid is in the ins center awaiting deportation. sad as it is, i think you just gotta let the one you care about hit bottom. and as someone said earlier relapse is part of the process. we all dont get clean and sober and stay that way. i know my ride down was very bumpy and i had to crash hard. more than once. there was always someone or something to blame, till i realized it was on me. i believe it's a disease, its not a moral shortcoming. someone once said to me,"Just grab the bull by the horns!" well as any alcoholic knows it aint easy as all that. for me personally it takes spiritual principles to live by on a daily basis, along with a true desire to stay sober. i go to AA, i know everyone doesnt go that route, but i sure have made some true blue friends there just as i have on here at PTO. i think it's the "common cause" thing, we find alot of support in each others experience. people understand where you are coming from. and if they are really good friends they'll point out where you are going if they see you are veering off the path.
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Old 08-08-2007, 09:24 AM
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Default Hit Bottom

Boy, the hit bottom, is the part that always scares me. How many times can they do that before it kills them. That just proves that it is a disease and not a choice. Makes me .
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Old 08-08-2007, 09:31 AM
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zoezoe, i've lost track how many times i hit bottom...i have been very blessed, but it can catch up with you later, as it is now doing with me, im having some serious health problems to day that i know are directly caused by running too much smirnoff thru my liver and too much of the white stuff up my nostrils. im just grateful i am clean and sober today.
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Old 08-08-2007, 11:15 PM
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Sometimes, about all you can do is live your own life and wait for the other person to "get it". If he or she does not, sometimes it's best to move on. Don't ever think you can "fix" an addiction or that you're responsible for it. No one who is truly determined to get and stay sober should need any "conditions" (someone's behavior to change, someone to come back home, etc. etc.) to do it.

It's a disease, folks, and since it's not contagious, we don't give it to others.
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Old 08-26-2007, 02:48 PM
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My husband says he is done, when he comes home he wants nothing to do with all the old people (who hopefully know they better not call or come by my house) the life style. My fear is, and granted I know that things are available inside, I make the choice every morning not to use but that choice has been made for him. I am behind him and support him all the way, there is just that little voice in the back of my head, asking.......
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Old 08-27-2007, 11:02 PM
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My guy may (not sure yet) be coming hime in a few weeks after a forced detox of everything (he cannot handle his alcohol) which began the night of Friday, July 13th. In the eyes of public opinion, "Vegas Odds" stand at 9-to-1 against him right now. Myself and one other (family member) are basically the only ones that are holding full hope and trust that he can prove the world wrong and stay sober from here on out.
I'm scared though. Don't want to be put through that stress again!!!
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Old 08-28-2007, 02:49 PM
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The AA Big Book mentions (quite correctly) that a lengthy drinking career will make a skeptic out of anyone. If he's decided to stay sober, chances are he'll work at it. If not....most likely he'll go back to using. And the only way to tell is to see what the results are. It's a scary prospect, I know.

Try to build whatever support network you can. Friends, family, AlAnon....anyone you can find who will help you to be strong. You may need their strength--and at the very least, they'll be someone to lean on and hopefully ease your worries a bit.
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Old 08-28-2007, 04:35 PM
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Thats why places like this and other boards are a good support system. I don't do well in groups but I can express myself in writing with no problem. I know only my closest friend and some family members know about my ABF and the problems it causes. These boards are a great place to vent and not feel like anyone is judging you. Everyone here has problems and sometimes its just nice to hear a "been there done that and I survived".
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Old 08-28-2007, 11:20 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zoezoe
Thats why places like this and other boards are a good support system. I don't do well in groups but I can express myself in writing with no problem. . . .
Same with me! I write way better than I speak. Went to my first Al-Anon meeting tonight. I'm still kind of in tears from it. Going to my first AA meeting tomorrow night. I'm no peach, either and I know it takes two to succeed at this.
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Old 08-28-2007, 11:22 PM
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Do remember those four words that are included in AA's "How It Works" and perhaps AlAnon's as well: "We are not saints". We're not, and thankfully, we don't have to be. All we have to do is be ourselves, and be open to possibilities. Believe me, many of us make it far harder for ourselves than it needs to be. Good luck to you.
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Old 08-29-2007, 10:16 PM
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Just got back tonight from my FIRST AA meeting
You see, I see the alcohol from BOTH sides of the coin. I grew up in a alcoholic household. I started finding my boyfriend's "hidden" bottles of booze (Vodka, and the raunchy crap at that), along with empty 40oz's. You can't hide alcohol from someone who lived in a house with a father and a now ex-stepmom who always hid their vodka, whiskey, and bourbon.
The fact that I was born/raised from the "Grand Central" drinking state (Wisc.) doesn't help either. Nor can I go one with the metality of "he's the one with the problem; I can 'fix' myself anytime, right?"
. . . .Right?. . . .Right?
. . . .NOPE!!!!
I've had my own issues with my beer drinking. It's hard when our American so-called consumer "culture" centers so much around alcohol. I've only recently heard that there's a gene in some individuals that makes some people basically alergic to alcohol. To me, it's a bad psychological addiction. My boyfriend developed a physical addiction. My dad was a working alcoholic. The day he was diagonised with liver cancer (he lived unknowingly with Hep C for 10-20 years without knowing it) 4.5 years ago was the day he quit drinking. He apparently never went through withdrawls as I knew it at the time; and since I'm nearly a spitin' image of my father, I thought I was "free in the clear"
. . . .until recently.
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Old 09-01-2007, 01:22 AM
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Good for you Chicosgrrl!!! You are doing a great thing!

I will say a prayer for you as you start this new journey.

God Bless you sweetheart ~ you can do this!!!!!
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Old 09-03-2007, 08:48 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by briansma
Good for you Chicosgrrl!!! You are doing a great thing!

I will say a prayer for you as you start this new journey.

God Bless you sweetheart ~ you can do this!!!!!
Thank you so very much I should also mention that my step-dad has developed a binge drinking habit in recent years. I often worry about my mother's well being. Now that I'm attending AA and Al-Alon, I see the alcoholic world in a clear light. I need to learn not to deal with life's difficulties through alcohol.
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