Boyfriend in Rehab called and said he thought we needed a break

Ericsgirl · #1 05-19-2006, 11:13 AM

My fiance' called me last night from the rehab he's at (been there since Feb.) and told me he thinks we need a break. He said it might be the end, it might not be. But he would really like to try and stay friends, and he would really like to see me, but not as often. So, is this just a thing they go thru while in rehab? Or is it just a single case? He said he needed to go thru things on his own, which I understand, and am willing to give time, alot of time actually. I want to be as supportive as I can. Do you think that's what he needs?
Amy

Eternal Hope · #2 05-19-2006, 01:22 PM

Amy, there isn't any 'set pattern' that would make your fiance decide to stop seeing you after he gets out of rehab. It is possible that he needs time to adjust before he can feel 100 percent again in the relationship. They are taught to avoid all previous 'friends' who are users, old neighborhoods relating to their addiction, and any extra stressors which may cause them to relapse. He may be feeling a lot of different emotions right now. I know it is confusing to you, but at this point, I would give him some time. Being realistic, he may not know what he wants anymore. I truly hope you two do eventually work things out, if he really loves you. If he doesn't, then you will be able to tell after a bit. I am sending you lots of positive thoughts. Step back, and breathe girl. Keep the communication lines open, it is the secret to a good relationship. Keep us posted! HUGS!

beaverette · #3 05-19-2006, 01:44 PM

Speaking as someone who has been through several rehabs:
First off my past relationship is what kept me using. I don't blame him persay, but as long as I was with someone who was using or connected to it I know I would not be clean today.
Second, while in rehab the first thing they pound into your head is to let go of everything and focus on yourself.
I don't know if you were a part of his using but maybe he connects you to it somehow and is scared. If he really wants to get clean he has to look totally at himself and not worry about someone else or how it's going to hurt them. What he is going to need the most is a friend who is prepared to hear a whole lot of pain and truth. Are YOU ready for that?
Just for the record. When I went into rehab it was ordered by parole and I went kicking and screaming. My (at the time) husband fueled that fire in me that no one can tell me I have a drug problem or I needed a program. Well they were right I did need one and I held on the the husband AND the drugs I went back in several times. But while I was in I learned a lot and am even grateful to my PO. I am now clean for 2 years 7 months, divorced and living very happily with a real man and my daughters all because I finally woke up to what I really needed... to be a real human being.
Just take into mind if you want to hang on for you..... or him.I don't mean to sound calous but I don't know your part in the problem he has.

honeyg · #4 06-06-2006, 04:53 PM

Whatever his problems he is not acting like a fiance. All that maybe we'll make it, maybe we won't, I want to see you but not so often and I want to be friends sounds like he is ending it but doesn't know how to go about it and in his weird way is trying not to hurt you. He does need to go through rehab on his own but don't just go putting your life on hold until he gets out.