Husband of 2 yrs Relapses in halfway house

TxRenee · #1 05-08-2006, 03:40 AM

I'm not really sure where to start on this...I have been in PTO for years now and THOUGHT my life was going the right direction...My husband is serving his 2nd time in Oklahoma DOC and is a meth addict.
He has been clean for over 4 yrs and been at the halfway house for 3/4 months...supposed to come home Nov 8th.
All thats GONE

He calls me Sat 7:30am says he lied about going to work went out and spent the day in a run down hotel doing dope. He did take a taxi back to halfway house at 3am!!
I don't do drugs and I dont drink and I'm floored. My life has been shattered.
I can't stop crying and I'm not really sure what to do next. I have his 18 yr old son living with me finishing High School this year.
This is the 1st time I'v been outta bed since Saturday and still can't help but to cry and ask WHY?
Do I "hang in there" or let him go? His family disowned him as of Saturday. They all say they have had enough!
I'm so confussed and hurt.
Can anyone give me advise before I totally loose my mind?

Renee

nimuay · #2 05-08-2006, 05:38 AM

All I can offer is a hug. There just aren't real clear answers when you're dealing with addicts. It sounds like he was in prison while he was clean, which, often enough, means that his body got straight, but his mind really didn't. The temptations when they're out just overwhelm them.
It does hurt like a bad burn, nagging and deep and vicious. What you do about it is your decision, but keep in mind that you must care most about you.

Sherry1 · #3 05-08-2006, 06:41 AM

Sorry for what you are going through. Hugs to you. Go Bless you!

witchlinblue · #4 05-08-2006, 07:54 AM

Oh Renee Im so sorry to hear this. It always breaks my heart when I hear this happening and it happens much too often. You say he was clean for 4 years, was that all in prison ? When a drug addict is released, no matter what he does in prison, you have to think of it as being released into the real world with less coping skills for their addiction then they were when they went in to prison. Unless they get to go to rehab when they are released or some other drug specific program they will need other support systems in place then just a rule saying 'no drugs'. A 1/2 house is just a transition place with many controlling rules that can be easily broken. Its a place where the correction system test how much the prisoner can be trusted to follow rules. Unfortunately many addicts cant cope with just a taste of freedom when they know drugs are so close. Drug addiction and the controlling factor of the addiction is much more powerful then the fear of going back to prison.
I know it can rip your heart out, Ive been there three times now with my husband and I do not recommend that heart break on anyone. Its worse than an affair as far as Im concerned. Drug addiction is the worst mistress, you will never be able to control it, only they can with the right drug addiction education, the right tools and the right professional support system. I realize that doesnt help you much now that the damage is done.
I would suggest that you seek help for coping for this as soon as possible and I dont mean his problem but for how you feel. You are displaying severe depression and you need help in coping with this as soon as possible. You arent reacting wrongly but you need help with this since its controlling you in a dangerous way.
This is out of control Renee, but you can control how it effects your life. Please get some help because Im very worried about you. There are groups, councilling and many other options. Even just being honest with how you feel with your family doctor. Remember that you cant change his direction right now, you can only change what you will except in your life and the quality of your peace of mind. Keep us posted.
You are both in my prayers. HUGS !!!!

RAM · #5 05-08-2006, 06:42 PM

I fell your pain. Going through the same thing too.
Staying by his side your choice and only you can make it. I'm learning that sometimes you have to go through it in order to get through it.
My Husband did 10 years got out to the halfway house was there for 3 months. Then came home. He started gambling that became a major problem, then started drinking a little. Then started selling, and with in 9 months of being home started using crack a problem he had 20 years prior and had been clean ! Talk about asking WHY??

I have been hearing a lot about getting help for our selves, and how this is there problem not ours. Its hard to detach when you have invested some much, love, energy, and loyalty to the relationship for them to just throw it away on that stuff. Its like you have been side swiped. Because you did not see this comeing.
That doesn't make sense but its how I fell anyway. I myself can no longer enable him and stand by. We have children that are growing up seeing all this crap and its just not fare to them.
I will be praying for you and your Husband. And I do say go get some help for you. I've got to do it to.
Ram

MonkeyBoi77 · #6 05-08-2006, 08:55 PM

I am sorry you have to go through this I have been through this for the past 7 years with my boo, on and off again, I have cried, throwed fits, took her to rehab, she relapses in half way houses, etc. My advice do what your heart tells you, I did and she still loves me after all the horrible stuff that has been said and done.

Good luck and stay strong

**mrsdragoness** · #7 05-08-2006, 09:00 PM

((((( hugs))))) to you Renee.. My heart goes out to you. Hang in there, you'll do whats right for you, of that I have no doubt!

DENIMBLUE · #8 05-08-2006, 09:33 PM

...the addiction is a disease...not easily cured or not cured at all...take care of you...hugs!

**AmyLynn** · #9 05-08-2006, 10:48 PM

Hugs to you. Dealing with an addict is one of the hardest things to do. There is no one way an addict will act.You have to do what is best for you right now. he has made this mess and he has to be the one to clean it up. The addict has to hit their bottom in order to really see what is going on. Some of them never hit the bottom. I wish you all of the luck..I'm so sorry

MonkeyBoi77 · #10 05-08-2006, 10:59 PM

There is no cure, period. You do other things to offset using drugs/booze, like programming your mind and when its not in a set mindframe you go back to the old ways.

Just my 2 cents on how I see it

mrsford · #11 05-08-2006, 11:26 PM

witchlinblue gave you wonderful advice, as did everyone else. The thing that caught my eye in your post was that your husband did take a taxi and went back to the facility. I know it does not seem like much, but it has to count for something. Somewhere along the way he kept information in his mind and knew he was doing the wrong thing by not going to work and doing drugs all day, but he did go back to the facility. No matter how tiny that one act seems, it was a step in the right direction. Only you are able to know how long you can deal with something like this. My husband is an alcoholic, even though he has not had a drink in almost 16 years, with two of them being incarcerated. During all of this time he looks in the mirror each morning and makes a decision on how he is going to live for the day. I am proud of him, though I have to admit when he first stopped drinking it got kind of hairy between us. Your husband has to look in the mirror each morning now and face the fact he made a wrong decision, and then make the choice on how he is going to live that day. And that is how the life of an addict goes on. Day by day. Please be honest with yourself on how you are going to be able to cope. Don't stay just because of his son, he can still live with you and you not be married to his father. Your mental health thru this is the most important thing to and for you. And maybe, just maybe your husband will learn from this. Remember, even though he made a terrible decision, he did make a small decision in the right direction. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Good luck.

TxRenee · #12 05-09-2006, 02:43 AM

OMG Thank you all so much for your posts...I am finally coming out of the fog I have been in...I got up today took a shower

I bet the bed was glad I did that lol
I work nights so I'm at work now and even though reading these posts made me cry I'm much better. TY TY all for taking time to post to me...
Witchlin...I have an apt for my doc Thursday 9am I'm going to be honest with her and tell her whats up she is aware of Tony and his problems..I'm on prozac already lol he didn't drive me to that I did that one alone!!

MrsFord I never thought of it that way he did call a taxi and he did call me. He has stood up and taken his licks for being bad...They added another 4 months to his time.

Again I can't thank you all enough for posting to me..I should have gotten outta bed and posted ALOT sooner...

I Thank God each and every day that I found PTO so many years ago and you are all PTO!!

Renee

witchlinblue · #13 05-09-2006, 11:21 AM

Boy are you sounding a whole lot better, I was very worried for you but you seem to be brushing yourself off and adding a little humour to help yourself out. Good for you and Im very glad you are going to talk to your GP.
I remember leaving a major dent in my bed a number of times for the same reason and though its a safe comfort zone, you will end up with bed sores and bedhead eventually. Glad your back with us !!! HUGS !!!
p.s. tears are a good thing, you are watering your hearts garden !!!

Eternal Hope · #14 05-09-2006, 12:14 PM

HUGS Renee, he did take a taxi back to the facility and that is a positive point!
I am so sorry this happened...but remember we are here for you!!! You never know, maybe this happened for a reason unknown to all of us...Stay strong and know we are with you all the way!!! I am glad you are feeling some better

MonkeyBoi77 · #15 05-09-2006, 07:30 PM

Yes you do sound better, being in the fog sucks but when you come out of it, things can look up, just take action.