I don't know what to do, Please help!!!

Mongo's Mama · #1 03-28-2006, 09:19 AM

I'm not sure if this is in the right place, I'm sorry if it's not, but it's an emergency to me.

My 17 year old nephew has lived with me for a few years now. Lately he's been coming in pretty late, when he comes in at all and he's been losing weight. I got a phone call this morning from a friend of his telling me that Kevin (my nephew) has been spending so much time with his Dad (Sammy) lately because Sammy is doing Meth with him!

I called my sister (Kevin's Mom) and she said she's known about it for about 2 months now! I hardly ever get to see him anymore cause he took on a job that doesn't go very well with my work schedule. but he has been spending a lot of time with his Dad (sometimes not even coming home at all).

I don't know what to do!!! My sister said she already called the Sheriff's department, they told her there was nothing they could do unless she had physical proof (pictures, videos, or Kevin telling them) of what was going on. The school, social services, no one is willing to do anything. But I can't sit by and let this happen!!! Please, anyone with any suggestions, please tell me what you think I should/could do!

Thanks (and sorry this was long)

Eternal Hope · #2 03-28-2006, 09:58 AM

I do understand your concern. Have you been appointed his legal guardian?

Mrs. Vins · #3 03-28-2006, 10:06 AM

How could the mother have known and not done anything? I guess that's not the point. Can you talk to the kid and ask him or is he acting wierd? What about subjecting him to a drug test. Usually if someonne is doing drugs they're not going to go along with it but I don't know what kind of relationship you have with him. Would that give proof to the Sheriff's department so they would maybe help you?

I have no idea really, just know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Atalie · #4 03-28-2006, 10:13 AM

This is always a difficult situation, you could try to talk to him and if he admits it take it from there, if he denies it tell him you want a drug test done and see how he reacts. You may have to use tough love and tell him he can't stay with you if he is using drugs. The sad thing is he is getting validation from his own father, so it will be twice as hard to convince him he is doing something wrong. I wish you the best with this sad situation.

JKB's Girl · #5 03-28-2006, 10:22 AM

I am for the tough love approach as well. Until he is forced to face the issue on his own, he won't ever have to deal with it. As long as you provide him w/a safe, comfortable crash pad, so to speak, he won't have to deal with the consequences of his drug use.
I know it is hard to think about him being 17, and possibly end up on the streets, but the sooner he hits bottom with it, the sooner he might quit.
My mom had to do this with me when I was 16. She said it was the hardest thing she ever did, but it was the best thing she ever did for me.
Good luck

witchlinblue · #6 03-28-2006, 12:03 PM

Im assuming you have questioned him about this ? Is he denying it ? If so have a already pre-purchased drug test kit and make him do it right there. If its positive sit him down and talk to him about going into treatment right away, that day. If you want a list of treatment/detox/rehabs in your area please pm Shelby or I and we will get you a list. If he refuses to go into treatment then you need to get child welfare (sorry Im Canadian and Im not sure what its called there) or what ever its called there involved because he is a minor and his parent is putting his life and future at risk. Try to keep the police out of it for now, he may end up getting arrested and taking the fall for his fathers doings.
If there is a money or insurance issue regarding paying for treatment there are ones that go on a pay scale and some are free.

Mongo's Mama · #7 03-28-2006, 12:57 PM

We went through something kinda like this a while back too. When he first started working last year he ended up in a crazy relationship with a 33 year old woman with a husband and 3 kids (the oldes of which was 13 - he was only 16) The two of them got strung out on drugs pretty bad while I was battling them both the whole time. He lies so bad!!! He denied everything!! Finally he did admit he was doing drugs, and ultimately asked me to help him get off of them and away from the woman, which I did and he had been doing really good! (So I thought) But I definitely could tell something was up these last few months again. And the last 3 weeks or so I think he's been spending more time with his Dad than me! I should have known!!!

To be honest I had so many thoughts going through my mind this morning. One of them was to kick him out of the house. (My brother was strung out on Meth a couple years ago and stole from me and tried to kill me, once he even poured gas around my house, he was crazy!! And I can not, and will not go through that again!) But the more I thought about it the more I feel like I can't kick him out. Wouldn't it be like me throwing him to the wolves?? If I kick him out he will probably end up at his Dad's, all the time, which would probably make things worse!

I've been thinking about it all day (hard to think about anything else) and I think I'm going to leave him a note letting him know I need him to be home soon while I'm home so we can talk. I'm going sit down and talk to him about it and see what he says. If he'll agree to stop now and go into a drug treatment program then he can stay. If he refuses I'm going to try to make myself tell him he needs to leave. I cannot support someone while they blow their money on drugs, and I'm not going to allow him to stay there waiting for the drugs to make him do something to me or the house. I cannot trust him right now anyway. I've told him not to have certain people in my house and I've been finding out he's got them there while I'm at work anyway. And when I confront him about it he just says, "it was just for a few minutes, I don't know why you make such a big deal out of it" I know that doesn't have anything to do with this, but he has become such an A** lately!!!

witchlinblue · #8 03-28-2006, 03:34 PM

You sound like you have a good plan. Good luck and keep us posted !!! I really hope he choses treatment. He trusted you to help him before, hopefully he will again.
HUGS !!!!

JustLisa · #9 03-29-2006, 02:42 AM

Good luck with your nephew.. I hope that he will go to treatment... One other thing you could talk to him about as you are discussing this is to tell him to think about where all of this is going ot lead him.. A former friend of mine said that every time he got the urge to get high he would "surf it out" meaning he would play out the scenerio in his head as to where he would end up and it would always end with prison or someone getting hurt.. I will be sending positive thoughts your way...

Mongo's Mama · #10 03-29-2006, 07:25 AM

Thank you all so much.

Well, I talked to him on the phone last night and told him I needed him to come home because there was something important I needed to talk to him about. I was wore out and wanted to go to bed early, but he came in as I was going to bed. I didn't have it in me to do much, I just told him that I got a phone call telling me some of what he has been up to and that I know that he is on drugs and doing them with his Dad. He laughed. Ya'll his eyes were glazey and he was acting weird right then!!! He completely denies it, but I can tell he's BS-ing me. I told him fine, if he don't want to admit it to me but I'm going to tell him what's going to happen anyway. I told him I would buy a drug test when I got my next paycheck. If he don't take it, or if he does take it and it shows he's on drugs, he will no longer be able to live with me. He said he would take it and continued to laugh and tell me I was crazy. He kept wanting to know who told me and I wouldn't tell him anything. I heard him talking on the phone while I was trying to go to sleep about it, don't know who he was talking to and I could barely hear cause he had cut the tv up. He still says the rules in my house are stupid and he gave me the impression he's not going to listen to me about them. I feel like something is going to happen soon. Either he's going to break down and tell me (I don't that this time) or he's going to push me to the point that I'm just going to tell him to go live with the people who taught him all that disrespect. I'm really about to my wits end!!

Eternal Hope · #11 03-29-2006, 11:26 AM

It sounds like you are handling this situation well, I am sending lots of prayers and positivity your way......please keep us posted!!!!

witchlinblue · #12 03-29-2006, 12:56 PM

Ditto on Eternal Hope's comments. I know you are just really nervous and stressed out because you dont really know what will happen next, especially with your past experiences. We are here for you and will support you.
By the way, if he knows when you get paid, he may get a sample of someone elses urine unless you do something to ensure it is actually his. Maybe make him keep the bathroom door open or something.
Hang in there, hugs !!!!!!!!!!!

Mongo's Mama · #13 03-30-2006, 08:26 AM

Thanks witchlin, I'd thought of that already. Turns out I have to go get a tooth cut out to make room for my wisdom tooth that is coming in with this pay check, so it will have to be next week now, before I can get the test. And my brother is always bragging because he found this stuff that you can take a few hours before the test that will make it look like you are clean anyway, so I've thought about it and I'm going to surprise him with the test in mid-week when I do it.

witchlinblue · #14 03-30-2006, 12:39 PM

That is the perfect thing to do. You have a really good plan in place. Just so long as you know what you are going to do if it tests positive.