An Addict for Life

Billy'sBabygirl · #1 03-22-2006, 07:04 AM

Up until three years ago, I never really knew what an true addict was. I had ran with some of the big boys in my late teens. I thought all addicts were the same, whether it was coke or crack or even herione. These guys were able to have normal lives. I know now they were weekend warriors.

In my late 30's I decided to take my boyfriend in, who was trying to put his life together after years of Methodone and pain killers abuse. I thought, hey I could be the one. His parents, his sister and even his best friend had failed, but I could be the one. After all I had seen it all. And best of all I was not a user and didn't have anything laying around the house. I am a single mom and we could give him all the support he needed.

How wrong I was.

He layed on my couch for the first two months. We spent every other week at the hospital with withdrawal symptoms. By the four month, I was giving him money on the weekends, just so I could have a sanity break. He was working two jobs. We were making progress. Then the fight came and he left for two weeks.

He met some people who introduced him to herione. And then he came home. Boy what a difference in craving for herione than pain medicine. Three months later he went to rehab.

After an exhausting year with me enabling him, by giving him money just so I would haven't to deal with the suicide threats, the conning, all the bs being slung about. I kicked him out. Needless to say he was arrested on possession charges. He spent eight months inside.

If you think they can't get in the prison, you are so wrong. It is more easily available there than out on the streets. Stuff is smuggled in on a daily basis. There are crooked CO's and even moms. I saw it all.

When he got out he decided to live with his parents. We still dated until he cheated on me a month after he got out. I found out from his mom, he was borrowing money off of them and even taking his dad's pain medicine.

He came home to me on February 27th, my life had moved on. But his hadn't. There were fresh tread marks up and down his arms. I ran to the balcony, knowing I could never go back to that lifestyle. The one that had sucked him in and was never going to let him go. The following day, I took him back up near where his parents live. He promised he would get it together, because he wanted to come home to me. Within hours, he had broken into his parents house, stole their credit cards, and car.

The police found him hustling in the city. It seems weird but I'm actually glad they found him. At least I don't have to worry about him getting killed on the streets.

A neighbor moved into the building. She calls herself recovering. She has two little ones. And every night I see her walking the grounds, looking for her next fix.

An Addict is an Addict for Life. They crave it. They shake for it. They will promise you the moon and the stars just to get their next fix. And though you want to believe every word they are saying, deep in your heart, you know they are just telling you this to get their next fix. And tomorrow you will hear the same promises all over again. Because an addict is an addict for life.

lilangel4eva · #2 03-22-2006, 03:13 PM

Wow!!!!! Your Words Are So True

JustLisa · #3 03-22-2006, 03:19 PM

it is all so sad... I hate addiction

sad eyes · #4 03-22-2006, 03:21 PM

ya alot of what you said was true but comming from a recovered junky I know that recovery is possible you just have to be ready and want it enough. I know I'm still and always will be an addict but I have changed me ways june will be a year. just a posotive thought for you .... TAKE CARE GOD BLESS!!!

shiva65 · #5 03-22-2006, 04:00 PM

SAD BUT TRUE...
ON the flip side..

There is RECOVERY...
BUT very few get it and can keep it.. that's the fact. I hope you can find some peace in this..

Donna

Billy'sBabygirl · #6 03-23-2006, 06:27 AM

Sad Eyes,

Congratulations on your upcoming one year anniversary!!! Please keep up the good work. I know this will be a life long battle, but you can do. Have faith in the Lord!!!

Billy'sBabygirl · #7 03-23-2006, 06:30 AM

Thanks Everyone for your support. I'm not saying there isn't recovering. But it will always be a lifelong battle!!!

Yoosgirl · #8 04-02-2006, 05:40 PM

Yes your words are so true but I really hope for myself there is a recovery.

Billy'sBabygirl · #9 04-03-2006, 06:49 AM

Good Luck Yoosgirl!!! You can do it.

10reubensfiance · #10 04-03-2006, 05:46 PM

Your words are so true, I work in a Re-hab, and i see this everyday. Even though you might go into a re-hab, and recover, you still have to battle the addiction your whole life. Addiction is a disease, that will be with you forever. You just have to have the willpower to stay clean. And live day by day.

Billy'sBabygirl · #11 04-21-2006, 02:00 PM

I have a friend who knows someone with who is really famous. He tells her it's not day by day, it's "20 minutes" at a time. I never understood that until I saw how addicts crave, 20 minutes is a day when you're craving.

Eternal Hope · #12 04-21-2006, 02:33 PM

Congratulations sadeyes, on your upcoming year anniversary

Yoosgirl, I am sending much positive energy and prayers for your battle! Keep the faith. You can do this!!!!!!!!
Billy'sBabygirl, we are here for ALL of you, and more....even if it means a minute at a time! Hugs, positivity and strength!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

witchlinblue · #13 04-23-2006, 05:35 AM

Billy'sBabygirl, it is ok to be glad they get arrested, many of us have felt that way. The fear of getting that call in the middle of the night to come down and identify a body makes it easy to be glad when they are arrested. Even if you cant be with them again it is comforting in a wierd sort of way to know they arent going to die in some dark alley with no one there for them.

332209 · #14 05-02-2006, 10:35 AM

i also hate addiction but it is very difficult to get rid of

mizzunderstood · #15 05-02-2006, 11:47 AM

Hey everyone. I figured I would share this poem (maybe some of you have read this before). It's very brutally honest.

What Addicts Do

My name's Jon. I'm an addict. And this is what addicts do. You cannot nor will not change my behavior. You cannot make me treat you better, let alone with any respect. All I care about, all I think about, is my needs and how to go about fufilling them. You are a tool to me, something to use. When I say I love you I am lying through my teeth, because love is impossible for someone in active addiction. I wouldn't be using if I loved myself, and since I don't, I cannot love you.

My feelings are so pushed down and numbed by my drugs that I could be considered sociopathic. I have no empathy for you or anyone else. It doesn't faze me that I hurt you, leave you hungry, lie to you, cheat on you and steal from you.

My behavior cannot and will not change until i make a decison to stop using/drinking and then follow it up with a plan of action.

And until I make that decsion, I will hurt you again and again and again.

Stop being surprised.

I am an addict. And that's what addicts do.