How can we get financial support when our children's father is in prison?

thabaddstbiatch · #1 06-10-2003, 01:21 PM

I am struggling to raise my two beautiful daughter's, I work fulltime, and have roommates, because I just can't seem to make ends meet. I'm sure I could just find someone and use them to help me, but I don't want to. It's not someone else's place. But why isn't there help for women in my situation? As much as I love my children's father..... I can't help but recent him for the postion he has left me in. I'm struggling... he's atleast got three squares, and a roof over his head..... he doesn't have to worry about that! This is just mad hard.

Another concern I have is that I am going to bring my oldest daughter to see her father in the jail...... does anyone agree or disagree with....... that? Is that a good thing to do?

browneyegirl · #2 07-08-2003, 10:24 PM

I hear you. I have three children and my ex-husband is in prison. I also struggle to make ends meet. I think that it's very unfair that he doesn't have to pay for anything, and of course I am not going to keep track of all that he owes. By the time he is able to get out, he will be so far behind in child-support, that they might keep him anyway.

I have been struggling with the idea of taking my children and I just can't do it. I suppose it also depends on how old your daughter is. My oldest is 8. They all want to see him however they don't really understand the situation that they will be going into. Their dad is in a medium right now, and I told them that as soon as he was moved to a minimum, that I would take them. It's a very difficult decision, and nobody can really give me a right or wrong answer.

Good luck, I know how you feel.

deb · #3 07-08-2003, 10:37 PM

Ciara,

Many of us bring the kids to see their dads.... There's been threads about this--long ones and many of them... You may want to do a search. It helps the kids to still have a relationship and helps with the parent/child bond. You just need to prep the kids first....

Deb

noworry78 · #4 07-16-2003, 01:36 AM

My 9 yr old sons dad had been in prison since i was 3 months preganant and he has seen him since he was 3 days old he gets mad at his dad but not to his face he does it to me and im the one here to pick up the pieces but he loves his dad very much and i would not do anything diffrent. i think at least having a parent alive, in prison and knowing they love you is better than saying well im sorry honey your dad is dead. so i may be wrong for subjecting my son to this lifestyle i just want him to know hes loved.

Lee86 · #5 07-16-2003, 05:23 AM

Ciara,
I take all 4 of my kids to see their dad. My family says it's not the right way to raise them. I see it as a learning experience for all of us. It wasn't on my top 10 list of places I wanted to go before I die, but how many of us do?
I decided to take them so that they see what it's really like on the other side. Hopefully this will keep them walking the straight and narrow, knowing what's in store for them if they ever get in trouble.
They also know that just because someone does something wrong, it doesn't mean we should stop loving them and turn away. So despite what my family says, I think I made the right decision and I hope it will help them make the right choices in life.
Good luck

wannamae · #6 07-16-2003, 05:50 AM

I undersatnd how you feel. It just seems so unfair. I recently lost my job so that makes it harder. And we dont qualify for any type of assistance until I use up all our savings. Including the boys savings.
I have not use some one to help out either but I think about just dont act because I do Love my James. We have learned to "really" cut back since losing the job. But we will manage and so will you. I will go through phases or fits about how the state pay so much $$ per person they keep inside. And half should be released due to different reasons.
I have taken my boys to see thier Dad. But when he is at a place where there are outside visits and no glass. Depends on the child and they should be talked with about what they will expect.

And as for assistance I have only found nada, with help for finaces. At Christmas time one year, James signed up for something called Angel Tree I believe it is. And they did get a gift for our Son from his Daddy and wasnt cheap either. There are those kinds of asstitance out there.

stressed · #7 07-19-2003, 10:37 PM

I take my two sons to see their dad at least twice a week. They are 5 and 10 and they want to go. The little one doesn't like to stay too long but they love and miss their dad and want to see him. It also gives my husband a reason to stay positive and realizes what he is missing out on by his mistake. I also know how you feel about the financial support. I only work part time and have to pay a babysitter to watch my kids. I have no family around to help out. It's hard but you have to do what you have to do. Hang in there.

toi_ama · #8 07-19-2003, 11:36 PM

It's very hard what you all go through with kids and having to try to raise them without help. My first husband never supported his four kids. He never went to prison---just ran off to Kentucky with another woman----but he never sent support at all. I raised them alone, without child support, and some nights I'd sit in the living room all by myself and cry, so exhausted and discouraged. I thought I'd never make it, but I did. Just stay close emotionally with the kids and you'll all grow closer for all the struggles.

As for taking the kids, it's a lot better for the kids if they can see their parent. I went through that with grandkids.

StacysWar030 · #9 07-20-2003, 05:10 PM

I take my 2 year old daughter to see her dad weekly. Just cuz they screw up doesn't mean they can't have a positive influence on their kids. I've seen kids grow up without ever seeing their father who was in prison. These kids are hateful and resentful and not well balanced at all. I'm not saying that this will happen with yours. It's ok to allow your children to learn the truth on a level they understand. This is part of their lives as well as yours. Learning how to deal with things is a GOOD thing. He is still a human being and your baby deserves a relationship with his/her father. Honey you can make it. And you will for your and your children's sake. Good luck to you!

Stacy

CandySunrise · #10 07-20-2003, 10:24 PM

I take my 3 year old son to see his dad. He has gone almost every time that I've gone since he was born. It's the only way he's going to get to know his dad until he comes home and family is really important to me.

As for support, I simply trust in God and it never fails that when there is a need, God provides.

Glou01930 · #11 07-22-2003, 08:46 AM

My Brother went to jail for the first time last wednesday. He's at the lawrence "Farm", i'm told its a bit different then the prisons. His wife, with whom he's divorced from is going away to framingham in september for 5 mos.. I'm just so devastated. My 18yr old neice, lives with my brother, but now she's alone. she just turned 18!! So, my brothers' friends and i have been watching over her, making sure she has money and is eating.. i call her everyday.
Does anyone here know of a son/daughter who's been left on their own until there parent does there time?
My brother violated a restraining order, he more or less ANNOYED the Ex-girlfriend, and was arrested 3x's over it. this time, he Waved to the girl, and she got fed up and called the cops. he's gone now for 9 months...... i'm so bummed. Any advice on my neice on what kind of support or assistance is out there for her.

slowridin_girl · #12 07-22-2003, 09:11 AM

I am located in Washington State, I do know that inmates here can make a good wage, if they are lucky, however most make a mere .30 cents a hour. Despite this, a minimum support is set by DCS at the rate of $25 per month per child.
I am one that was lucky & what my kids dad made in prison was sent out to her, he went with what they provided for him. Many men will not do that, I think you should all check with your local DCS (Division of Child Support) & see what they say.
I know that once the father is returned to society, give him 6 months to get out & get things in order then you can change the support order, some states, like mine will do it automatically.

Yes, child support is a much needed thing for inmates children, If you are in an area that does not have help for child support or inmate jobs that pay, I recommend you start to get the fathers involved by making crafts, then the kids can set up a little gift shop i.e. neighbors, friends, family, garage sells, ebay.. (or you depending on their age) & both father & child/children can make a positive bond by working to help each other, help themselves.
Good luck!

aerial · #13 08-12-2006, 03:27 PM

its nice for those of u who can and will take ur children too see there fathers will they are in prison....but in my case its not good to to do that or do i agree with it from where im @.....my 5 yr old daughters father has a year left in iowa department of corrections....for child molestation.....in which he molseted a 3 yr old boy for over a year....

**brooks** · #14 08-16-2006, 09:41 PM

Maybe I'm lucky where I am(RI). There is subsidized housing,though the wait was over 2 years to get in here.Medical assistance reimburses most of what work takes out for medical coverage. And there is childcare assistance. WIC is a federal program, but it only helps children under 5 and pregnant moms. It's still hard getting by, especially with back to school looming and the price of gas.
I have taken our son to see Daddy from the start. Each situation is different.

**rosedealer** · #15 08-16-2006, 09:52 PM

i agree that the children should still see the other parents and hopes that the children will learn not to do wrong or they will end up there as well. when i was young i went with my cousin to see her dad needless to say i have never been behind the bars for any wrong doing and i dont want to be back there.

now i have a man i am very much in love with that is there and i visit weekly with him and he is in for a short time and i am thinking about taking my children to see him because like i said it was a learning experience for me maybe it can be for me children as well and maybe even take his son there too. none of the children have ever been behind bars and my son has been in trouble so this might help him and my daughter is starting to run down the wrong path and i believe it will help her too.

children are 18.5, 15.5 and 13 i really think it is a good idea to take the children it teachs them things

good luck with what you choose.