New to forum and have a question or two

tamarama · #1 06-08-2003, 03:17 PM

Hi,
Glad to find you. My husband has been sent to prison for 10 years with drug related charges and running from the police. I have a 7 year old boy and chose the road of honesty so he knows everything essencially. He says he wants to see his dad which I realize will be the best for all involved. My question is that he will be in the detention center he's in for about 3 more months before they take him to a processing center and there for another 3 or so and then moved to a more permanent place. My husband wants me to bring him up there for a visit before he leaves. I am very concered about this since he just was sentenaced last tuesday and its only been since then that my son has known about the 10 years. We of course hoped this was not going to happen, but it did. I am very concerned about it being just to much to fast. The bobbed wire, the striped creamcicle prison wear. I was thinking he needed a little time to get used to the idea and some prep time on what to expect. However it has already be 3 months since he has seen his dad and will be another 6 or so before he can see him again. I will be ordering some literature on Monday on how to realate some of this to kids. What do you think visit or not visit? Next issue: How do I go about finding some other mothers with children about my sons age nearby so I can get some one on one fellewship for him? Any ideas? Thanks so much for your thoughts ahead of time. Tammy

ruesblueyez · #2 06-08-2003, 03:23 PM

My son is much younger than yours, I was also worried about letting him see his daddy, he hadnt seen his daddy in almost a year I say take him hell be ok, and itll help him know his dad is ok, jail/prison to children is a scarey thang. Thats my opinion, you know your child and do what ever is best. But he knows the truth and wants to see his dad. There are forums for each state check that for people closer to you! Good luck!

flygirlaa2 · #3 06-08-2003, 04:00 PM

My best advice would be for you to go visit first alone. Then you will be able to seee if it is something yo find appropriate for you children. There should be many other children there so you may find your son some friends that way. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

DENIMBLUE · #4 06-08-2003, 07:09 PM

BY GOING THERE ALONE FIRST, YOU WILL BE ABLE TO DESCRIBE EVERYTHING IN DETAIL TO YOUR SON SO HE WILL KNOW EXACTLY WHAT TO EXPECT, AND THEN YOU CAN DISCUSS WITH HIM HIS FEELINGS ABOUT GOING TO SEE HIS DAD. YOUR HONESTY WITH HIM IS THE BEST THING YOU CAN DO FOR HIM. CHILDREN ARE SO RESILIENT...

deb · #5 06-08-2003, 10:09 PM

I took mine with me the first time and have ever since... I explained to all of them what it's like (as mich as I knew then!) and walked them thru it...Then talked them thru it during it...They've all been fine even the youngest. It's way worse when they can't see their dad.....

Welcome to PTO!

Deb

Amelia · #6 06-11-2003, 03:19 PM

My kids are 2 through 7 and my opinion is the sooner he sees him the better...I have noticed that when my kids saw Stephen they were more relieved to know he was ok than anything else. What I did was after our visit I took them to Burger King and let them play, to let steam off, and then we talked about the visit and how they felt and I answered any questions they had--like does he eat in there, does he have handcuffs on when he is in there, can he go to the bathroom, where does he sleep etc... You would be surprised at what they think of but as long as you are open and hponest it can be a good thing.....let me know if I can be of any other help to you

luv,
Amelia

Noey · #7 08-20-2003, 06:07 PM

Hi it was almost five years before Annie say her dad. I felt so bad for not taking her the first time I went to see him. The first visit went well and she goes everytime I go. The sooner you let him see his dad and let him know that his dad is okay the better off you will be. If he has questions answer them the best you can that is what I did with Annie. She loves her dad so much and misses him alot I think it is only right to take your son to the visit that he has asked you to take him on.

Naomi

Jacody · #8 08-21-2003, 09:51 AM

Ask you child what she/he thinks it will be like. A childs imagination can be far worse that actuality. Remember those monsters under the bed they were "certain" were there? lol

Also don't drag it out for them. The sooner they can put the worries/fears behing them the sooner they can be open to the love and caring of their parents.