Welcome!!

Amelia · #1 05-30-2003, 02:55 PM

The children of inmates are a forgotten group.
As a mother of five children, who are dealing with the loss of their father to the prison system I would like to welcome you all to this forum, a place for the children of incarcerated parents and their caregivers.
It is so very hard to deal with the situations that we are all in. And it is even harder to have to deal with our own feelings plus those of our children. Use this as a place to ask questions, vent, share ways to deal with problems, share your children's reactions in hopes of helping others learn from your experiences and to resolve any problems you may be facing.
Having five small children and dealing with the prison system has been very difficult and eye-opening. I never realized how much kids are affected by all this. And being the caregiver for children with a parent in prison is a real tough job-you not only have to deal with your own feelings, you have to deal with those of the children. Children tend to show their feelings in many different ways, anger, acting out in school, being reserved, etc.So being in touch with their feelings, also means being somewhat of a detective. So, share your experiences, problems, and solutions in hopes of helping someone else out!
I have also realized that although there are some programs in the prisons that focus on keeping the family intact, there definetly are not enough. I have come to realize that our kids are the "forgotten kids". So, I encourage you to use this forum not only for sharing your experiences, but for brainstorming as well. How can we make the circumstances easier to deal with for our children? How can we keep the incarcerated parent active in the child's life? What can be done to help turn the negative experience of having a parent in prison into a positive learning experience?
Being a mother I also know how much we love to share the "good times". Feel free to share any good news, new accomplishments, or funny stories about your kids here as well.
Lastly, kids need support too. Just as you have found support, love and caring here at PTO, so can your kids. Let's use this forum as PTO for kids! If your child would like to talk with other kids in a similiar situation have them post under your screen name an introduction with their name in the subject area. Remember to make sure your kids give absolutely NO personal info out!

Glad you are interested in "children with parents in prison"!

Luv,
Amelia

Sometimes- "It takes a village....."

lulu · #2 05-30-2003, 02:59 PM

wonderful post.

Amelia · #3 05-30-2003, 03:04 PM

Hwy thank you lulu!!

lilorangebug · #4 11-27-2003, 06:45 PM

Thank you for the wonderful post. I'm a child whose dad is going to prison, and I could use all the support, and incouragement I can get. Again Thank-you

Amelia · #5 01-30-2004, 03:21 PM

lilorangebug, I am glad you found this site and I hope we can offer you support and love and help you get through this..pm me any time you need a friend!

sending you a big hug!

Amelia

MsAloha1018 · #6 10-04-2004, 01:15 AM

I think that this is such a wonderful idea!!! Now how in the heck did I miss this before??? I feel like slapping my head and saying a HUGE "DUUUHHH!!!"

I'll let my daughter know so she can post sometime soon. Take care.

auntnet · #7 11-08-2006, 01:54 PM

I have two teenage boys. They have always had a close relationship with their Dad. He will be going away to a federal prison in less than a month. Everytime I try to get them to talk about it or express their feelings they just say they are fine. Does anyone have any hints for how to get teenagers to open up about their feelings. I fear that they won't really know the extent of their feelings until he's been gone for awhile and they realize that he's not coming home for a long time.

Rickyrowjg · #8 11-09-2006, 01:33 PM

I really don't know what the best way is , but when my son saw that I tried to do something and that I got his dad address where he is going to be , it help alot. If it had not been for prison talk, I think it still would of been more devasted for my son. When I found prison talk ,I think it help me and my son in alot of ways, even in ways we would of not thought of .

Tears for all.

I think what bothered my son the most is not having a father that lived a decent responsible life as a christian should. This is the second time
he has been sent to prison. I think us mothers have to get as much as support from where ever they can find it , if family, friends, chruch , and the like as prison talk ( Not just for our self )but also our childern.

Love you all,

God Bless, and have a happy thanksgiving

**Toshacat** · #9 11-09-2006, 07:31 PM

Hi all,
I don't have teenage boys, but I have an 11 and 18 yr old girls. I have them write letters to there dad and to write down their thoughts about how they feel if they can't talk to me about how they feel about dad going away.
Depending on how old they are sometimes they have to work through there feelings about this and you just need to be there to reassure them that you love them and care about them.
Be truthful and honest with them and give them some responsibilty by having them help out more so you don't have to do all of the work.
As soon as you get 25 posts come join us in the Children with Parents incarcerated on Thursdays at 9pm EST.
God Bless and take care
Toshacat

auntnet · #10 11-11-2006, 06:27 PM

That's a good idea about having them write their feelings down. Thanks for the invite to the discussion group. How do I find out how many posts I have so far?

**Toshacat** · #11 11-11-2006, 07:44 PM

Hi Auntnet,
If you look across from your name you will see your join date, location, and the number of posts that you have. You have 8 right now.
Toshacat

Rickyrowjg · #12 12-01-2006, 11:32 PM

Hello, everyone! I was afraid to let my son keep in contact with his father side of the family, since his dad is always in trouble with the law. I realized that his family is not like him, doing the wrong things. So, I let him spend some time with his grandfather for a few days before thanksgiving. He got to also talk with his aunt. I think it help him to see that he still love his dad, and now is willing to write his dad. His grandfather gave him a picture of his dad, and drew it of him and is going to send to him, I know it going to make him cry cause it did me. I guess you wish things could of been different. It hurts.

cantbelievethis · #13 12-06-2006, 01:26 AM

Hi, I was reading some of your messages and mine is a bit different.. My sons dad is in prison and has been there since he was 7 days old... We were never really a couple, and he didn't want anything to do with our son until about a year ago... I have continued on with my life, married with two other children. One day I get a letter in the mail from a University, here in WI, saying that my sons dad wants visitation and phone calls... I do not believe that a prison is any place for my child to go.. I am so scared that he is going to be forced to go there, and it is going to mess up his whole life... My son knows that a prison/jail is a place that you go when you have done something wrong.. People have told me that it is nice in the visitation rooms for children.. My main concern is how do you teach your child right from wrong when you send them somewhere like that if it is set up so nice for them and expect that when they get older they stay out of trouble... I guess I was wondering what other mothers points of view are!?! Thank you all for taking the time to read this!!...

mommy_gone_47 · #14 05-19-2007, 04:11 PM

my step mom who is pretty much my mom cuase my mother chose her husband over me is in prison its one of the hardest thing i ave ever delt with and its wonderful to know that i have people to turn to

paigemerie · #15 03-06-2008, 08:46 PM

My husband got arrested when our daughter was 2 months old.. It's been about 2 years since, And im still waiting for him. I write to him as often as I can & he's calls me everyday till the stupid phone company blocks his calls for the rest of that month. My daughter and I are going to go see him this weekend, It's been almost 2 years since we have seen eachother and since he has seen his daughter. Even though I Love Him soooo much and I have a child w/ him, This is the last time im going to wait for him. He's already has 2 strikes, So im sure that no matter what if he goes back to prison theyll strike him out. I wont wait for him no matter if he only gets a month for violating perol, or LIFE!! I dont want my daughter to grow up w/out her father but I also dont want her to grow up messed up and having issues because daddy was in and out of her life since she can remember.