Is everything cop-esthetic?

Spikeman · #1 04-23-2003, 10:01 AM

This is a true story and I will defer from giving the real names of the parties involved.

At USP Lompoc, there was this CO of Armenian heritage, whom I shall call Pavlov. Now he was actually a decent sort of CO, strict at times, pretty much by the book, Which we could all live with. He was an ex-Air Force Security Policeman with only a year or so on the job for the BOP. His perhaps favorite word in the English language was the word: Copesthetic.

Every single time I'd come through the metal detector from the recreation area, I'd hand him my guitar case, he'd kind of just heft it and not open it and ask me "is everything copesthetic?", to which I always replied, "yes". He'd hand me my guitar back and off I would go on my merry way to B-Unit.

Well one day he was working B-Unit as a fill-in for the regular CO who was off sick. Pavlov decided he'd do some cell shakedowns and went to the third tier and starting his searching. He entered a cell of what can only be described as a classic flaming black drag queen (of the Priscilla, Queen of the Desert type) whom I will call Sheila.

Sheila stands on the tier watching, then all of a sudden lets out a blood-curdling shriek and tells Pavlov, "Bitch, that's my douche bottle, put that back" Pavlov walks out of the cell with a real live douche bottle (how it got into a maximun security prison, I will never know or want to know). Sheila goes into her cell and retrieves a cell broom, then proceeds to run down the tier, chasing and swatting Pavlov with the cell broom.

Pretty soon Pavlov is running for his life being chased by a drag queen inmate with a midget broom. Did I mention that Sheila was wearing panties and a homemade bra? The entire unit watched in awe as this went on for 15 minutes or so. It took poor Pavlov that long to remember to hit the dueces and summon help.

In the aftermath, Pavlov was out of breath trying to explain to the Duty Lt. that he thought the drag queen was trying to have foreplay with him. Needless to say, Pavlov was never quite right after that incident.

Phil in Paris · #2 04-23-2003, 10:07 AM

Mike

I moved this thread too.

I think it fits better in this forum

Thanks for this story, it's really funny !!!

All the best
Phil

**Christy** · #3 04-23-2003, 11:04 AM

That is too funny! One of those "you had to be there" stories! I love it! Keep 'em coming! Thanks!

KRIS_NC · #4 04-23-2003, 11:55 AM

THNAKS FOR SHARING.THIS IS TOO FUNNY

flygirlaa2 · #5 04-23-2003, 01:31 PM

LOL, that is hillarious!

TxRenee · #6 04-23-2003, 01:39 PM

LOL Love it !!!! I'm so glad you found us Spike

softheart · #7 04-23-2003, 01:58 PM

I needed a good laugh.......Thanks for sharing.

softie

lulu · #8 04-23-2003, 02:05 PM

that is so funy, thank you so much for sharing

Trulykath · #9 04-23-2003, 03:00 PM

OMG...this sounded like something we would have started on Phil's soap opera thread....TOO FUNNY!!

thanks for sharing,
kath

**mrsdragoness** · #10 04-24-2003, 06:56 PM

All too often we only hear the horrid things that happen. Thanks for letting us see the lighter side of prison!!!

mrs. d

deb · #11 04-24-2003, 10:19 PM

Thanks for making me laugh with 2 of your posts today....I'm glad you're here...

Deb

Shan & Kev · #12 04-25-2003, 02:23 PM

I love tales like these!!
keep em coming, please

Budwoman · #13 04-25-2003, 02:48 PM

This is so very funny, but this is so very true too. Most of this side of the story is funny.... It's just no one wants to tell about it.

Thanks Big Guy

forever2002jb · #14 04-26-2003, 12:21 AM

thats so funny...wish we knoew all the funny things that happen in prison

chuysruca · #15 05-07-2003, 07:49 PM

What a Kodak moment that must have been. Too funny.