What do you tell the Children?

Goldy · #1 05-06-2002, 06:29 PM

Hello Everyone,

I have visited this site many times viewing different forums but reality just set in when I went for sentencing on May 3rd and found out I will be doing 20 months federal. I am a single mom with 3 beautiful children (8, 6, and 3) who haven't seen their dad in 2 years. I am so lost as far as what to tell them about where mommy is going. Thank God my mom will be able to care for them while I am gone, but I am afraid they will be scarred for life. My dad is going away also, which means "papa" wont be around either. Does anyone have any advice to make this easier on the kids. I self surrender on August 16th. I do believe honesty is the best policy and I wont them to understand that I am not leaving them because I want to, but other family members have said I should tell them I have to go away for work reasons. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

GOLDY

Amelia · #2 05-06-2002, 07:06 PM

I told my kids (6,5,3,2,1) the truth about where Stephen was going..and I explained it to them that Daddy had done something wrong and now had to have a "time-out" and that he loved them so much and when he was done doing the work they needed him to do he would be home. It is not easy on them by any means but I really feel that by being honest this whole ordeal can be turned into a positive experience..also give them the opportunity to ask you questions and stuff-that is one mistake Stephen and I made we didnt give them any notice beforehand which I think would have made things a little easier..Just remember to keep things age appropriate. One thing my kids asked alot about was the living conditions-did daddy have a bed, food? my oldest daughter even asked if he had to wear the handcuffs all the time...Good Luck and if you ever need anything just email me! Good Luck!!

jdswifey02 · #3 05-06-2002, 08:03 PM

Goldy...
I definitely agree with Amelia that honesty is the best policy... If you are dishonest with them, it will hurt them more if they found out later (or figure out later) that you lied to them... I believe it makes it difficult on others too (like others in your family) if you tell a "story" to your children, because it forces them to walk on eggshells and try to always be careful what they say when the kids are around... and kids always end up hearing things we don't plan on them hearing... I know that it is hard to believe that this won't scar them for life... of course it will hurt them to have to be away from you, but they will each understand it in their own way... children are very resilient!! I am glad that they will be able to be with family... that will make it much easier for them....
Good luck to you.. let us know how the talk goes...
You are in my thoughts......

sherri13 · #4 05-07-2002, 11:17 AM

GOLDY-THIS IS A DECISION YOU HAVE TO MAKE BUT I PERSONALLY AGREE THAT HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY-IF YOU TELL YOUR KIDS YOU MADE A MISTAKE THAT YOU NOW HAVE TO PAY FOR, THEY WILL SEE THAT YOU ARE A HUMAN BEING WHO MADE A MISATKE AND THAT YOU ARE TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR THAT MISTAKE-THAT IS ACTUALLY VERY POWERFUL LEARNING FOR A CHILD- PARENTS ARE NOT "SUPER-HUMAN"- THEY MAKE MISTAKES TOO-

YOUR KIDS ARE VERY YOUNG AND IT IS VERY IMPORTANT THAT THEY UNDERSTAND YOU ARE LEAVING BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO, AND IN MY OPINION IT IS VERY IMPORTANT THAT THEY BE ALLOWED TO VISIT YOU REGULARLY--ESPECIALLY THE THREE YEAR OLD-SO SHE KNOWS EVEN THOUGH YOU ARE NOT THERE WITH HER EVERYDAY YOU ARE NOT"GONE" FROM HER LIFE-

YOU ARE VERY FORTUNATE TO HAVE YOUR MOTHER THERE TO CARE FOR THEM-THIS, I THINK, WILL MAKE IT EASIER FOR THEM

GOOD LUCK AND TAKE CARE- WE ARE HERE FOR YOU

Budwoman · #5 05-07-2002, 03:41 PM

GOLDY:

BLESS YOU CHILD... THIS IS AS HARD AS LOOSING A CHILD TO PRISON, IF NOT HARDER.... BUT THE GIRLS ARE ALL RIGHT, BE HONEST WITH THEM...

BUT, ALSO, INSURE THEM THAT YOU WILL BE BACK AND THEY WILL BE ABLE TO SEE YOU.... THERE ARE SO MANY PROGRAMS NOW FOR MOTHERS WITH CHILDREN WHO ARE INCARCERATED. I AM SURE SOME OF THE GIRLS HERE HAVE LINKS THAT YOU CAN GO TO SO YOU CAN FIND OUT ABOUT THOSE PROGRAMS.... I THINK THAT IS ONE THING THE D.O.C. HAS REALIZED. THEY ARE REALLY TRYING TO KEEP MOTHERS IN CLOSE CONTACT WITH THEIR CHILDREN...

GOD BLESS AND KEEP YOU. KEEP POSTING WHILE YOU ARE HOME... THERE IS A GREAT DEAL OF SUPPORT HERE.

DONNA

Goldy · #6 05-07-2002, 09:54 PM

Bless you all for your kind and supportive words. What makes this situation so hard to deal with is that I created it. I could put the blame on other people but I know that it is due to my actions that my children will suffer. The judge that sentenced me gave me 3 and a half months to self surrender so that is something else to be thankful for. It is just like anything else, you dont really know what you have or fully aprreciate it until you risk losing it. My babies are my life. My 6 year old son (Paul) has gone thru alot the past two years. I left their dad in June of 2000 and he hasnt wanted to see the kids since. Paul was definitely the one that took it the worst. He had a real anger/behavior problem at school but has really came a long way. It scares me to think how this will set him back. I know that whatever happens we will make it thru and when I think about the people that wont be able to tuck their kids in to bed for years compared to my 20 months I know that I am fortunate. When I get out I am going to help other people in this same situation because I really do think together people can make a difference.

Thank You All!!!

GOLDY

soraya · #7 05-08-2002, 05:06 AM

I think the others gave great advises! Just hang in there

sherri13 · #8 05-08-2002, 12:09 PM

GOLDY-HAVE FAITH THAT IT WILL BE ALRIGHT, CUZ GOD WILL LOOK OUT FOR YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN-I THINK IT IS VERY ADMIRABLE THAT YOU WANT TO HELP OTHERS WHEN YOU GET OUT- I THINK IF MORE PEOPLE WERE WILLING TO DO THIS, LIKE YOU AND FED-X, A WHOLE LOT COULD BE ACCOMPLISHED. PLEASE LET US KNOW IF THERE IS ANYTHING WE CAN DO FOR YOU OR YOUR KIDS. WE CARE ABOUT YOU.

soraya · #9 05-16-2002, 09:29 AM

I take it she's in prison right now? 5.3...anybody still has contact with her?

Amelia · #10 05-16-2002, 06:58 PM

she has not gone yet I dont think soraya

Goldy · #11 05-19-2002, 05:19 PM

I go August 16th....Ive been working alot and cant visit this site when I am at work because our internet usage is monitored and cant risk someone finding out my situation and getting fired...

sherri13 · #12 05-21-2002, 10:36 AM

HANG IN THERE GOLDY- AND LET US KNOW HOW TO WRITE YOU,K?

andreadhf · #13 08-27-2006, 10:28 PM

Hello everyone,
I'm new at this. My husband will find out on Monday the 28th if he will have to serve any time. We have a beauitful 5 yr. old daughter and another due in 8 wks. Our 5 yr.old is a big time daddy's girl. I'm so confused about what the future holds for us if he gets alot of time. She really needs her daddy now more than ever.How can I possibly make her understand what is going on. She's really upset that daddy can't come home.

haswtch · #14 08-27-2006, 11:19 PM

Just as was said above: Daddy is on Time Out