Is It Wrong?

Quanswife · #1 03-15-2005, 03:54 PM

HEllo everyone I am Knew to this. Yet I really enjoy reading the advice that you guys pass along. Well anyways My husband has an addiction to powder (coke)and I truly love him however when he got locked up I breathed a Sigh of relief because he was so strung out on powder he was really starting to change. Anyways this is my question as much as I love and miss him I am so scared for him to come home it's like things are so much better for us with him in there and away from the drugs and that when he comes home he will resort back to the same old habits. He's up for parole soon and some days I can't wait for him to come home and then others it's like maybe he should sit longer so he can really get this out of his system. Cause I can't go back to living like that, Am I wrong if a small part of me is a little bit happy that he's in there and not using? Anybody able to relate to this or am I just sacred and selfish?

cawillia · #2 03-15-2005, 03:58 PM

OMG IT IS NOT WRONG! I felt the same way. Your guy is SAFE in there, and isn't using drugs. I completely understand. You are not selfish- only thinking about hsi best interests.

key jo · #3 03-15-2005, 04:01 PM

Totally can relate! I get scared about when my husband gets out because he wasn't ever strong enough before to tell his "friends" to stay away. Your feelings are your feelings so they can't really be wrong. Prayer is about all I can offer or suggest. You can p.m. if you need to anytime.

Sunnie · #4 03-15-2005, 04:08 PM

I think it's a normal reaction. At least he's safe and not living under a bridge or running the streets. He's being fed 3 times a day and sleeps in a bed. Prison is not ideal but it sure beats where they are when running the streets all strung out.

Welcome to this site

1dayatatime · #5 03-15-2005, 04:09 PM

What you are feeling is normal. I think you should discuss with him how you feel and why. Also you should discuss with him his plans for treatment when he gets home. NA? AA? Substance Abuse counseling? He has to have a plan or he will relapse--I see if happen daily.

ONE

nickave27 · #6 03-15-2005, 05:53 PM

I THINK IT IS NORMAL. MY BOYFRIEND WAS SO STRUNG OUT ON HEROIN BEFORE HE GOT ARRESTED. HE HAD CHANGED IN TO A PERSON I NO LONGER KNEW AND A PERSON I NO LONGER LIKED (I ALWAYS LOVED HIM BUT I DIDN'T LIKE HIM) I WAS GLAD HE GOT BUSTED (EVEN THOUGH IT WAS PAINFUL) THE FEDS LITERALLY SAVED HIS LIFE. HE KNOWS IT TOO. HE HAS BEEN DOWN FOR 3 YEARS NOW. FOR THE FIRST 2 - 2 1/2 YEARS I WAS GLAD HE WAS THERE BECAUSE I KNEW HE WAS SAFE. NOW I WANT MY BABY HOME. HE HAS BEEN THROUGH ALOT OF REHAB AND ALTHOUGH I KNOW THIS IS GOING TO BE A LIFELONG STRUGGLE FOR HIM I THINK HE WILL BE OK.

Quanswife · #7 03-15-2005, 09:51 PM

Thank you so much for the words of encouragement. I felt like not wanting him to come home yet made me seem spiteful because of alot of the baggage that I still carry from things he did in the past.(Thing I'm afraid I will never forget and may not really ever forgive)

Jeni · #8 03-18-2005, 03:35 AM

Like everyone else has said, your feelings are SO normal. I know what you are saying and have felt it myself.
Stay strong for you and if you need anything, we are here!

minniecas · #9 03-18-2005, 03:51 AM

Welcome to PTO..

Someday your husband well becoming home..Hopefully by that time he will be finish with coke..Because he will probably be on a drug testing program..He may want to check himself into a treament center that can help him to stop..He needs alot of support and he also needs to stay away from the old hang outs and people who use. I wish you the best of luck and we are here to help you thru this..If you ever need to talk to someone just PM me any time anyplace.. minniecas

KFK123 · #10 03-13-2006, 04:50 PM

I was a "user" and powder was my thing and I can speak only for myself but had I not ever been locked up, I probably would have died (soon). But it also took an inpatient treatment facility after I was released to really help me turn the corner. So for all the time spent in jail away from the addiction, I can't say that it made me quit. There are reasons an addict uses, so those issues have to be dealt with before you can "just quit".

InlovewithCoca · #11 03-13-2006, 07:09 PM

You are not wrong or selfish for thinking this way. I often prayed before he wet into jail that he would either die or get locked up becasue I could not deal with his using (it made him a crazy man!) I feel that he is truely changing for the good...but I won't know until he gets out. All I know is that if he goes back to using when he gets out, we are not made for each other. He is very aware that I will leave him if he ever resorts back to using. I wish you the best. Set your standards for when he gets out and stick with them! Don't let anyone ruin your life. I hope that he can truely stop using for you!

Eternal Hope · #12 03-21-2006, 10:42 AM

I have a dear friend who literally "prayed" her boyfriend into jail to help him escape from his crack addiction... he had seriously relapsed and was totally out of control ( this had happened before according to his family) Do not feel bad for wanting him to stay in and hopefull receive some treatment, and I wish you and him all the best. I truly hope he can come out of prison with a different attitude!!! My dear friend's fiance is now back into his Bible and regained his faith, so it can happen

and my best wishes are with you also!!!!!!!! Hang in there, and remember we are here for you!!!

witchlinblue · #13 03-21-2006, 02:55 PM

Many addicts when they get to prison turn to the bible or their spiritual past, they trick is to keep them there. Usually they are so ashamed and depressed at what they have caused that that is where they turn. You can get them signed up with various bible and other spiritual courses threw the mail to help them stay on it.
Sometimes all you can do is pray for an addict !!