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When the Relationship is Over... This forum is about discussing your thoughts, feelings and issues now that you and your incarcerated (or formerly incarcerated) loved one are no longer together. (This forum is NOT for bashing - please read the rules before posting.)

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  #1  
Old 02-20-2020, 08:02 PM
lwopstudies lwopstudies is offline
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Default Accountability/fraud

Has anyone here who provided substantial support for a loved one in prison only to be dumped by them as soon as they got out considered filing a police report for fraud or a civil action for fraud? If so, was it successful? Would love to hear of any experience in this regard.

I am still struggling with the betrayal by the man whom I considered my "brother." I spent tens of thousands of dollars including on lawyers over a 15 year period and we were finally successful in getting a commutation by the governor (LWOP to life with parole) and then he was found suitable by the parole board and released. Within a month of his release he dumped me while I was critically ill in the ICU.

I want to hold him accountable for the tremendous harm he caused me. Thoughts?
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Old 02-20-2020, 08:08 PM
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Yes I do, and here we go: let it go. It won't go anywhere and it will not make you feel better. You gave it obviously willingly and complaining now is too late.
Karma will come back and bite him in the ass and you will maybe at some point get your "satisfaction" but if you gave it willingly and he dumped you, tough shit (excuse my words).
I get that you are hurt but you didn't have to do it plus there are no guarantees in life. He played you big time and I promise you he'll come back when he needs something. THEN you can kick his balls big time by telling him in no uncertain terms NO.
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Old 02-20-2020, 08:08 PM
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I'm sorry it didn't work out but I doubt it would be considered fraud.
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Old 02-20-2020, 08:25 PM
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You don't think pretending to be my brother is fraud?
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Old 02-20-2020, 08:27 PM
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How did he pretend to be your brother?
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Old 02-20-2020, 08:28 PM
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I think unfortunately people pretend to be people they actually aren't all the time. It's not illegal.
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Old 02-20-2020, 08:29 PM
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We made a verbal commitment to be brother and sister for life. We exchanged cards frequently and talked on the phone every day, ending each call with "love you, Bro," and "Love you, Sis."
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Old 02-20-2020, 08:30 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Peacefinder View Post
I think unfortunately people pretend to be people they actually aren't all the time. It's not illegal.
I think it may be if you induce someone to give you something of value based on that pretense.
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Old 02-20-2020, 08:34 PM
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In Indiana, there is a law against this. Check this out: 2019 Indiana Code
Title 35. Criminal Law and Procedure
Article 43. Offenses Against Property
Chapter 5. Forgery, Fraud, and Other Deceptions
35-43-5-20. Inmate fraud
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Old 02-20-2020, 08:37 PM
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Originally Posted by MizzyMuffling View Post
Yes I do, and here we go: let it go. It won't go anywhere and it will not make you feel better. You gave it obviously willingly and complaining now is too late.
Karma will come back and bite him in the ass and you will maybe at some point get your "satisfaction" but if you gave it willingly and he dumped you, tough shit (excuse my words).
I get that you are hurt but you didn't have to do it plus there are no guarantees in life. He played you big time and I promise you he'll come back when he needs something. THEN you can kick his balls big time by telling him in no uncertain terms NO.
Sorry, but I am not letting this go. With my dying breath I will work to hold him accountable. He would have died in prison if not for me.
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Old 02-20-2020, 09:34 PM
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Originally Posted by lwopstudies View Post
You don't think pretending to be my brother is fraud?
Boy you really are angry, If the man you are referring to as your brother then there's no fraud committed as you are both related by blood and are born to your parents as siblings. But if you are referring to the man you call as brother through no blood ties then that is something different but again it's not considered as fraud.

When people go out of their way to help others they don't do it to gain something else in return. They do it because they want to. You sound like you've done it so as to gain something and that something is control over your brothers life. Just let it go. Let him go. I'm sure he too has his own problems and he probably cannot handle them right now let alone handle your illness. I know your probably struggling both in health and financially but what's done is done and you nor him can change that. Just try and move on the best you can and look after your own health. Being sick is one thing but being sick with anger and hatred inside of you is worse and can make you sicker than you are right now.

You are more than welcome to come here and vent, we all need to let off some steam. I hope that one day you find it in your heart to live and let live and most of all to be able to forgive your brother for his missdeads and actions.
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Old 02-20-2020, 09:38 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lwopstudies View Post
In Indiana, there is a law against this. Check this out: 2019 Indiana Code
Title 35. Criminal Law and Procedure
Article 43. Offenses Against Property
Chapter 5. Forgery, Fraud, and Other Deceptions
35-43-5-20. Inmate fraud
Are you suggesting that you were not in a right frame of mind for the last 15 years whilst you were helping your brother out? I'm sorry I cannot believe that to be true. If you can't let it go and if you truly are dying then why would you be so unforgiving? to someone who at least has a chance of living in a free world out side the prison cell? Does it really make a difference in the end? Why try and play god when things don't go your way?
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Old 02-20-2020, 10:35 PM
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I am leaving this site. I thought I would get some compassion for the horrific trauma this man inflicted upon me. I helped him because I thought we were "family" and that we would continue to be so even after his release. Instead once he didn't need my financial assistance anymore he turned his back on me. If the people on this site think that is OK to do, then I don't want to be part of this group anymore.
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Old 02-20-2020, 10:36 PM
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Please close my account. I am not sure how to do this and appreciate your help.
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  #15  
Old 02-20-2020, 10:45 PM
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I’m not clear on this situation .. so he is your brother by virtue of a pact made between the two of you? Was there a romantic relationship? If not, then how is it that he “dumped” you? Pls. forgive my use of cliches, but you sound like a “woman scorned.”

Buyer beware
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Old 02-20-2020, 11:10 PM
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Is the same story from 2018? My head just exploded.

Last edited by Visitor611; 02-20-2020 at 11:15 PM..
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Old 02-21-2020, 02:35 AM
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I am unsure if you will read this as you might have left.

Like you, yes, I would have a feeling / sense that I would want to hold this person accountable. However, the odds of that happening are not in your favor, I am sorry to say, even if there are laws on the books.

Why is that? Evidence. You may have piles of documents to show what you gave this man. You might even have a card, letter or two in which he states „Love, your brother.” but you cannot really prove his psyche or intent during that time frame.

There are many siblings out in the free world that fall out and do not speak again. He could claim some thing similar happened in your mutual relationship and thus, no fraud would be apparent. As he is a fraudster [as you claim] and able to turn feelings on / off [if they were there to begin . . ], expect to hear contortions on how your story is inaccurate from his side. If all you had was that verbal agreement „to be brother & sister” and then endings of telephone calls, it is so difficult to prove.

As well, you note on other posts here where you chose to go „no contact” just as he said the relationship was toxic and he needed space. This is all very messy.

Based off your story, it is like going after or recouping funds lost in a romance scam [though brother does not fit into that.] Those that have the best chance of criminal or civil repercussions are those that emerge as highly organized or done concurrently with others. The intent is obvious and there is a paper trail to support that intent.

One of your posts states that besides a physician, you are a lawyer, so perhaps, use your legal contacts for sound advice, rather than laypeople here.

I am not going to say „tough shit” or any thing similar to you as you are obviously hurt and upset. As well, I am in a similar shoes, a bit.

My half - brother is doing time and we did not have a relationship until 3 years ago, due to our nutty dad. [Have other half - siblings w same dad who are normal . . .]

Therefore, I do what I can for him — to an extent. I never give more than I am willing to lose if it all comes crashing down in the end. Prison is such a controlled environment that I would never sign off on the social rehabilitation of a person [that I do not know at their core being] 100 % until I see how our relationship continues on the outside and if he makes any effort to continue it.

You need to chalk up your loses. You need not be „O.K.” with how it all turned out, but you have to find a way to reach a point of peace or „it is what it is.” Do not let all the good things you did for this trickster be tarnished by anger, vengeance and hate. The more that you focus on recuperation of your loses and anger, it poses the question, what did you want or expect out of this?

Whether he crashes into a hole or lives a half - decent life, you cannot let this continue to eat you. Who suffers then? Not him at all, but you.
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Old 02-21-2020, 06:29 AM
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OP, you have a right to be upset and to your feelings. If you need to file a lawsuit, rant on the internet, report it to the DOC, blog about it, but keep in mind a lawyer will cost you money, write to an Ann Landers type in the news about it, people will give you their personal advice (which is wise, if it was me I’d let it go too at this point but it’s your choice and it doesn’t hurt that you get your story out there.) One thing I learned early in life is if you give money to people who are always broke they will keep trying to take advantage and stay broke and be as close to you as possible because you are their gravy train and who wants to give that up. He wasn’t pretending to be your brother, if he had forged legal documents and said legally I am your blood related brother so I get half an inheritance from our parents then he’d be in hot water. Calling someone bro and sis happens all the time. While I am not a MWI, I care about my PP
and I do send in a little money so he can have extra snacks. He has said stuff to try to lock me in, sure, but he doesn’t have help from his family so I’d probably be the same way if I was in prison and needed or wanted something. I keep in mind he’s in a bad situation and just trying to survive and take everything with a grain of salt. If he ditches me once he gets out of prison, then that’s life, I’m glad I was there for him when he needed a friend. Maybe he’ll pay that forward to another person. I’m sorry you had a bad experience with a person incarcerated but please don’t think all people will give the same in return as you do, not everyone has the same heart.
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Old 02-21-2020, 09:28 AM
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Again, Im sorry this happened to you. Not right.
seriously, I'd let it go. Lesson learned here.
If you really want to close your account with pto you need to contact a moderator.
Or you could simply not log in.
I hope you are able to come to peace with what happened. Its not really going to do anyone much good to hang onto this hurt.
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Old 02-21-2020, 09:41 AM
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By continuing to try to regain some of what you lost due to his lying, you will constantly be reminded of what he did, but it will also continue to cost you even more money, lawyer? court costs? etc. Plus, because he just left prison with few resources or assets, the chances of getting any of your money back are minimal, even if a court orders it.

I'm sorry you are leaving/already left PTO.
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Old 02-21-2020, 12:02 PM
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I feel sorry for you - sorry to say. It's like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die...
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Old 02-21-2020, 12:12 PM
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I'm sorry you are hurt but I'm gonna have to agree with most and say let it go! It's something you willingly did and I'm sure along the way there where signs you ignored. I'm not putting blame here but I don't see the point of losing even more by paying lawyer just to get nowhere. We are here to listen and give as much personal advice we can and sometimes it may not be what we want to hear. I hope you come to peace with what's done is done for the sake of your own sanity
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Old 02-21-2020, 12:33 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lwopstudies View Post
Sorry, but I am not letting this go. With my dying breath I will work to hold him accountable. He would have died in prison if not for me.


But he didn't, thanks to you.

You don't decide whether the blood in your body will regulate to your brain, through your heart and lungs to give you that breath you just inhaled... what has it asked of you in return?

Sorry you're going through this!

Try not to lose too much breath over him.


Last edited by 408MoonGem; 02-21-2020 at 12:38 PM..
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Old 02-21-2020, 12:44 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Born View Post

When people go out of their way to help others they don't do it to gain something else in return. They do it because they want to. You sound like you've done it so as to gain something and that something is control over your brothers life. Just let it go. Let him go.
sounds like my ex.... he refused to let me go, said I'd regret it if I tried.... he blew up 2 of my cars, got me fired, destroyed everything I owned, everything... I mean down to my panties...it was either hang myself or walk away with nothing, but my breath.

toxic and underdeveloped mentality!
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Old 02-21-2020, 02:11 PM
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Do you have an actual brother? I have 2. I have not had any communication with one in over 10 years. The other sent me a 2 line email in September to tell me Mom died.

One has been in and out of prison more times than I can count. The amount of time and money I have spent on books and writing and teaching my parents about the criminal justice system and assessing attorneys and counseling on appeals ....

Guess what? You really do have a sibling relationship.

Callous, I know, but family is family, and some family sucks, including brothers.
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