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Old 03-13-2008, 03:02 PM
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Default Out of Sight out of Mind?

I hear "The quicker you stop worrying about the outside world the quicker the time passes." Its seems that most of you have opted to stand by your man and write a few letters a week as well as accept phone calls and visits, but have any of you ever considered the out of site out of mind theory? Have ever thought of standing by your man from afar and when he gets out you pick up where u left off? Not necessarily no contact but just enough to let him know that you are still standing. Do you think keeping up with letters, phonecalls and visits slow the time?
"And ever has it been that Love knows not its own depth until the hour of Separation."

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Old 03-13-2008, 03:08 PM
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Alot of people have said this to me, but for me waiting for his letters everyweek and counting down the days till our next visit helps alot with passing the time. i dont think i could handle not being so involved with him. i love that man with all that i have, so im gonna do what i can for him. writing, sending money, visits, phone calls. all of that!
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Old 03-13-2008, 03:21 PM
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No I don't think that at all. I actually think the consistent contact helps him cope with his imprisonement much more effectively. In addition, we are in a relationship which means we have to nourish it the best we can with the visits, letters, phone calls and whatever else comes along with it. Not being in contact with your loved one for the purpose of passing the time more quickly
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Old 03-13-2008, 03:23 PM
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me&tae kind of do the "out of sight out of mind" thing. i only visit once every two-three months. maybe write one letter every two weeks and we dont get phone calls. i do believe that this makes time go by so much quicker. because i remember when he was in county and reception and i was visiting every week and writing a lot of letters and time would drag, now we already have two years down! he knows im ok, and i know hes alright, we dont need constant contact! plus im very busy with school and stuff.
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; Proverbs 3:5
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Old 03-13-2008, 03:24 PM

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currently i am residing in a safehoue with my two daughters and as you can imagine i am mostly without funds. what little i have goes to my past balance and payi off my utilities then my storage.i even go to these clothes shelves daily for maternal clothes for ASHLEY adn my youngest. of course i rack up if i see my size!!!but seriously i havent writtento him in as long as ive been homeless-since december'07. his last letter accused me of this same attitude but honey if my man only knew how strenous it has become for me...but he doesnt.i have no way of writing to him,well mailing the letters to him. it may be a good thing i cant write to him cuz i want to tell him how it really is out here for us. i want to assure him im alive but i dont want to worry him unnecessarily. why is it that he thinks imtreating himout of sight out of mind but when his letters get sporadic its okay?? he sould know if i could i would:write to him, send him money, ect.right now i cant do anythin but put myself atthe mercy of the shelves and pray i get a safe home. i wish,i wish,it would get better.keep us iin your prayers.
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Old 03-13-2008, 03:38 PM
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No then i'd be like the majority of people who "love and can't wait for him to be home" but can't even pick up a pen or accept a phone call. I'd rather we be there for eachother and continue our relationship than do "out of sight out of mind". Cause even if that was the case he'd still be on my mind either were together 100% or not at all.
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Old 03-13-2008, 03:45 PM
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I tried that "out of sight" theory for 2 years. I didn't go to see him for about 2 1/2 years. And looking back on it, it did make the time go by faster, but I wouldn't consider doing that again though. We were going through a rough patch relationshipwise and I was still bitter about the whole situation so I did what I thought would get me through this. It wasn't like I could wait a year and he'd be home the next. I still have some more years left on this bid with him, but I want to be there for him this time.
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Old 03-13-2008, 03:48 PM
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In my opinion at least in our situation I know for a fact that the letters, phone calls and visits not only help pass the time but also remind my husband that he has a loving and supportive family he can count on regardless of the situation. = )

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Old 03-13-2008, 04:04 PM
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i dont think that i could do it that way. I have to hear from him as much as possible otherwise i dont no what i would do. I have thought about it but i think that it will just make it harder so i stopped thinkin about it

MY FIRST LOVE, MY BEST FRIEND, YOU KNEW ME BETTER THAN I KNOW MYSELF, I WILL NEVER FORGET YOU, I WILL NEVER GET OVER THIS. I am sorry for not being there and living up to my promised friendship.
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Old 03-13-2008, 04:04 PM
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Originally Posted by PrtynPnk
I hear "The quicker you stop worrying about the outside world the quicker the time passes." Its seems that most of you have opted to stand by your man and write a few letters a week as well as accept phone calls and visits, but have any of you ever considered the out of site out of mind theory? Have ever thought of standing by your man from afar and when he gets out you pick up where u left off? Not necessarily no contact but just enough to let him know that you are still standing. Do you think keeping up with letters, phonecalls and visits slow the time?

This is soooo weird you have this on here today.......Me and my husband have been going through a weirdness lately, we had visitaion today and he said this very same thing!!!!!! It upset me, I feel I need contact with him all the time, I love phone calls and letters and visits.....But If it will help his time pass, I will try it out for a bit.....Maybe it will help mine pass quicker too......Sigh'....................... For me I dont think it slows the time but for him, he says it does.......
Most importantly, love each other deeply, because love will cause many sins to be forgiven. 1 Peter 4:8
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Old 03-13-2008, 04:15 PM
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I dont that at all. I think about him every second of the day. I write him every day to help pass my time.
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Old 03-13-2008, 05:31 PM
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Im his only contact out here. I pump those letters out, he needs em, and i need to write them sometimes. I find it hard cos i know he relies on me so much for everything, ive tried to step back before it didnt help NONE. I still missed him like crazy and thought about him nonstop. Even when im running around busy he on my mind..
I think the outta sight outta mind thing helps if thats the way you work,, im not made that way..only you know if you are....

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Old 03-13-2008, 06:06 PM
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We couldn't do it, we like to keep our spark alive and going the whole time so letters, phone calls, and visits keep our relationship alive and going. We're also only doing a short time period so it makes sense.
Home since 10-25-11 and loving every minute as we expect our second bundle of joy due 9-15-12.
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Old 03-13-2008, 06:48 PM
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I don't want to be off his mind but being outta of his sight has made him concentrate on more important things like his current appeal and walking his time down.
I been busy so of course it helps me when I look up and 3 months went like it was nothing.
I never did over do the letters and visits. Thank God he only got 300 min on that phone which he quickly burns up before half way into the month
We been on restriction so we was forced to calm down and walk it out!
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Old 03-13-2008, 06:54 PM
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Out of sight out of mind might work for them inside but for us out here I think that is different. I would be insulted if he wanted to do that, he said it before but I shot him down. He can take his mind off of me and but hey Im out here in the world with all our things and i cant help but think of him. Sometimes i get angry cuz he is selfish, "You make me weak" "If I worry about you I wont make it. " That really ticks me off at times, like he isnt going to worry if I dont write... yea whatever. Right now he isnt writing me, i got one letter in two weeks and truth be told im PO'd about it.
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Old 03-13-2008, 06:55 PM
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I don't think we'd make it like that. If one of us doesn't write, we worry that something is wrong with the other, whether it be "our relationship" having issues, sickness, etc. We enjoy keeping in touch with one another - for us - being in touch, calling, writing letters HELPS pass the time! That's just us though!
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Old 03-13-2008, 06:57 PM
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I would never consider this, before my husband's incarceration, we had never been apart for more than a weekend in 17 years so I don't think I could ever consider being out of sight.
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Old 03-13-2008, 07:21 PM
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We would both go crazy without hearing from each other. I couldnt imagine not writing or talking to him! We aren't fortunate to be in the same state so I cant afford to see him more than a few times a year, he's my best friend. the time would drag on forever if I didnt have any contact with him.

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Old 03-13-2008, 08:15 PM
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Phone calls, letter and visits are lifelines to the outside world for many. To say "out of sight is out of mind" seems a little extreme to me. If you love someone, the thought of that person is always with you. I don't know how a relationship could "pick up where it left off" if he were to be incarcerated for a lengthy period of time. But to each their own...

"To thine own self be true" - William Shakespeare

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Old 03-13-2008, 08:26 PM
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Not to long ago I went thru some financial difficulties and couldn't afford the phone calls and my man had a fit. He was going crazy not being able to talk to me, I couldn't even afford stamps so no letters either. He did say one time ok baby let's take a month off from visiting but before the end of the visit he said no I can't do it I have to see you. Your the reason why I make it all week in here. So I agree with the lady who said if you roll that way then maybe it will help you but for us we are a wreck when we can't talk, write, or see each other.
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Old 03-13-2008, 09:49 PM
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no never it would be like we weren't together anymore

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Old 03-13-2008, 11:28 PM
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I couldn't do it..would never put him through anymore than he has to be and though obviously its me who has the power to do so but I couldn't not speak to him, write to him or visit him because I love him too much and miss him too much..it would be impossible for me, I need all that contact as well as him
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Old 03-13-2008, 11:38 PM
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Yea, we write, write, write, write, write every day. If I don't he mentions it and jokingly makes me feel guilty. He says he has to write every day. When asked him why, he told me because he likes to give me attention. He usually writes a page and a half about his day and what he ate, did at work, etc. The letters are very similar and he realizes that he doesn't lead an exciting life in prison, but I think he writes for his own peace of mind and to put as much into the relationship as possible and to constantly let me know he's thinking of me. We max out our $$$ and minutes every month. Talking on the phone is always a great way to end my day. It confirms me that he's still very alive and real and ready to come home.

He wouldn't have the "out of sight, out of mind thing", his feelings would be hurt big time.
<====Not gonna be me anymore!

"A gem is not polished without rubbing, nor a man perfected without trials."

OH MY GOD!! HE IS HOME 3/23/2009!!!

I promise to keep in touch and update!
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Old 03-13-2008, 11:58 PM
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I would feel kind of like why are we together if we weren't in contact until he came back home? But I can understand the concept.

I am definitely not one of you very faithfully writing daily and taking calls, etc. But we both do our parts to keep in contact and I think we are both satisfied with the outcome.

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Old 03-14-2008, 12:14 PM
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for both of us, time passes much faster looking forward to the next letter, phone call, or visit. we would both seriously go crazy if we didnt do these things on a regular basis. plus he says talking to me gets him through his days, and he knows everyday is one more closer to coming home to me.
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