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  #1  
Old 01-29-2018, 08:03 AM
Combs Combs is offline
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This week Iím back outside longer than I was inside (6 years) and off of paper longer than I was on it (another 3 years). Itís taken a while, but Iím finally starting to feel like itís all behind me. The memories from inside however are still alive, active and vivid. I rarely go a day without some odd thing triggering some old memory from my time inside. I wish the memories would go away, but Iím starting to think that may never happen.

At any rate, itís good to be outside and off paper. The worst day of the year outside and off paper is universes better than the best day of the year inside or on paper.
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  #2  
Old 01-29-2018, 08:08 AM
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istrueblue istrueblue is offline
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Congrats, and I pray with a little more time the memories that still haunt you will fade away also.
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Old 01-29-2018, 08:29 AM
xolady xolady is offline
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That's great keep out!!! I know you must feel great!!! I know I would.
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Old 01-29-2018, 10:49 AM
nygirl17 nygirl17 is offline
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That's awesome congrats to you.
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Old 01-29-2018, 11:13 AM
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Sarianna Sarianna is offline
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Well done, congratulations
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Old 01-29-2018, 04:30 PM
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You've triumphed! The signs of struggle will never leave you entirely, but they will lessen. And you wouldn't know your own strength if you hadn't gone through all that and come out the other side.
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Old 01-29-2018, 06:36 PM
fbopnomore fbopnomore is offline
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Congratulations !
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Old 02-02-2020, 11:56 AM
Combs Combs is offline
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It’s now two years since I started this thread. As of a few days ago, I hit five years off paper and so my conviction/prison record has been deleted from the public access portion of the state prison department website. One more significant milestone in my hike away from “back then.” It doesn’t change anything or make any difference in my life, but it’s still another milestone.

Sad thing, though ... Everything I said in my original post is still exactly the same. The memories of the people, places, things and experiences inside and while on paper haven’t even begun to fade away. They’re triggered by the oddest (and totally unrelated) little things and they happen every single day. Bad dreams involving experiences inside and while on paper are still common, too. I wish all those ghosts and closet skeletons would go away and not come back, but now it seems obvious that’ll never happen.
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Old 02-02-2020, 12:16 PM
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miamac miamac is offline
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Congrats on all the positive milestones. You've earned every one of them.
I can imagine that like any life-changing event, those memories and triggers are deeply rooted. I do hope they aren't keeping you from moving forward but rather that they are serving as a marker of something in your past. A time that has come and gone and altered you for the better.
Be well and thank you for the update.
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Old 02-09-2020, 08:51 PM
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Firebrand Firebrand is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Combs View Post
Itís now two years since I started this thread. As of a few days ago, I hit five years off paper and so my conviction/prison record has been deleted from the public access portion of the state prison department website. One more significant milestone in my hike away from ďback then.Ē It doesnít change anything or make any difference in my life, but itís still another milestone.

Sad thing, though ... Everything I said in my original post is still exactly the same. The memories of the people, places, things and experiences inside and while on paper havenít even begun to fade away. Theyíre triggered by the oddest (and totally unrelated) little things and they happen every single day. Bad dreams involving experiences inside and while on paper are still common, too. I wish all those ghosts and closet skeletons would go away and not come back, but now it seems obvious thatíll never happen.
One thing that would help you with the bad dreams and PTSD is if you would try and meditate for 1/2 hour a day. When we dream nightmares, often times its the ego at work in a subtle way. When you meditate upon the spirit that dwells within you it overtakes the ego in terms of who is in control. It's a slow process, but it works. Meditate on the spirit/God that lives within you and watch what happens. Seriously, it works
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