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Husbands & Boyfriends in Prison For everyone who has a husband, boyfriend or male partner incarcerated.

View Poll Results: Are prison wives/girlfriends desperate?
Yes 147 7.32%
No 1,861 92.68%
Voters: 2008. You may not vote on this poll

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  #1  
Old 11-18-2008, 11:29 AM
DangerouslYnLuv DangerouslYnLuv is offline
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Thumbs down Are women who wait for inmates desperate?

That is a statement that I heard on the radio today. They were discussing women who wait on their men in prison. Many people called in with their comments and there were also women who are currently in that situation.

My question is, why do you have to be considered desperate to wait on your man?

There are so many different situations and you never know what could happen. Inmates always get a label of being a horrible person because of their prison status, but I don't think that it's fair.

They went on to talk about all of the "GOOD" men that were out here in the world...and how prison wives/girlfriends are missing out waiting on a "Loser." (QUOTE)

You can't help who you love!!! Whether you have been waiting for 20 years, 5 months, MWI, it doesn't matter. Love your man and stick by him because these people out here are so judgmental and will never understand unless they have that experience for themselves and let's let them remain closed-minded.

I have been with my man before he went in and I will be here when he comes home, with open arms and a plan for a better life.

What is your opinion???
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  #2  
Old 11-18-2008, 11:32 AM
PTO-110524 PTO-110524 is offline
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Some are, some aren't - just like in normal relationships.

I didn't vote since the only choices were Yes or No.

Last edited by Terry; 11-18-2008 at 11:33 AM..
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  #3  
Old 11-18-2008, 11:37 AM
Titoswifey43v3r Titoswifey43v3r is offline
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You are so right!!! Me and my co-worker were talking about my man and she said "you are a beautiful female, why would you waist your time" and I told her because "he completes me, he has made me feel like the women that I should be and not the women that I was labeled as with my ex"......

We are definitely not desperate!!!! If we were desperate we could get any man out in this world....we are patient and we are loving towards the MAN that completes us!

Ignoring hurts more than paying attention to what these people have to say...(IMO)
I'm not listening to what they have to say about inmates....I LOVE MY INMATE and it's not going to stop....lol!
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  #4  
Old 11-18-2008, 11:39 AM
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Whew! There's one VERY angry redhead in Oklahoma!!!

As my signature says, "Sometimes good people do bad things!" My husband is a WONDERFUL man! We've been married 9 years and we have 3 beautiful boys together. He has been the best husband/father I could EVER have asked for! In fact, he has spoiled me rotten! He is a great provider, he helps with housework, he helps with parenting, he's there for me emotionally....all those things that you hear women complain about so much, ya know???

Was I angry when he took all of that and dumped it down the drain with one 30-second act?? Absolutely!! But he took immediate steps to make amends! In fact, he wouldn't even BE in prison without his own confession! Knowing what he was facing, he STILL refused lies and deceit, but instead took full responsibility for what happened and said, "I need help!!!" I don't know if I would have that kind of guts, to be honest! And I doubt whoever made those comments you posted would have that kind of guts either!

No one is perfect! NO ONE! Just because someone is behind bars does not make them any less a person than someone who is not! And there are plenty of free people who are much, much worse than many men behind bars!

I am NOT waiting for a loser! I am waiting for a gutsy, repentant, loving, wonderful man who makes my heart sing with happiness just to be in the same room with him!
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  #5  
Old 11-18-2008, 11:47 AM
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I totally agree with Mommy2three, sometimes good people do bad things. I absolutely cannot stand when people judge me because my guy is in prison. First of all, you don't know him.. & I don't stick up for him because he's innocent... I stick up for him because he's GUILTY, he knows he's GUILTY, & he's trying to make right on what he did wrong. Second of all, when you love somebody.. you love them in good times, & in BAD times!!

I'm not waiting on a loser, I'm waiting on a "GOOD MAN" who got caught up in a bad situation... they can keep their GOOD MEN, because I know a lot of guys in my town (its a small town) & most of them are just as guilty as my boyfriend, the only difference is my boyfriend got caught.
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Old 11-18-2008, 11:48 AM
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Originally Posted by DangerouslYnLuv View Post
That is a statement that I heard on the radio today. They were discussing women who wait on their men in prison. Many people called in with their comments and there were also women who are currently in that situation.

My question is, why do you have to be considered desperate to wait on your man?

There are so many different situations and you never know what could happen. Inmates always get a label of being a horrible person because of their prison status, but I don't think that it's fair.

They went on to talk about all of the "GOOD" men that were out here in the world...and how prison wives/girlfriends are missing out waiting on a "Loser." (QUOTE)

You can't help who you love!!! Whether you have been waiting for 20 years, 5 months, MWI, it doesn't matter. Love your man and stick by him because these people out here are so judgmental and will never understand unless they have that experience for themselves and let's let them remain closed-minded.

I have been with my man before he went in and I will be here when he comes home, with open arms and a plan for a better life.

What is your opinion???
it's not my fault noone out here compares to him!!!!
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Old 11-18-2008, 11:49 AM
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Old 11-18-2008, 11:53 AM
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Like Aliferzwife said, "some are some aren"t". I have friends who club hop looking for any prospect of a "husband". Now at the same time there probably is a higher ratio of desperados gravitating towards the prison scene than say the general population. But to say all is incorrect, because I'm living proof that it's not the case. OMO.
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Old 11-18-2008, 12:00 PM
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I do not consider myself desperate, I consider myself carrying on a wonderful marriage with my husband who happens to not be perfect.
I do not consider myself as waiting for him either. I am not waiting for anything other than to be able to touch him whenever I want without someone telling me I can't. I am waiting for a phone call that isn't recorded and monitored. I am not waiting on him, he is still here, he always has been. Did he make a dumb choice, yes he sure did, but I am the one who chose to stick with him no matter what because he is a wonderful husband an amazing father and an all around GOOD person. He has a heart of gold and he has good values and beliefs and I even consider him my hero and I look up to him. Because he took responsibility for his dumb choice does not make him a bad person. He is a very hard worker and he always helps with the kids and the housework and all that stuff that is supposedly a "woman's" job. I couldn't ask for a better husband and the fact that I found him still to this day amazes me.
I am not desperate, I am a very smart woman who knows a good thing when she sees it.
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Old 11-18-2008, 12:19 PM
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I am far beyond desperate... People can be so ignorant.....
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Old 11-18-2008, 12:32 PM
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Seriously...I have no idea where the logic in this comes from. If the women/men are waiting then they are not desperate. I am sure that there are some that have such a low self esteem (or other issues) that will stand by a man/woman regardless...but that is not just in reference to inmates, that is also a free world issue.
I stand by him because when you marry, it's "for better or worse". Sure he made a mistake, but he is an awesome father and a wonderful husband.
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Old 11-18-2008, 12:48 PM
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Again? Really?
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Old 11-18-2008, 12:58 PM
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There is definitely a mix. There are some females involved with an inmate only because they are desperate to feel loved and happen to be getting that feeling from an inmate. It is the same with prison relationships as in the real world. Sometimes you see a female in the free world displaying desperate like tendencies as well.

To say that ALL woman waiting on an inmate is desperate... is fiction and not fact. I am taking the road less traveled in my life doing this with my babe. It would be easier if I lived my life as I always have...involved with someone constantly but never truly happy. I have had a problem with being alone. I looked at all men as they were easily replaceable and just as I dropped one, I would gain another. I am the happiest and most fulfilled I have ever been with my babes love in my life. I DON"T find him or his love easily replaceable. So I am sticking through it because I believe in what we have.
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Old 11-18-2008, 01:04 PM
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When people say negative things like that it really portrays them as an ignorant individual – their outsiders and don’t know the entirety of any of our situations. Lock-up their husband/boyfriends and I bet the majority of them would stay, hypocrites! Only God can judge me!

People make mistakes, no one is perfect
...besides good boys arent that attractive anyway.
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Old 11-18-2008, 01:07 PM
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I figure let people say and believe what they want to believe... no one knows what we go through until they walk a mile in our shoes and believe me with the incarceration rate the way it is and all these crazy laws there are going to be more and more people who will have their opinion of us changed the hard way... many of those passing judegement will one day wake up to find out someone they love and care about is behind bars... I bet then and only then will their way of thinking change... until then I say
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Old 11-18-2008, 01:10 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aliferzwife View Post
Some are, some aren't - just like in normal relationships.

I didn't vote since the only choices were Yes or No.
ditto to what you said!

And I just want to say that everyone that votes will most likely say "no" because no one really admits how desparate they are because they most likely don't even see it that way.
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Old 11-18-2008, 01:57 PM
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Quote:
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You are so right!!! Me and my co-worker were talking about my man and she said "you are a beautiful female, why would you waist your time" and I told her because "he completes me, he has made me feel like the women that I should be and not the women that I was labeled as with my ex"......

We are definitely not desperate!!!! If we were desperate we could get any man out in this world....we are patient and we are loving towards the MAN that completes us!

Ignoring hurts more than paying attention to what these people have to say...(IMO)
I'm not listening to what they have to say about inmates....I LOVE MY INMATE and it's not going to stop....lol!
I second this.
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Old 11-18-2008, 02:22 PM
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my thought is I'm waiting for my man because I want to...truth be told there are millions of men that anyone of us could be with, but we choose not to...my man messed up and he knows that but I believe his past won't make our future.....

I LOVE MY MAN AND COULDN'T ANYBODY CHANGE HOW I FEEL!

It's another day closer to my boo being home!
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Old 11-18-2008, 02:50 PM
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I've had PLENTY of offers on the outside but I'd rather be happy and not just settle so I'm waiting for my Inmate
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Old 11-18-2008, 04:01 PM
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People that arent in our situation bc they have their little "perfect home, perfect families" dont know anything about the emotions that are involved and the love. I wish i could take their hunny away from them for months or years and see whos desperate then. I for sure am not desperate. I have known my man for many years and have loved him for every single one of them years...no desperation involved.
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Old 11-18-2008, 04:30 PM
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Women who wait on their mate in my opinion are not desperate. It only shows that we are loyal and just because a person is incarcerated does not necessarily mean they are a bad person, they just made a bad decision. People can say that waiting on one's mate who is incarcerated is foolish or a waste of time but they don't know what they will do if put in that situation. I applaud all of you who as I am are standing by their mate because this is a time that they need us the most.
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Old 11-18-2008, 04:41 PM
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It's funny the things love will make you do, sometimes even sad but, everything I told him would be a lie if our relationship couldn't make it thru this...waiting is the only thing I can do it doesn't make me feel desperate!! I admire the other women who chose to support their man and wait it out with them
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Old 11-18-2008, 04:59 PM
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Let the haters carry on hatin' , it really is no skin off my nose what people think about me & mine...... They are nothing but ignorant , uneducated opinions from people who know absolutely nothing of the situation themselves ! As soon as the words wife/girlfriend of an inmate are heard thats it the floodgates open I'm a duck & i'll always be a duck ! It'll take more than those words to hurt me or get my back up ! Infact the women who choose to wait for their men .......... We are not weak we are not desperate , we are a damn strong group of independant women !

Last edited by Angelsdelight; 11-18-2008 at 05:02 PM..
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Old 11-18-2008, 05:17 PM
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So let me ask you all, what do you call a man that waits for his wife or girlfriend??

you know it is very sad when all they can judge, however until someone is in our shoes no one will know, now why is it always the women? lots of women are also locked up, so what do you call the men?? I would like to know.
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Old 11-18-2008, 05:47 PM
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Desperation is in the eye of the beholder I guess.

Well, I don't know about the others - just me. I am desperate - desperately in love with a man who is good and kind, knows me better than anyone ever has and has been better to me than any man I've ever known. He did something wrong and he is paying for it - so am I to some degree - but I owe it to him - and me - to wait because I know I'll never love anyone even close to how I love him.
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