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Wives & Girlfriends in Prison For everyone who has a wife, girlfriend, or female partner incarcerated.

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  #76  
Old 05-31-2017, 12:33 PM
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I can't find it right now so I don't know the veracity, but I remember reading somewhere that at mens' prisons 80% of the visitors are women (including large numbers of wives and girlfriends.) And at womens' prisons, 80% of the visitors...are women (including large numbers of mothers and sisters.)

In my personal observation, as far as adults go, this seems about right. 80/20 is the split on the adults (women/men,) with children having their own stats, but of the children attending, I'd say about 75% are being brought by female relatives and only 25% by male relatives (in most cases, grandfathers.)
I'm going to start paying more attention. For sure, there are a greater number of women but it feels like at our current facility it's so darn close I'd actually have to do the math. But here's another observation that may matter:

My husband dropped a security level this year. This facility is where I feel I see more extended family. I'm now wondering if the circumstances influence who visits. For example, the facility he was is in when we met was, to put it kindly, a zoo. Locked down most of the time, a lot of violence, a lot of newly sentenced, angry, young men. Maybe that's a place where the wounds are still fresh from whatever lead them to be there and family isn't quite ready to trust and come around again. I get that. Ugh. This is all so heartbreaking.
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  #77  
Old 05-31-2017, 09:20 PM
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Having not gone through it, I can't understand what it's like to keep coming back to a visiting room year after year to see a loved one in measured increments with uncomfortable rules. I can understand a little bit of the loneliness and uncertainty, but I don't feel like I can call myself an outmate.
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Old 06-01-2017, 09:07 AM
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Having not gone through it, I can't understand what it's like to keep coming back to a visiting room year after year to see a loved one in measured increments with uncomfortable rules. I can understand a little bit of the loneliness and uncertainty, but I don't feel like I can call myself an outmate.
An endless sentence is death an inch at a time for both partners.

I think you're an outmate if you change your life and surrender some of your freedom to stick by and support a loved one who's inside.
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Old 06-01-2017, 02:39 PM
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An endless sentence is death an inch at a time for both partners.

I think you're an outmate if you change your life and surrender some of your freedom to stick by and support a loved one who's inside.


Dee always did say the day she knew she loved me was the night I gave up a ticket to see Clayton Kershaw pitch to visit her in County Jail.

Kershaw threw his no-hitter that night.

I've seen Kershaw pitch some amazing games in-person. But on a night when he threw arguably one of the greatest games in baseball history, I instead spent 45 minutes driving to the jail, about an hour waiting, 15 minutes of actual visiting, then 30 minutes home.
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Old 06-01-2017, 03:33 PM
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Dee always did say the day she knew she loved me was the night I gave up a ticket to see Clayton Kershaw pitch to visit her in County Jail.

Kershaw threw his no-hitter that night.

I've seen Kershaw pitch some amazing games in-person. But on a night when he threw arguably one of the greatest games in baseball history, I instead spent 45 minutes driving to the jail, about an hour waiting, 15 minutes of actual visiting, then 30 minutes home.

Greater love hath no man than this, that a man give up his ball game for his friend. (Apologies to John 15:31)


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  #81  
Old 06-03-2017, 01:16 PM
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So this weekend I'm busy working. On the way in to work, I had to stop by Walmart to send some money to my LO because as a principal I hate giving that extra $6 to Jpay each transaction for the convenience of using their app to send money. It's funny but my credit card companies and my bank hate Jpay too. They have canceled and reissued cards that I tried to setup in Jpay's system. At this point I just roll with it.

I use to be so nervous about talking to people at the Walmart money store. Like it's a big secret that I'm connected someone in prison. That is really the stupidest shame. I think that shame is why some people don't visit their incarcerated LOs. Pride
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  #82  
Old 06-03-2017, 01:23 PM
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K6770: So this weekend I'm busy working. On the way in to work, I had to stop by Walmart to send some money to my LO because as a principal I hate giving that extra $6 to Jpay each transaction for the convenience of using their app to send money. It's funny but my credit card companies and my bank hate Jpay too. They have canceled and reissued cards that I tried to setup in Jpay's system. At this point I just roll with it.

I've never used JPay or WU. I send USPS money orders. It's cheap and reliable and I never had one get lost.

I use to be so nervous about talking to people at the Walmart money store. Like it's a big secret that I'm connected someone in prison. That is really the stupidest shame. I think that shame is why some people don't visit their incarcerated LOs. Pride

Being an inmate's love is hard for a lot of reasons. So is being an inmate. Have good weekend despite work. I'm preparing to head for my weekly visit.
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  #83  
Old 06-03-2017, 10:13 PM
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JPay was always a pain in the ass to deal with. California allowed us to use Access Corrections....similar to JPay but until the last few months of her time I didn't get charged a cash advance fee (something changed, but fortunately it was nearly the end and I just switched to using debit.)

In California it takes up to 30 days for a money order to be accepted, and frankly there were a few times when I didn't have the cash available, so for those times the fact that electronic transfer was available and received within 24 hours (and sometimes within a matter of minutes as we found out,) it was worth the fee.

That said, I do not miss paying the fee, and had I had better cash flow I probably would have just stacked her books with money orders. 70 cents at Wal Mart? Can't beat that....
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  #84  
Old 06-03-2017, 10:14 PM
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And Wilkes, I hope your weekly visit was a good one
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  #85  
Old 06-04-2017, 01:28 PM
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And Wilkes, I hope your weekly visit was a good one
Thanks! Just got back a few minutes ago. Tired but relaxed and happy.
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Old 06-17-2017, 06:32 AM
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Visiting my love this Sunday. No news about parole yet, but she is doing well and for the most part happy. Hopefully this will be her last summer in prison. She is a good trooper, and I have to dig to get a complaint out of her most of the time, the few she has had lately have been about her latest bunkie. She was dumped with someone kicked out of someplace else for a discipline issue. No drama, but for a few weeks I know she has been sleeping even lighter than normal prison sleep. I know she is concerned about her mom's health, and I'm checking in on her as much as my love these days. Her mom likes me so that is easy.

Wilkes, I hope you have good visit and a good Father's Day.
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Old 06-18-2017, 02:47 PM
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Visiting my love this Sunday. No news about parole yet, but she is doing well and for the most part happy. Hopefully this will be her last summer in prison. She is a good trooper, and I have to dig to get a complaint out of her most of the time, the few she has had lately have been about her latest bunkie. She was dumped with someone kicked out of someplace else for a discipline issue. No drama, but for a few weeks I know she has been sleeping even lighter than normal prison sleep. I know she is concerned about her mom's health, and I'm checking in on her as much as my love these days. Her mom likes me so that is easy.

Wilkes, I hope you have good visit and a good Father's Day.
I hope she makes parole first time out.

Being forced to live in close quarters with anyone can be hard but the problem isn't limited to prisons. Look how WWII submariners and destroyer crews had to live. They had virtually no personal space and had to put up with hot bunking! I have a lot of empathy for anyone inside who has an ill parent. It's incredibly worrisome and stressful.

Sarah and I don't usually see each other on weekends. She treated me to a Dad's Day dinner on Friday.

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  #88  
Old 06-18-2017, 02:49 PM
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Happy Father's Day to our dad's and father figures out there!
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Old 06-19-2017, 02:07 PM
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I had a really great visit yesterday! Tons of men in the room which was awesome to see. Not a typical visitation. I'm starting to recognize familiar faces.

Anyway we had a really good conversation and she was so happy. It's fun to watch a change in her in the first 15 minutes that we talk. I can tell when she becomes at ease and that makes me so happy. We were together from 10:30 to 2:45. I had my usual adventure with microwaves. The mini-automat/vending machine guys really let us down this weekend, but we made due.

The only bad, was that her unit was put on lockdown last night. Hopefully that is over.
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  #90  
Old 06-19-2017, 02:34 PM
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I hope she makes parole first time out.

Being forced to live in close quarters with anyone can be hard but the problem isn't limited to prisons. Look how WWII submariners and destroyer crews had to live. They had virtually no personal space and had to put up with hot bunking! I have a lot of empathy for anyone inside who has an ill parent. It's incredibly worrisome and stressful.

Sarah and I don't usually see each other on weekends. She treated me to a Dad's Day dinner on Friday.
Thanks Wilkes, we have done everything we can with the application, but she is the one that just keeps up the good work. She is minimum security at this point. I found out this weekend that the bad bunkie situation has been taken care of and she is happy with the new bunkie so life is easier and she is getting better sleep, which is good because she is on her feet 8-10 hours a day for work.
Her mom is up and down with high blood pressure. Hopefully a new doctor and new treatment plan will help. The kids are doing well.

I'm glad you were treated for a dinner. It always so fun when I can take out my parents. I sometimes have to fight one for the bill, but most of the time I can intercept it before gets to the table.

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Old 06-20-2017, 10:25 AM
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... I'm glad you were treated for a dinner. It always so fun when I can take out my parents. I sometimes have to fight one for the bill, but most of the time I can intercept it before gets to the table.
Kids reach a cute age when they're earning enough to treat!
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Old 07-03-2017, 06:05 PM
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Default So men, how're we doing this week? (Chit Chat OK)

Going to see my best friend tomorrow. First July 4th in a visiting room. It's funny, but I have only been visiting her since October last year, but it feels like much longer. In general it fells like our friendship is much older than it is. Maybe that is a function of daily writing and a lot of long conversations.

No news yet about parole. Checking the Board's site at least twice a day, but she may still find out first. We are hoping for the best and preparing for the worst.

She is doing well, working hard on various details and things have settled down now that she has been assigned a new bunkie. She is getting very good at playing the guitar and I'm very much looking forward to hearing her play. She has already played a song for the kids. Her birthday is coming up. Anyway, we always have a lot good things to talk about at visits and a few tough things, but our time together is aways great.

I hope everyone has a great 4th!
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Old 07-03-2017, 11:18 PM
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Happy 4th of July, gentlemen!
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Old 07-04-2017, 05:25 AM
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cant believe i have been on this journey over a year now. Time really has flown by so far, if she gets all her gain time which she is on course to do she is out in around 6 months. she is doing well, kicking but in the rehab unit of the prison for the last 8 months or so, with 3 left and she graduates the year long program.
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Old 07-10-2017, 07:57 AM
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Going to see my best friend tomorrow. First July 4th in a visiting room. It's funny, but I have only been visiting her since October last year, but it feels like much longer. In general it fells like our friendship is much older than it is. Maybe that is a function of daily writing and a lot of long conversations.

No news yet about parole. Checking the Board's site at least twice a day, but she may still find out first. We are hoping for the best and preparing for the worst.

She is doing well, working hard on various details and things have settled down now that she has been assigned a new bunkie. She is getting very good at playing the guitar and I'm very much looking forward to hearing her play. She has already played a song for the kids. Her birthday is coming up. Anyway, we always have a lot good things to talk about at visits and a few tough things, but our time together is always great.

I hope everyone has a great 4th!
It seems like your friend's doing very well. Letters are very personal and intimate. I think you learn a lot about people from the way they express and reveal themselves.

Being able to talk about tough things is a good sign. Rainbows and unicorns are pleasant but they don't advance a relationship. Tough things do.

We (our daughter, Tammy's mom and I) had a good visit on the 4th. Tammy finally had her graveside visit after waiting all this time.
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Old 07-10-2017, 09:18 AM
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It seems like your friend's doing very well. Letters are very personal and intimate. I think you learn a lot about people from the way they express and reveal themselves.

Being able to talk about tough things is a good sign. Rainbows and unicorns are pleasant but they don't advance a relationship. Tough things do.

We (our daughter, Tammy's mom and I) had a good visit on the 4th. Tammy finally had her graveside visit after waiting all this time.
I'm very glad Tammy finally was able to see her father's grave.
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Old 07-10-2017, 10:04 AM
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We (our daughter, Tammy's mom and I) had a good visit on the 4th. Tammy finally had her graveside visit after waiting all this time.
This is wonderful news, Wilkes. I can't imagine how emotional that must have been.
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Old 07-10-2017, 06:13 PM
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I just received a call from her, my best friend. Her mom, someone we both love and deeply respect, has had a long hard day. Our conversation started about her, but it ended being about us. I have never felt so close to someone as I did just now on a phone call.
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Old 07-12-2017, 03:22 PM
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I'm very glad Tammy finally was able to see her father's grave.
Thanks. It was pretty cathartic. She was "stuck" where he was concerned. Now she can move on a bit mentally. She told me being someplace important where her mom and siblings had been helped, too. It was something she was able to "share" with them.
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Old 07-12-2017, 03:26 PM
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This is wonderful news, Wilkes. I can't imagine how emotional that must have been.
I wish her mom and I had been able to be there with her but I understand why security concerns made it impossible. Being outside for a few hours was wonderful for her. The escorts were nice to her from what she said.
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