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Loving a Lifer For those whose loved one is serving a life sentence.

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  #1  
Old 10-03-2012, 03:25 PM
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cadillaclove cadillaclove is offline
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Default Is it possible to be too honest??

My man and I have always been honest with one another, hell its what brought us so close to one another. He's always been my best friend, and now that we're officially a couple, that still hasn't changed. We tell eachother everything... but some feel that maybe we're TOO honest with one another, and that some things are better left unsaid... is it possible that we might be too open with one another??
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Last edited by cadillaclove; 10-03-2012 at 03:30 PM..
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Old 10-03-2012, 04:35 PM
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chosenmemories chosenmemories is offline
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I'm not sure I understand. If the honesty that you and your LO share is working for you and your LO..what does it matter that other people think you two are too honest? Do not let other people's opinions stand in the way of what is working for the two of you in your relationship.
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Old 10-03-2012, 05:37 PM
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Well, I am sometimes really blunt. I am known around my family and friends for saying just WTH runs across my mind. I have learned to curb that very much online.

Marty and I are honest with each other. However, if I think it will hurt his feelings, I ponder on HOW to say it. Instead of, 'You are so pale you look sick.' after he comes from confinement... I just won't say anything at all. I know his appearance is important to him. If he asks me, I tell him he looks fine to me. If he keeps on I will tell him, 'If I was locked in a room for 60 days, I'd need some sun, too.'

Sometimes, it's not what we say, but how we say it. I always believe in honesty. I can't think of a time when it's okay to tell a lie or keep the whole story to yourself when you know the other person needs to know.

Now, back in the day, Marty didn't care about much of anything, where I went or who I seen. He doesn't now, but if I tell him someone winked or cat called or flirted....it gets his dander up. So, I don't tell him about that kind of stuff. But, if the rent is late because I had to buy a tire....or, I just spent too much at the grocery store....I tell him that.

I pretty much tell him what ever I would tell him if he was home. I keep very little from him and I try not to blatantly hurt his feelings.

Outside of that, honesty is the best, always. In all situations. Some folks don't want to burden the prisoner, they don't want them to worry, etc, etc. But, Marty explains that like this: 'I'm not stupid, I know it's hard and when you keep things from me...I know it's SOMETHING. So, I'd rather know what the deal is then if you let my mind wonder.'
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Old 10-04-2012, 12:30 PM
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We both can be blunt at times, but not to where its gonna hurt the other persons feelings. Its what has always worked for us. Even his sister was surprised that I knew he had been married when he was younger, since not too many of his friends or family know about that.

What I meant about some of my friends thinking I'm too honest, was that they think I shouldn't always tell him if I go out (which is rare) or for example: I recently lost 35lbs and I got a lot of compliments at my bday party last month about it (from male & female friends). So when he asked me how my party went, I told him it went good and about the compliments I received. He said he was glad, and then joked about them being able to look but not touch lol. We laughed about it and went on with our conversation. And just like I tell him, he tells me about some of the gfs of other inmates that stare at him when he's at visit when I'm not there, or even some of the female guards that take a liking to him. So I tell him, they can look all they want, but they better not touch. We laugh it off and keep talking. Now, there have been times when we've gotten into arguments over something one of us told the other. Yes those arguments could've been avoided if we hadn't said anything at all, but that's not the way our relationship works. so that's why I asked if there's a such thing as too honest, because now I'm hearing, "girl he doesn't need to know this, or why'd you tell him that, or if you tell him he's gonna get mad." ...locked up or not, I'm not keeping anything from him.
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Old 10-04-2012, 02:47 PM
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If it aint broke don't fix it! keep it real, seems like that's whats best for the both of you.
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Old 10-08-2012, 10:06 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lcantu View Post
My man and I have always been honest with one another, hell its what brought us so close to one another. He's always been my best friend, and now that we're officially a couple, that still hasn't changed. We tell eachother everything... but some feel that maybe we're TOO honest with one another, and that some things are better left unsaid... is it possible that we might be too open with one another??
If you're both comfortable with that level of honesty, then great. Right now I'm struggling because I have a super-critical friend who feels obligated to tell me everything I've done wrong, I mean every little mistake current and in the past, that isn't even relevant. He dismisses is as 'Just being honest'. That level of honesty for ME is unwelcome and unwarranted. So it really does depend on comfort level and what you're being honest about, because 'honesty' can be used as a tool to hurt someone.
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Old 10-15-2012, 04:10 PM
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Don't ever change just because others think otherwise. If you two are good then it doesn't matter...
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