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Loving a Lifer For those whose loved one is serving a life sentence.

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  #1  
Old 12-24-2011, 12:19 PM
uk599905 uk599905 is offline
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Default What have you learned from being with a lifer?

Well, we see this ALL the time on PTO, that as those who have some connection to a lifer, that we learn more than if we'd have never have embarked on this journey.

So, as the title says: What have you learnt?

To answer the question I've posed, to start it off... I'd like to say that as someone who is in a pen-pal type relationship, I've learnt that she loves hearing from me. Also that she's trying to improve herself and become better than the person she went inside as.

I've learnt the value of decent food to those inside. Which has made me value the ease that I can decide what I'm going to have to eat.

I have learnt that some people are shy beyond belief even though they're serving a life sentence.

More than anything, I've learnt that she still has HOPE. That she's not giving up, no matter the odds. It's courage I can't comprehend, but I'm learning to.

So.... what have you learnt?
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Old 12-24-2011, 01:05 PM
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My lifer has taught me what true love is, what hope is, and not to undervalue our freedom.
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  #3  
Old 12-24-2011, 02:05 PM
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In the little time Ive been corresponding with my pen pal Ive learned that patience is a virtue. And he has that virtue. I dont know if he has had it all along, but he tries to maintain a positive attitude at all times and value the small things (the $20.00 he gets from his family) etc.

I have learnt (more than I ever thought possible) that he has much to teach me. I wouldn't say that I was going into this friendship with a lot of prejudices, but I certainly did not imagine how much he -as a lifer- knows about history, philosophy, mythology. He just told me he ordered himself `The prince from Machiavelli...so, yes, he does inspire me in a lot of ways.

I have also gotten an insight into `his part of the word' where drug dealing and violence were an integral part of every day life. Im not saying that I understand where hes coming from, but at least I get an idea.

As you, I think I've also come to learn that he loves communicating with me. He is opening up a lot and says that Im helping him to break through this wall he has set up around himself. I would, for example, send him pervert blonde jokes and he said he had to laugh out loudly...something he hadnt done in a long while.

I could go on...were learning from each other every single day. And we both love it.

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Old 12-25-2011, 05:34 PM
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He tell,me all the time dont waste your life away.
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Old 12-25-2011, 09:36 PM
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I've learned just how much we take for granted.

I've learned to appreciate the little things.

I've learned what true courage is.

I've learned that hope is the thing we have when we have nothing else.

I've learned the true meaning of trust and unconditional love.

I've learned we are not in control.

I've learned that CDCR don't make a lick a sense most of the time.

I've learned that when you think you just can't go on.......
you can, you will and you do.

I've learned a grateful heart will carry you a long way.

I've learned the sweetest sound is "this call is coming from an inmate....."
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Old 12-26-2011, 02:35 PM
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I don't think its possible to list everything I've learned and continue to learn thru this experience. I can tell you that I wish I could learn patience because that still eludes me.

However I don't think I could possibly add anything more than the eloquent post by Inhishands. She covered everything I would have and then added the sweetest part about "this call is coming from an inmate". I could not live without hearing his voice every day. Who would have ever thought a phone call could mean so much.
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Old 12-26-2011, 05:27 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Inhishands View Post
I've learned just how much we take for granted.

I've learned to appreciate the little things.

I've learned what true courage is.

I've learned that hope is the thing we have when we have nothing else.

I've learned the true meaning of trust and unconditional love.

I've learned we are not in control.

I've learned that CDCR don't make a lick a sense most of the time.

I've learned that when you think you just can't go on.......
you can, you will and you do.

I've learned a grateful heart will carry you a long way.

I've learned the sweetest sound is "this call is coming from an inmate....."
I love this!!! Beautifully put!
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Old 12-26-2011, 07:02 PM
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I love this! My boyfriend has taught me so much. People always say never get a guy's name tattooed on you but I did because he made an impact on my life forever. He taught me nothing in life is really that bad to go back to using (I'm an ex drug user), he taught me how to love some one with your whole heart, he taught me not to sweat the small stuff in life, he loved and believed in me when I felt no one else did, he taught me how life is very black and white and there is no need to make it complicated, most of all he taught me to never give up hope in our love and that one day he will come home
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Old 12-27-2011, 01:09 PM
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Everything I had read on this page is true and beautifully put.. words from my own heart.. the one thing I don't think was mentioned unless I over looked it.. and of course my same beliefs may not be shared.. the power of prayer and the faith in god is so important... me and my lifer are putting god as the foundation of our relashinship. Somthing we didn't do when he was free from the confidment of prison walls...
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  #10  
Old 01-02-2012, 03:28 PM
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Patience, patience, patience...
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Let's give 'em something to talk about!

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Old 01-04-2012, 10:57 AM
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My brother has taught me how to stay strong
and stay consistent. As well as going thru a duration
with the right attitude and patience for sure as stated
above. LOL I truly understand that 1

Blessings to you and yours
KImi06
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Old 01-04-2012, 07:21 PM
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I really really wish someone could teach me the patience thing.....I have patience with a lot of things, but this prison thing....ugh, its like its being force fed to me and I want to bite DOC's hand BAD!!!!!!

I've pretty much been the type that the quickest way to get me to do something is tell me I can't (I know, way immature), but boy that rebellious streak in me is WIDE!!!! lol. So it truly pisses me off that I have to accept DOC's terms....especially when I know how very wrong they are......

Oh well, maybe some day some way I'll learn how to accept all this graciously........
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Old 01-04-2012, 07:23 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JKB's Girl View Post
I really really wish someone could teach me the patience thing.....I have patience with a lot of things, but this prison thing....ugh, its like its being force fed to me and I want to bite DOC's hand BAD!!!!!!

I've pretty much been the type that the quickest way to get me to do something is tell me I can't (I know, way immature), but boy that rebellious streak in me is WIDE!!!! lol. So it truly pisses me off that I have to accept DOC's terms....especially when I know how very wrong they are......

Oh well, maybe some day some way I'll learn how to accept all this graciously........
I feel ya....
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Old 01-04-2012, 11:46 PM
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I have learned that you can meet some of The Creator's most Beautiful people in some of the strangest places!!!
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Old 01-05-2012, 10:09 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Inhishands View Post
I've learned just how much we take for granted.

I've learned to appreciate the little things.

I've learned what true courage is.

I've learned that hope is the thing we have when we have nothing else.

I've learned the true meaning of trust and unconditional love.

I've learned we are not in control.

I've learned that CDCR don't make a lick a sense most of the time.

I've learned that when you think you just can't go on.......
you can, you will and you do.

I've learned a grateful heart will carry you a long way.

I've learned the sweetest sound is "this call is coming from an inmate....."

Inhishands could not be more right. It's like you put everything I was feeling and put it down word for word! Thank you !!
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Old 01-08-2012, 09:31 PM
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I thought about this thread today and I have to add one more thing after the day I've had

I've learned.....there is so much more I have to learn.
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Old 01-08-2012, 11:58 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Inhishands View Post
I thought about this thread today and I have to add one more thing after the day I've had

I've learned.....there is so much more I have to learn.
Doesn't it just bite to keep finding out how much you thought you knew that you now know you don't know? LOL!!!! Luving your posts in this thread.
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Old 01-09-2012, 02:50 AM
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I've learned that I learn most about society by people who live "outside" society
I've also learned that I am stronger but also weaker than I thought when it comes to dealing with the prison system
Taking care of his art projects (which includes reading tons of recection letters from galeries, curatores etc.) I have learned that people look more at the person behind the art and not the art itself, which shows me that only a certain group in society is obviously allowed to create art
Last but not least: I have learned that Beauty comes in different forms, sizes, shapes and is subjective after all

Last edited by caribbeanblue77; 01-09-2012 at 03:00 AM..
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Old 01-09-2012, 12:25 PM
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Be careful what you wish for. Better yet, just don't wish at all.
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Old 01-09-2012, 12:56 PM
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Be careful what you wish for. Better yet, just don't wish at all.
Well I must say that one has me pondering
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Old 01-09-2012, 01:35 PM
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Quote:
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Well I must say that one has me pondering

Me too... hope you're OK NYpurple...
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Old 01-09-2012, 04:36 PM
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NY!!!! I just wrote my boyfriend bout ur story and how much hope it gave me... I really hope ur ok.
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Old 01-09-2012, 05:44 PM
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Yea NY, I pray that all is well with you. We need you and your insightful words and deeds on PTO. Blessing on you and your's.










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Old 01-10-2012, 03:09 AM
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That's it right there - patience. I have been corresponding for quite a long time, in-fact he reminded me not long ago, of how long it has been, and the time has flown. I think after patience has to be understanding, and listening - really listening. I also learned that because he is a lifer he had a low opinion of himself, mainly for his past. I try to boost that, and tell him he is not the sum part of his crime. He is remorseful and has gone on to achieve so much, but his past haunts him badly. Little by little and through time I have found ways to tease little parts of him open, and plant seeds of self worth.


Quote:
Originally Posted by xxxaxxx View Post
In the little time Ive been corresponding with my pen pal Ive learned that patience is a virtue. And he has that virtue. I dont know if he has had it all along, but he tries to maintain a positive attitude at all times and value the small things (the $20.00 he gets from his family) etc.

I have learnt (more than I ever thought possible) that he has much to teach me. I wouldn't say that I was going into this friendship with a lot of prejudices, but I certainly did not imagine how much he -as a lifer- knows about history, philosophy, mythology. He just told me he ordered himself `The prince from Machiavelli...so, yes, he does inspire me in a lot of ways.

I have also gotten an insight into `his part of the word' where drug dealing and violence were an integral part of every day life. Im not saying that I understand where hes coming from, but at least I get an idea.

As you, I think I've also come to learn that he loves communicating with me. He is opening up a lot and says that Im helping him to break through this wall he has set up around himself. I would, for example, send him pervert blonde jokes and he said he had to laugh out loudly...something he hadnt done in a long while.

I could go on...were learning from each other every single day. And we both love it.

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Old 01-10-2012, 03:15 AM
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That I 100% agree with. With a lifer, education is a daily lesson, always something else to be put inside the knowledge box.

In your earlier post you mentioned CDCR. I have learned there is no R (rehabilitation) with the CDCR!


Quote:
Originally Posted by Inhishands View Post
I thought about this thread today and I have to add one more thing after the day I've had

I've learned.....there is so much more I have to learn.
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America - land of the free, home of the incarcerated.

The USA has 5% of the worlds population and 25% of the the worlds prisoners.
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