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  #1  
Old 07-09-2017, 07:40 PM
torieoo torieoo is offline
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Default What does your family/friends think of your man being in jail?

So my man was in jail for about 9 months before he and I got back together (we dated in high school, then broke up, he went to jail a couple years later and we started seeing each other after he got out, we're both 21- to add some back story) but he went back for a VOP. He did four months for that where I stuck by his side despite my family absolutely HATING him. He got out in March and unfortunately got another VOP a couple weeks with the same amount of time to serve - which has been HARD since I talked to him all day, everyday. He lives in PA and I live in NJ so I can't always drive up there to visit him. But im just curious as if any of you have dealt with disapproving family members or friends? They all make snide comments and none of them are really there for me like I need them to be. I often feel alone and go into this "shell" so to speak. It really depresses me and I can feel myself closing myself off from them. His family is supportive of us and I've become close with them which i thank God for otherwise I'd probably go insane. Most of my friends dont like me being with him but they still try to "be there" for me even tho I know they hate it and I feel like I bother them. Help!
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Old 07-09-2017, 07:55 PM
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My family wasn't very supportive when my husband went back. We are MWI, so they've never been very supportive. Him going back solidified their view that he was no good and wasn't going to change. I lost friends because I stood by him. I have almost no relationship with my brother because of my choice. My mom is about the only one who has been supportive. It's hard when the people you thought you could count on and trust aren't there. I knew it was a possibility when I got involved, and knew it would happen when I chose to stay.
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Old 07-09-2017, 07:59 PM
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My family wasn't very supportive when my husband went back. We are MWI, so they've never been very supportive. Him going back solidified their view that he was no good and wasn't going to change. I lost friends because I stood by him. I have almost no relationship with my brother because of my choice. My mom is about the only one who has been supportive. It's hard when the people you thought you could count on and trust aren't there. I knew it was a possibility when I got involved, and knew it would happen when I chose to stay.
My parents have already told me they dont support it at all and they don't know he went back yet so I've been prepping myself for when that letter comes in the mail from the jail. They say the same things " he's no good for you, etc". Him having a record doesn't bother me in the slightest and like you said, I knew what I was getting myself into and he never hid anything from me. I was disappointed in him but I still hope he learns from his mistakes when he gets out. Certain friends I've distanced myself from because they just tear me down about it all the time
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Old 07-09-2017, 08:36 PM
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Let me put it this way. When my mother found out my boyfriend was in jail, she had a very expensive security system installed in the house and won't give me the code.
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Old 07-09-2017, 08:37 PM
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Let me put it this way. When my mother found out my boyfriend was in jail, she had a very expensive security system installed in the house and won't give me the code.
Omg! Im surprised my dad hasn't done that yet
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Old 07-09-2017, 08:47 PM
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Let me put it this way. When my mother found out my boyfriend was in jail, she had a very expensive security system installed in the house and won't give me the code.
We are moving back to my hometown in January, and I can see my brother doing that... And buying our mom one. He HATES my husband.
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Old 07-09-2017, 09:05 PM
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We are moving back to my hometown in January, and I can see my brother doing that... And buying our mom one. He HATES my husband.
The only reason my brother hasn't put a security system in because he did one better - he won't even tell me where he lives and "demands" that I not even let my LO know he exists (like that's an order I followed ) I couldn't figured out how to tell my family he's coming home...so I just didn't. I guess they'll find out eventually! Kinda sucks...it would be nice to share my excitement and anxieties with them, you know?

Sigh.
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Old 07-09-2017, 11:01 PM
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Luckily my husband and my family get along. (Well excluding a couple of my siblings) but my dad loves my husband but pretends he doesn't. Every time I'm around my mom or dad when my husband calls, it's a struggle for me to keep the phone to myself lol. My pops is a big business man and my husband had the opportunity to work for him for a bit and my dad always bragged about my husband cuz he always went above and beyond. He was floored when my husband asked him and my mom for my hand in marriage (I have 11 older siblings and not one bothered to consult my parents before their marriages) My family knows a lot of challenges we faced but they believe in him and in us. I've had people talk smack but mostly it comes from his family or from non related folks.
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Old 07-09-2017, 11:04 PM
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The only reason my brother hasn't put a security system in because he did one better - he won't even tell me where he lives and "demands" that I not even let my LO know he exists (like that's an order I followed ) I couldn't figured out how to tell my family he's coming home...so I just didn't. I guess they'll find out eventually! Kinda sucks...it would be nice to share my excitement and anxieties with them, you know?

Sigh.
Wow I'm sorry that y'all can't find comfort in your family mine don't agree with my husband's actions (and neither do I) but I'd probably go nuts if they didn't have my back! You ladies are amazing and super strong!
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Old 07-10-2017, 12:40 PM
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So happy to not be the only one! I have one friend I can talk to now, but that is it. I keep everything to myself because it is easier

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Old 07-10-2017, 12:45 PM
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My dad and step mom don't truly support my marriage, but they do support me and want me to be happy. Needless to say, I think hubby and Daddy are going to be spending a lot of quality time together.
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Old 07-10-2017, 12:45 PM
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So happy to not be the only one! I have one friend I can talk to now, but that is it. I keep everything to myself because it is easier
I'm in the same boat. I have one friend who knows him so i can talk to her about it but other than that I keep everything to myself. I miss him SO BAD and I can't even express my feelings or vent when i dont hear from him because I have no one
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Old 07-10-2017, 12:46 PM
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My dad and step mom don't truly support my marriage, but they do support me and want me to be happy. Needless to say, I think hubby and Daddy are going to be spending a lot of quality time together.
I wish my parents supported what at least made me happy. They were "willing" to give him a chance but I knew they didn't really want to
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Old 07-10-2017, 12:53 PM
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I wish my parents supported what at least made me happy. They were "willing" to give him a chance but I knew they didn't really want to
Now, if he goes back again, there will be no support for the marriage. They do not want to see me hurt again. I was devastated when he went back.
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Old 07-10-2017, 12:55 PM
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Now, if he goes back again, there will be no support for the marriage. They do not want to see me hurt again. I was devastated when he went back.
I dont blame them, my parents are going to freak out when they find out he's back in. I hate that he's back in too but I love him
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Old 07-10-2017, 01:37 PM
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I dont blame them, my parents are going to freak out when they find out he's back in. I hate that he's back in too but I love him
If he were to go back, it would be for a very long time, because of his past record. It would also indicate that he's unable to function outside of a prison setting.
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Old 07-10-2017, 02:22 PM
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If he were to go back, it would be for a very long time, because of his past record. It would also indicate that he's unable to function outside of a prison setting.
That stinks I'm sorry and I hope that doesn't happen! But I agree with what you said , my boyfriend does really well for awhile and then suddenly just goes down hill and gets a VOP for dumb shit that could have been avoided
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Old 07-10-2017, 02:28 PM
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That stinks I'm sorry and I hope that doesn't happen! But I agree with what you said , my boyfriend does really well for awhile and then suddenly just goes down hill and gets a VOP for dumb shit that could have been avoided
Mine doesn't just violate...he picks up new charges in the process. He is really doing well this time.
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Old 07-10-2017, 02:36 PM
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Mine doesn't just violate...he picks up new charges in the process. He is really doing well this time.
Thats good I'm glad he's doing well and I hope it stays that way!
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Old 07-11-2017, 12:44 AM
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My husband is my childhood best friend and the one I had a crush on FOREVER from the day we first met (which is also the day I knew that I was going to marry him.)

We were homeschooled, not allowed to date because dating was sin, and clearly interested in each other in our teens. Everyone saw it. Then when I was sill 17 (he had JUST turned 18) his family moved away and they got rid of their computer and I'd never given him my snail mail address or anything except my email address, and he'd been told by his parents that he was not to contact me again. Until he managed to move out (which didn't last long) even his internet access at the public library was monitored by a parent.

The last thing I read from him, he had sent me a Valentine's Day e-card. That was in 2001.

August 2003 rolls around, and I find myself vacationing near where his family moved. So I decided to pay a visit and hopefully they would tell M that I was around and we could catch up and maybe I could tell him what I still felt about him.

Instead, they told me that he was dead. I took it extremely hard, I couldn't eat for months. The next year I basically had given up and decided to just give myself to whoever showed any interest. I was engaged 3 weeks after meeting my late husband. My family disapproved of him and we were only able to marry 5 years after that.

Six months after we got married, (2010) I found out M was still alive. And I found out he was in prison and what for. I almost didn't write him. But I decided he had been my friend when nobody else was so I needed to do the same for him.

Long story short-

My late husband approved of M and wanted to see us together. T had lupus and he knew he was going to die young. T actually wrote a letter to M asking him to marry me.

My family knew all along what M was in prison for- they were in on the lie that he was dead. They thought it was better to let me believe that then to have me wait for god knows how long to have a husband that I could actually be with physically.

When T died they already knew that I was writing M, and they gave up trying to prevent us from being together. In fact they offered their support and paid for me to be able to see M for the first time since he moved away 16 years before.

I'm autistic and currently unemployed, but every 5 months or so they pay for me to go out and see M. This most recent visit, we got married.

M's mother approves, I stay there when I visit. His parents are separated. His father doesn't know, and M isn't going to tell him. His father has not visited him in nearly 2 years. The last time he visited he told M that his grandmother had died and then walked out. That was all he came to say. It was less than a 5 minute visit.

Four of M's siblings are for us, three are not. I really only have contact with one of them. Two have blocked me on social media, one is not capable of communicating to anyone but her mother (low functioning autism- but I know she hates M and doesn't like me as a result) and the other three are two young to really remember M at all. He's 35, his youngest sibling is 18, and M left the home at around 19.

As far as friends go? Friends? What are friends? M was the only friend I really ever had.
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Old 07-11-2017, 06:13 AM
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My husband is my childhood best friend and the one I had a crush on FOREVER from the day we first met (which is also the day I knew that I was going to marry him.)

We were homeschooled, not allowed to date because dating was sin, and clearly interested in each other in our teens. Everyone saw it. Then when I was sill 17 (he had JUST turned 18) his family moved away and they got rid of their computer and I'd never given him my snail mail address or anything except my email address, and he'd been told by his parents that he was not to contact me again. Until he managed to move out (which didn't last long) even his internet access at the public library was monitored by a parent.

The last thing I read from him, he had sent me a Valentine's Day e-card. That was in 2001.

August 2003 rolls around, and I find myself vacationing near where his family moved. So I decided to pay a visit and hopefully they would tell M that I was around and we could catch up and maybe I could tell him what I still felt about him.

Instead, they told me that he was dead. I took it extremely hard, I couldn't eat for months. The next year I basically had given up and decided to just give myself to whoever showed any interest. I was engaged 3 weeks after meeting my late husband. My family disapproved of him and we were only able to marry 5 years after that.

Six months after we got married, (2010) I found out M was still alive. And I found out he was in prison and what for. I almost didn't write him. But I decided he had been my friend when nobody else was so I needed to do the same for him.

Long story short-

My late husband approved of M and wanted to see us together. T had lupus and he knew he was going to die young. T actually wrote a letter to M asking him to marry me.

My family knew all along what M was in prison for- they were in on the lie that he was dead. They thought it was better to let me believe that then to have me wait for god knows how long to have a husband that I could actually be with physically.

When T died they already knew that I was writing M, and they gave up trying to prevent us from being together. In fact they offered their support and paid for me to be able to see M for the first time since he moved away 16 years before.

I'm autistic and currently unemployed, but every 5 months or so they pay for me to go out and see M. This most recent visit, we got married.

M's mother approves, I stay there when I visit. His parents are separated. His father doesn't know, and M isn't going to tell him. His father has not visited him in nearly 2 years. The last time he visited he told M that his grandmother had died and then walked out. That was all he came to say. It was less than a 5 minute visit.

Four of M's siblings are for us, three are not. I really only have contact with one of them. Two have blocked me on social media, one is not capable of communicating to anyone but her mother (low functioning autism- but I know she hates M and doesn't like me as a result) and the other three are two young to really remember M at all. He's 35, his youngest sibling is 18, and M left the home at around 19.

As far as friends go? Friends? What are friends? M was the only friend I really ever had.
Wow I'm sorry you had to deal with all of that, but I'm glad you two found your way back to each other. That's why I'm so certain that T and I are meant to be as cheesy as that sounds. He and I lost touch after pur breakup in high school, he moved away and started dating someone else and I did too. Senior year of high school his mom passed, and it took everything in me to not reach out to him, even tho I really wanted to, I just didnt know how he felt. When I found out he was in jail two years later I still was unsure about writing to him but my one best friend urged me to because we both knew he needed someone. When he got out he contacted me and we've been glued to each other ever since. How long does your man have left ?
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Old 07-11-2017, 08:06 AM
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I'm pretty sure they've imagined me getting married to the likes of George Clooney but what the heck... Jeff is perfect and with a record, so flipping what? My family and friends are happy when I'm happy so all is good. They are all very supportive!
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Old 07-11-2017, 12:48 PM
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Wow I'm sorry you had to deal with all of that, but I'm glad you two found your way back to each other. That's why I'm so certain that T and I are meant to be as cheesy as that sounds. He and I lost touch after pur breakup in high school, he moved away and started dating someone else and I did too. Senior year of high school his mom passed, and it took everything in me to not reach out to him, even tho I really wanted to, I just didnt know how he felt. When I found out he was in jail two years later I still was unsure about writing to him but my one best friend urged me to because we both knew he needed someone. When he got out he contacted me and we've been glued to each other ever since. How long does your man have left ?
He has what's known as an indeterminate sentence. His minimum was 4 years, but he has been in 15 so far. Indeterminate sentencing is basically life with possibility of parole.

So currently he has no release date and his last parole hearing was basically a sham.
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Old 07-11-2017, 01:01 PM
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I'm pretty sure they've imagined me getting married to the likes of George Clooney but what the heck... Jeff is perfect and with a record, so flipping what? My family and friends are happy when I'm happy so all is good. They are all very supportive!
Same here, my parents hear "jail, record, etc' and they immediately disapprove. They're willing to let him prove himself but itll be a LONG road
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Old 07-11-2017, 01:01 PM
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He has what's known as an indeterminate sentence. His minimum was 4 years, but he has been in 15 so far. Indeterminate sentencing is basically life with possibility of parole.

So currently he has no release date and his last parole hearing was basically a sham.
I'm sorry - stay strong tho
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