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Now That Your Loved One Is Home... Please share stories about your loved one now they are home.

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  #1  
Old 10-13-2013, 07:21 PM
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natalienicolle natalienicolle is offline
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Question Do men have a problem with sex after being in prison?

Our story of our relationship is hmm ...one of a kind.. and crazy so I can't really get into details of how we met and such but he has been locked up for 9 years, I've been dating him for 4 months. Under current circumstances I can only see him once in a while, I know he is not with another female in the meantime but we are having a problem with sex? He says hes nervous. We have just recently tried having sex so I mean this is not a big issue that has been on going. Its just that last night it got me thinking ...why haven't we had sex? The first time was in a small uncomfortable car and he kept getting leg cramps and stopping so we gave up. I brushed that off. The second time i didn't bring a condom which stopped him, I brushed that off, but this last time he kept going soft We have plenty of oral sex and he uses his fingers greatly but .....the fact he kept going soft has me thinking...Is he not that into me? He says he is. He constantly calls me beautiful,gorgeous, sexy, etc. But this still has me worried.Or do men really have a problem having sex after being in prison?

He actually apologized to me later that night, like, "I'm sorry I couldn't perform tonight I will next time." I'm wondering how does he know he will next time?

Has anyone elses boyfriend/husband have this problem?

He told me he was just really nervous and worried about getting caught (we were kinda in public in a car lol..) and too many thoughts going through his mind, not wanting to cum but wanting to cum at the same time and feels like a virgin.
I know its not a health problem he is healthy as a horse. He stays hard during a bj ?! Whats goin on?? Does anyone have some insight for me? I've been readin crap online about hes probably gay but those are not from people who actually have a man who was in prison, just talking crap.
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Old 10-13-2013, 09:11 PM
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IMO if I were you I would sit down and have a good talk.I would be kinda concerned...
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Old 10-13-2013, 09:13 PM
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I'm confused. Is your boyfriend IN prison? I see you posted he was in the hole just a few weeks ago. Perhaps you get conjugal visits but that wouldn't explain the car. If you've only been dating 4 months and your first time was in a car then that isn't the best of situations. I doubt he's gay unless you see other signs of that. Maybe talk to him about it. He's the one that will know.
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Old 10-13-2013, 10:02 PM
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Lol sorry I know its confusing... I really can't give other details but I'll talk to him about it. Thanks for the replies! Just wanted to know if anyone else had problems having sex after ..not having sex for so long.
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Old 11-16-2014, 03:03 AM
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I had a friend who had those issues after being locked up for 10 years. Its totally normal because they can only 'pleasure themselves' and it becomes something they're used to. Give him some time, keep the lines of communication open. Be there for him without making him feel like less of a man.
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Old 11-17-2014, 07:23 PM
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When I got out after doing 10 years sex was not an issue in the least. In fact, it was (and is) better than before I went in. Maybe the issue is not related to incarceration, but something else ... maybe even low testosterone or something.
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Old 11-17-2014, 07:33 PM
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Truthfully? Maybe whatever the circumstances are that keep the details of this hush-hush are stressing him out. Like maybe he's not supposed to be doing this? That can be a real buzz-kill.
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Old 11-17-2014, 08:32 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by miamac
Truthfully? Maybe whatever the circumstances are that keep the details of this hush-hush are stressing him out. Like maybe he's not supposed to be doing this? That can be a real buzz-kill.
Exactly what I was thinking since she also had a post 2 days later confirming that he was out of the hole and back at camp. Post was over a year old.
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Old 11-18-2014, 10:03 AM
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It could be related to medication. My first thought was opiates or benzos. Not tryin to be rude, Im just sayin. BJs are more stimulating in those circumstances
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Old 11-21-2014, 12:33 PM
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I know this is an old question but since nobody has said they had this problem, I will.

I had the same problem as described. It got better, just took some time. My only explanation is that I spent over 13 years without having sex (with someone else) and the feeling was very different. It is one thing to steal 5 minutes with your towel over your window and quite another to be able to take your time with a woman and be concerned for her pleasure as well. It gets better I promise! (assuming there are no actual physical problems that is).
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Old 03-15-2015, 11:13 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by natalienicolle View Post
Lol sorry I know its confusing... I really can't give other details but I'll talk to him about it. Thanks for the replies! Just wanted to know if anyone else had problems having sex after ..not having sex for so long.
Here is my 2 cents:

My mwi has been locked up since he was 18, with an 18 year bid. We got married a couple years ago and got Family Visits. At that point he had been in for 13 years and had not had sex with a woman for 13 years. The apartment was nice enough, there was privacy. He was very nervous prior to the visit, afraid he would not know what to do and what if he could not "perform". I was nervous too. As soon as we were together in that apartment, everything felt completely natural and we had wonderful sex. He amazed me, he was great, and did not have a premature ejaculation, not even during our first intercourse.

Now my advice:

1. Do NOT talk to him about it. Doing so will only make him feel more self conscious and make the matter worse. You are just getting to know each other sexually, so enjoy the closeness and don't worry about the erection (or lack thereof). If you don't make a big deal about it, he will be less likely to too. If he makes a big deal in his head about it, it will become even harder for him to perform

2. Make sure before you engage in sexual behaviors that lead to intercourse, that you have privacy and a setting where he can relax and really be himself. As time goes by he will relax and not need the above so much to be able to perform. Let me give you an example: A couple got caught last year having sex in a storage room during week-end visitation. Really embarrassing situation LOL. Especially when the guy had his pants around his ankles LOL then got hauled out of the visiting room in handcuffs, in front of everyone there. Anyways, the guy that got caught that day later told my man he could not even get it up he was so afraid of getting caught. Well, that is obviously not your scenario, but I'm just saying, the fear of getting caught, whether in a car or in a closet can affect erection big time.

In a nut shell, if you have not been having sex for a while already, and in a proper setting (privacy, no fear of getting caught) I would not worry about what is going on and I would certainly NOT bring it up to him. After you have had the chance to have privacy and get used to each other and he is more relaxed, if this continues, THEN I would worry and try to figure out what is causing the problem.
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Old 03-15-2015, 12:24 PM
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I'm guessing that the OP is either a CO or in some other authoritative position which is why they can see each other only on a limited basis. She hasn't been back here for almost a year. My guess would be the problem was that they shouldn't have been having sex in the first place but we'll probably never know.
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